Just a reminder that tomorrow, we go back to court for Baby Girl's Disposition. DSS is recommending Termination of Parental Rights (TPR) and Adoption. However, I found out on Thursday that the judge that is on the bench is the same judge I posted about here. She is none-to-fond of DSS and often sides with birth parents to a fault.
Above all, Luke and I know that God is in control of tomorrow's proceedings. If you feel led, please pray that all goes smoothly and that Luke and I feel at peace with finally seeing Baby Girl's birth mom. However, most importantly, please pray that Baby Girl's birth mother will be receptive to the love of Jesus Christ and the letter that I wrote her. Maybe she's never heard of Him, or maybe she has but she doesn't think He can do anything for her. At the very least, I pray that her heart is receptive to the redeption that only He can offer.
Thanks for journeying this with us.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Friday, January 9, 2009
His Marvelous Mercy
On Monday, we go back to court for Baby Girl. At that time, it is certain that we will get to see her birth mother. And although that makes me incredibly nervous, I also feel some compassion for this woman. Let me elaborate.
Sitting in that court room on the Thursday of Baby Girl's Disposition was no easy task. Hearing all the things that she went through while still in the womb was heartbreaking and, quite frankly it made me very angry at the woman who would do this to MY baby.
However, over the course of the last week or two, my heart has begun to soften. I know that Baby Girl's birth mother is bound by sin. I know that she suffers from addiction. I remember my life before I knew my Lord deeply and intimately and it wasn't pretty.
I wondered if birth mom thought about her precious baby and wondered how she was doing. I had my doubts because she's only seen her twice in the 3 months of her life.
Then, earlier this week I got an email from Baby Girl's social worker saying that she'd received a letter from birth mother requesting a picture. I knew that we'd be in court in just 1 week, so I told the social worker I'd bring it then.
As my heart and mind has mulled over birth mom's request, I've thought about what it might be like to be in her shoes. I've prayed over my actions regarding his request and felt the Holy Spirit move me to tears, aching for this mother and the hearbreak she must be feeling.
So last night, as everyone in my house slept, I sat in the darkness looking at my Baby Girl and I typed the following letter to her mother:
Dear Ms. [Smith],
I'm sitting here, watching [Baby Girl] sleep, listening to the sounds of her breathing, knowing that if I were in your shoes, I'd want to know how my baby is doing. So, first let me tell you that the purpose of this letter is not to make you feel bad, or judged, but simply a letter from a foster mom to a birth mom about how her baby is doing and what she's been up to over the last 3 months.
[Baby Girl] is such a precious little girl. When I picked her up from the hospital on October 13, 2008 I had no idea how much I would grow to love your precious daughter. She is beautiful in every way, as I'm sure you would agree.
[Baby Girl] still sleeps a lot, waking up about every 3 or so hours (during the day) to eat and for "conversations" where she flashes a heart melting smile. She smiles with her whole face, opening her mouth wide and sometimes even giggling. She loves being talked to, sung to, cooed at and, mostly just held. She loves to sleep swaddled all up, with a pacifier securely in her mouth.
She's a good sleeper, already sleeping through the night. She takes her last bottle somewhere between 8 and 9pm and then sleeps until 5am or so.
She has a unique personality and from the very beginning has been more responsive and cooed more than any baby I've ever seen. Her beautiful eyes scan your face, really checking out the person who is holding her. She is very alert (when she's awake) and even now, as she is sleeping, she makes soft noises that are so sweet. Even the doctor said at her newborn visit that she was an alert baby. She even smiled at the doctor at just 5 days old! We were all so amazed!
She is growing pretty well, and at her 2 month check up she weighed 9 pounds 11 ounces. She had gained 1 whole pound since her last weight check just 2 weeks before!
The top of her head still smells just like a new baby and she still has a lot of that same soft hair that she did when she was born. She lost her belly button stump just a week after she was born, which also surprised us.
She can be a little particular with her likes and dislikes. She DOES NOT like one bit to be cold, and she will let you know by crying pretty loud. However, once she is warm again, she calms down quickly. She doesn't like having a dirty diaper, but she also dislikes having her diaper changed. I guess one day she'll realize that she can't have it both ways!
She has a little bit of eczema on both cheeks that we are treating with cortisone cream. It is working really well and the eczema patches are getting better every day. She also has reflux which caused her to spit up formula out of her nose. The reflux also made her cough, but the doctor prescribed some prevacid, which she takes at night before bed and it is helping quite a bit. I have noticed that she isn't coughing hardly at all anymore and the spitting up has gotten a lot better.
[Baby Girl] also has some issues with constipation. However, 1 ounce of prune juice in 1 bottle a day takes care of that problem really quickly. Man, can that girl poop when she gets going!
[Baby Girl] is a very easy going baby. She is content to sit and watch our other children play. She gets lots of hugs and kisses from our 2 year old daughter, 2 year old son and 4 year old daughter. She loves to be in the swing, watching and "talking" to the other kids.
When she first came home from the hospital she wanted to sleep with the light on and sitting propped up. She would have it no other way!
She is precious and beautiful and perfect.
I wanted to share with you about [Baby Girl] because I know that I would want to know these things about my baby. I also want to share with you WHY we chose to become foster parents. Our goal was NOT to steal other people's babies, or even to feel good about ourselves.
We followed through with becoming foster parents because of our relationship with our Savior, Jesus Christ. We felt, very strongly, that He was calling us to become foster parents. As we prayed, read our Bible and talked with other people, God confirmed for us that this was something we were suppose to do.
I haven't always been a Christian, though. I had some very hard times in my life during high school and I have made (and continue to make) a lot of mistakes. In fact, it wasn't until I was pregnant with our oldest daughter in 2003 that I really understood what it meant to know God. When I realized that I had a baby coming, I knew that I couldn't be the person that I wanted to be all by myself. I needed help. I couldn't find that help from any person here on this earth. I felt like something was missing, and that something was God. Through pure mercy, God allowed me to be saved through the life, death and conquering of that death by His Son, Jesus Christ. Being "saved" doesn't make me perfect, but it does make me forgiven and redeemed from an eternity separated from a God who whole heartedly loves me. It's more than going to church on Sundays or being "good" its about trying my best to live the life I know God wants me to live and being able to break free from the things that continue to pull me down. I have had struggles and I still do, but God is the one that helps me through.
I am not claiming to know your situation or your view on religion or God. However, it is my prayer that if you do not know who Jesus is, that you will seek Him with your whole heart. I know that a life with Jesus can bring you and [Baby Girl] back together again. Being a Christian doesn't mean that you will never have problems, but that when problems come, you can find strength in God and a desire to push through them.
Basically, I just wanted you to know that there is a God who LOVES you, more than you could ever imagine. He is REAL and powerful and He desperately wants you to know Him. It is because of His love and His work in my life that I am able to love myself and other people. It is because of Him, that when I look at your precious, sweet and perfect [Baby Girl] that I am able to love her as much as I love my own birth children. I can promise you that it is not anything special within me, but the power of Jesus Christ who has captured my heart.
I am praying for you and [Baby Girl] and that you will know that she is being cared for and loved, until you are able to see her again.
Many blessings,
Jessica
[Baby Girl's] Foster Mom
Can I just tell you that it was the hardest letter I've ever written? You see, I know the power of having the Savior in your life. I know that this could change everything. I know that He can redeem her from the life that she is living. I know that this could mean letting go of Baby Girl one day.
Therefore, I'm begging for your prayers. Please pray, along with me, that she receives this letter for what it is, my heart reaching out to hers. Pray that the spirit with which I wrote this letter is pure, good, honest and Christ filled.
You see, I'm not sure about my intentions. Yes, I desperately want her to know the love of the Savior. However, another part of me hopes that if I show her Christ's love, then she will see my heart and know that Baby Girl is in the best place, therefore relinquishing her rights immediately. I know it twisted.
Please believe me, that above all else I desire for Baby Girl's mother to live life fully surrendered to the Lord. But, a small part of me wants her to do that AND allow me to be Baby Girl's mother.
So as Monday approaches and I hand this woman a chunk of my heart, please beg the Lord to prepare her. Pray that He begins to draw her to Him, that she feels the ache in her heart that only Jesus can fill and that I water a seed that has already been planted.
I know it's not by accident that I feel this way. Today, as I drove the kids home from gymnastics, I heard the DJ read the following scripture:
I love it when God is so clear, don't you? It's all about mercy.
Thanks for the prayers.
Sitting in that court room on the Thursday of Baby Girl's Disposition was no easy task. Hearing all the things that she went through while still in the womb was heartbreaking and, quite frankly it made me very angry at the woman who would do this to MY baby.
However, over the course of the last week or two, my heart has begun to soften. I know that Baby Girl's birth mother is bound by sin. I know that she suffers from addiction. I remember my life before I knew my Lord deeply and intimately and it wasn't pretty.
I wondered if birth mom thought about her precious baby and wondered how she was doing. I had my doubts because she's only seen her twice in the 3 months of her life.
Then, earlier this week I got an email from Baby Girl's social worker saying that she'd received a letter from birth mother requesting a picture. I knew that we'd be in court in just 1 week, so I told the social worker I'd bring it then.
As my heart and mind has mulled over birth mom's request, I've thought about what it might be like to be in her shoes. I've prayed over my actions regarding his request and felt the Holy Spirit move me to tears, aching for this mother and the hearbreak she must be feeling.
So last night, as everyone in my house slept, I sat in the darkness looking at my Baby Girl and I typed the following letter to her mother:
Dear Ms. [Smith],
I'm sitting here, watching [Baby Girl] sleep, listening to the sounds of her breathing, knowing that if I were in your shoes, I'd want to know how my baby is doing. So, first let me tell you that the purpose of this letter is not to make you feel bad, or judged, but simply a letter from a foster mom to a birth mom about how her baby is doing and what she's been up to over the last 3 months.
[Baby Girl] is such a precious little girl. When I picked her up from the hospital on October 13, 2008 I had no idea how much I would grow to love your precious daughter. She is beautiful in every way, as I'm sure you would agree.
[Baby Girl] still sleeps a lot, waking up about every 3 or so hours (during the day) to eat and for "conversations" where she flashes a heart melting smile. She smiles with her whole face, opening her mouth wide and sometimes even giggling. She loves being talked to, sung to, cooed at and, mostly just held. She loves to sleep swaddled all up, with a pacifier securely in her mouth.
She's a good sleeper, already sleeping through the night. She takes her last bottle somewhere between 8 and 9pm and then sleeps until 5am or so.
She has a unique personality and from the very beginning has been more responsive and cooed more than any baby I've ever seen. Her beautiful eyes scan your face, really checking out the person who is holding her. She is very alert (when she's awake) and even now, as she is sleeping, she makes soft noises that are so sweet. Even the doctor said at her newborn visit that she was an alert baby. She even smiled at the doctor at just 5 days old! We were all so amazed!
She is growing pretty well, and at her 2 month check up she weighed 9 pounds 11 ounces. She had gained 1 whole pound since her last weight check just 2 weeks before!
The top of her head still smells just like a new baby and she still has a lot of that same soft hair that she did when she was born. She lost her belly button stump just a week after she was born, which also surprised us.
She can be a little particular with her likes and dislikes. She DOES NOT like one bit to be cold, and she will let you know by crying pretty loud. However, once she is warm again, she calms down quickly. She doesn't like having a dirty diaper, but she also dislikes having her diaper changed. I guess one day she'll realize that she can't have it both ways!
She has a little bit of eczema on both cheeks that we are treating with cortisone cream. It is working really well and the eczema patches are getting better every day. She also has reflux which caused her to spit up formula out of her nose. The reflux also made her cough, but the doctor prescribed some prevacid, which she takes at night before bed and it is helping quite a bit. I have noticed that she isn't coughing hardly at all anymore and the spitting up has gotten a lot better.
[Baby Girl] also has some issues with constipation. However, 1 ounce of prune juice in 1 bottle a day takes care of that problem really quickly. Man, can that girl poop when she gets going!
[Baby Girl] is a very easy going baby. She is content to sit and watch our other children play. She gets lots of hugs and kisses from our 2 year old daughter, 2 year old son and 4 year old daughter. She loves to be in the swing, watching and "talking" to the other kids.
When she first came home from the hospital she wanted to sleep with the light on and sitting propped up. She would have it no other way!
She is precious and beautiful and perfect.
I wanted to share with you about [Baby Girl] because I know that I would want to know these things about my baby. I also want to share with you WHY we chose to become foster parents. Our goal was NOT to steal other people's babies, or even to feel good about ourselves.
We followed through with becoming foster parents because of our relationship with our Savior, Jesus Christ. We felt, very strongly, that He was calling us to become foster parents. As we prayed, read our Bible and talked with other people, God confirmed for us that this was something we were suppose to do.
I haven't always been a Christian, though. I had some very hard times in my life during high school and I have made (and continue to make) a lot of mistakes. In fact, it wasn't until I was pregnant with our oldest daughter in 2003 that I really understood what it meant to know God. When I realized that I had a baby coming, I knew that I couldn't be the person that I wanted to be all by myself. I needed help. I couldn't find that help from any person here on this earth. I felt like something was missing, and that something was God. Through pure mercy, God allowed me to be saved through the life, death and conquering of that death by His Son, Jesus Christ. Being "saved" doesn't make me perfect, but it does make me forgiven and redeemed from an eternity separated from a God who whole heartedly loves me. It's more than going to church on Sundays or being "good" its about trying my best to live the life I know God wants me to live and being able to break free from the things that continue to pull me down. I have had struggles and I still do, but God is the one that helps me through.
I am not claiming to know your situation or your view on religion or God. However, it is my prayer that if you do not know who Jesus is, that you will seek Him with your whole heart. I know that a life with Jesus can bring you and [Baby Girl] back together again. Being a Christian doesn't mean that you will never have problems, but that when problems come, you can find strength in God and a desire to push through them.
Basically, I just wanted you to know that there is a God who LOVES you, more than you could ever imagine. He is REAL and powerful and He desperately wants you to know Him. It is because of His love and His work in my life that I am able to love myself and other people. It is because of Him, that when I look at your precious, sweet and perfect [Baby Girl] that I am able to love her as much as I love my own birth children. I can promise you that it is not anything special within me, but the power of Jesus Christ who has captured my heart.
I am praying for you and [Baby Girl] and that you will know that she is being cared for and loved, until you are able to see her again.
Many blessings,
Jessica
[Baby Girl's] Foster Mom
Can I just tell you that it was the hardest letter I've ever written? You see, I know the power of having the Savior in your life. I know that this could change everything. I know that He can redeem her from the life that she is living. I know that this could mean letting go of Baby Girl one day.
Therefore, I'm begging for your prayers. Please pray, along with me, that she receives this letter for what it is, my heart reaching out to hers. Pray that the spirit with which I wrote this letter is pure, good, honest and Christ filled.
You see, I'm not sure about my intentions. Yes, I desperately want her to know the love of the Savior. However, another part of me hopes that if I show her Christ's love, then she will see my heart and know that Baby Girl is in the best place, therefore relinquishing her rights immediately. I know it twisted.
Please believe me, that above all else I desire for Baby Girl's mother to live life fully surrendered to the Lord. But, a small part of me wants her to do that AND allow me to be Baby Girl's mother.
So as Monday approaches and I hand this woman a chunk of my heart, please beg the Lord to prepare her. Pray that He begins to draw her to Him, that she feels the ache in her heart that only Jesus can fill and that I water a seed that has already been planted.
I know it's not by accident that I feel this way. Today, as I drove the kids home from gymnastics, I heard the DJ read the following scripture:
So whatever you say or whatever you do, remember that you will be judged by the law that sets you free. There will be no mercy for those who have not shown mercy to others. But if you have been merciful, God will be merciful when he judges you.
James 2:12-13
James 2:12-13
I love it when God is so clear, don't you? It's all about mercy.
Thanks for the prayers.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Who's Who?
We have our desktop set up so that the screen saver is our pictures on a slideshow. It shows every picture on our computer going all the way back before we had kids (Did I mention we've had our desktop since before we got married 6 years ago? Now you know why Gizmo is such a treat!).
As I walked through the kitchen yesterday, a picture flashed across the screen. I had to go back and look at it because I couldn't tell who it was...Baby D or Lucas. So, I thought I'd let ya'll decide. Since TECHNICALLY I can't put Baby D's face on here, you may never know the truth. Guess you'll have to just trust your instincts. ;)
The freaky part is that when I went to look up these pictures I found that they were taken almost exactly 2 years apart. Lucas' was taken on 12-8-06 and Baby D's on 12-3-08. Craziness huh? So, without further ado, I ask you...
Who's Who? Try your best to figure out which little boy is which. One is Lucas at around 6.5 months old and the other is Baby D at 7 months old. For both boys, this is (was) their favorite past time, jumping, not dozing, in the Johnny Jump Up. Happy Guessing!
Photo #1
Photo #2
As I walked through the kitchen yesterday, a picture flashed across the screen. I had to go back and look at it because I couldn't tell who it was...Baby D or Lucas. So, I thought I'd let ya'll decide. Since TECHNICALLY I can't put Baby D's face on here, you may never know the truth. Guess you'll have to just trust your instincts. ;)
The freaky part is that when I went to look up these pictures I found that they were taken almost exactly 2 years apart. Lucas' was taken on 12-8-06 and Baby D's on 12-3-08. Craziness huh? So, without further ado, I ask you...
Who's Who? Try your best to figure out which little boy is which. One is Lucas at around 6.5 months old and the other is Baby D at 7 months old. For both boys, this is (was) their favorite past time, jumping, not dozing, in the Johnny Jump Up. Happy Guessing!
Photo #1
Photo #2PS-If you know us and have physically been to our house, this will be a no brainer. Try not to spoil the fun for everyone!
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
My New Friend Gizmo
I've been begging Luke to buy me a laptop now for about 8-10 months (oh it's so close, let's just call it a year). At any rate, since we follow Dave Ramsey's guide and pay only cash, no credit, we've opted to wait and save up. Whew, it's been a long wait.
First we bought Big Red, which depleted our savings. Then, several small things took bites out as well. Then there was Christmas and, well...let's just say our savings account will be thrilled to see our tax return come February.
We got so many gift cards for Christmas that Luke finally said yes. We purchased a laptop at the Dell Outlet store (which for the life of me I don't know why I'd ever buy a personalized one now), and I anxiously checked my Dell account for a tracking number that never showed. I even called the Dell folks to see if they could help me track my laptop. Notta.
Wouldn't you know, FedEx would decide to deliever my new laptop just as I was 1 wipe into a smelly diaper. I had not yet showered, had on no bra, was wearing my glasses and looked, well...interesting.
Nonetheless, my new laptop loved me just the same. It was a sweet introduction and I briefly thought about grabbing my camera and taking a picture of the FedEx guy walking up to the door, but I didn't want to freak him out any further (I mean, since I looked so fab and all).
Tearing into my new toy
Isn't she lovely? Let's call her Gizmo, okay?
First we bought Big Red, which depleted our savings. Then, several small things took bites out as well. Then there was Christmas and, well...let's just say our savings account will be thrilled to see our tax return come February.
We got so many gift cards for Christmas that Luke finally said yes. We purchased a laptop at the Dell Outlet store (which for the life of me I don't know why I'd ever buy a personalized one now), and I anxiously checked my Dell account for a tracking number that never showed. I even called the Dell folks to see if they could help me track my laptop. Notta.
Wouldn't you know, FedEx would decide to deliever my new laptop just as I was 1 wipe into a smelly diaper. I had not yet showered, had on no bra, was wearing my glasses and looked, well...interesting.
Nonetheless, my new laptop loved me just the same. It was a sweet introduction and I briefly thought about grabbing my camera and taking a picture of the FedEx guy walking up to the door, but I didn't want to freak him out any further (I mean, since I looked so fab and all).
Tearing into my new toy
Isn't she lovely? Let's call her Gizmo, okay?So now, as I sit in my bed, and write his post with Gizmo on my lap, I realize that this could evolve into a bad, bad thing. Oh well, I'm always looking for ways to test my self-control...wait, no I'm not.
Marshmallow-ey Delicious
About once a week, we let one of the big kids stay up a little after the others go to bed and that one gets "special time" with Mommy and Daddy. Last night, it was Ashlee's turn.
Ashlee's #1 favorite thing is anything involving a baby, but since all the babies were asleep (well, sorta...Baby Girl horned in on special time) we opted for Ashlee's #2 favorite thing, EATING.
Yes, my little 26 pound Drama Queen can pack away some food. She almost eats as much as Elizabeth and Lucas combined. It's a sight to behold.
So, last night we decided to roast marshmallows. (I just got spell checked for marshmallows...why is there an "a" in mallow? Don't we pronounce it "mellow"?)
Ashlee LOVED the 1 on 1 attention, or rather 2 on 1 attention, and even more the candle and the 'mallows.
This first one hardly made it through the roasting process. You can see full cheeks and another ready to be roasted.
We are all coming down with a cold and at one point Ashlee coughed and blew the candle out. Luke and I got a good laugh, but Ashlee didn't think it was quite as funny. She wanted us to relight the candle immediately and insisted,
"No guys! Don't waf. Dat not funny!"
Which of course, made us laugh harder.
I thoroughly enjoy our special time with each of our kids. With so much going on during the day, I often feel as though we don't get to adequately give them our undivided attention. Having "special time" helps tremendously. And before you think we stole this idea from Jon and Kate Plus 8, just know that we did this LONG before I was ever addicted to that show!
Here are some pics from our "special time" with Ashlee. Hope you have a 'mallow-ey day!
Dad showing Ash the proper roasting techniques. He was a boyscout after all, and last night I heard about a mystery "roasting badge." I'm gonna have to google that for verification.
Blowing out Daddy's 'mallow. We only did this 17,356 times. Each time she'd blow it out, she'd immediately say,
"Do dat again Dad!"
Perfecting her technique.
Ashlee's #1 favorite thing is anything involving a baby, but since all the babies were asleep (well, sorta...Baby Girl horned in on special time) we opted for Ashlee's #2 favorite thing, EATING.
Yes, my little 26 pound Drama Queen can pack away some food. She almost eats as much as Elizabeth and Lucas combined. It's a sight to behold.
So, last night we decided to roast marshmallows. (I just got spell checked for marshmallows...why is there an "a" in mallow? Don't we pronounce it "mellow"?)
Ashlee LOVED the 1 on 1 attention, or rather 2 on 1 attention, and even more the candle and the 'mallows.
This first one hardly made it through the roasting process. You can see full cheeks and another ready to be roasted.We are all coming down with a cold and at one point Ashlee coughed and blew the candle out. Luke and I got a good laugh, but Ashlee didn't think it was quite as funny. She wanted us to relight the candle immediately and insisted,
"No guys! Don't waf. Dat not funny!"
Which of course, made us laugh harder.
I thoroughly enjoy our special time with each of our kids. With so much going on during the day, I often feel as though we don't get to adequately give them our undivided attention. Having "special time" helps tremendously. And before you think we stole this idea from Jon and Kate Plus 8, just know that we did this LONG before I was ever addicted to that show!
Here are some pics from our "special time" with Ashlee. Hope you have a 'mallow-ey day!
Dad showing Ash the proper roasting techniques. He was a boyscout after all, and last night I heard about a mystery "roasting badge." I'm gonna have to google that for verification.
Blowing out Daddy's 'mallow. We only did this 17,356 times. Each time she'd blow it out, she'd immediately say, "Do dat again Dad!"
Perfecting her technique.Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Baby Girl's New Case Plan
I just got an email from one of our social workers. Praise God! They are recommending Termination of Parental Rights (TPR) and Adoption for our sweet Baby Girl!
We return to court this coming Monday, January 12th and at that time they will make the recommendation to the judge.
I can hardly believe this is happening so quickly. Still yet, the judge could rule that it be a concurrent plan (that means still reunification and the beginnings of TPR) but the fact that DSS is moving her case along so quickly is amazing.
We WILL have to face birth mom in court on Monday, it's a sure thing. So please be in prayer that I won't cry right there in front of her.
On another note, guess who's 7 months old today?
When we got him he looked like this:
(I can show you this now because he looks NOTHING like this)
But now he's a big, fat, happy (and currently sleeping..thank God) baby boy who is desperate to sit up and now holds his own bottle!
This 7 months has flown by so fast.
We return to court this coming Monday, January 12th and at that time they will make the recommendation to the judge.
I can hardly believe this is happening so quickly. Still yet, the judge could rule that it be a concurrent plan (that means still reunification and the beginnings of TPR) but the fact that DSS is moving her case along so quickly is amazing.
We WILL have to face birth mom in court on Monday, it's a sure thing. So please be in prayer that I won't cry right there in front of her.
On another note, guess who's 7 months old today?
When we got him he looked like this:
(I can show you this now because he looks NOTHING like this)But now he's a big, fat, happy (and currently sleeping..thank God) baby boy who is desperate to sit up and now holds his own bottle!
This 7 months has flown by so fast.
Monday, January 5, 2009
I Have NO Idea Where They Get It...
I've been compiling this list of things my "big kids" have been doing over the last few months or so. Here's some of my favorite sayings or things that they've done.
Elizabeth:
She has a boy in her Classical class. His name is Spencer, but she calls him "Spitter."
--
Her new thing is to say something totally random, followed by...."I'm just teasin'!"
--
She really into helping change the babies' diapers....as long as they "isn't stank".
--
Lately, I'll be doing something in another room, and she will come in and say, "Mommy....I love you!"
--
The other day, we were driving in the car and it was one of those days that looks nice and warm but it is really bitterly cold out. Elizabeth says,
"Mom, I'm having a hard time seeing. It's really fergy out."
Later, Luke asked her what "fergy" meant and she said hot and then really cold. She is a genius.
--
Elizabeth went with me to pick out our Halloween costumes. I told her as we were in Walmart, that I was going to be Hannah Montana. Later, I put her in her car seat and told her to buckle herself up and then I would tighten her straps. I go and put the shopping buggy away and climb into the drivers' seat. From the back I hear,
"Hey Hannah! You forgot to tighten me up back here!" Hysterical.
--
After we went to Disney on Ice, we were saying our bedtime prayers and she thanked God for, "Mickey and Minnie and ALL their friends, only on the Disney Channel."
For the life of me I don't know where she got that.We watch TV all day, but surely she's not paying THAT much attention. We we hardly ever watch TV.
--
She has the sweetest heart and I adore her. Brinkley (our dog) has a mystery skin irritation which caused her to chew and pull out a large "hot spot" on her hind quarters. When Elizabeth saw Brinkley's condition, she got teary eyed and asked Luke "Will she be okay? Will she come back from the doctor?"
--
She bumped Ashlee's lip (or something that Ashlee flew off the handle about) with her head. As Luke questioned Elizabeth as to what happened, she explained:
"Well, you see Dad, it isn't my fault, it was my head's idea. My head had this idea to lean in real close and I just whopped her. It wasn't me, it was my head. He's the one in trouble."
I have no idea why her head is masculine, but it was all I could do to keep it together.
Lucas:
He has some brown shoes that look similar to some that Luke has. He calls them his "Daddy shoes."
--
Speaking of shoes, Lucas LOVES shoes. He wears them all day long. If I can't find Lucas, I know he's most likely in his sisters' closet, trying on their shoes.I plan on humiliating him with that when he's about 16. I wonder if his future girlfriends will find that funny?
--
Lucas is notorious for throwing his food on the floor when he eats. EVERY time he gets a spanking. Once, he threw his entire plate on the floor and I sat and spanked him until he picked it up. That was the longest lunch hour of my life.
One day, he accidentally knocked a bowl of goldfish on the floor, came over to me, tried to pull down his diaper (because I make him pull down his own pants when I spank him) and said,
"I sorry Mommy, I need a bankin?" He did not get a 'bankin.
--
He is super into guns right now. I used to think I didn't know where he'd picked up on someone with a gun. Then I realized...Peter Pan. At any rate, I was a little apprehensive about him playing with toy guns. However, when he started using my basting brush as a gun, I figured why not bite the bullet (pun totally intended) and just get him one for Christmas? It is made of foam so when he hits his sisters (because against my constant reminding he clearly thinks this is permissible), it won't hurt quite as bad.
--
He's already got selective man hearing. I will be telling him something of clear importance. Get totally finished, and he cocks his head to the side and says,
"What you say Mommy? 'Cuse me. What you say?"
--
He's REAL big into "I love you" right now. He woke up excessively early one day last week, so I put him in the bed with me and turned on cartoons (don't you dare judge me). For the entire 2o minutes that Mickey Mouse Clubhouse was on, I got told once per minute...
Lucas: "Mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy. Mommy! 'Cuuuuse me Mommy. Mommy? You sweepin'?"
Me: "Yes, Lucas?"
Lucas: "I wuv you Mommy."
Me: "Thank you Lucas."
Lucas: "You 'delcome."
Me: Take a deep breath, get just about asleep...
Lucas: "Mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy...."
Ashlee:
She's a lover. All the way a lover. She will stop DEAD in her tracks to give a requested kiss. She cannot keep her hands off the babies, which is sweet and sour.
--
I got home one night and she was already in bed. I went into see her which prompted her to get out of the bed. When I told her to go back to bed, she obeys but then yells, from her bedroom (where the door is closed)
"Mommy! I got in the bed!"
--
She's still in full potty training mode. For her, it works best if she is naked from the waist down. No matter where she's at she runs to me and says, "Mom, I gotta pee!" or, my personal favorite, "Hey! I gotta poop!" For more on her poops, click here.
--
She doesn't know how to whisper, it's not part of her design. She only knows how to speak WITH THE VOLUME OF HER VOICE AUDIBLE FOR EVERYONE.
--
She experiences life "full throttle." Seriously, we've quit getting onto to her for running in the house because we realized that she does not know how to walk....at all...not even a little. A slow skip is the best she can muster.
--
She sleeps with this nasty bear that she got as a baby and she sucks on the ear. It's disgusting and it makes her breath something fierce in the mornings, but she LOVES him and he makes my life easier. Therefore, "bear bear" stays.
Yeah, click on that picture and take a good look at that bear's ear. Then think that this picture was taken almost a year ago. Yeah, totally gross.
Elizabeth:
She has a boy in her Classical class. His name is Spencer, but she calls him "Spitter."
--
Her new thing is to say something totally random, followed by...."I'm just teasin'!"
--
She really into helping change the babies' diapers....as long as they "isn't stank".
--
Lately, I'll be doing something in another room, and she will come in and say, "Mommy....I love you!"
--
The other day, we were driving in the car and it was one of those days that looks nice and warm but it is really bitterly cold out. Elizabeth says,
"Mom, I'm having a hard time seeing. It's really fergy out."
Later, Luke asked her what "fergy" meant and she said hot and then really cold. She is a genius.
--
Elizabeth went with me to pick out our Halloween costumes. I told her as we were in Walmart, that I was going to be Hannah Montana. Later, I put her in her car seat and told her to buckle herself up and then I would tighten her straps. I go and put the shopping buggy away and climb into the drivers' seat. From the back I hear,
"Hey Hannah! You forgot to tighten me up back here!" Hysterical.
--
After we went to Disney on Ice, we were saying our bedtime prayers and she thanked God for, "Mickey and Minnie and ALL their friends, only on the Disney Channel."
For the life of me I don't know where she got that.
--
She has the sweetest heart and I adore her. Brinkley (our dog) has a mystery skin irritation which caused her to chew and pull out a large "hot spot" on her hind quarters. When Elizabeth saw Brinkley's condition, she got teary eyed and asked Luke "Will she be okay? Will she come back from the doctor?"
--
She bumped Ashlee's lip (or something that Ashlee flew off the handle about) with her head. As Luke questioned Elizabeth as to what happened, she explained:
"Well, you see Dad, it isn't my fault, it was my head's idea. My head had this idea to lean in real close and I just whopped her. It wasn't me, it was my head. He's the one in trouble."
I have no idea why her head is masculine, but it was all I could do to keep it together.
Lucas:
He has some brown shoes that look similar to some that Luke has. He calls them his "Daddy shoes."
--
Speaking of shoes, Lucas LOVES shoes. He wears them all day long. If I can't find Lucas, I know he's most likely in his sisters' closet, trying on their shoes.
--
Lucas is notorious for throwing his food on the floor when he eats. EVERY time he gets a spanking. Once, he threw his entire plate on the floor and I sat and spanked him until he picked it up. That was the longest lunch hour of my life.
One day, he accidentally knocked a bowl of goldfish on the floor, came over to me, tried to pull down his diaper (because I make him pull down his own pants when I spank him) and said,
"I sorry Mommy, I need a bankin?" He did not get a 'bankin.
--
He is super into guns right now. I used to think I didn't know where he'd picked up on someone with a gun. Then I realized...Peter Pan. At any rate, I was a little apprehensive about him playing with toy guns. However, when he started using my basting brush as a gun, I figured why not bite the bullet (pun totally intended) and just get him one for Christmas? It is made of foam so when he hits his sisters (because against my constant reminding he clearly thinks this is permissible), it won't hurt quite as bad.
--
He's already got selective man hearing. I will be telling him something of clear importance. Get totally finished, and he cocks his head to the side and says,
"What you say Mommy? 'Cuse me. What you say?"
--
He's REAL big into "I love you" right now. He woke up excessively early one day last week, so I put him in the bed with me and turned on cartoons (don't you dare judge me). For the entire 2o minutes that Mickey Mouse Clubhouse was on, I got told once per minute...
Lucas: "Mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy. Mommy! 'Cuuuuse me Mommy. Mommy? You sweepin'?"
Me: "Yes, Lucas?"
Lucas: "I wuv you Mommy."
Me: "Thank you Lucas."
Lucas: "You 'delcome."
Me: Take a deep breath, get just about asleep...
Lucas: "Mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy...."
Ashlee:
She's a lover. All the way a lover. She will stop DEAD in her tracks to give a requested kiss. She cannot keep her hands off the babies, which is sweet and sour.
--
I got home one night and she was already in bed. I went into see her which prompted her to get out of the bed. When I told her to go back to bed, she obeys but then yells, from her bedroom (where the door is closed)
"Mommy! I got in the bed!"
--
She's still in full potty training mode. For her, it works best if she is naked from the waist down. No matter where she's at she runs to me and says, "Mom, I gotta pee!" or, my personal favorite, "Hey! I gotta poop!" For more on her poops, click here.
--
She doesn't know how to whisper, it's not part of her design. She only knows how to speak WITH THE VOLUME OF HER VOICE AUDIBLE FOR EVERYONE.
--
She experiences life "full throttle." Seriously, we've quit getting onto to her for running in the house because we realized that she does not know how to walk....at all...not even a little. A slow skip is the best she can muster.
--
She sleeps with this nasty bear that she got as a baby and she sucks on the ear. It's disgusting and it makes her breath something fierce in the mornings, but she LOVES him and he makes my life easier. Therefore, "bear bear" stays.
Yeah, click on that picture and take a good look at that bear's ear. Then think that this picture was taken almost a year ago. Yeah, totally gross.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
The Drama Queen's Business
As you might remember from this post, we have been potty training Ashlee. All has been going fairly well. She still wears diapers/pull ups at nap and bedtime, but if I remember to remove said diaper, she goes in panties most of the day.
Usually we only have 1 accident a day...usually. Yesterday was the 1st time that we went in public without a backup method of protection. We went to a birthday party AND Luke and I took all 5 kids to Wal-mart. Yes, I know we're crazy...and you already knew that too if you REALLY know us.
Ashlee did quite well. We peepeed before we left the party and immediately upon our arrival at the Wal-mart. I will say, our Wal-mart has recently undergone a dramatic face lift and the bathrooms are rather nice, compared to most public bathrooms and for a Wal-mart bathroom.
She peed both times and remained dry the entire afternoon. However, after naps yesterday, I forgot to remove her diaper. When her diaper is on, she feels free to "begin" in her diaper but then she wants to finish in the potty so that she can get her prize of 2 milk chocolate chips.
She's crazy about "chocky chips" and announces to me (the second her liquid hits the water) that she needs one for her mad pottying skills.
Yesterday, she began a poop in her diaper. Now, if you know my Ashlee you know that she is chock full of Drama. How that much drama fits into a 26 lb red-head I'll never know. At any rate, she realizes that she has begun in her diaper and that poopy diapers do not equal 2 "chocky chips."
Our interaction that followed went something like this:
Ashlee: "Mom! I need to poop!"
Me: (Cutting up some fruit and totally not prepared to fly into potty helper mode) "Okay, okay, let's go!"
Ash: (Holding her diaper and said poop away from her butt) "Huhwee Mom. It's poop!"
Me: "Okay, okay, let's hurry." I get to the bathroom and realize that she's already gone some in her diaper. I clean what I can up and sit her on the potty hoping that she'll finish.
Me: "Now Ashlee, don't get off the potty without Mommy because you're bottom is dirty, okay?"
Ash: "Yes 'sam Mom."
I proceed to go back and try and figure out what I was was just doing. Don't worry, I didn't touch the fruit.
Almost immediately I hear death curling screams from the bathroom. I assume that she's fallen into the toilet because she refuses to use the potty seat. Instead, I find her standing beside the potty, pointing at the smear of poop she's left on the seat.
She's seriously screaming, clearly traumatized.
I step around her grabbing a wipe to begin cleaning up and then she sees "it." Her screams are taken to a whole new level, an ear piercing level that no human should be allowed to physically make. I think every dog in the state heard Ashlee, standing naked, smeared and smelly in the bathroom.
Her arm extends as she yells, "More poop."
She points, in horror, at a single terdlet on the floor, just by my feet. I scoop it up with a wipe and plop in the toilet. I flush and again, she is aghast.
Her favorite part of going potty (second to the chocky chips, of course) is the flushing and I have done her chore for her.
Oh my, life with a Drama Queen is not easy. Potty training a Drama Queen takes "not easy" to a whole new level.
Usually we only have 1 accident a day...usually. Yesterday was the 1st time that we went in public without a backup method of protection. We went to a birthday party AND Luke and I took all 5 kids to Wal-mart. Yes, I know we're crazy...and you already knew that too if you REALLY know us.
Ashlee did quite well. We peepeed before we left the party and immediately upon our arrival at the Wal-mart. I will say, our Wal-mart has recently undergone a dramatic face lift and the bathrooms are rather nice, compared to most public bathrooms and for a Wal-mart bathroom.
She peed both times and remained dry the entire afternoon. However, after naps yesterday, I forgot to remove her diaper. When her diaper is on, she feels free to "begin" in her diaper but then she wants to finish in the potty so that she can get her prize of 2 milk chocolate chips.
She's crazy about "chocky chips" and announces to me (the second her liquid hits the water) that she needs one for her mad pottying skills.
Yesterday, she began a poop in her diaper. Now, if you know my Ashlee you know that she is chock full of Drama. How that much drama fits into a 26 lb red-head I'll never know. At any rate, she realizes that she has begun in her diaper and that poopy diapers do not equal 2 "chocky chips."
Our interaction that followed went something like this:
Ashlee: "Mom! I need to poop!"
Me: (Cutting up some fruit and totally not prepared to fly into potty helper mode) "Okay, okay, let's go!"
Ash: (Holding her diaper and said poop away from her butt) "Huhwee Mom. It's poop!"
Me: "Okay, okay, let's hurry." I get to the bathroom and realize that she's already gone some in her diaper. I clean what I can up and sit her on the potty hoping that she'll finish.
Me: "Now Ashlee, don't get off the potty without Mommy because you're bottom is dirty, okay?"
Ash: "Yes 'sam Mom."
I proceed to go back and try and figure out what I was was just doing. Don't worry, I didn't touch the fruit.
Almost immediately I hear death curling screams from the bathroom. I assume that she's fallen into the toilet because she refuses to use the potty seat. Instead, I find her standing beside the potty, pointing at the smear of poop she's left on the seat.
She's seriously screaming, clearly traumatized.
I step around her grabbing a wipe to begin cleaning up and then she sees "it." Her screams are taken to a whole new level, an ear piercing level that no human should be allowed to physically make. I think every dog in the state heard Ashlee, standing naked, smeared and smelly in the bathroom.
Her arm extends as she yells, "More poop."
She points, in horror, at a single terdlet on the floor, just by my feet. I scoop it up with a wipe and plop in the toilet. I flush and again, she is aghast.
Her favorite part of going potty (second to the chocky chips, of course) is the flushing and I have done her chore for her.
Oh my, life with a Drama Queen is not easy. Potty training a Drama Queen takes "not easy" to a whole new level.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
2008
I'm feeling much better today. Luke took the kids all day yesterday and I slept, took pain pills and slept some more. Today, I've been pain pill free since 5:30am. Man, those things made me CRAZY!
Anyway, laying in the bed for 1.5 days gave me a lot of time to think (and become pretty smelly and have some weirdy-fied dreams...but that's another post entirely).
I thought back over the last year, what I could remember hyped up on pain pills, and remembered all of the grace and mercy that my Lord has shown us this year. It's been an interesting year to say the least. One filled with some pretty big steps of faith, some obvious acts of obedience and more blessings than my foggy mind can count.
I think back to what my 3 oldest "babies" looked and acted like in January of 08. To be honest, I had to look up some pictures on my computer. Here's what I found.
It made me cry.
"Serious, funny and WHAT?!?"
Elizabeth - 3.5 years, Lucas and Ashlee 20ish months
Baby Face Lucas
about 20 months old
Ashlee's self inked Chinese tattoo
about 20 months
Then, I think about the clear calling that led us to becoming foster parents. As we took the classes, we made good friends along the way and God confirmed that we were going in the right direction. The blessings just kept piling up.
Then, we got the call for Baby D. It was scary and emotional and completely, 100% right. We knew that it was God's perfect plan being unfolded before our very eyes.
Then, just as we began adjusting to life to with 4 kids, God spoke once more and we accepted Baby Girl into our home. From the outside looking in, this year must have painted us as the picture of crazy people. Honestly, at times, I wondered if we really were crazy. However, through it all, through all the laughter, tears, arguments, frustration, sleep-deprivation, fun, spit up and poop, God has proven Himself faithful.
When I've thought there were days when I just couldn't go on, God has carried me. When I've wanted to bite someone's head off, but supernaturally held my tongue, God was there. When I've slipped, fallen and wallowed in my sin, God picked me up, cleaned me off and set me straight.
I praise Him for being new every morning and not just once a year.
Happy New Year to you all and may you see God's blessings upon you each and every day as you earnestly seek His desires for your life.
Anyway, laying in the bed for 1.5 days gave me a lot of time to think (and become pretty smelly and have some weirdy-fied dreams...but that's another post entirely).
I thought back over the last year, what I could remember hyped up on pain pills, and remembered all of the grace and mercy that my Lord has shown us this year. It's been an interesting year to say the least. One filled with some pretty big steps of faith, some obvious acts of obedience and more blessings than my foggy mind can count.
I think back to what my 3 oldest "babies" looked and acted like in January of 08. To be honest, I had to look up some pictures on my computer. Here's what I found.
It made me cry.
"Serious, funny and WHAT?!?"Elizabeth - 3.5 years, Lucas and Ashlee 20ish months
Baby Face Lucasabout 20 months old
Ashlee's self inked Chinese tattooabout 20 months
Then, I think about the clear calling that led us to becoming foster parents. As we took the classes, we made good friends along the way and God confirmed that we were going in the right direction. The blessings just kept piling up.
Then, we got the call for Baby D. It was scary and emotional and completely, 100% right. We knew that it was God's perfect plan being unfolded before our very eyes.
Then, just as we began adjusting to life to with 4 kids, God spoke once more and we accepted Baby Girl into our home. From the outside looking in, this year must have painted us as the picture of crazy people. Honestly, at times, I wondered if we really were crazy. However, through it all, through all the laughter, tears, arguments, frustration, sleep-deprivation, fun, spit up and poop, God has proven Himself faithful.
When I've thought there were days when I just couldn't go on, God has carried me. When I've wanted to bite someone's head off, but supernaturally held my tongue, God was there. When I've slipped, fallen and wallowed in my sin, God picked me up, cleaned me off and set me straight.
I praise Him for being new every morning and not just once a year.
Happy New Year to you all and may you see God's blessings upon you each and every day as you earnestly seek His desires for your life.
Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him."
The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;
~Lamentations 3:22-25
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Strep
Last week my right tonsil hurt, but I chalked it up to being thirsty and dehydrated. Sunday night, my left tonsil hurt so bad I could hardly swallow. Yesterday, I took the Baby D and Baby Girl for their 6 and 2 month check ups, respectively, and really started feeling like poo.
Since my wonderful mom came with me to the check ups (we've been through twin check ups before and 2 babies getting shots requires a two person team), she told me to drop my the urgent care clinic and have them look at my throat.
Whatta ya know, I've got Strep throat.
I don't remember ever having it before, and man does it ever hurt. Supposedly this pain medicine they gave me is suppose to help, and let me tell you, if I don't take it on the 4 hour mark, I pay for it later.
Anyway, if you think about it, please pray that Luke and the kids are spared from the strep. Boy, that would really stink.
Have a great New Year's Eve!
Since my wonderful mom came with me to the check ups (we've been through twin check ups before and 2 babies getting shots requires a two person team), she told me to drop my the urgent care clinic and have them look at my throat.
Whatta ya know, I've got Strep throat.
I don't remember ever having it before, and man does it ever hurt. Supposedly this pain medicine they gave me is suppose to help, and let me tell you, if I don't take it on the 4 hour mark, I pay for it later.
Anyway, if you think about it, please pray that Luke and the kids are spared from the strep. Boy, that would really stink.
Have a great New Year's Eve!
Sunday, December 28, 2008
The Other Side
Six years ago, almost to this very hour, I stood behind 2 solid, wood doors. My heart was fluttering and my eyes misty. As I stood there, with my arm looped through my Dad's, I had no idea what awaited me on the other side. Although the physical journey on the other side of those doors was just a short walk down the aisle, the memories, relationships and love that have been formed from that day to this have exceeded my wildest expectations.
The doors flung open and there stood my love, dressed in a perfect tuxedo, surrounded by our family and friends. Funny thing now, but I barely remember the long anticipated journey down the aisle to become his wife. I can hardly remember any of the details that seemed so important on that day. Time and distance has separated us from many of the people we asked to join us in our wedding party.
I wonder now, how might our marriage be better, closer and more holy if I had focused all my energy on becoming a Godly wife rather than a blushing bride. And although God's mercy and grace has proven to be the key ingredient in our wonderful marriage, I can only mourn for the days that I was so wrapped up in this world that I could hardly see my Lord beckoning me to Him.
It's only been 6 years, which seems like such a short time compared to some marriages. However, in those 6 years God has so richly blessed us with 5 healthy, wonderful children. He has blessed us financially, with way more than we could ever need. He has blessed me with a husband who desires to serve Him. He has shown me that a Biblical marriage is worth working for and submission is a beautiful thing.
As I think back to myself, the me of 6 years ago standing behind 2 wooden doors, I am so humbled at the way God has changed my heart and my life. I praise the One who had used our messed up story and turned it into something for His glory. I praise Him because He changed me, and us, to make our marriage last and become something functional.
As I watch the doors fling open on the rest of our life and the years to come, I'm still a lot like that bride of 6 years ago. I can see the place I am suppose to walk, I see the goals and dreams and fears that lie ahead. However, this time I have my arm looped through the Father's, and a Godly man already at my side. I am so honored and blessed to have shared the last 6 years with this man. And as we take steps into an unknown future, I rest assured that God is directing our steps and leading our lives.
Happy Anniversary Honey! I love you so very, very much.
The doors flung open and there stood my love, dressed in a perfect tuxedo, surrounded by our family and friends. Funny thing now, but I barely remember the long anticipated journey down the aisle to become his wife. I can hardly remember any of the details that seemed so important on that day. Time and distance has separated us from many of the people we asked to join us in our wedding party.
I wonder now, how might our marriage be better, closer and more holy if I had focused all my energy on becoming a Godly wife rather than a blushing bride. And although God's mercy and grace has proven to be the key ingredient in our wonderful marriage, I can only mourn for the days that I was so wrapped up in this world that I could hardly see my Lord beckoning me to Him.
It's only been 6 years, which seems like such a short time compared to some marriages. However, in those 6 years God has so richly blessed us with 5 healthy, wonderful children. He has blessed us financially, with way more than we could ever need. He has blessed me with a husband who desires to serve Him. He has shown me that a Biblical marriage is worth working for and submission is a beautiful thing.
As I think back to myself, the me of 6 years ago standing behind 2 wooden doors, I am so humbled at the way God has changed my heart and my life. I praise the One who had used our messed up story and turned it into something for His glory. I praise Him because He changed me, and us, to make our marriage last and become something functional.
As I watch the doors fling open on the rest of our life and the years to come, I'm still a lot like that bride of 6 years ago. I can see the place I am suppose to walk, I see the goals and dreams and fears that lie ahead. However, this time I have my arm looped through the Father's, and a Godly man already at my side. I am so honored and blessed to have shared the last 6 years with this man. And as we take steps into an unknown future, I rest assured that God is directing our steps and leading our lives.
Happy Anniversary Honey! I love you so very, very much.
In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.
~Proverbs 16:9
~Proverbs 16:9
Saturday, December 27, 2008
His Perfect Plan, My Perfect Baby Girl
I used to believe in coincidences. I used to find irony interesting. I used to think that karma was something that truly existed and that I was lucky. I used to think that wishes came true. I thought all of these things before I came to know my Savior. Now, I realize that things happen according to a plan, His plan. Although I don't think our lives are mapped out for us, I do believe that God already knows the choices we'll make and the things He will set in motion so that we can fulfill our purposes for His kingdom.
It is no accident that Baby Girl is in our home. It isn't by coincidence or an interesting twist in irony how she came to live with us and I fell in love with her.
When we got the call on that Thursday, Luke and I prayed and talked over whether or not we should take this placement. We knew that God had called us to this ministry, but 5 kids 4 and under? Surely not. When we were told that we were the 5th family that had been called, my heart broke.
As I sat in a nurse's station 75 days ago, holding a sweet baby my heart melted and tears burned my eyes. As we sat in a courtroom 9 days ago and listened to the heartbreaking details of her life as she suffered in her mother's womb, God's plan continued to unfold.
I have struggled with whether our home is the best place for Baby Girl. It is not because I do not love her, but rather my worry about how our society will view a black child in a white home. I have prayed for God to reveal His desires to me, and over this Christmas He has done just that. How can I ever doubt that God, who so meticulously weaved together His plan so that she could be placed in our home, will fail us later? He will not. Failure is not His way.
God has gently reminded me that nothing happens by coincidence. It was not an accident that 5 other families denied Baby Girl's placement. In our struggle to decide if we should be Baby Girl's foster home, we told the social worker to call 1 more family. We told her that if they could not take her, that we would. When she called us back saying that all of the options had been exhausted, we knew God was asking us to step up to the plate. We were family #6, there was no #7. We trusted and stepped and He's carried us from then until now.
It was not because of luck that Baby Girl survived the neglect and abuse in her mother's body, only to arrive in this world perfect and whole and beautiful. It is not irony that we received Baby Girl just days before our good friends returned from the mission field. These friends that prayed with us over our ministry and led us to a crisis of belief where we knew we had to act in obedience to God's call. Nothing is coincidence when you're talking about God.
As for Baby Girl, I am 100% smitten with her. She is precious and lovely and completely perfect because she is God's creation. I cannot imagine our home or my life without her in it. I cherish our night time cuddles and early morning feedings. Tonight, as I watched her scream because her tummy hurt so badly, I knew just what to do to make her feel better. Why? Because she's my daughter and Mommies know how to help their babies.
I know I haven't posted about getting/adjusting/learning to love Baby Girl as much as I did when we got Baby D. But believe me, it's not because the emotion isn't there. It isn't because I love him more or she is second best.
It is purely because she makes me speechless. I cannot fathom how a mother could see her precious face, then turn and leave her at the hospital. I cannot stomach that Baby Girl had immense tremors because of her mother's addiction. It makes tears stream down my face and my heart grieve with loss.
So, if I don't discuss my emotions surrounding Baby Girl's past and her being our "foster baby" do not believe for one second that it is because they do not exist. They are there and they are real. But until she is ours forever, I do not know if I can allow myself to dwell on anything other than my love for her. I cannot think of those other things because as her mother, dwelling on my baby's hurt is just too much for me to bear. If that flood gate opened, I don't know if I'd be able to shut it again.
For now, I must focus on the fact that I have 3 beautiful daughters. All 3 so incredibly perfect, designed by a Creator who made no mistake in their form. In the depths of their mothers' wombs He perfected them and knit them according to His plans for their lives. They are treasures that I am blessed enough to hold and kiss and love each day. They are a taste of heaven that I can hold in my arms and I praise my Lord for the perfection of their design.
But mostly, I thank Him for giving them each to me. I praise Him for His tremendous plan and that He allows me to have a tiny portion of His glory right here, asleep in my home.
For you created my inmost being;
It is no accident that Baby Girl is in our home. It isn't by coincidence or an interesting twist in irony how she came to live with us and I fell in love with her.
When we got the call on that Thursday, Luke and I prayed and talked over whether or not we should take this placement. We knew that God had called us to this ministry, but 5 kids 4 and under? Surely not. When we were told that we were the 5th family that had been called, my heart broke.
As I sat in a nurse's station 75 days ago, holding a sweet baby my heart melted and tears burned my eyes. As we sat in a courtroom 9 days ago and listened to the heartbreaking details of her life as she suffered in her mother's womb, God's plan continued to unfold.
I have struggled with whether our home is the best place for Baby Girl. It is not because I do not love her, but rather my worry about how our society will view a black child in a white home. I have prayed for God to reveal His desires to me, and over this Christmas He has done just that. How can I ever doubt that God, who so meticulously weaved together His plan so that she could be placed in our home, will fail us later? He will not. Failure is not His way.
God has gently reminded me that nothing happens by coincidence. It was not an accident that 5 other families denied Baby Girl's placement. In our struggle to decide if we should be Baby Girl's foster home, we told the social worker to call 1 more family. We told her that if they could not take her, that we would. When she called us back saying that all of the options had been exhausted, we knew God was asking us to step up to the plate. We were family #6, there was no #7. We trusted and stepped and He's carried us from then until now.
It was not because of luck that Baby Girl survived the neglect and abuse in her mother's body, only to arrive in this world perfect and whole and beautiful. It is not irony that we received Baby Girl just days before our good friends returned from the mission field. These friends that prayed with us over our ministry and led us to a crisis of belief where we knew we had to act in obedience to God's call. Nothing is coincidence when you're talking about God.
As for Baby Girl, I am 100% smitten with her. She is precious and lovely and completely perfect because she is God's creation. I cannot imagine our home or my life without her in it. I cherish our night time cuddles and early morning feedings. Tonight, as I watched her scream because her tummy hurt so badly, I knew just what to do to make her feel better. Why? Because she's my daughter and Mommies know how to help their babies.
I know I haven't posted about getting/adjusting/learning to love Baby Girl as much as I did when we got Baby D. But believe me, it's not because the emotion isn't there. It isn't because I love him more or she is second best.
It is purely because she makes me speechless. I cannot fathom how a mother could see her precious face, then turn and leave her at the hospital. I cannot stomach that Baby Girl had immense tremors because of her mother's addiction. It makes tears stream down my face and my heart grieve with loss.
So, if I don't discuss my emotions surrounding Baby Girl's past and her being our "foster baby" do not believe for one second that it is because they do not exist. They are there and they are real. But until she is ours forever, I do not know if I can allow myself to dwell on anything other than my love for her. I cannot think of those other things because as her mother, dwelling on my baby's hurt is just too much for me to bear. If that flood gate opened, I don't know if I'd be able to shut it again.
For now, I must focus on the fact that I have 3 beautiful daughters. All 3 so incredibly perfect, designed by a Creator who made no mistake in their form. In the depths of their mothers' wombs He perfected them and knit them according to His plans for their lives. They are treasures that I am blessed enough to hold and kiss and love each day. They are a taste of heaven that I can hold in my arms and I praise my Lord for the perfection of their design.
But mostly, I thank Him for giving them each to me. I praise Him for His tremendous plan and that He allows me to have a tiny portion of His glory right here, asleep in my home.
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
Your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Merry Christmas!
I know I haven't posted much lately. Along with they busyness of family time and going from here to there, I've had a lot on my mind and in my heart. I promise to roll it all out to you soon.
However, don't think for one second that I'm not excited to celebrate the birth of the Greatest King to ever live!
I pray, that above all else, you will find true joy in the greatest gift we can receive, Jesus Christ.
Merry Christmas to you all!
However, don't think for one second that I'm not excited to celebrate the birth of the Greatest King to ever live!
I pray, that above all else, you will find true joy in the greatest gift we can receive, Jesus Christ.
Merry Christmas to you all!
Monday, December 22, 2008
Baby D's Court Hearing Today
The judge ruled to continue Baby D's case plan as reunification with the birth parents. Needless to say, I'm very frustrated and even a little ticked.
Thanks for the prayers and encouragement.
Thanks for the prayers and encouragement.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Another Day In Court
Tomorrow we go back to court for Baby D's case that got pushed back. We are hoping that the judge will side the the G.A.L. recommendation and begin a concurrent plan that would introduce Termination of Parental Rights (TPR). However, we know that it is in God's hands.
I think what saddens me the most is that Baby D's parents are clearly not willing to give up the things that brought him into the Foster Care system, yet they are also not willing to relinquish their rights. If pressed on your heart, please pray that we would handle tomorrow with grace and mercy and be a light to them while we are in the midst of this remarkable Season of Joy, the birth of our Savior.
I'll update as soon as I can. Blessings.
I think what saddens me the most is that Baby D's parents are clearly not willing to give up the things that brought him into the Foster Care system, yet they are also not willing to relinquish their rights. If pressed on your heart, please pray that we would handle tomorrow with grace and mercy and be a light to them while we are in the midst of this remarkable Season of Joy, the birth of our Savior.
I'll update as soon as I can. Blessings.
Friday, December 19, 2008
He Makes It Easy to Be His Wife
I've been wanting to blog about submission now for a while. But, I found this post on Mckmama's blog and I feel that it would be redundant in posting something about it now (especially if you take the hint and click on that link). She says it so perfectly. Although their story is a little different from our story, the truths are still the same.
However, I feel that I must tell you about this amazing man that I have the honor of calling my husband. Luke isn't perfect and he would be the first to say so. However, it is only by the protection, provision and counsel from him that I able to be what I am: A Mother to 5 Very Small Children.
Yesterday, at Baby Girl's hearing, it was all I could do to keep myself from falling apart in that courtroom. There are only 2 reasons that I was able to resemble someone who is emotionally stable. The first is the Wonderful Counselor that I serve and the second is Luke.
Luke is my rock. Let me tell you, very simply, that HE makes me the wife, mother, friend and woman who strives to be holy and deeply know my Lord. He is the reason (2nd to God, of course) that I am able to mother these children each and every day. I have never, ever met a person more selfless than my husband, ever.
While most men come home and need "their" time, Luke changes from his office clothes and jumps right in with the kids, house, dishes and diapers. Luke is the one who rescues me when I've had too much of "that one" (as I casually point out the problem child of the day). Luke is the one who allows me to sob into his chest, streaky mascara and all, and holds me close as the people on the sidewalk look on. Luke is the one who leads, disciples and provides for our family. And he takes his job so incredibly serious.
Truly, Luke is after God's heart. He wants, so desperately, to serve the Lord in everything he does...in his job, as a father, as a husband and a friend. I cannot brag on him enough. Sure, he has his moments, don't we all? But the one thing I have realized in the last few months is that I don't do enough to make his life easier. I should serve him better, listen to him more and do my best to be all that God ordained when he created me to be his help meet. I don't know if I take that role seriously.
When we got married I thought I loved Luke, and I really think I did to the best of my ability. However, in the (almost) 6 years that we've been married, God has so graciously shown me what it means to TRULY love my husband. A serving love, a love that is sacrificial and a love more abundant than anything I could have ever imagined. And the best part yet...I know I've got so much more to learn.
Please don't think that I am proclaiming our marriage as perfect, it is not. BUT, what I have discovered about myself and this wonderful man to which I'm married, is that TRUE love is a choice. Luke chooses to love me despite knowing all there is to know about me. He loves me because of the man he is and the God he serves. He loves me when I'm unlovable and cares for me when it could be easier to walk away.
I write all of this not to pump up Luke's ego (because he rarely reads my blog anyway) but rather to challenge myself and to challenge you. If you are married, tell your husband TODAY what you admire about him. Tell him the things that he does that are worthy of respect. Tell him, with thoughtful words, how much you need, adore and cherish him. NOT because he HAS to love you, but because he chooses to. Pray over him, pray over his job, his relationship with the Lord and his role(s) as husband, father, friend and son. Pray that he will feel the enormity of the role that he plays in your life and the life of your family. And, as you store these things up in your heart, cut him some incredible slack. I know that I am often so quick to judge and correct Luke in ways that I should not...a harsh tone, an ugly look, a hurtful comment. Because, I know that if ever the situation arose, he would offer his life for mine, without a second thought.
He is truly a man with my heart in his hands and he makes it so easy to be his wife.
Our wedding day: December 28, 2002
Oh Baby, if we only knew then what we know now, then we'd really be laughing!
However, I feel that I must tell you about this amazing man that I have the honor of calling my husband. Luke isn't perfect and he would be the first to say so. However, it is only by the protection, provision and counsel from him that I able to be what I am: A Mother to 5 Very Small Children.
Yesterday, at Baby Girl's hearing, it was all I could do to keep myself from falling apart in that courtroom. There are only 2 reasons that I was able to resemble someone who is emotionally stable. The first is the Wonderful Counselor that I serve and the second is Luke.
Luke is my rock. Let me tell you, very simply, that HE makes me the wife, mother, friend and woman who strives to be holy and deeply know my Lord. He is the reason (2nd to God, of course) that I am able to mother these children each and every day. I have never, ever met a person more selfless than my husband, ever.
While most men come home and need "their" time, Luke changes from his office clothes and jumps right in with the kids, house, dishes and diapers. Luke is the one who rescues me when I've had too much of "that one" (as I casually point out the problem child of the day). Luke is the one who allows me to sob into his chest, streaky mascara and all, and holds me close as the people on the sidewalk look on. Luke is the one who leads, disciples and provides for our family. And he takes his job so incredibly serious.
Truly, Luke is after God's heart. He wants, so desperately, to serve the Lord in everything he does...in his job, as a father, as a husband and a friend. I cannot brag on him enough. Sure, he has his moments, don't we all? But the one thing I have realized in the last few months is that I don't do enough to make his life easier. I should serve him better, listen to him more and do my best to be all that God ordained when he created me to be his help meet. I don't know if I take that role seriously.
When we got married I thought I loved Luke, and I really think I did to the best of my ability. However, in the (almost) 6 years that we've been married, God has so graciously shown me what it means to TRULY love my husband. A serving love, a love that is sacrificial and a love more abundant than anything I could have ever imagined. And the best part yet...I know I've got so much more to learn.
Please don't think that I am proclaiming our marriage as perfect, it is not. BUT, what I have discovered about myself and this wonderful man to which I'm married, is that TRUE love is a choice. Luke chooses to love me despite knowing all there is to know about me. He loves me because of the man he is and the God he serves. He loves me when I'm unlovable and cares for me when it could be easier to walk away.
I write all of this not to pump up Luke's ego (because he rarely reads my blog anyway) but rather to challenge myself and to challenge you. If you are married, tell your husband TODAY what you admire about him. Tell him the things that he does that are worthy of respect. Tell him, with thoughtful words, how much you need, adore and cherish him. NOT because he HAS to love you, but because he chooses to. Pray over him, pray over his job, his relationship with the Lord and his role(s) as husband, father, friend and son. Pray that he will feel the enormity of the role that he plays in your life and the life of your family. And, as you store these things up in your heart, cut him some incredible slack. I know that I am often so quick to judge and correct Luke in ways that I should not...a harsh tone, an ugly look, a hurtful comment. Because, I know that if ever the situation arose, he would offer his life for mine, without a second thought.
He is truly a man with my heart in his hands and he makes it so easy to be his wife.
Our wedding day: December 28, 2002Oh Baby, if we only knew then what we know now, then we'd really be laughing!
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Baby Girl's Court Update
Today was probably one of the hardest days we've faced so far in this journey. Here is the best way I can describe it to you:
Imagine sitting in a cold, hard room. With you are familiar faces, but no one you know who is a true ally. The person being discussed is someone you love dearly, someone you know you'd give your life for. Someone you have grown to cherish and dream about. Someone you have prayed over, cried over and hurt for. Now, imagine those familiar faces speaking about this person you love. At first, they begin by saying things you already know. Times this person has been hurt. If you're thinking of your child, it would be like them discussing a skinned knee, maybe a broken arm, or a fall that left a nasty bump on their head.
Then, they move on to talk about the person who had inflicted hurt and pain on your loved one. They discuss all the ways that this person has hurt other people. Those ways are the same as the ways that this person has hurt the one you love.
Now, imagine sitting there and being blindsided with information you never knew existed. Imagine them talking about harming your loved one in ways that are similar to torture. Imagine them discussing how your child has been abused, neglected and put in dangerous situations. This is more than skinned knees, bumped heads or broken arms. Now we are talking about REAL danger. Danger that comes with a death sentence. Danger that you know should have killed them. Danger that makes your heart break in half and ache for them in a way you've never known possible.
As I sat there in that court room this morning, listening to the things my precious Baby Girl has already endured in her lifetime, I lost all composure. The tears flowed freely and even now, as I write this, hot tears sting my eyes. During the adjudication, as the investigator spoke of the ways my child has been abused, she would glance up and me, but I saw no pain on her face.
I can only imagine that these people who work daily with abused and neglected children have become hardened. I see how it might shock them to see a woman, struggling to maintain some sort of composure, hurt this badly over a child she did not birth. I managed to only squeek out silent tears within the court room walls, but as soon as Luke and I stepped out of the courthouse, I lost it, we both did. As we stood there, both of us crying, shaking and holding each other, we mourned over the thought of having to tell our sweet Baby Girl all of the things she had to endure before she even drew her first breath.
Today we only had the Adjudication. Birth mom did not come to court. We return to court on January 12th for the Disposition, at which time DSS will recommend to the court Termination of Parental Rights (TPR). While I am thrilled with this decision, my heart remains heavy as I now know more than what is probably digestable.
Thank you for your prayers today. I know that the grace and mercy of the Lord carried us through and will continue to prove Him faithful in all things.
Imagine sitting in a cold, hard room. With you are familiar faces, but no one you know who is a true ally. The person being discussed is someone you love dearly, someone you know you'd give your life for. Someone you have grown to cherish and dream about. Someone you have prayed over, cried over and hurt for. Now, imagine those familiar faces speaking about this person you love. At first, they begin by saying things you already know. Times this person has been hurt. If you're thinking of your child, it would be like them discussing a skinned knee, maybe a broken arm, or a fall that left a nasty bump on their head.
Then, they move on to talk about the person who had inflicted hurt and pain on your loved one. They discuss all the ways that this person has hurt other people. Those ways are the same as the ways that this person has hurt the one you love.
Now, imagine sitting there and being blindsided with information you never knew existed. Imagine them talking about harming your loved one in ways that are similar to torture. Imagine them discussing how your child has been abused, neglected and put in dangerous situations. This is more than skinned knees, bumped heads or broken arms. Now we are talking about REAL danger. Danger that comes with a death sentence. Danger that you know should have killed them. Danger that makes your heart break in half and ache for them in a way you've never known possible.
As I sat there in that court room this morning, listening to the things my precious Baby Girl has already endured in her lifetime, I lost all composure. The tears flowed freely and even now, as I write this, hot tears sting my eyes. During the adjudication, as the investigator spoke of the ways my child has been abused, she would glance up and me, but I saw no pain on her face.
I can only imagine that these people who work daily with abused and neglected children have become hardened. I see how it might shock them to see a woman, struggling to maintain some sort of composure, hurt this badly over a child she did not birth. I managed to only squeek out silent tears within the court room walls, but as soon as Luke and I stepped out of the courthouse, I lost it, we both did. As we stood there, both of us crying, shaking and holding each other, we mourned over the thought of having to tell our sweet Baby Girl all of the things she had to endure before she even drew her first breath.
Today we only had the Adjudication. Birth mom did not come to court. We return to court on January 12th for the Disposition, at which time DSS will recommend to the court Termination of Parental Rights (TPR). While I am thrilled with this decision, my heart remains heavy as I now know more than what is probably digestable.
Thank you for your prayers today. I know that the grace and mercy of the Lord carried us through and will continue to prove Him faithful in all things.
You hem me in- behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
Psalm 139:5-6
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
Psalm 139:5-6
Baby Girl's 1st Court Hearing
Today, we go to court for Baby Girl. It's iffy if birth mom will even show and if the case will even be heard. It would be an important court date because it would be the adjudication and disposition (this 2nd link will open a word document) component of Baby Girl's case.
A lot of information is disclosed at these hearings and it will set the course for Baby Girl's ultimate time line of permanent placement, where ever that may be (although I'm sure you all know by now MY desires).
If it comes to mind, please pray over the judge, social workers, birth parents, attorneys and G.A.L.s. Also pray that the case will be heard, as Baby Girl is nearing 3 months old and her "plan" has not even begun to take shape.
I know God is in control, above all else. I'll update you as soon as I can. Thanks.
A lot of information is disclosed at these hearings and it will set the course for Baby Girl's ultimate time line of permanent placement, where ever that may be (although I'm sure you all know by now MY desires).
If it comes to mind, please pray over the judge, social workers, birth parents, attorneys and G.A.L.s. Also pray that the case will be heard, as Baby Girl is nearing 3 months old and her "plan" has not even begun to take shape.
I know God is in control, above all else. I'll update you as soon as I can. Thanks.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
If I Can Remember Movie Lines...
Scripture memory has always been something I've known I needed to do, but I've struggled to commit to doing, OR I've just tried and failed miserably. However, lately, God has been placing me in situations and bringing scripture to mind. Unfortunately, I am unable to reference the scripture to which I am referring. Sorta makes my credibility look shady.
Therefore, I'm taking the challenge from this blog and committing to memorizing Psalm 139 in its entirety.
Technically, we were suppose to start yesterday, but I figured I'd post it here and see if any of you would like to join me. I certainly need the accountability.
So....if you want to take part, do so. Read Angie Smith's blog for details and don't worry, every 3 days there is a "Catch Up/Review" day so really, it's not too late to start!
Hope you'll join me, and we can badger...er, I mean, spur each other onto memorizing stuff that really matters. If I can remember pointless movie lines, surely I can do this.
Therefore, I'm taking the challenge from this blog and committing to memorizing Psalm 139 in its entirety.
Technically, we were suppose to start yesterday, but I figured I'd post it here and see if any of you would like to join me. I certainly need the accountability.
So....if you want to take part, do so. Read Angie Smith's blog for details and don't worry, every 3 days there is a "Catch Up/Review" day so really, it's not too late to start!
Hope you'll join me, and we can badger...er, I mean, spur each other onto memorizing stuff that really matters. If I can remember pointless movie lines, surely I can do this.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Court Today
Baby D's case was moved to next Monday, December 22nd. The judge just-so-happens to be married to birth mom's attorney. It was a conflict of interest. It bugs me because birth mom didn't show up in court today because she is tired from working 3rd shift. GRRRRRR!
BUT, that means that a different, less DSS hating judge, will be on the stand next week to hear Baby D's case. I smile because I know that God is in control, regardless of next week's ruling (which could still not be in our favor).
Please continue to pray for our friends, as their little boy's case will (hopefully) be heard today. There is more at stake with him. Luke and I wanted, so badly, to stay and be a support for them. But with it being the holidays and everyone in Luke's office being out, he really needed to go in to work today, especially since he'll still be taking off on Thursday for Baby Girl's case and then again next Monday.
Thanks for all the prayers. You are such a blessing!
BUT, that means that a different, less DSS hating judge, will be on the stand next week to hear Baby D's case. I smile because I know that God is in control, regardless of next week's ruling (which could still not be in our favor).
Please continue to pray for our friends, as their little boy's case will (hopefully) be heard today. There is more at stake with him. Luke and I wanted, so badly, to stay and be a support for them. But with it being the holidays and everyone in Luke's office being out, he really needed to go in to work today, especially since he'll still be taking off on Thursday for Baby Girl's case and then again next Monday.
Thanks for all the prayers. You are such a blessing!
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Hi Ho, Hi Ho, It's Off to Court We Go...
I know the title of this sounds light and airy, but my heart is very heavy with knowing that we will be in court on Monday. The judge on the stand is known for siding with birth parents - almost to a fault. With that in mind, if it is pressed on your heart, please pray for us, Baby D's case, the judge, the social workers, the GAL folks, D's birth parents and everyone involved in court on Monday.
My prayer, obviously, is that the court would begin to terminate the birth parents' rights. However, I know that is JESSICA'S plan and not necessarily God's. Please pray for Luke and I to have peace, an obvious love for our sweet Baby D and to shine the light of our Savior in that drab, dark court room.
Also, some of our good friends will be in court that day as well (already an answer to prayer), for their sweet boy Daniel (who just-so-happens to be 3 days older than Baby D). I'm sure they'd appreciate a prayer or two as well.
I'll let you know how it went sometime Monday. Blessings!
My prayer, obviously, is that the court would begin to terminate the birth parents' rights. However, I know that is JESSICA'S plan and not necessarily God's. Please pray for Luke and I to have peace, an obvious love for our sweet Baby D and to shine the light of our Savior in that drab, dark court room.
Also, some of our good friends will be in court that day as well (already an answer to prayer), for their sweet boy Daniel (who just-so-happens to be 3 days older than Baby D). I'm sure they'd appreciate a prayer or two as well.
I'll let you know how it went sometime Monday. Blessings!
Thursday, December 11, 2008
My Sweetest Baby Boy
I sat down yesterday, several times wanting to write this. Each time, I could not find the words I wanted to say. So, pretend it's December 10th:
My Sweet Baby D,
Six months ago today, escorted by 2 social workers, you entered our home. It was a moment of anticipation, anxiety, unspeakable joy and the culmination of complete obedience to our God. Then, I had no idea what the next year would hold or how I could possibly juggle 4 small children (which makes me chuckle now). In your short life, you have taught us so much about unconditional love, our Savior and the joy that only comes from being truly obedient. And although your arrival has brought many sleepless nights, emotional pain, confrontation with family and tears, the love that has grown in our hearts has covered it all. God has richly blessed us with your life. You were no accident.
Many people worried how you would effect our family. Although they saw disaster, we saw the richness of God's love being poured upon us. I desire nothing more than for you to be my son forever. When I hold you, kiss you and feed you I see my son. When your Daddy makes you giggle or tosses you up and down, he too sees his child. You have brought out parts of Elizabeth that we never knew existed. She has nurtured you, loved you and kissed you as you sleep. Lucas is so proud to finally be a big brother. I think, somewhere within him, he knows that you will be an awesome counterpart to his games with guns, swords and all things boy. I can hardly wait to see the two of you grow into Godly men. Ashlee has always been a baby lover, but you have taken this to a whole new level. When she wakes up, she runs to find you first. She jumps up and down in front of you yelling, "Baby D! Baby D!" hoping to elicit a smile from your fat, round face.
You have helped to complete our family. You have made this family grow in the richness of the Lord. You have fulfilled our act of obedience with love, laughter and warmth. You, my sweet son, have given me all the more reason to trust in my Savior, even when the task seems daunting and overwhelming. Your life will always symbolize what I know to be God's blessing through obedient action.
Almost a year ago, when your Daddy and I started talking about the possibility of becoming your parents (though we didn't know it was you yet), we prayed and found that God was calling us. It was a deep yearning within me, and I knew you were out there, somewhere, waiting to come to our family. As only God knew, it was around this time that your birth mother discovered you growing within her. And through choices that I have yet to understand, she and your birth dad could not be the best place for you. God knew you were coming to us, and He began preparing our hearts. As you grew in your mother's womb, so did our desire for you. As we prayed and followed God, our hearts were being prepared in a way that we could never imagine.
Thank you, my sweet boy, for bringing God's promises with you to our home. Thank you for carrying so many blessings within your joyful heart. We love you and look forward to watching you grow into the man that God created you to be.
All my heart,
Mommy
My Sweet Baby D,
Six months ago today, escorted by 2 social workers, you entered our home. It was a moment of anticipation, anxiety, unspeakable joy and the culmination of complete obedience to our God. Then, I had no idea what the next year would hold or how I could possibly juggle 4 small children (which makes me chuckle now). In your short life, you have taught us so much about unconditional love, our Savior and the joy that only comes from being truly obedient. And although your arrival has brought many sleepless nights, emotional pain, confrontation with family and tears, the love that has grown in our hearts has covered it all. God has richly blessed us with your life. You were no accident.
Many people worried how you would effect our family. Although they saw disaster, we saw the richness of God's love being poured upon us. I desire nothing more than for you to be my son forever. When I hold you, kiss you and feed you I see my son. When your Daddy makes you giggle or tosses you up and down, he too sees his child. You have brought out parts of Elizabeth that we never knew existed. She has nurtured you, loved you and kissed you as you sleep. Lucas is so proud to finally be a big brother. I think, somewhere within him, he knows that you will be an awesome counterpart to his games with guns, swords and all things boy. I can hardly wait to see the two of you grow into Godly men. Ashlee has always been a baby lover, but you have taken this to a whole new level. When she wakes up, she runs to find you first. She jumps up and down in front of you yelling, "Baby D! Baby D!" hoping to elicit a smile from your fat, round face.
You have helped to complete our family. You have made this family grow in the richness of the Lord. You have fulfilled our act of obedience with love, laughter and warmth. You, my sweet son, have given me all the more reason to trust in my Savior, even when the task seems daunting and overwhelming. Your life will always symbolize what I know to be God's blessing through obedient action.
Almost a year ago, when your Daddy and I started talking about the possibility of becoming your parents (though we didn't know it was you yet), we prayed and found that God was calling us. It was a deep yearning within me, and I knew you were out there, somewhere, waiting to come to our family. As only God knew, it was around this time that your birth mother discovered you growing within her. And through choices that I have yet to understand, she and your birth dad could not be the best place for you. God knew you were coming to us, and He began preparing our hearts. As you grew in your mother's womb, so did our desire for you. As we prayed and followed God, our hearts were being prepared in a way that we could never imagine.
Thank you, my sweet boy, for bringing God's promises with you to our home. Thank you for carrying so many blessings within your joyful heart. We love you and look forward to watching you grow into the man that God created you to be.
All my heart,
Mommy
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Chaos
I posted about this song here. However, I keep hearing it played on the radio, and then today a blog I follow had this video. I think I am needing to hear it over and over again for a reason.
It is how I'm feeling right now...lost in chaos, emotionally, physically, spiritually.
It is how I'm feeling right now...lost in chaos, emotionally, physically, spiritually.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Baby Updates and Upcoming Court
Well, DSS finally got smart and decided to wait and see if Baby Girl's birth mom shows up before they come to get her. So, this morning, at 9am there was a scheduled visit. At 9:20am the social worker called and said that birth mom was not there and that until they heard further, it would be a weekly thing to wait and see. I appreciate them saving my tax-payer dollars and not driving all over Egypt un-neccesarily.
Next week is a big week for us. On Monday, we go to court for Baby D. Since he's 6 months old, the G.A.L. has recommended to the court a concurrent plan of reunification and termination of parental rights (TPR). Now, that does not mean that is what will happen, it is purely her recommendation. DSS is still recommending reunification. Baby D's parents have not passed a drug screening and it is my understanding that they have all but stopped attending their drug treatment classes. Also, the judge on the bench is very pro-birth parents. My understanding is that she almost favors them to a fault. NOT good if we want to begin the TPR paperwork and try to have the concurrent plan passed. However, we will have good friends in court with us that day, and I think it will provide some much needed peace.
Then, Baby Girl is scheduled for court next Thursday. However, her social worker told me that they have not yet determined paternity so her case may not be heard. I don't know how much longer before they move past the fact that her father cannot be located and determined and they just proceed. It's all so very frustrating.
Baby D is doing so well and is such a happy boy! (As I type this, he is "making" me a party favor.) He just laughs and talks and his favorite thing is the Johnny Jump Up. He adores it and will sit in it for nearly an hour jumping and talking and squealing.
Baby Girl is growing and getting so much more alert. I don't remember any of the other 4 kids being this alert at 2 months old. She is cooing and smiling and she will turn her head and follow me with her eyes when I walk across the room. She's so precious and cuddly and (except for today) is such an easy baby.
I know I haven't blogged much about how much I adore and love her, but it is not because of the lack of emotion. Trust me, I'm completely in love with her. But like I told my BFF last night, I just don't think I can allow myself to be consumed with her case like I was Baby D's. Seriously, when we got him it was all I thought and prayed about (notice the abundance of posts about him from the beginning).
This time, I'm trying so hard to let go and just let God be in control. So, I plan on spending an entire post on her and my love for her, but right now I can't let myself be that emotional. I'm afraid if the flood gates open, they will not shut easily and flooding isn't something extra I need in my house right now. I've got lots of kids to take care of, and during the day, I'm the only one here who knows how to swim.
Next week is a big week for us. On Monday, we go to court for Baby D. Since he's 6 months old, the G.A.L. has recommended to the court a concurrent plan of reunification and termination of parental rights (TPR). Now, that does not mean that is what will happen, it is purely her recommendation. DSS is still recommending reunification. Baby D's parents have not passed a drug screening and it is my understanding that they have all but stopped attending their drug treatment classes. Also, the judge on the bench is very pro-birth parents. My understanding is that she almost favors them to a fault. NOT good if we want to begin the TPR paperwork and try to have the concurrent plan passed. However, we will have good friends in court with us that day, and I think it will provide some much needed peace.
Then, Baby Girl is scheduled for court next Thursday. However, her social worker told me that they have not yet determined paternity so her case may not be heard. I don't know how much longer before they move past the fact that her father cannot be located and determined and they just proceed. It's all so very frustrating.
Baby D is doing so well and is such a happy boy! (As I type this, he is "making" me a party favor.) He just laughs and talks and his favorite thing is the Johnny Jump Up. He adores it and will sit in it for nearly an hour jumping and talking and squealing.
Baby Girl is growing and getting so much more alert. I don't remember any of the other 4 kids being this alert at 2 months old. She is cooing and smiling and she will turn her head and follow me with her eyes when I walk across the room. She's so precious and cuddly and (except for today) is such an easy baby.
I know I haven't blogged much about how much I adore and love her, but it is not because of the lack of emotion. Trust me, I'm completely in love with her. But like I told my BFF last night, I just don't think I can allow myself to be consumed with her case like I was Baby D's. Seriously, when we got him it was all I thought and prayed about (notice the abundance of posts about him from the beginning).
This time, I'm trying so hard to let go and just let God be in control. So, I plan on spending an entire post on her and my love for her, but right now I can't let myself be that emotional. I'm afraid if the flood gates open, they will not shut easily and flooding isn't something extra I need in my house right now. I've got lots of kids to take care of, and during the day, I'm the only one here who knows how to swim.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Like A Stray Marble...
I'm having trouble staying on track with my thoughts.
I'm having trouble forming concurrent thoughts to create a blog worthy of your time (notice the abundance of pictures lately?). Why? I dunno.
What has been rolling around in my brain is....
* What are the challenges that we will face raising a child of another race?
* Why won't Baby Girl's mother just go ahead and relinquish? I mean, she hasn't seen her in WEEKS.
* I'm trying hard to focus on the word and soaking up some Son, but I come away from my quiet time discouraged. I'm not getting much out of it. I know this happens and that every time I go to scripture I can't be hit with a brick between the eyes, BUT I could use something of substance.
* Maybe God is teaching me patience since things seem to be dragging out with the babies, AND I'm getting little from my quiet time. Hummmm....I haven't asked for patience.
* I can't seem to form full thoughts or focus on any one thing for an extended period of time. I have a heavy heart for friends, ministries and friendships.
* I can't seem to get into the Christmas hype. Yes, I'm excited about celebrating the birth of my Savior, but I can't get excited about the presents, gatherings and such. Odd?
So, sorry if I'm not really blogging lately, but I can't think of anything that's really worth blogging.
I'm having trouble forming concurrent thoughts to create a blog worthy of your time (notice the abundance of pictures lately?). Why? I dunno.
What has been rolling around in my brain is....
* What are the challenges that we will face raising a child of another race?
* Why won't Baby Girl's mother just go ahead and relinquish? I mean, she hasn't seen her in WEEKS.
* I'm trying hard to focus on the word and soaking up some Son, but I come away from my quiet time discouraged. I'm not getting much out of it. I know this happens and that every time I go to scripture I can't be hit with a brick between the eyes, BUT I could use something of substance.
* Maybe God is teaching me patience since things seem to be dragging out with the babies, AND I'm getting little from my quiet time. Hummmm....I haven't asked for patience.
* I can't seem to form full thoughts or focus on any one thing for an extended period of time. I have a heavy heart for friends, ministries and friendships.
* I can't seem to get into the Christmas hype. Yes, I'm excited about celebrating the birth of my Savior, but I can't get excited about the presents, gatherings and such. Odd?
So, sorry if I'm not really blogging lately, but I can't think of anything that's really worth blogging.
Friday, December 5, 2008
5 for Friday: This and That
1. Somedays I wonder how this:
Became this:
In the blink of an eye.
2. Ashlee is starting to potty train. Which means I'm seeing more of this:
And less of these:
Thankfully, Ashlee feels like this:
3. Lucas is on steroids right now for a cold that has stirred up his asthma. Usually, he's funny, determined and playful like this:
With that medicine he's more like this:
Which makes me wanna pull my hair out.
4. Baby D is developing quite a personality. He is generally a happy baby, doing lots of this:
And, since I told him I can't put his whole face on my blog, he obliged me with this:
Does it remind you of this? It does me.
5. Baby Girl is getting so big. She's sleeping well at night, only waking up once for one of these:
Which means that I'm seeing more of these:
Which makes me have more of these:
Became this:
In the blink of an eye.
2. Ashlee is starting to potty train. Which means I'm seeing more of this:
And less of these:
Thankfully, Ashlee feels like this:
3. Lucas is on steroids right now for a cold that has stirred up his asthma. Usually, he's funny, determined and playful like this:
With that medicine he's more like this:
Which makes me wanna pull my hair out.
4. Baby D is developing quite a personality. He is generally a happy baby, doing lots of this:
And, since I told him I can't put his whole face on my blog, he obliged me with this:
Does it remind you of this? It does me.5. Baby Girl is getting so big. She's sleeping well at night, only waking up once for one of these:
Which means that I'm seeing more of these:
Which makes me have more of these:
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Simply Beautiful
Quite possibly the most beautiful Baby Girl ever(along with Elizabeth and Ashlee of course).
Don't you think so?
Monday, December 1, 2008
How To Perpetuate An Obsession: 101
Here are the pictures of, quite possibly, my favorite day of our vacation. But first, do you remember this post? Do you remember the obsession my kids have with all things Cowboy/Cowgirl? Oh yes, the obsession was fed, brushed, watered, saddled and perpetuated beyond a reasonable limit.
The first day we rode the pony, Petey, in the indoor area. Those specks in the air are dust and..uh, horse particles. Absolutely gross. The next day, the weather was more tolerable and we opted for outdoor riding. I pretty much think that this one day was the highlight of Lucas' little life.
At one point, my very generous uncle saddled up a big horse (not pictured) so that I too could ride (I may know where my kids' obsession of horses comes from. I LOVE riding as well.) Anyway, I took Lucas and Ashlee both for a ride on the big horse so that they could go fast, since they had been begging. We attempted to go fast on Petey and Little Dan, but their top speeds are just about as fast as quick jog. Not good enough for these dare devils.
As Lucas and I galloped across the field he yelled,
"Wait! Mommy stop! It hurts my butt-butt...and my parts."
Poor Ashlee only got a few turns riding outside before it was time to put the horses away. She napped through the whole afternoon. AND, I feel super horrible because I only got the 1 picture of her on the pony.
The last time we were at the horse farm, Lucas and Ashlee were just barely 1 year old and Lucas was terrified of the horses. Actually, now that I think about it, I don't even think Elizabeth had the courage to ride. Such was not the case this year. Elizabeth rode Petey all by herself! She man-handled...er, lady-handled, him like it was old news. Finally, after a napless day and the exhaustion from riding, she was pried from the saddle screaming and throwing a fit that only a real cowgirl could muster.
So, without further ado, I present to you...The Beaver Trio..Cowboy and Cowgirl Style.
Elizabeth rides, Ashlee and Lucas close behind, waiting for their turn. Sort of like an old west wagon chain don't you think? Well, except there aren't any wagons.
Elizabeth is just getting used to Petey. Oh, Petey! You just wait!
Cowgirl Addie (my BFF's girl) and Cowboy Lucas. Hummm...can you say "Arranged Marriage?" I'm only kidding, partially.
The ONLY reasonable pic I got of Cowgirl Ashlee. It makes me so sad.
"Best-ies" Elizabeth and Cousin Dylan
Cowboy Lucas. So proud to be riding the "big whorsey".
Cowgirl Elizabeth showin' Petey who's boss
Tryin' to go solo. Little Dan was a no-go.
The first day we rode the pony, Petey, in the indoor area. Those specks in the air are dust and..uh, horse particles. Absolutely gross. The next day, the weather was more tolerable and we opted for outdoor riding. I pretty much think that this one day was the highlight of Lucas' little life.
At one point, my very generous uncle saddled up a big horse (not pictured) so that I too could ride (I may know where my kids' obsession of horses comes from. I LOVE riding as well.) Anyway, I took Lucas and Ashlee both for a ride on the big horse so that they could go fast, since they had been begging. We attempted to go fast on Petey and Little Dan, but their top speeds are just about as fast as quick jog. Not good enough for these dare devils.
As Lucas and I galloped across the field he yelled,
"Wait! Mommy stop! It hurts my butt-butt...and my parts."
Poor Ashlee only got a few turns riding outside before it was time to put the horses away. She napped through the whole afternoon. AND, I feel super horrible because I only got the 1 picture of her on the pony.
The last time we were at the horse farm, Lucas and Ashlee were just barely 1 year old and Lucas was terrified of the horses. Actually, now that I think about it, I don't even think Elizabeth had the courage to ride. Such was not the case this year. Elizabeth rode Petey all by herself! She man-handled...er, lady-handled, him like it was old news. Finally, after a napless day and the exhaustion from riding, she was pried from the saddle screaming and throwing a fit that only a real cowgirl could muster.
So, without further ado, I present to you...The Beaver Trio..Cowboy and Cowgirl Style.
Elizabeth rides, Ashlee and Lucas close behind, waiting for their turn. Sort of like an old west wagon chain don't you think? Well, except there aren't any wagons.
Elizabeth is just getting used to Petey. Oh, Petey! You just wait!
Cowgirl Addie (my BFF's girl) and Cowboy Lucas. Hummm...can you say "Arranged Marriage?" I'm only kidding, partially.
The ONLY reasonable pic I got of Cowgirl Ashlee. It makes me so sad.
"Best-ies" Elizabeth and Cousin Dylan
Cowboy Lucas. So proud to be riding the "big whorsey".
Cowgirl Elizabeth showin' Petey who's boss
Tryin' to go solo. Little Dan was a no-go.
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