Love Poop: the greatest gift of all

If you came here for an in-depth post on Africa, well, this isn't it.

I just wanted to let you all know that while I was gone, my AMAZING, TOTALLY AWESOME, FATHER-OF-THE-YEAR HUSBAND completely potty trained Aaron. Aaron's been wearing big boy undies for quite some time now (even before I left) but he'd hold all his poop until naptime and then unleash in his diaper. Or worse, he'd just go in his underwear, then play with it.

So on Monday, when I came home from 11 days away and Luke informed me that Aaron had been pooping in the potty, I was a tad (read: HUGE, COLOSSAL AMOUNT) skeptical. HOWEVER, today, after Bible Study, Aaron came over to me and said, "Mom, I need to go poop" AND THEN HE POOPED IN THE POTTY. And it wasn't his typical, let me squeak out a rabbit pellet to relieve the pressure then wait for the naptime diaper to poop. It was the motherLOAD.

For serious. Y'all can't possibly know what kind of a gift this is to me. Well, if you've read this post, then maybe you do. Yes, I just said a toilet full of poop is a gift. And so is having only ONE CHILD IN DIAPERS.

Y'all it's been almost FIVE YEARS since I've had only 1 kid in diapers. FIVE YEARS of 2 or 3 children wearing diapers.

For the record, my husband rocks. End of story.

A Date

This past week has been pretty exhausting for me. I think being 34ish weeks pregnant and having 5 kids is starting to catch up with me.

Actually, I just think being 34ish weeks pregnant is starting to catch up with me. Seriously, I think God should have rethought the whole gestation thing. I mean, once you've had your 1st baby, I think He should have made each subsequent gestation period shorter. It just makes sense. I know what's coming, why drag it out?

Also, can someone please tell me why EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. for the last 6 weeks I wake up with a soreness that feels like I just rode a horse for the very first time the day before?

How I love my pelvic floor. NOT.

I blame Lucas and Ashlee profusely.

At any rate, I'm tired. I'm tired all the time. I'm tired when I wake up in the mornings, I'm tired when I pour bowls of cereal, I'm tired after I bend over to pick up the whatever I've just dropped for the 4,287th time.

I'm tired people.

But yesterday, for about 5 hours, I totally forgot how tired I was. I woke up yesterday, tired, and waddled to the bathroom. Then I waddled to find our laptop, opened it and found a note inside from my husband.

Tender words were written about how much he appreciated me.

"Awwwww," my little heart fluttered. So sweet.

I round up the troops and head them into the kitchen for breakfast. I pour bowls of cereal and myself a cup of coffee and reach into the cabinet to grab some new caramel flavoring I've fallen in love with. In front of the caramel is another little note, written in my husband's chicken scratch handwriting, telling me how much he appreciates me trying harder to keep the house picked up.

"Geeeee," my little brain thinks, "he sure is being a sweet man today!"

I continue through my morning of Occupational Therapy for Baby Girl and Elizabeth and I scoot out the door around noon to head out to my 34 week OB appointment.

When I get to the OB's office the secretary hands me a little envelope with my name written on it, in my husband's chicken scratch handwriting.

"Really?" I think, "How incredibly thoughtful!"

Did I mention that so far I've gotten a little teary eyed with each note (I blame pregnancy hormones)? Well, when I read the note my man left for me at the OB's office the tears start flowing.

Elizabeth asks me to read it out loud to her so I do, still teary and she says, "That Daddy! He's such a sweetheart!"

We both laugh and I tuck the card into my purse.

After the OB appointment, Elizabeth and I grab some lunch and quickly head over to the hair salon where I have an appointment. When I walk in, my personal beauty consultant hands me another card, again written by my husband.

I mean, he's earned about 1,157 gold stars for the day. I'm just so impressed with his thoughtfulness and care.

After my hair is cut an my face is melted off with hot wax, Elizabeth and I make one last stop for princess shoes and children's benadryl. While in the store, Luke calls and I thank him for his tenderness. He asks to speak to Elizabeth.

As I pay for our purchases (which ended up also including a stretchy plastic snake and a recorder - you know, like a flute) she finishes her conversation with Luke.

When we arrive home I remind Elizabeth of her conversation with Luke and she immediately launches into a full search of our laundry room. She recovers a note, hidden by my husband.

In the note I find directions to get dressed and be ready to leave our house at 4:45pm, ALONE. I spiffy myself up, pass off the evening's parenting duties to my Mom and Grandmother and crawl into my little red sportscar 15 passenger van waiting in the driveway.

I meet Luke at his office and think to myself that even if he takes me to Burger King for dinner it's been a wonderful date.

We have a NICE dinner and relaxing evening just hanging out together which also involved me crushing him in a game of NFL football on the Xbox display inside Best Buy. (He was getting trashed talked by a 8 year old who was watching our game. "You're getting beat by a GIRL!" the 8 year old taunted. And I egged on.)

We had ice cream at Cold Stone.

Then we drove home. It was awesome.

And, even though the kids and I skipped CBS today because I was so tired this morning, somehow today, I'm a little less tired.

Daddy Day (and Night) Care

Have you wondered just how those 6 days went while I was away, enjoying sleeping in and not changing diapers? Below is a post that Luke wrote for all of you inquiring minds. The best part about my entire vacation was the desire my husband had to caring for our children and let me take a break. I think he was just as excited about my getting a vacation as I was. If nothing else from the whole week stands out to me, it is that my husband loves me more than I could ever deserve. I am married to a remarkable man. One that loves me when I'm unlovable, takes care of me when I'm capable of doing things myself and sacrifices knowing the benefits I will reap. Sounds a lot like another Man I love. I am truly blessed beyond measure.

So, without further ado, here is Luke's take on 6 days of being a single Dad:

So you may ask what life is like for 6 days, with 5 children (all under 5 years old), while your wife is away. I have to ask myself the same question. First of all, I am not some super hero, tight-wearing, perfect dad. Several people have asked how things were, while my wonderful bride (I may have added that part) was off on a deserted island being waited on hand and foot. Everyday there were about 2 meltdowns before breakfast, 1 before lunch, 2 before dinner, and 1 before bedtime.

After we dropped mommy off at the airport, the first destination of the daddy day care bus was..... Bass Pro Shop. For those of you that know me, that, in and of itself should be funny. I must say going there at 10:00 in the morning was quite nice. There is noooo body there. I have the babies in the twin stroller and the older kids get to walk around. They all listened really well. The biggest hits were: Lucas getting to touch an actual gun, Elizabeth seeing the HUGE catfish in the fish tank, and Ashlee finding the princess tackle box. After that 2.5 hr time span (hey, they were happy and I wasn't leaving), we went to a park to burn off some more steam. We finally made it back home for naps.

That one day is the only full day I remember. Some other activities we had were: playing in the leaves, children's museum, gymnastics, church, bounce house, and my memory is gone again. We did some school work. I say some so you can insert how much you think it was. I would stay on the low side if I were you. Me being the morning person I am we were out of the house by 9:00 most days. For the first couple of days things were ok. Mentally I think it helped knowing she would be gone for a while and I had no choice but to make it work. The longer the week got, the harder things got. By the sixth day I completely failed at being a patient, loving dad. I found myself getting on the kids for every little thing. What was really hard was there was no down time. I found myself constantly correcting someone, changing a diaper, fixing something, stopping a fight, cleaning, etc. By the end of each day I was done.

What really helped during the week was starting everyday in prayer and studying the bible. The two days I didn't start my day with God I had the least amount of patience. I must say I had a lot of quality time in the word and in prayer. The distractions of work were not there, the computer was broken, and we don't have but 8 channels to watch. When the kids went down for there naps I would lay down for 30 minutes to an hour. It was so refreshing. Jessica had also pre-made some meals before she left. We had friends bring by dinners. Grandparents took us out to eat and some of the kids stayed with them 1 or 2 nights. Friends dropped in, with their kids, to bring a good distraction for my children. Two nights, guys dropped by to make sure I was still alive. Friends called to check on me, offer to go to the store, bring a biscuit buy. Friends at church helped load and unload the kids. The older kids stepped up and helped clean and helped with the babies.

After it is all said and done I would do it again. I do see the daily struggles Jessica has to deal with and it makes me appreciate and love her so much more. I am especially thankful that God has put in her a desire to be with our children day in and day out. It was a great week with my God and my children.

Leavin' On A Jet Plane

Tomorrow, I head off for an almost week long vacation all by myself. Yep, you read that right, alone. I'm heading off to see my Dad, Sister, BFF Amanda and a few other long, lost friends for 6 days, alone. Manning the children and holding down the homefront will be my wonderful husband extraordinaire.

A month or so ago when I booked my airline ticket I had no apprehension about leaving the kids and Luke here. In fact, I was almost giddy when I clicked "purchase" for my flight. However, as the day creeps closer I'm starting to have some anxiety. I mean, it will be Luke with the 5 kids, all by himself for nearly 6 days. Day and night. That's a lot for anyone to handle. I know it would be pushing the limits of my sanity. And, Luke doesn't want any help.

And while I'm sleeping in and being pampered (because I will totally play the pregnancy card approximately 1,000 times with my Dad) my sweet husband will be waking up early and going non-stop all day long. Oh sweet stomach please stop that churning.

I know Luke is capable of tending to the needs of all of our very, small children. I guess I just know how incredibly ready I am to see him each and every day at 6:00pm and he will not get that reprieve of another person coming in to divide and conquer.

And, if I'm being totally honest with all of you I have two other very real concerns. The first is that I would like for my husband to be mentally stable when I get back. I don't desire for this to be 6 days of you-know-what for him. The second is a tad more self centered. What if I get back and he's completely refreshed, the house is clean, our children are more educated and he doesn't even hint that it was one bit of a struggle?

I guess I'd prefer for the next 6 days of his life to be carefree and filled with joy. But, selfishly, I'd like to be missed and even welcomed home with tired, weary arms. I only say that because I know that when (and I say when because after these 6 days I will require Luke to get away for a few days) my husband goes on a vacation, I KNOW without hesitation that I will welcome him home tired and possibly totally worn out.

So, if you know Luke I'm gonna ask you to pray for him. And if you're a good man friend and you're reading this post, I'm even going to politely ask beg you to stop by and offer him some company. The kids go to bed at 8:00pm. I'm sure he'd enjoy a friendly knock on the door about 8:30. Even better if you bring a movie and some snacks.

The Slow Fade

I hope you all are ready for this. I am about to probably blow any pre-conceived ideas you have of me right out of the water. I'm gonna have some serious confessional time and I hope you all will see that the comments you've made about me being "strong" or "wonderful" or "amazing" are not what you may think.

Everything in me that is good is from God and His power working through me. Let me prove it to you.

Today, I'm pretty ticked at my husband. Actually, it started last night. In truth, he hasn't done anything wrong. I've simply picked out something, twisted in my mind to be totally out of context, not explained my feelings to him, and yet I've expected him to read my not-so-wonderful body language and completely decode the thoughts in my head.

Yes, quite unfair.

Luke is doing a paper route for a friend. That means he must go to bed insanely early (like 9:00pm) and wake up at 2:00am. He runs the route from 2:00ish until about 4:00am. This isn't bad, is it?

However, in my mind, it goes like this:

I CANNOT BELIEVE he is doing that paper route. Doesn't he see that I've had a cold for 4 days and I'm exhausted?!? If he'd like to be awake from 2-6am, I can give him something to do. He can take care of this baby and let me sleep!!

In reality, I have the most remarkable husband on the planet. He, so graciously, agrees to take the shift of feeding, holding and changing from 4am until he leaves for work at 7:30am so that I can sleep. When he gets home from work, he IMMEDIATELY changes from his tie into clothes that can handle the kids. He dives right in feeding, bathing, playing and changing and never complains. I don't think I know just how good I have it.

However, in my mind, it goes like this:

Oh great! He just got home and he disappears into the bathroom for 30 minutes! Doesn't he see I'm trying to get dinner ready? Wait! Did he just give a sigh of being tired? Oh, I'll show him tired!

Yes, I know, even as I type it I realize how stupid it sounds. The frustration does not end with my husband. My children have also seen the brunt of it today, specifically this morning.

Luke started the kids on their breakfast this morning before he left. I come into the kitchen, still half asleep (but still grumpy). I'm greeting by squeals that normally melt my heart, but this morning, they just ticked me off.

After Luke leaves, chaos begins. First, Baby Girl needs ANOTHER bottle. Luke just fed her 2 hours ago, what's her problem? (That's a joke, she still eats every two hours.) While feeding her, Baby D decides he wants to get hungry as well.

What I forgot to tell you is that I have Bible study on Tuesday mornings and I need to leave the house by 8:45am. As of Baby Girl's feeding, it's 8:05 and I've yet to shower AND all 5 kids still need to be changed, dressed, teeth brushed and groomed.

I feel the frustration mounting. I finish Baby Girls' bottle, but not before she poops twice, each time into a clean diaper. I get Baby D situated so that he can eat while I shower. However, he is unsettled and I realized that he's pooped. Annoyed that my shower is being delayed further, I change him.

Finally, I'm off to the shower. Elizabeth is trying to get my attention, but instead of listening to her, I raise my voice, telling her to stop talking and EAT!

After a quick shower, I come back into the kitchen to find that Elizabeth (my FOUR year old), has helped the twins finish up their breakfast, unbuckled them from their booster seats and had carried all 3 cereal bowls to the sink. I walk in on her wiping off the table.

Thinking about it now makes me get tears in my eyes. I realized, as I watched my little girl working so hard to help me out, that I have had some serious issues with anger the last two days.

I could blow it off and say that lack of sleep does funny things to my body. I could pass it off as being in a high-stress environment. I could even say that it's my time of the month, but it isn't.

My problem is deeper. The amount of time I've spent with my Savior the last month has totaled maybe 20 minutes. The enemy knows that when I am tired, I am the most vulnerable. He is attacking me and I am allowing his evil whispers to penetrate my heart and hurt the people I love.

How could I be so blind? How could this happen all the sudden? The truth is, it didn't. This past Sunday, Michael continued his sermon series on Fireproofing your marriage. He spoke about how things can slowly fade into your life and marriage, causing it to crumble. At the time, I seriously thought,

"Oh, I'm not addicted to pornography or gambling or alcohol. Those things don't apply to me and my marriage."

The truth is that the enemy will attack us where we are weakest. Pornography, gambling and alcohol are not weak areas in my life. For me, sleep is precious. I've always needed lots of sleep to function, even before kids.

Over the past month, it has been a slow fade from my Lord. Instead of daily time with him, I've offered myself to the Serta gods. I've placed other things in areas where God should be. It has effected my entire family and even the state of my heart.

I praise God that He is incredibly slow to anger, and so unlike me. I praise Him for taking me back time and time again. I praise Him that I have a forgiving husband, who as I type this, texted me and asked,

"You ok? I'm worried about you."

I praise God that tonight, after a conversation and a huge apology on my part, my husband will forgive me and I can rest in the hope that tomorrow will be better.

I am so far from perfect and I hope that each of you continues to see that EVERYTHING within me that is good and right comes straight from the One whose Spirit dwells within my broken body. I praise Him because He is good and He never, ever changes.

Hearings and Reminders

This morning we went to court for the Adjudication and Disposition Hearings for Baby D. Basically, as I understand it, an adjudication hearing is the court proceeding where the petition accusations (the document that the judge initially signed for Baby D to be removed from his parents) is reviewed and if the parents feel that the child was unjustly removed, then they can contest the petition. If that happens then the case goes to trial (no jury, just the judge). However, Baby D's parents did not contest. All of the allegations in the petition were confirmed so we quickly moved onto the disposition. The disposition is where the attorneys recommend what needs to happen for the parents to get their child back. Then, the judge takes those recommendations and either modifies, adds to or omits any he/she deems necessary. It was all quite interesting. If you'd like more info on foster care court proceedings, click here (it will open a word document).

Of course, Baby D's birth parents were there, so I had all of the nervousness and emotion that I normally have when I am around them. Luke was there too, so that helped immensely. Can I just brag on my husband a minute....(of course I can, it's my blog!)...he is so amazing. He took the entire morning off to go to court. Now, if you know my husband at all you know that taking off work is not something he does lightly. In the 5.5 yrs we've been married he has NEVER called in sick (except 1 time when I was sick and couldn't take care of the kids). The only other time he's taken off work is when we have guests in town or for holidays. So here he is, beside me through this whole process. I was so thankful. Then, as we were sitting the parking lot waiting to go into the courthouse, he reaches over and takes my hand and says the most sincere prayer. He prays for the condition of our hearts (I especially needed that) and for our sweet Baby D. My husband is such a godly man, and I am so, so, so blessed.

Okay, so we get into the court room and it really wasn't that bad. The hardest part was listening to each attorney recommend that Baby D be reunified with his birth parents. I knew that this would be the case, but hearing it out loud crushed my heart. My mind immediately went to that moment when I would have to return him. I envisioned putting him in the car seat. My fat, chubby, handsome 1+ yr old, being buckled in and then watching the social worker drive him away forever. It makes me cry just thinking about it. I know that if that is where God leads us, He will sustain us, but I just can't let my mind go there...not yet.

Basically, the birth parents have A LOT to do. They have a long road ahead of them. Selfishly, I'm glad that they have so many things to do, because that decreases the chances of him going back to them. Then God whispers in to me, Don't you want them to know me? Be a light. It's too hard to swallow.

The most intriguing part of all was that the birth parents never even asked us how he was. When they came into the court room, before it all started, birth mom walked over to me and just said, "Does he need anything?" I told her diapers, because what else would I say? I'm so glad that I didn't blurt something inappropriate out like, "He really needs a loving, stable home...why don't you work on that, huh?" Praise God my filter has become better developed these last few years.

They never asked about him. They didn't ask who was keeping him while we were there. They didn't ask anything. How is that possible? How is it possible for a mother to look at the woman caring for her child and she not ask a single question about his well being? I don't understand and maybe I never will. Afterward, Luke and I went to get some coffee and digest what we'd just experienced. We continued to be baffled by their behavior and Luke continued to remind me that Jesus loves them the same way He loves us. I need to be reminded this continually. I need to be reminded that I should show them Christ's love. I need to be reminded of why we started this process in the first place...so that we could show the love of Christ to everyone we came in contact with. Remind me Lord, remind me, but please do it gently.

Simply The Best

I pretty much have the most amazing husband on the planet. I know, I know, a lot of wives say that, but for me it is so completely true. My husband is simply the best. Let me prove it to you:

With our first "baby" he knew the
importance of quality time.

He values a good book.
(That's Elizabeth about 3 months old.)





He takes life with a smile,
even when things pile up.





He knows how to handle
double trouble.





When the road of life gets rough,
he takes us on a joy ride.





He melts our hearts, even on the coldest of days.





He lifts us up.
(The extra one is our cousin Dylan.)


I could not ask for a better man to be my husband
or the father of my children.
Thank you honey for being all you've promised to be and more.
I am so blessed.

Happy Father's Day!