Today I wanted to post something moving, thought provoking and lovely. Then I read this and knew that it said all that I wanted to say.
And not just because it includes excessively cute photos of my babies.
Click here.
And thanks Beth. We love you guys a whole lot. And just in case you ever doubted our devotion to you, our last double date night should have sealed the deal. You've won us over for life, if only because you now have amazing blackmail material. ;)
Unless that was all a dream?
Showing posts with label Hauts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Hauts. Show all posts
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Monday, April 19, 2010
We're hair raisingly different
I had an absolutely amazing weekend with our church's teenagers. I'm still processing most of what I saw, heard and felt. But, I can promise you that I will never view worship the same way again. And, I do believe, this weekend I worshiped God more authentically than I ever have before. But, I'd like to delve into this weekend further in another post, after I've had time to process everything.
For now, I'll keep this post hair-raising in a totally different way.
Here in the Beaver house, we've made a lot changes in our hair care lately. Usually, I do all of the hair cutting for Luke and all the children. Occasionally I'll really mess up someone's hair and have to take them to my friend and stylista to have their head fixed. Well, not so long ago I was giving Luke a haircut. I was using our very old, very worn out clippers to trim down his hair before I began using the scissors. As I ran the clippers, with the tallest guard on, over the top of Luke's head I heard and felt a sudden...zzzzurrrrrffft.
"Uh oh," I said as I stepped back and looked at Luke's hair.
"Whatever," he said flippantly as it wasn't the first time I'd said those words and made a shocked face.
"Um. Honey, I'm not kidding this time," I stammered in shock.
"Whatever," Luke continued.
You see, I love it when his hair is longer and his red curls cover the top of his head. So he knows that I wouldn't really buzz his head with the clippers on purpose.
"No baby. I'm totally serious. The clippers caught and, well, I think I'm going to have to use the 2 guard all over your head."
So that's just what I ended up doing. Usually in the summer Luke prefers his hair short so he wasn't nearly as bummed as I was.
(There is a point to this meaningless story, I promise. If your eyes begin to bleed from the mundane just scroll down to the photos, if you desire, and call it a day.)
The next day I planned on cutting Lucas' hair. Instead of him letting me just trim it up, he wanted his hair cut, "just like Daddy's." So, Luke decided HE would cut Lucas' hair. I simply watched, photographed and cringed just a little.
Here's my sweet (almost) 4 year old, wild-haired boy before...
During...
Half way through with a "mo-ed hawks"...
And after with his "Daddy's haircut"...
2/3 of my handsome men!
Then, this weekend Aaron went and stayed with our great friends the Hauts. Beth is, by far, a better haircutter than I am and I asked her oh-so-casually if she's like to cut Aaron's hair since he has about 47 cowlicks on his head and I have no idea what to do with it.
This is crazy-head-magoo's Aaron's hair before...
And, with a much better photographer's skills, here is the after...
And I just love this one of Aaron and Daniel. Only 3 days apart in age, these boys. I sure pray Aaron (and all our children) will always choose friends who come from a family who loves the Lord like the Haut kids do.
Finally, my own personal hair transformation (that I mentioned here). If you're unsure of what my hair looked like before, look at the photos in this post. Before I got it cut, it was pretty long and looked a lot like a certain singer whom I will not mention and only say that he "would do anything for love...except that" and he goes great with mashed potatoes.
At any rate, this photo was taken this weekend, and even though my sunglasses are on my head totally ruining the moment of a great photo post-haircut, you'll get the idea.
Hope y'all have a hair-raising week.
For now, I'll keep this post hair-raising in a totally different way.
Here in the Beaver house, we've made a lot changes in our hair care lately. Usually, I do all of the hair cutting for Luke and all the children. Occasionally I'll really mess up someone's hair and have to take them to my friend and stylista to have their head fixed. Well, not so long ago I was giving Luke a haircut. I was using our very old, very worn out clippers to trim down his hair before I began using the scissors. As I ran the clippers, with the tallest guard on, over the top of Luke's head I heard and felt a sudden...zzzzurrrrrffft.
"Uh oh," I said as I stepped back and looked at Luke's hair.
"Whatever," he said flippantly as it wasn't the first time I'd said those words and made a shocked face.
"Um. Honey, I'm not kidding this time," I stammered in shock.
"Whatever," Luke continued.
You see, I love it when his hair is longer and his red curls cover the top of his head. So he knows that I wouldn't really buzz his head with the clippers on purpose.
"No baby. I'm totally serious. The clippers caught and, well, I think I'm going to have to use the 2 guard all over your head."
So that's just what I ended up doing. Usually in the summer Luke prefers his hair short so he wasn't nearly as bummed as I was.
(There is a point to this meaningless story, I promise. If your eyes begin to bleed from the mundane just scroll down to the photos, if you desire, and call it a day.)
The next day I planned on cutting Lucas' hair. Instead of him letting me just trim it up, he wanted his hair cut, "just like Daddy's." So, Luke decided HE would cut Lucas' hair. I simply watched, photographed and cringed just a little.
Here's my sweet (almost) 4 year old, wild-haired boy before...
During...
Half way through with a "mo-ed hawks"...
And after with his "Daddy's haircut"...
2/3 of my handsome men!Then, this weekend Aaron went and stayed with our great friends the Hauts. Beth is, by far, a better haircutter than I am and I asked her oh-so-casually if she's like to cut Aaron's hair since he has about 47 cowlicks on his head and I have no idea what to do with it.
This is crazy-head-
And, with a much better photographer's skills, here is the after...
And I just love this one of Aaron and Daniel. Only 3 days apart in age, these boys. I sure pray Aaron (and all our children) will always choose friends who come from a family who loves the Lord like the Haut kids do.
Finally, my own personal hair transformation (that I mentioned here). If you're unsure of what my hair looked like before, look at the photos in this post. Before I got it cut, it was pretty long and looked a lot like a certain singer whom I will not mention and only say that he "would do anything for love...except that" and he goes great with mashed potatoes.
At any rate, this photo was taken this weekend, and even though my sunglasses are on my head totally ruining the moment of a great photo post-haircut, you'll get the idea.
Hope y'all have a hair-raising week.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
1 week old
Its only been 1 week since our sweet Ella Joy made her appearance and I'm already finding it difficult to remember what our life was like without her.
Last Friday my amazingly talented friend Beth came over and, in about 10 minutes, snapped these shots of our littlest daughter.
You should totally hop over to her photography blog and see some more photos of our sweet Ella and even one she snapped of our precious Olivia.
Thank you Beth for loving my children so much that you go out of your way to capture these moments for us. I am so blessed by you.
Last Friday my amazingly talented friend Beth came over and, in about 10 minutes, snapped these shots of our littlest daughter.
You should totally hop over to her photography blog and see some more photos of our sweet Ella and even one she snapped of our precious Olivia.
Thank you Beth for loving my children so much that you go out of your way to capture these moments for us. I am so blessed by you.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Photos of us...which is not what I said I'd post about but get over it
I am too tired to write about the Neti-pot. The comfy pillows that surround me right now as I sit on my bed are screaming at me to lay on them and slip into a slumber.
Perhaps I'll put something up about the Neti-pot this weekend. Just know that I owe someone a formal apology for dissing it and that it washed more snot/infected gunk from my nose than I thought possible. And, if it keeps making me feel this good I may have to attend a Neti-pots anonymous meeting in the near future.
Before I slip into a mid-afternoon coma, I'd first like to share with you a little something that we did on Monday. My sweet friend Beth came by on Monday and shot some pictures of our family. I don't think she nor I expected much from this shoot because
A) My expectations are extremely low when it comes to family photos since all of our children have such distinct personalities and desires, thus making it next-to-impossible to get at least 1 good photo of each of them on the same day.
and
2) Because Beth was bringing her own 4 kids along and her 4 plus our 5 equals 9 kids ages 6 and under. And all 6 kids LOVE each other thus producing mass amounts of squeals and screams and torrential gun fighting. And although it turned out that Beth's oldest had an opportunity for a last minute play date elsewhere, that still left 8 kids 5 and under. Not much of a difference, I'd say.
Still, the results were AMAZING. See for yourself....
What I love about my sweet, compassionate and patient friend Beth (aside from the fact that she just "gets" me and she understands what it means to have lots of little children and she too has a heart for orphans) is that she took these in about 45 minutes. And, there are about 30 more that are equally as good.
If you live in the area and are looking for a photographer for your family you should really check out her stuff. While I have SEVERAL friends that are photographers (all of them fantastic, I might add), I can say that Beth is supremely patient and will not stop until she is sure she has gotten some good shots.
So hop on over to her site, check out her stuff and book her ASAP. You know, if you want to. And if you live nearby. And if you don't, well never mind.
Okay, I'm off to the land of Nod, at least for the next 45 or so minutes. It's rainy and cold out and I can't think of a better way to spend nap time than curled up in my bed.
Peace.
Perhaps I'll put something up about the Neti-pot this weekend. Just know that I owe someone a formal apology for dissing it and that it washed more snot/infected gunk from my nose than I thought possible. And, if it keeps making me feel this good I may have to attend a Neti-pots anonymous meeting in the near future.
Before I slip into a mid-afternoon coma, I'd first like to share with you a little something that we did on Monday. My sweet friend Beth came by on Monday and shot some pictures of our family. I don't think she nor I expected much from this shoot because
A) My expectations are extremely low when it comes to family photos since all of our children have such distinct personalities and desires, thus making it next-to-impossible to get at least 1 good photo of each of them on the same day.
and
2) Because Beth was bringing her own 4 kids along and her 4 plus our 5 equals 9 kids ages 6 and under. And all 6 kids LOVE each other thus producing mass amounts of squeals and screams and torrential gun fighting. And although it turned out that Beth's oldest had an opportunity for a last minute play date elsewhere, that still left 8 kids 5 and under. Not much of a difference, I'd say.
Still, the results were AMAZING. See for yourself....
What I love about my sweet, compassionate and patient friend Beth (aside from the fact that she just "gets" me and she understands what it means to have lots of little children and she too has a heart for orphans) is that she took these in about 45 minutes. And, there are about 30 more that are equally as good.If you live in the area and are looking for a photographer for your family you should really check out her stuff. While I have SEVERAL friends that are photographers (all of them fantastic, I might add), I can say that Beth is supremely patient and will not stop until she is sure she has gotten some good shots.
So hop on over to her site, check out her stuff and book her ASAP. You know, if you want to. And if you live nearby. And if you don't, well never mind.
Okay, I'm off to the land of Nod, at least for the next 45 or so minutes. It's rainy and cold out and I can't think of a better way to spend nap time than curled up in my bed.
Peace.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
TPR Hearing: 3rd Time's A Charm: UPDATE
Update:
After finding some incorrect dates on paperwork the judge continued our case until after lunch. At 2:00pm the case was reconvened and at approximately 3:45pm TPR was deemed necessary for the birth mother. HOWEVER, there are some outside circumstances (which I don't feel comfortable discussing here...it's not my story to tell anyway, it's Baby Girl's, should she ever choose) that have caused some other paperwork to not be processed correctly. Therefore, we go back to court for those circumstances on October 28th. Nonetheless, TPRing the birth mother's rights was a HUGE step in the right direction. But, it looks as if my personal goal of Baby Girl being a legal Beaver by Christmas may not be attainable.
Oh well, who cares about my plans anyway? I just need to continue to surrender it to the One who knows all plans, judges all hearts and sees all futures.
Thanks for your prayers today. The were certainly felt. As for our friends The Hauts, check out their blog for an update.
Original Post:
This morning we head back to court for Baby Girl's Termination of Parental Rights (TPR) hearing. If you're new around these parts, let me catch you up to speed. Baby Girl is our 10 month old foster daughter whom we've parented since birth (October 2008).
The judge changed her plan from reunification to TPR back in February. This is the third time we will visit the court room with the hopes that today is the day that TPR is done. We are blessed to share this court date with our good friends the Hauts. They have a foster son (who is 3 days older than our Aaron) whose case is also being heard for a TPR.
So, we are praying that both cases are heard today, that TPR is ruled and that our precious babies will be one step closer to being legally free for adoption.
Won't you offer up just a teentsy, tiny prayer too? Thanks. I'll update later this afternoon to hopefully bring you good news.
In the meantime, enjoy this picture of Ashlee playing Mommy to Baby Girl. Tender, huh?
After finding some incorrect dates on paperwork the judge continued our case until after lunch. At 2:00pm the case was reconvened and at approximately 3:45pm TPR was deemed necessary for the birth mother. HOWEVER, there are some outside circumstances (which I don't feel comfortable discussing here...it's not my story to tell anyway, it's Baby Girl's, should she ever choose) that have caused some other paperwork to not be processed correctly. Therefore, we go back to court for those circumstances on October 28th. Nonetheless, TPRing the birth mother's rights was a HUGE step in the right direction. But, it looks as if my personal goal of Baby Girl being a legal Beaver by Christmas may not be attainable.
Oh well, who cares about my plans anyway? I just need to continue to surrender it to the One who knows all plans, judges all hearts and sees all futures.
Thanks for your prayers today. The were certainly felt. As for our friends The Hauts, check out their blog for an update.
Original Post:
This morning we head back to court for Baby Girl's Termination of Parental Rights (TPR) hearing. If you're new around these parts, let me catch you up to speed. Baby Girl is our 10 month old foster daughter whom we've parented since birth (October 2008).
The judge changed her plan from reunification to TPR back in February. This is the third time we will visit the court room with the hopes that today is the day that TPR is done. We are blessed to share this court date with our good friends the Hauts. They have a foster son (who is 3 days older than our Aaron) whose case is also being heard for a TPR.
So, we are praying that both cases are heard today, that TPR is ruled and that our precious babies will be one step closer to being legally free for adoption.
Won't you offer up just a teentsy, tiny prayer too? Thanks. I'll update later this afternoon to hopefully bring you good news.
In the meantime, enjoy this picture of Ashlee playing Mommy to Baby Girl. Tender, huh?
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Sort of Party Pics & Some Everyday Solutions
I still have not managed to get the pictures from my Mom's camera from the twins' birthday. However, my friend Beth took some fabuloso pictures from Aaron's birthday party. Click here to jump over to her blog and check them out. I would have stolen them straight from her blog, but she uses some high-tech anti-photo stealing program called Flicker. Anyway, I know you will love these pictures, and I'm only slightly jealous of her super nice camera. Okay, more than slightly.
Anyway, their "Little Man" is just 3 days older than Aaron, so we had a joint birthday party for our boys. We met the Hauts in our foster parent classes. It was clearly a God thing that both of our families chose to attend that fostering series and our friendship has been the greatest blessing throughout this journey. You can go to her blog by clicking here (But you only have my permission to go there if you promise to check our Aaron's birthday pictures as well. Got that? Okay. Good.)
Moving right along....
I subscribe via email to P&G Everyday Solutions. It's a nifty publication delivered straight to my inbox with coupons and money saving tips in the mix. A mother's dream, right? Well....sometimes.
This past week I received this offer:
While I'm sure the marketing team at P&G is top notch, I'm gonna have to bust them on this one. Click on that pic and make it nice and large, then read the description of Always Infinity Maxi Pads.
Thaaaaaaaats right. This little beauty can absorb up to "TEN TIMES ITS WEIGHT." To top it all off, they even claim that "You might forget you're wearing a pad." Ew. I sure hope that isn't something I'd forget.
I think they missed the mark on this marketing strategy. I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'.
Anyway, their "Little Man" is just 3 days older than Aaron, so we had a joint birthday party for our boys. We met the Hauts in our foster parent classes. It was clearly a God thing that both of our families chose to attend that fostering series and our friendship has been the greatest blessing throughout this journey. You can go to her blog by clicking here (But you only have my permission to go there if you promise to check our Aaron's birthday pictures as well. Got that? Okay. Good.)
Moving right along....
I subscribe via email to P&G Everyday Solutions. It's a nifty publication delivered straight to my inbox with coupons and money saving tips in the mix. A mother's dream, right? Well....sometimes.
This past week I received this offer:
While I'm sure the marketing team at P&G is top notch, I'm gonna have to bust them on this one. Click on that pic and make it nice and large, then read the description of Always Infinity Maxi Pads.Thaaaaaaaats right. This little beauty can absorb up to "TEN TIMES ITS WEIGHT." To top it all off, they even claim that "You might forget you're wearing a pad." Ew. I sure hope that isn't something I'd forget.
I think they missed the mark on this marketing strategy. I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'.
Friday, March 13, 2009
My Totally Ticked Off Heart
On Monday we head back to court for Baby D. I cannot describe to you how ready I am to be there. Normally, court dates make me a nervous wreck. In fact, I usually dread court so much that I have trouble sleeping the few days beforehand. This time will be different. Although I'm sure my nerves will be a hoppin' on the drive there, I feel so confident about Monday's hearing.
Let me show you why. Here is Baby D's birth parents visitation record since February 1st, 2009. They are suppose to have one 2 hour visit a week. (It used to be two 2 hour visits a week, but since they canceled the majority of visits in January, DSS dropped them down to one visit a week. Clearly they were not phased.)
Feb 6th - had a visit. The Baby D's social worker "dropped" in (they are supervised by a different social worker, who is there the entire time) and found out that the birth parents had gotten 2 pet rabbits. Said rabbits were ON THE FLOOR LOOSE with my baby. They were given a voucher for a drug screening, but they never took the tests.
Feb 13th - canceled the visit because birth dad was sick
Feb 20th - canceled the visit because birth dad sick
Feb 27th - canceled the visit because birth mom was sick
March 6th - canceled the visit to "run errands"
March 13th - canceled the visit because of an "appointment"
In January, they saw him twice. They canceled all of the other visits because of sickness as well.
Also, neither of the birth parents have done ANYTHING in their case plan since November.
Before I begin my rant: Our good friends The Hauts will be in court with us on Monday for their case with their foster son who is 3 days older than Baby D. If you're in the prayin' mood, offer one up for them as well. If you just clicked on that link and realized that their blog is private, check out this post as to how you can get access. It's worth the effort, I promise.
So you see, I'm not all that stressed about court on Monday. Clearly, any judge that would NOT begin terminating their rights should be de-robed (Is that what you do? Maybe de-benched? Oh, you know what I mean.) I am doubting that the birth parents will even show up for court. However, it's the what if they show up that haunts me.
I just don't know how to interact with these people. I don't know how to stand there and pretend that I'm not completely ticked at them. I don't know how to love them. I don't want to know how to love them. They have NO CLUE that their son is crawling. They don't know how precious his new 2 toothed grin is because they have no clue that he even has two teeth. They've never spent a night holding him, rocking him and comforting him because he was sick or teething.
On top of all of those emotions, I am also ticked that they had the audacity to claim him on their taxes. Oh yeah...I'm not kidding. Luke and I have had to mail in a hard copy of our tax return WITH an appeal letter because these people thought it was a good idea to claim the child that they do not have in their home nor are they making efforts towards regainig.
Is it wrong of me to pray that they go to jail for tax fraud? It is? Crap, that's what I thought.
Basically, I know that I'm suppose to be all "love them like Jesus would love them" but the truth is, I don't wanna. I want them to suffer. I want them to hurt. I want them to understand just how much pain they will one day cause my son when he has to face the truth of their neglect. I don't want to pray for God to give me the ability to love them. I don't want to see their faces at all.
In fact, if I never see them again I'm okay.
But the truth is, I know that I'm not any better than they are. When I yelled at Ashlee today because she was taking so friggin' long to put on her pants, I sinned.
When I lost it with Baby Girl tonight because she would-not-stop-crying, I sinned.
When I allowed inappropriate words to dance through my head and then I uttered them under my breath, I sinned.
When I got ticked at Luke for no good reason then I allowed myself to stay ticked, I sinned.
I'm as hopeless as they are. I too deserve the hurt, the pain. I deserve to suffer.
I wish I could type out some eloquent prayer about how I want my heart to be transformed, but if I did I would be a hypocrite. I cannot sit here and pretend that I want my heart to change toward them because I don't. I cannot sit here and pray a prayer that is not real. I can't fake it and I won't. Although my mind knows that this is so, so selfish my heart isn't on board. My heart wants retaliation. My heart wants justice.
So this weekend, I will choose to busy myself with all things aside from prayerful mediation. I will choose to clean my house, wash dishes, wipe stinky butts and comfort crying kids. I will hang out with friends, laugh at my children and cuddle with my husband. My mind knows that I should be prayerfully anticipating Monday, but my heart refuses to follow. So, if you think of it and you feel led, pray for this heart of mine. It's full of anger and hurt and just a nastiness that I cannot shake. And while these feelings themselves are not entirely sinful, the refusal to lay them aside and ask my Lord for help...well, that is.
So there it is, my real emotion. The raw me. My real "totally ticked" heart is asking you NOT to pray for it. It's stupid and wrong and totally sinful but I mean really, you didn't think I was perfect anyway, now did you?
Let me show you why. Here is Baby D's birth parents visitation record since February 1st, 2009. They are suppose to have one 2 hour visit a week. (It used to be two 2 hour visits a week, but since they canceled the majority of visits in January, DSS dropped them down to one visit a week. Clearly they were not phased.)
Feb 6th - had a visit. The Baby D's social worker "dropped" in (they are supervised by a different social worker, who is there the entire time) and found out that the birth parents had gotten 2 pet rabbits. Said rabbits were ON THE FLOOR LOOSE with my baby. They were given a voucher for a drug screening, but they never took the tests.
Feb 13th - canceled the visit because birth dad was sick
Feb 20th - canceled the visit because birth dad sick
Feb 27th - canceled the visit because birth mom was sick
March 6th - canceled the visit to "run errands"
March 13th - canceled the visit because of an "appointment"
In January, they saw him twice. They canceled all of the other visits because of sickness as well.
Also, neither of the birth parents have done ANYTHING in their case plan since November.
Before I begin my rant: Our good friends The Hauts will be in court with us on Monday for their case with their foster son who is 3 days older than Baby D. If you're in the prayin' mood, offer one up for them as well. If you just clicked on that link and realized that their blog is private, check out this post as to how you can get access. It's worth the effort, I promise.
So you see, I'm not all that stressed about court on Monday. Clearly, any judge that would NOT begin terminating their rights should be de-robed (Is that what you do? Maybe de-benched? Oh, you know what I mean.) I am doubting that the birth parents will even show up for court. However, it's the what if they show up that haunts me.
I just don't know how to interact with these people. I don't know how to stand there and pretend that I'm not completely ticked at them. I don't know how to love them. I don't want to know how to love them. They have NO CLUE that their son is crawling. They don't know how precious his new 2 toothed grin is because they have no clue that he even has two teeth. They've never spent a night holding him, rocking him and comforting him because he was sick or teething.
On top of all of those emotions, I am also ticked that they had the audacity to claim him on their taxes. Oh yeah...I'm not kidding. Luke and I have had to mail in a hard copy of our tax return WITH an appeal letter because these people thought it was a good idea to claim the child that they do not have in their home nor are they making efforts towards regainig.
Is it wrong of me to pray that they go to jail for tax fraud? It is? Crap, that's what I thought.
Basically, I know that I'm suppose to be all "love them like Jesus would love them" but the truth is, I don't wanna. I want them to suffer. I want them to hurt. I want them to understand just how much pain they will one day cause my son when he has to face the truth of their neglect. I don't want to pray for God to give me the ability to love them. I don't want to see their faces at all.
In fact, if I never see them again I'm okay.
But the truth is, I know that I'm not any better than they are. When I yelled at Ashlee today because she was taking so friggin' long to put on her pants, I sinned.
When I lost it with Baby Girl tonight because she would-not-stop-crying, I sinned.
When I allowed inappropriate words to dance through my head and then I uttered them under my breath, I sinned.
When I got ticked at Luke for no good reason then I allowed myself to stay ticked, I sinned.
I'm as hopeless as they are. I too deserve the hurt, the pain. I deserve to suffer.
I wish I could type out some eloquent prayer about how I want my heart to be transformed, but if I did I would be a hypocrite. I cannot sit here and pretend that I want my heart to change toward them because I don't. I cannot sit here and pray a prayer that is not real. I can't fake it and I won't. Although my mind knows that this is so, so selfish my heart isn't on board. My heart wants retaliation. My heart wants justice.
So this weekend, I will choose to busy myself with all things aside from prayerful mediation. I will choose to clean my house, wash dishes, wipe stinky butts and comfort crying kids. I will hang out with friends, laugh at my children and cuddle with my husband. My mind knows that I should be prayerfully anticipating Monday, but my heart refuses to follow. So, if you think of it and you feel led, pray for this heart of mine. It's full of anger and hurt and just a nastiness that I cannot shake. And while these feelings themselves are not entirely sinful, the refusal to lay them aside and ask my Lord for help...well, that is.
So there it is, my real emotion. The raw me. My real "totally ticked" heart is asking you NOT to pray for it. It's stupid and wrong and totally sinful but I mean really, you didn't think I was perfect anyway, now did you?
Friday, February 13, 2009
Don't Worry...You're Invited
Updated: Thanks for the tip, Wendi!
For those of you who read some of the links on my sidebar, my friend Beth (our friends we met at Foster Parent Classes) has now made her blogs restricted to invite only. Here's something from her that she asked me to post for all of you who are "co-lurkers" on both my blog and her's:
The Haut House, and Random Arrows are now blocking public access until further notice. As much as I HATE to block strangers from my most awesome blogging skills (haha), I need to keep my family as private as possible until we are able to adopt Daniel. IF there is anyone out there who would like to continue reading my blogs, I would love to invite you to have access, but I need your email to do so (don't worry, I won't spam you). Email me at lovemyarrows(AT)gmail(DOT)com and I will send you two separate invitations, one for The Haut House, and one for Random Arrows.
Sorry for the inconvenience, but I have to set up some safe guards for the time being!
Happy blogging,
Beth
So there you go, email her if you want access. And for the record, Beth, I think you do have some awesome blogging skills!
Also, for all things blog related, I have created a new email account. It is: beaverbunch(AT)gmail(DOT)com.
If you know me personally, and have my primary email, please feel free to use that one to stay in touch. I will probably check it much more often than the gmail account.
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Wow, just 3 more days until Luke and I are enjoying secluded, kid-free time in the cool-crisp mountain air. I can hardly wait. I can't believe how well things are coming together. Our kids are being left in very capable hands, we will have a superb house sitter and, best of all, it's costing us very little out of pocket. I can already feel myself relaxing...well, until I think about all I still have to get done BEFORE we leave. Geesh, packing for 7 people for 7 days...quite daunting!
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Baby D's birth parents canceled another visit today. Although theirexcuse reason was not one they'd used before, I still can't help but think they are lying. Grrrr! It's so frustrating!
For those of you who read some of the links on my sidebar, my friend Beth (our friends we met at Foster Parent Classes) has now made her blogs restricted to invite only. Here's something from her that she asked me to post for all of you who are "co-lurkers" on both my blog and her's:
The Haut House, and Random Arrows are now blocking public access until further notice. As much as I HATE to block strangers from my most awesome blogging skills (haha), I need to keep my family as private as possible until we are able to adopt Daniel. IF there is anyone out there who would like to continue reading my blogs, I would love to invite you to have access, but I need your email to do so (don't worry, I won't spam you). Email me at lovemyarrows(AT)gmail(DOT)com and I will send you two separate invitations, one for The Haut House, and one for Random Arrows.
Sorry for the inconvenience, but I have to set up some safe guards for the time being!
Happy blogging,
Beth
So there you go, email her if you want access. And for the record, Beth, I think you do have some awesome blogging skills!
Also, for all things blog related, I have created a new email account. It is: beaverbunch(AT)gmail(DOT)com.
If you know me personally, and have my primary email, please feel free to use that one to stay in touch. I will probably check it much more often than the gmail account.
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Wow, just 3 more days until Luke and I are enjoying secluded, kid-free time in the cool-crisp mountain air. I can hardly wait. I can't believe how well things are coming together. Our kids are being left in very capable hands, we will have a superb house sitter and, best of all, it's costing us very little out of pocket. I can already feel myself relaxing...well, until I think about all I still have to get done BEFORE we leave. Geesh, packing for 7 people for 7 days...quite daunting!
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Baby D's birth parents canceled another visit today. Although their
Monday, August 4, 2008
Understanding
Through this entire fostering process it has been so evident that God is with us. He has shown us time and time again that this is exactly where He wants us to be. Through criticism, frustration and outside opinions we've not waivered. Sure, I've doubted my abilities, but God hasn't given us an out, and until He does we're in this for a while.
Just one of the many ways that God confirmed for us that we're not totally crazy is by bringing the Hauts into our life. The Hauts also have 3 birth children. Their kids' ages are 5, 3 & 19 months. They have been married about 6ish years and I think they met in college. Sound familiar? Seriously, the only closer it could get is if they had twins too, then it would just be creepy. Anyway, Beth and I are so similar in a lot of ways. I think we're both pretty straight forward people, easy to talk to and laid back. When she approached me at our foster parent classes and struck up a conversation, I was THRILLED to learn that they had 3 kids already as well. Luke and Noah (her husband) hit is off as well and a friendship was formed.
Even though we haven't spent copious amounts of time together (although 30 hours of MAPP classes seemed like eternity), we have a bond with them. It's deeper than words can speak and I believe it is because of our mutual love for the Lord and our willingness to love on kids. I checked out Beth's adoption blog yesterday and below is what I found. I bolded the parts that hit home for me. Basically, it's like she stepped into my heart, took notes and posted it on her blog. Seriously.
Today marks Baby L being with us for one full month! This has been the longest and shortest month of my life. Long because the sleepless nights and bottles and laundry and cleaning (a constant battle) seem to go on and on and on. Short because I can't believe it will be September next month...(I omitted some since we don't go to a pool, if you want it all, check it out).
One month in and I can say I never expected the emotional impact to be as gut wrenching as it has been. I have a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that this baby I love as my own, is not my own. I may have to let him go at some point. Just thinking about this makes me want to sob. The concept isn't foreign to me. This comes as no surprise. Fostering means a possibility of adoption. Fostering means a possibility of reunification with the birth family.
I suppose it may be easier once I see the birth parents. Right now, I don't have that tangible reality... we simply have been loving this baby for a month and have had very little contact with social services and no interaction with birth parents. It FEELS like he is OURS. I LONG for him to be OURS. I want his birth parents to simply realize he is better off with us, and sign away their rights. But this is doubtful to happen. They may drag this out, and try to get him back. It may be a year of grueling drama and heartache over each court date. I just don't know how this is going to end up.
The lack of control is frustrating (yes I love control). I am Mommy to this child. A son. MY son. I know him better than any other person on this planet. He has slept in my arms more than anyone else's. I have fed him more bottles, given him more kisses. His birth mom hasn't seen him in over a month. Does she care about him? Really? Does is bother her that he is being loved and adored by a different woman? That he doesn't know who she is, and she doesn't know what he likes to be comforted? That she doesn't even know what he looks like now, and if she saw us in a store, she wouldn't realize he was her son?
There are so many disturbing aspects to all of this. My heart is constantly at battle between trying to forgive and have compassion for this woman, as Christ would do... but in reality, I want her to disappear. I want her to be thrown in jail. I want her to truly understand her mistakes and be riddled with guilt. I want her to let go of her son because she suddenly sees it's the right thing to do... or maybe even the easiest thing to do. If she signed her rights away, there would be less work on her part. She could just keep on with her lifestyle. And even worse, I hope she fails. Quickly and obviously fails. So much so that the court terminates her rights swiftly. And I hope the father is too lazy to do what it takes to get his son back. I am horrible, huh?
But if they had a GOD altering change in their lives. If they came to know Christ and his healing. If they were completely redeemed and washed clean of their filthy lives. If the love for their son was true and their lives were forever changed for the better. Then I could see letting Baby L go back without nearly so much heartache. All things are possible with God. But if this is not the case, my prayer is for Baby L to stay with us. Either way, I pray his life will be an amazing testimony to God's graciousness and compassion.
If you have made it to this point in my diatribe, you have seen a small piece of my heart. It's not always pretty. It is often sinful and selfish. I am sure I will have more rants in the future. I am sure this process will only become more difficult as the love for Baby L grows daily. Please pray for us. Pray for God's will to be done, and pray that our hearts will accept His will, no matter what the circumstance. And pray that through it all, we will rejoice in His love and be obedient to His commands.
Baby L is just 3 days older than Baby D, once again..not coincidence. Although their stories are very different, the way that Beth speaks basically details how I feel. I don't feel as though I've been completely honest in my feelings on this blog. If you want to know my heart, if you want to know my stance, if you want to know exactly what my soul is screaming, read Beth's words again VERY slowly. I find it refreshing and challenging all at the same time. I am so incredibly blessed to call her my friend, and I praise God that He provided someone who knows EXACTLY what I'm going through.
Thank you Lord, thank you.
Just one of the many ways that God confirmed for us that we're not totally crazy is by bringing the Hauts into our life. The Hauts also have 3 birth children. Their kids' ages are 5, 3 & 19 months. They have been married about 6ish years and I think they met in college. Sound familiar? Seriously, the only closer it could get is if they had twins too, then it would just be creepy. Anyway, Beth and I are so similar in a lot of ways. I think we're both pretty straight forward people, easy to talk to and laid back. When she approached me at our foster parent classes and struck up a conversation, I was THRILLED to learn that they had 3 kids already as well. Luke and Noah (her husband) hit is off as well and a friendship was formed.
Even though we haven't spent copious amounts of time together (although 30 hours of MAPP classes seemed like eternity), we have a bond with them. It's deeper than words can speak and I believe it is because of our mutual love for the Lord and our willingness to love on kids. I checked out Beth's adoption blog yesterday and below is what I found. I bolded the parts that hit home for me. Basically, it's like she stepped into my heart, took notes and posted it on her blog. Seriously.
Today marks Baby L being with us for one full month! This has been the longest and shortest month of my life. Long because the sleepless nights and bottles and laundry and cleaning (a constant battle) seem to go on and on and on. Short because I can't believe it will be September next month...(I omitted some since we don't go to a pool, if you want it all, check it out).
One month in and I can say I never expected the emotional impact to be as gut wrenching as it has been. I have a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that this baby I love as my own, is not my own. I may have to let him go at some point. Just thinking about this makes me want to sob. The concept isn't foreign to me. This comes as no surprise. Fostering means a possibility of adoption. Fostering means a possibility of reunification with the birth family.
I suppose it may be easier once I see the birth parents. Right now, I don't have that tangible reality... we simply have been loving this baby for a month and have had very little contact with social services and no interaction with birth parents. It FEELS like he is OURS. I LONG for him to be OURS. I want his birth parents to simply realize he is better off with us, and sign away their rights. But this is doubtful to happen. They may drag this out, and try to get him back. It may be a year of grueling drama and heartache over each court date. I just don't know how this is going to end up.
The lack of control is frustrating (yes I love control). I am Mommy to this child. A son. MY son. I know him better than any other person on this planet. He has slept in my arms more than anyone else's. I have fed him more bottles, given him more kisses. His birth mom hasn't seen him in over a month. Does she care about him? Really? Does is bother her that he is being loved and adored by a different woman? That he doesn't know who she is, and she doesn't know what he likes to be comforted? That she doesn't even know what he looks like now, and if she saw us in a store, she wouldn't realize he was her son?
There are so many disturbing aspects to all of this. My heart is constantly at battle between trying to forgive and have compassion for this woman, as Christ would do... but in reality, I want her to disappear. I want her to be thrown in jail. I want her to truly understand her mistakes and be riddled with guilt. I want her to let go of her son because she suddenly sees it's the right thing to do... or maybe even the easiest thing to do. If she signed her rights away, there would be less work on her part. She could just keep on with her lifestyle. And even worse, I hope she fails. Quickly and obviously fails. So much so that the court terminates her rights swiftly. And I hope the father is too lazy to do what it takes to get his son back. I am horrible, huh?
But if they had a GOD altering change in their lives. If they came to know Christ and his healing. If they were completely redeemed and washed clean of their filthy lives. If the love for their son was true and their lives were forever changed for the better. Then I could see letting Baby L go back without nearly so much heartache. All things are possible with God. But if this is not the case, my prayer is for Baby L to stay with us. Either way, I pray his life will be an amazing testimony to God's graciousness and compassion.
If you have made it to this point in my diatribe, you have seen a small piece of my heart. It's not always pretty. It is often sinful and selfish. I am sure I will have more rants in the future. I am sure this process will only become more difficult as the love for Baby L grows daily. Please pray for us. Pray for God's will to be done, and pray that our hearts will accept His will, no matter what the circumstance. And pray that through it all, we will rejoice in His love and be obedient to His commands.
Baby L is just 3 days older than Baby D, once again..not coincidence. Although their stories are very different, the way that Beth speaks basically details how I feel. I don't feel as though I've been completely honest in my feelings on this blog. If you want to know my heart, if you want to know my stance, if you want to know exactly what my soul is screaming, read Beth's words again VERY slowly. I find it refreshing and challenging all at the same time. I am so incredibly blessed to call her my friend, and I praise God that He provided someone who knows EXACTLY what I'm going through.
Thank you Lord, thank you.
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