Pictures are slowly being hung on the walls. The kids' rooms are starting to feel like their own, including art and photos on the walls and toys organized and put in a place.
We've acquired some new-to-us furniture, decorated some rooms, gotten some new, funky lamps. We turned the dining room of this house into a sitting room, and the upstairs living room became our dining room (seating for 12+ isn't possible in most traditional sized dining rooms).
Just last night we moved in a new chair, accent cabinet and lamp into our sitting room. After my Mom and Grandma left, and the kids were in bed, Luke and I sat in the dim light of our new lamp in our gussied up sitting room. He rubbed my feet, we talked about the day, I asked him for the 10th time if he liked the new things I'd picked out.
"Yes. I do. It's nice to have new things. And I've always wanted a sitting room."
And it's true. We've been in a season of minimal living, purging, ridding our lives of tangible objects for so long now that carrying new things into our house feels, well, weird.
And refreshing.
We climbed into bed, I breathed deeply and pulled the covers up. "This house. Slowly we are making it more like our own, huh? It's slowly starting to feel like ours, isn't it?" I said.
"Yep," Luke replied. "Slowly. Very slowly."
Showing posts with label moving. Show all posts
Showing posts with label moving. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
Saturday, July 20, 2013
I manage
I never thought I'd see the day that I'd go nearly 2 months without blogging. I just knew I wouldn't be one of those bloggers who just doesn't update their blog and it drifts off into cyber space forever.
I have a lot to say. I have tons to post. Birthdays have been celebrated, kids are growing like summer weeds, I've started a small photography business and it's a nice, deliberate distraction from the every day.
But honestly, when I sit to write, none of that pours from me. I lay in bed at night and think about the abundance of blog worthy material and somehow, I never make it to the computer in time to document any of it. I've had moments of clarity where I thought I'd figured out really trusting the Lord. Then moments of such anger and frustration that I've vowed to share them because surely, someone else has felt the same.
In general, life is okay. Somedays, it's even good. I've had more days of energy and patience than days feeling like I'll puke at any moment and being done with my children by 8:15am. I get the joy of feeling sweet baby flutters deep within me that remind me daily that God's grace abounds even when mine is all dried up. We've moved into our new house and we are settled, even though boxes still line the halls and pile in corners of every room.
People keep saying, "Does it feel like home?" or, "Oh! It's just perfect. It feels so homey."
I'm glad they feel that way. I want our home to be warm and inviting, a place people feel comfortable.
I just wish I felt the same way.
For the last 3.5 years we've been in a rental house that we knew, from the day we moved in, would be temporary. We didn't know where we'd be going or how long we'd be staying. But we knew God led us to that season of our lives for a purpose, to prepare us and lead us to wherever He wanted us to be. We were ready. We were eager. While we waited on directions, and began stepping out in faith, we welcomed two more daughters to our family, still set on going somewhere.
And then, July 24th happened.
And now, I sit here unpacking boxes that have been sitting packed, in our attic, for nearly 4 years. Boxes that I never intended to unpack anytime soon. Photos that bring me joy and sorrow all in the same breath.
Chubby photos of my Lucas when he was just a roly-poly little baby and Ashlee with her huge eyes and kissable lips. Photos of Elizabeth with baby front teeth and chubby, little fingers. Prints of Aaron's huge, blue eyes and Olivia's round, bald head. I take them out, look at them, smile at the nostalgia.
Then I box them right back up.
I don't really know how to explain it. I want them out. I want to see them. I want our house to be our home. I want our kids to see photos of themselves as babies and toddlers and take pride in knowing that we have treasured them their entire life.
But I just can't. Not yet. I've asked a few people to come and help me hang photos and things on the walls. But plans fall through, or kids get in bed too late and I don't push the issue because I know that when the time comes, I'm probably going to fall apart. And how do you explain that to people?
"Well, you see, I'm sobbing because I thought our life plan was to be in Africa right about now. We weren't going to be unpacking photos of our babies, instead, we'd be taping a few treasured photos onto our fridge and calling it a day."
This isn't the life I had us pictured living. And it's hard to convey that to people when, from all outside appearances, it looks like we've moved on with our life. And while we have moved, I haven't necessarily moved on. Does that make sense?
Our pastor, his daughter and a team went to Uganda earlier this month. Honestly, I've not kept up with anything to do with missions because, well, I can't. But I was actually excited for them and for this young girl to set her feet on African soil for the second time in her young life.
But then, the Sunday after they returned, they showed a video summarizing their trip. Their 2 week experience in Uganda was nothing like what our day-to-day life would have been like in Kenya. NOTHING. And yet, Luke nor I could keep it together. We both just sat and sobbed silently in our seats. Both of us shedding tears faster than we could wipe them. I resisted the urge to flee the service, hide and weep openly. I didn't want to be that girl.
I'm not pretending to know the depth and breadth of the pain that a woman who is infertile, yet longs for children, endures. I have no doubt that is a pain unlike any other pain. Yet, when missions and Africa and blog links to awesome ministry blogs are sent to me, I recoil in pain. I recoil and fight the urge to run and hide. I fight the urge to look at them in disbelief and whisper through the pain, "This is more than I can take."
I miss a land, a people, a village, a house I never knew. We never visited Kenya. We never even knew the names of all of our team members. But the grief of losing what we never had must be some sort of a hint of what barren women long for, and grieve themselves.
I want Africa. And yet, it seems not oceans away, but galaxies. An impossibility to access. Something I will live the rest of my days longing for but never attain.
And yet, I know that now is not the time for us to go. I know that because of so many factors and reasons and the state of my own heart. So while things appear okay on the surface, while I go through the motions, try to love my children and my husband with everything I have left in me, I manage.
I manage to make it feel like normal life. I manage to not allow myself to dwell on the fact that I'm angry, I'm hurt and I'm not settled. I manage to make our children's rooms feel like home. I step back, regroup and move on with the next thing. Because most days, that's about all I can manage.
I have a lot to say. I have tons to post. Birthdays have been celebrated, kids are growing like summer weeds, I've started a small photography business and it's a nice, deliberate distraction from the every day.
But honestly, when I sit to write, none of that pours from me. I lay in bed at night and think about the abundance of blog worthy material and somehow, I never make it to the computer in time to document any of it. I've had moments of clarity where I thought I'd figured out really trusting the Lord. Then moments of such anger and frustration that I've vowed to share them because surely, someone else has felt the same.
In general, life is okay. Somedays, it's even good. I've had more days of energy and patience than days feeling like I'll puke at any moment and being done with my children by 8:15am. I get the joy of feeling sweet baby flutters deep within me that remind me daily that God's grace abounds even when mine is all dried up. We've moved into our new house and we are settled, even though boxes still line the halls and pile in corners of every room.
People keep saying, "Does it feel like home?" or, "Oh! It's just perfect. It feels so homey."
I'm glad they feel that way. I want our home to be warm and inviting, a place people feel comfortable.
I just wish I felt the same way.
For the last 3.5 years we've been in a rental house that we knew, from the day we moved in, would be temporary. We didn't know where we'd be going or how long we'd be staying. But we knew God led us to that season of our lives for a purpose, to prepare us and lead us to wherever He wanted us to be. We were ready. We were eager. While we waited on directions, and began stepping out in faith, we welcomed two more daughters to our family, still set on going somewhere.
And then, July 24th happened.
And now, I sit here unpacking boxes that have been sitting packed, in our attic, for nearly 4 years. Boxes that I never intended to unpack anytime soon. Photos that bring me joy and sorrow all in the same breath.
Chubby photos of my Lucas when he was just a roly-poly little baby and Ashlee with her huge eyes and kissable lips. Photos of Elizabeth with baby front teeth and chubby, little fingers. Prints of Aaron's huge, blue eyes and Olivia's round, bald head. I take them out, look at them, smile at the nostalgia.
Then I box them right back up.
I don't really know how to explain it. I want them out. I want to see them. I want our house to be our home. I want our kids to see photos of themselves as babies and toddlers and take pride in knowing that we have treasured them their entire life.
But I just can't. Not yet. I've asked a few people to come and help me hang photos and things on the walls. But plans fall through, or kids get in bed too late and I don't push the issue because I know that when the time comes, I'm probably going to fall apart. And how do you explain that to people?
"Well, you see, I'm sobbing because I thought our life plan was to be in Africa right about now. We weren't going to be unpacking photos of our babies, instead, we'd be taping a few treasured photos onto our fridge and calling it a day."
This isn't the life I had us pictured living. And it's hard to convey that to people when, from all outside appearances, it looks like we've moved on with our life. And while we have moved, I haven't necessarily moved on. Does that make sense?
Our pastor, his daughter and a team went to Uganda earlier this month. Honestly, I've not kept up with anything to do with missions because, well, I can't. But I was actually excited for them and for this young girl to set her feet on African soil for the second time in her young life.
But then, the Sunday after they returned, they showed a video summarizing their trip. Their 2 week experience in Uganda was nothing like what our day-to-day life would have been like in Kenya. NOTHING. And yet, Luke nor I could keep it together. We both just sat and sobbed silently in our seats. Both of us shedding tears faster than we could wipe them. I resisted the urge to flee the service, hide and weep openly. I didn't want to be that girl.
I'm not pretending to know the depth and breadth of the pain that a woman who is infertile, yet longs for children, endures. I have no doubt that is a pain unlike any other pain. Yet, when missions and Africa and blog links to awesome ministry blogs are sent to me, I recoil in pain. I recoil and fight the urge to run and hide. I fight the urge to look at them in disbelief and whisper through the pain, "This is more than I can take."
I miss a land, a people, a village, a house I never knew. We never visited Kenya. We never even knew the names of all of our team members. But the grief of losing what we never had must be some sort of a hint of what barren women long for, and grieve themselves.
I want Africa. And yet, it seems not oceans away, but galaxies. An impossibility to access. Something I will live the rest of my days longing for but never attain.
And yet, I know that now is not the time for us to go. I know that because of so many factors and reasons and the state of my own heart. So while things appear okay on the surface, while I go through the motions, try to love my children and my husband with everything I have left in me, I manage.
I manage to make it feel like normal life. I manage to not allow myself to dwell on the fact that I'm angry, I'm hurt and I'm not settled. I manage to make our children's rooms feel like home. I step back, regroup and move on with the next thing. Because most days, that's about all I can manage.
Monday, December 5, 2011
Memorial Box Monday: $25
I desperately want to write more often. I really do. But lately, it seems that God has answered my prayers to make me more focused, more intentional about my time with and without my children. We've been so busy around here organizing, moving furniture around, getting rid of things we don't use and having more structured homeschooling days, that blogging has fallen to the wayside.
And that's okay. It's okay that a silly little blog takes up less of my time than does my home and my children and my husband.
But honestly? I miss writing. Even though I may not be the best writer in the world, it's releasing for me. It's therapy, honestly. And when I don't have time (or make time) it all swims around in my head, often clogging up my thoughts.
I still read plenty of blogs (even though that has had to be trimmed down too) and one of my favorites to read is A Place Called Simplicity.
This family is super crazy about the Lord and about children. But if I'm being very honest, I will say that often I read what Linny writes, then walk away dumbfounded as to why I haven't heard from the Lord like that lately.
The Lord gently continues to remind me that I will more clearly hear from Him when I choose to invest time in my relationship with Him through prayer, Bible study and meditating on His word. And while I'm being honest, all 3 of those areas of my life have not been stellar lately. Relationships take work. One with the Lord is no different.
Over the course of the last few weeks, one of the things I have prayed is that the Lord would remind me exactly how I have seen him work in our lives previously. Remembering those things often triggers me to spend more time with Him, seeking His heart and direction.
He is always faithful, I'm the one who forgets.
So when Linny posted that she was doing a Memorial Box Monday post, I knew I had to join in, even if it is just this once. If you'd like to know what a Memorial Box Monday post is, you can read Linny's post with a good explination by clicking here.
Basically, a Memorial Box is like in the Old Testament when the Israelites would set up a stone memorial for when God has faithfully provided for them. Then, as they passed that pillar again and again, they would remember God's faithfulness and tell their children and their children's children.
Today, I want to remember God's faithfulness, even in the details.
-------
Over 2 years ago, in August of 2009, Luke and I put our house on the market. It was the house of my dreams really. I was about 9 weeks pregnant at the time and we had felt God stirring our hearts toward missions for quite some time. We knew we needed to be out from under the debt of that house and ready for whatever God called us to do next.
I was scared. Here we were, contemplating missions, having our 6th child and listing our house for sale. It was a LOT. But, because we'd seen God be faithful in the past, we knew He'd be faithful again, even in this.
About 2 months after listing our house, we had an offer. It was contingent, but an offer none-the-less. Over the course of Christmas and into the New Year of 2010 our house remained under contract with a contingent offer. As my waistline continued to expand, my patience weakened.
Finally, about a month before my due date our realtor called and said that the people buying our house had sold their house. We settled on a closing date of March 3, a mere 5 days before my due date with Ella.
Here's where the Memorial Box comes in (as if selling a house in the 1st plummet of the housing market wasn't enough).
Since Ella was due March 8th, Luke and I decided it would be wise to find a rental and move by March 1st. I was SO SURE that Ella would come early since, you know, I'D CARRIED TWINS. Heh. That's funny now. (She wasn't born until March 23rd, nearly 2.5 weeks after her due date and I was STILL induced.)
Ahem. Anyway, the 1st way that God provided was that we found a rental only TWO STREETS over from our old house, the rent was the cheapest of any we could find. We had amazing friends who jumped in and helped us move. It was beyond what I'd call a blessing.
It had FOUR BEDROOMS and we could move in at our leisure and just let the landlords know when we spent our 1st night and our rent would begin that day.
The drawbacks to this place were that it had neither a stove or a refrigerator. We sold the ones we had with our previous house and so we were not only stove-less but refrigerator-less.
We were moving in before the closing on our old house which meant we had very little cash to go purchase either of those things since we don't do credit cards. Once the house sold, we'd be fine, until then, we really didn't want to drop $500 on them.
After all, what if we never even closed on our old house and had to move all our stuff back?
In passing, a friend casually mentioned that where her Dad works they sell used refrigerators for $25.
TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS.
Uh. Sign me up.
I called her Dad and asked about a fridge. He had one. On a whim I also asked, "Do you by chance have a stove too?"
He did. FOR TWENTY FIVE DOLLARS.
Incredible and only the Lord.
Right now I'm struggling to remember the faithfulness of God. I'm struggling to see how we're going to have a baby, raise support and still get to Africa sometime before the turn of the century. But God is always faithful. And I just need to keep remembering that He's never left us high and dry. He's never left us without perfectly providing exactly what we've needed.
He's never not shown up. Ever.
And I trust that He'll do it again and again and again.
Monday, March 15, 2010
The perfect stormy cocktail
Well, I went back to the Doctor this morning for my 41 week check up.
What's that? You didn't know that a 41 week check up was part of a routine OB package?
For the general population it's not. They reserve the extra long gestation periods for special people. Or maybe just for me. The latest update is that my cervix has not changed since last week and I am still 2 - 3 cm dilated. He did say that he thought the baby was in a "good birthing position."
Good to know.
Also, and possibly the thing I have the most anxiety about, is that my OB is leaving to go out of town on Wednesday and won't be back until sometime on Saturday (I think). Normally, in an OB/GYN practice this isn't a big deal. Another doctor you've previously visited within the practice just delivers your baby and all is hunky-dory.
Well, you see, I switched from my previous OB/GYN's office (which had a 5 doctor rotation) to this new office because this Doctor had a Midwife. And, truthfully, she was the big draw for me. But, about 2 months ago the Midwife left the practice and moved to another city. So that just left the 1 doctor. He is supremely nice and very laid back. But, for the last few months he's be doctoring it up solo. Which means if Baby comes Wednesday through Friday (or possibly Saturday or Sunday) a doctor from a "partner practice" will deliver me.
A stranger.
Someone that I've never met (which is the definition of a stranger, isn't it?).
I mean, it's not like the doctor is in the delivery room for that long anyway but still, it's not my doctor. Oh well.
Add to all of that that we are tentatively set to close on our house sometime Wednesday, Thursday or Friday and I believe that is the perfect cocktail for a baby coming. I mean, if walking and sex and pineapple and pumping and bouncing on the birthing ball can't make this baby come out, then surely my Doctor being out of town and a major financial transaction should be the perfect storm, don't you think?
What's that? You didn't know that a 41 week check up was part of a routine OB package?
For the general population it's not. They reserve the extra long gestation periods for special people. Or maybe just for me. The latest update is that my cervix has not changed since last week and I am still 2 - 3 cm dilated. He did say that he thought the baby was in a "good birthing position."
Good to know.
Also, and possibly the thing I have the most anxiety about, is that my OB is leaving to go out of town on Wednesday and won't be back until sometime on Saturday (I think). Normally, in an OB/GYN practice this isn't a big deal. Another doctor you've previously visited within the practice just delivers your baby and all is hunky-dory.
Well, you see, I switched from my previous OB/GYN's office (which had a 5 doctor rotation) to this new office because this Doctor had a Midwife. And, truthfully, she was the big draw for me. But, about 2 months ago the Midwife left the practice and moved to another city. So that just left the 1 doctor. He is supremely nice and very laid back. But, for the last few months he's be doctoring it up solo. Which means if Baby comes Wednesday through Friday (or possibly Saturday or Sunday) a doctor from a "partner practice" will deliver me.
A stranger.
Someone that I've never met (which is the definition of a stranger, isn't it?).
I mean, it's not like the doctor is in the delivery room for that long anyway but still, it's not my doctor. Oh well.
Add to all of that that we are tentatively set to close on our house sometime Wednesday, Thursday or Friday and I believe that is the perfect cocktail for a baby coming. I mean, if walking and sex and pineapple and pumping and bouncing on the birthing ball can't make this baby come out, then surely my Doctor being out of town and a major financial transaction should be the perfect storm, don't you think?
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Possible...not easy
I just heard from our realtor that it will probably be next week before we close on our house. As anxiety begins to creep into my mind, I am reminded that He is in control. And, I don't think it's an accident OR a coincidence that I found this little sign at Hobby Lobby yesterday.
(Faith makes things possible...not easy.)
When I saw it, I scooped it up and knew it was perfect for this season of our lives. And God has provided for us richly during the last few weeks. I'm sure He will continue to provide for us and through our faith in Him make things possible, if not always easy.
If you feel led to pray along side us for a swift and immediate closing date, we'd be very appreciative.
Thanks friends.
(Faith makes things possible...not easy.)When I saw it, I scooped it up and knew it was perfect for this season of our lives. And God has provided for us richly during the last few weeks. I'm sure He will continue to provide for us and through our faith in Him make things possible, if not always easy.
If you feel led to pray along side us for a swift and immediate closing date, we'd be very appreciative.
Thanks friends.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Overwhelmed
Today was moving day for us. And I as I sit here now, after an exhausting day, I just can't stop the tears. Not because of the reality of the house we will soon call home. Not because we are moving. Not even because we are leaving a place where treasured memories were made.
All I can do now is cry huge, wet tears. I am just overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with the way that our friends loved us today.
I am beyond humbled. I don't know that in a thousand years I could ever be able to express just how blessed I felt today. As I stood today, surrounded by people who love us, people who care deeply for our family, it became a reality just how much God has provided for us.
And for the first time in a very long time, I'm speechless. I'm overpowered by the thoughts of how these people served and ministered to us today. And I know, without hesitation, that I saw the very face of God today in 18 different people. Ordinary people who chose to be His hands and feet.
And it's because of His love today that I am overwhelmed tonight.
All I can do now is cry huge, wet tears. I am just overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with the way that our friends loved us today.
I am beyond humbled. I don't know that in a thousand years I could ever be able to express just how blessed I felt today. As I stood today, surrounded by people who love us, people who care deeply for our family, it became a reality just how much God has provided for us.
And for the first time in a very long time, I'm speechless. I'm overpowered by the thoughts of how these people served and ministered to us today. And I know, without hesitation, that I saw the very face of God today in 18 different people. Ordinary people who chose to be His hands and feet.
And it's because of His love today that I am overwhelmed tonight.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
I would list for you all the ways I'm not Type A but that would require another list
My mind is spinning in such a tailspin that until I get some of this out on paper (or onto virtual paper) that I don't think I can properly function. That's what I do when I'm stressed, I make lists. I'm sure Luke LOVES my stress-induced Type A tendencies because normally I am so the opposite of Type A that I'm Type Z or something.
When I begin making lists you know I'm getting anxious. Currently I have 5 separate lists saved to our Desktop. 5 separate, yet totally related, lists titled such things as:
Needed for Baby
House Stuff
To do for the move
Repair requests that need to be done
Ways God is working (This one is SO cool and I can't wait to share it with you all.)
Not to mention that I have scribbled notes on about a bazillion pieces of paper that I can no longer find (see, not so Type A am I?). My organization skills are on overload. If you're Type A this will be the only month of my life where we can coexist peacefully. Hence the fact that my husband is LOVING that I'm a go-getter right now. LOVING IT I tell you. I think his photo is in the dictionary or Wikipedia beside Type A. And if you look up the antonym you'll find my photo.
So, why not continue my list making right here? I will, thankyouvermuch. Except this list is of things that are weighing heavily on my mind. So heavily I know nothing else to do other than list them, in a list-type fashion so that I feel like I'm accomplishing them. Or something like that.
-------
These past few weeks I have stunk it up homeschooling Elizabeth. Between being physically fatigued from just being pregnant to battling a never-ending cold to dealing with all the things that come with selling our house and my Maw's surgery we've done very little in the way of schooling.
She did explain reversible change (thanks to Sid the Science Kid) to Ashlee so I know she's soaking stuff up. But I feel like such a failure as a homeschooling mother. Especially because she desperately wants to know how to read and that's something we have to work on during naptime so I can give her my undivided attention and by that point in the day I just want to lay in the bed. I am using that time to read aloud to her, but still...
I've even thought about enrolling her in school for the next 2 months just so her brain cells don't die off and be shed for eternity. I worry about her loosing critical brain storage space while I'm floundering with having a baby, moving and such. At least if she's in public school she'd be learning something.
Even though it may not be what I want her learning.
-------
I think the use of the TV is the sole reason I will not end up yelling at my kids continually for the next 2 weeks. PBS Kids is educational, right? What about Porky Pig?
-------
My Darling child continues to drive me crazy. I reprimand Darling for the EXACT SAME THING every.single.day. Often multiple times a day...
"Darling we don't jump on the bed.
Darling, please don't touch that.
Darling, please don't pull all the clothes out of the drawers.
Darling, please don't climb onto the table.
Darling, please don't throw your food on the floor.
No, Darling, this is what's for dinner (or lunch or breakfast). Mommy isn't making anything else. Please eat.
Darling, STOP IT!"
It's exhausting and I feel like a failure when it comes to parenting my Darling.
-------
My quiet time is so sporadic. When I make time to be alone with God I am so tired that my mind drifts off to a happy place where I don't think of anything. I know that quiet time with the Lord would calm the other areas of my crazy life so I try hard, I really do. But my mind is so weary and I just can't comprehend what I'm reading. And, if I close my eyes to pray I almost fall asleep.
It's so frustrating because I feel like it's all my fault and yet I can't do anything to make it better.
-------
OH MY WORD THE COLD WEATHER! Please, no more snow or cold weather we need to go outside. And bundling all the kids up in 57 layers of clothes is so tiring, especially when I'm 99.9% sure that as soon as we get outside someone will poop their diaper or have to come in and poop. And then I feel selfish because it's just easier on me to stay inside where we can all be close to the toilet and in 1 layer of clothing or less. And so I can sit on something that doesn't make my pelvis feel like it's about to split into two pieces.
-------
I am just overwhelmed and humbled at the friends that are pouring out of the woodwork to help us with this move. Seriously, if I think about it too much I just get teary eyed. I'm pretty sure we are blessed with the most gracious, giving, serving friends on the planet.
-------
We still have so much to do to our house before closing. We have to paint (per our contract) all the places that have marker or crayon on the walls (which is our entire basement and most of the girls' room) and have trees removed from the yard and just MOVE OUR STUFF. Geesh, when will we ever get all that done?
-------
I loathe calling all of our accounts and changing our address. I just loathe it.
-------
Last night our whole family had cereal for dinner. All of us. How pathetic.
-------
And then, THEN I think, "What happens if we do all this stuff, move all our stuff and the deal falls through at the closing table? What then?"
Have mercy. I think I'm going crazy. Just plain crazy. Anybody wanna join me?
When I begin making lists you know I'm getting anxious. Currently I have 5 separate lists saved to our Desktop. 5 separate, yet totally related, lists titled such things as:
Needed for Baby
House Stuff
To do for the move
Repair requests that need to be done
Ways God is working (This one is SO cool and I can't wait to share it with you all.)
Not to mention that I have scribbled notes on about a bazillion pieces of paper that I can no longer find (see, not so Type A am I?). My organization skills are on overload. If you're Type A this will be the only month of my life where we can coexist peacefully. Hence the fact that my husband is LOVING that I'm a go-getter right now. LOVING IT I tell you. I think his photo is in the dictionary or Wikipedia beside Type A. And if you look up the antonym you'll find my photo.
So, why not continue my list making right here? I will, thankyouvermuch. Except this list is of things that are weighing heavily on my mind. So heavily I know nothing else to do other than list them, in a list-type fashion so that I feel like I'm accomplishing them. Or something like that.
-------
These past few weeks I have stunk it up homeschooling Elizabeth. Between being physically fatigued from just being pregnant to battling a never-ending cold to dealing with all the things that come with selling our house and my Maw's surgery we've done very little in the way of schooling.
She did explain reversible change (thanks to Sid the Science Kid) to Ashlee so I know she's soaking stuff up. But I feel like such a failure as a homeschooling mother. Especially because she desperately wants to know how to read and that's something we have to work on during naptime so I can give her my undivided attention and by that point in the day I just want to lay in the bed. I am using that time to read aloud to her, but still...
I've even thought about enrolling her in school for the next 2 months just so her brain cells don't die off and be shed for eternity. I worry about her loosing critical brain storage space while I'm floundering with having a baby, moving and such. At least if she's in public school she'd be learning something.
Even though it may not be what I want her learning.
-------
I think the use of the TV is the sole reason I will not end up yelling at my kids continually for the next 2 weeks. PBS Kids is educational, right? What about Porky Pig?
-------
My Darling child continues to drive me crazy. I reprimand Darling for the EXACT SAME THING every.single.day. Often multiple times a day...
"Darling we don't jump on the bed.
Darling, please don't touch that.
Darling, please don't pull all the clothes out of the drawers.
Darling, please don't climb onto the table.
Darling, please don't throw your food on the floor.
No, Darling, this is what's for dinner (or lunch or breakfast). Mommy isn't making anything else. Please eat.
Darling, STOP IT!"
It's exhausting and I feel like a failure when it comes to parenting my Darling.
-------
My quiet time is so sporadic. When I make time to be alone with God I am so tired that my mind drifts off to a happy place where I don't think of anything. I know that quiet time with the Lord would calm the other areas of my crazy life so I try hard, I really do. But my mind is so weary and I just can't comprehend what I'm reading. And, if I close my eyes to pray I almost fall asleep.
It's so frustrating because I feel like it's all my fault and yet I can't do anything to make it better.
-------
OH MY WORD THE COLD WEATHER! Please, no more snow or cold weather we need to go outside. And bundling all the kids up in 57 layers of clothes is so tiring, especially when I'm 99.9% sure that as soon as we get outside someone will poop their diaper or have to come in and poop. And then I feel selfish because it's just easier on me to stay inside where we can all be close to the toilet and in 1 layer of clothing or less. And so I can sit on something that doesn't make my pelvis feel like it's about to split into two pieces.
-------
I am just overwhelmed and humbled at the friends that are pouring out of the woodwork to help us with this move. Seriously, if I think about it too much I just get teary eyed. I'm pretty sure we are blessed with the most gracious, giving, serving friends on the planet.
-------
We still have so much to do to our house before closing. We have to paint (per our contract) all the places that have marker or crayon on the walls (which is our entire basement and most of the girls' room) and have trees removed from the yard and just MOVE OUR STUFF. Geesh, when will we ever get all that done?
-------
I loathe calling all of our accounts and changing our address. I just loathe it.
-------
Last night our whole family had cereal for dinner. All of us. How pathetic.
-------
And then, THEN I think, "What happens if we do all this stuff, move all our stuff and the deal falls through at the closing table? What then?"
Have mercy. I think I'm going crazy. Just plain crazy. Anybody wanna join me?
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
God and moving and my cervix. Not be confused with "God moving my cervix."
Today was a pretty big day for us. First up, Luke and I drove over the attorney's office this morning and signed all our paperwork for our closing that is STILL SCHEDULED for next Wednesday, March 3rd. We gave our relator limited power of attorney so that he could sign everything needed the day of closing.
Then, I went on a search for an infant carrier for Baby. You see, we had the car seat we bought when Elizabeth was a baby, but it expired in December.
(Yes, carseats expire. I know, who'dathunk? Right? If you have a carseat and you didn't know they could expire, flip it over and look somewhere on the bottom. The expiration date is stamped into the plastic somewhere. That was SO helpful, I know. "Flip it over and look somewhere." I'm a wealth of information.)
So, we felt extremely blessed when someone from Luke's work gave us a "new" infant carrier. However, when I went to take the cover off and wash the "new" carrier, I realized that it too expired in December. Not so "new."
So, today was carseat day. So, I went to Babies R Them and looked but they all seemed so expensive. So I went to Target but nothing there really tripped my trigger (mostly because they were all gender specific). After my Doctor's visit, I went to Walmart, which really had nothing in the way of an infant carrier that is compatible with the stroller I have my eye on.
After Target, I ran (Not literally, I'm 10 months pregnant people. I run no where.) over to my OB's office for a check up. I asked the nurse to ask the Doctor if he would please check my cervix since we are, afterall, still closing on our house next week. He obliged and after a quick check said that my cevix was shut up nice and tight.
I told him that we didn't say "shut up" in our house.
In other news, he is estimating that this baby is already 7 lbs. Which means it would be my largest baby ever. Elizabeth was 6lbs 13oz at birth and a WEEK LATE. Lucas was 5lbs 2oz and Ashlee was 5lbs 13oz and they were considered "on time" as far as twins go (and still I was induced with them at 38 weeks).
We threw around the possibility of an induction next week and ultimately agreed that we could decide further when I come back in on Monday for him to check me again.
So, this weekend will be full of packing and moving stuff to our rental house and more waiting. I will blog more later about how God is making this all incredibly easy. Just when I think that it couldn't be more stressful, something happens and I think, "Seriously? It's THAT simple?"
And you know what? It really is. And there's no other reason other than God's grace and His mercy over our family and this situation. No.other.reason.
In fact, as Luke and I spoke on the phone just moments ago about our situation with moving and paying deposits and such and how incredibly gracious our new landlord is being to us, Luke commented,
"Seriously. Who does that for people?"
And just now, I realized that my response to him should have been, "Our God does, honey. He always does."
Then, I went on a search for an infant carrier for Baby. You see, we had the car seat we bought when Elizabeth was a baby, but it expired in December.
(Yes, carseats expire. I know, who'dathunk? Right? If you have a carseat and you didn't know they could expire, flip it over and look somewhere on the bottom. The expiration date is stamped into the plastic somewhere. That was SO helpful, I know. "Flip it over and look somewhere." I'm a wealth of information.)
So, we felt extremely blessed when someone from Luke's work gave us a "new" infant carrier. However, when I went to take the cover off and wash the "new" carrier, I realized that it too expired in December. Not so "new."
So, today was carseat day. So, I went to Babies R Them and looked but they all seemed so expensive. So I went to Target but nothing there really tripped my trigger (mostly because they were all gender specific). After my Doctor's visit, I went to Walmart, which really had nothing in the way of an infant carrier that is compatible with the stroller I have my eye on.
After Target, I ran (Not literally, I'm 10 months pregnant people. I run no where.) over to my OB's office for a check up. I asked the nurse to ask the Doctor if he would please check my cervix since we are, afterall, still closing on our house next week. He obliged and after a quick check said that my cevix was shut up nice and tight.
I told him that we didn't say "shut up" in our house.
In other news, he is estimating that this baby is already 7 lbs. Which means it would be my largest baby ever. Elizabeth was 6lbs 13oz at birth and a WEEK LATE. Lucas was 5lbs 2oz and Ashlee was 5lbs 13oz and they were considered "on time" as far as twins go (and still I was induced with them at 38 weeks).
We threw around the possibility of an induction next week and ultimately agreed that we could decide further when I come back in on Monday for him to check me again.
So, this weekend will be full of packing and moving stuff to our rental house and more waiting. I will blog more later about how God is making this all incredibly easy. Just when I think that it couldn't be more stressful, something happens and I think, "Seriously? It's THAT simple?"
And you know what? It really is. And there's no other reason other than God's grace and His mercy over our family and this situation. No.other.reason.
In fact, as Luke and I spoke on the phone just moments ago about our situation with moving and paying deposits and such and how incredibly gracious our new landlord is being to us, Luke commented,
"Seriously. Who does that for people?"
And just now, I realized that my response to him should have been, "Our God does, honey. He always does."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)