A Marvelous, Ordinary Miracle

I believe that God still performs miracles, just like He has done since the first day of Creation. Unfortunately, we often mask His miracles by calling them coincidences or give all the credit to medicine or even the inexplicable.

But you all already know that I don't believe in coincidences.

So I guess it's no coincidence that I was blessed beyond my understanding to be able to photograph some of the sweetest, most humble people I know. In fact in photographing them, I got to record for them a miracle. A God breathed, completely surprising, off the charts MIRACLE.

Let me explain a little more. Almost a year ago, my sweet friend Lindy and I were preparing for the birth of Ella Joy. At the time we didn't know it was Ella but you know what I mean. And when I say "Lindy and I" I mean that Lindy and Chris were home from Kenya (were they serve as missionaries) and I had invited Lindy to be in the delivery room with us when the "baby" was born. Why?

Well, for only reasons known to God, everyone (including Lindy herself) thought that Lindy would never get to experience the miracle of birth first hand. We all thought, Lindy included, that witnessing the birth of our 6th child might be the closest she'd get to a delivery of someone that she loves. I was beyond honored to have her share this experience with us. Truthfully, honored doesn't begin to describe how I felt having her in that delivery room. I don't know that I've ever told Lindy this, but I think I will always cherish Ella's birth in an extra special way just because I got to share it with her.

(Lindy, Ella (just hours old) and a very swollen Me)

You see, from the time we became friends Lindy and I have shared a special bond. It's something beyond what I can explain, especially here on a blog, but once I began to know Lindy I was drawn to her with a deepness that my heart could not understand. I loved her so deeply and I knew from early on that our physical time together would be limited. Chris and Lindy left for Kenya just days after Aaron was placed in our home. Before that, our friendship had only boasted a mere year or two in length.

For reasons that we can only attribute to the Lord, we both believe that God has knit our hearts together in a special way. How else can you explain a friendship that deepens with each passing day yet is separated by 8,000+ miles?

So the last time Chris and Lindy were in the US, I had the privilege of sharing with her one of the most life changing events a woman can experience. Childbirth.

For all either of us knew, Lindy would not experience such a thing again. And with their impending adoption from Rwanda on the horizon, it was uncertain when they'd grace American soil again. Afterall, it was expected that by today's date, they'd be months away from meeting their newly adopted child(ren) and they'd be settling in to life at home in Kenya with one or two precious babies.

However, in the fall of last year Chris and Lindy shared with us devastating news. Their adoption from Rwanda had fallen through. This was the second time that they were on pace to adopt children and the second time that it had crumbled in their hands. These two blows to their already tender hearts was tough. Friends and family here in the US wept and prayed for them, knowing that their hearts were breaking and their arms were longing to meet their children.

It was hard to see God working as we processed why these two people, who will no doubt bring honor and glory to the name of the Father as they raise their own children, were not able to bring their babies home.

Several months back, I was skyping with Lindy and she kept complaining of a stomach virus. I thought little about it because, honestly, she lives in Africa. But the stomach virus continued and, as it turns out it wasn't a virus at all. I wondered if she had a parasite, since she'd gotten one early on in their time in Kenya. Turns out, she did!

A beautiful, glorious, energy-sucking, strong heartbeat having, God knit parasite growing right in her womb!!

God is a god of MIRACLES. He loves nothing more that to bless His children with the unthinkable joys that only His heart can create.

A year is a long time, no doubt. But I can hardly believe that a year ago this month my own abdomen was so swollen with child I could hardly move. A year ago today we all believed that Lindy and Chris were months away from returning to Kenya and proceeding with a Rwandan adoption. We all believed that God had chosen another path for them that didn't include pregnancy.

Today we believe that God is a god of miracles. He's not a god who performed miracles 2,000+ years ago and then quit. He's not a god who has changed and stopped doing the things He's said He'd do.

Nope.

He's a God if overwhelming, completely unexpected, totally mind-blowing MIRACLES! He was then and He is today, and in June He'll be a miracle delivering God all over again!

I am so excited to see what God has in store for this sweet baby growing in Lindy's womb. I have no doubt that he will be told of Christ soon and often. He will be raised to be a warrior who boldly proclaims the name of the King and who has parents who fear, love and serve the Lord with their whole hearts.

Please join me in praying for Lindy, Chris and Baby T as they spend a month here with family and friends, then return to Kenya to prepare for the birth.

Thank you Lord for this amazing miracle that we all are getting to witness. Praise you Father for working while we all have such little faith! Thank you God for this marvelous, ordinary miracle.

(Click here to see the Lindy's whole set of maternity photos.)

Sorry, I'm a slacker....

...and I didn't get around to writing and posting a Das Not Funny! Friday for you all. Luke and I just spent the last 6 hours packing for a week long trip to Arkansas for Christmas. We leave bright and early in the morning (I'm writing this on Thursday night, you see. Actually, it's a little past midnight so it is technically Friday, but I'm gonna be all sneaky like and pick 8:30am as the publish time. Oh, I'm just so tech savvy).

Thankfully, our great friends will be taking care of our firstborn doghter and our home while we are away (that's for all you burglars, thieves and schemers planning on robbing us! Our house is protected! Protected by the Lawd! Away from us you evildoers!).

(Was that too much? Oh well, moderation was never my strong point.)

So, by the time you read this we will (hopefully) be a few hours down the road. Blissfully on our way with a van load of quiet kids who are happily entertained by gadgets and coloring books and movies.

Okay, so maybe we will just be on our way.

Either way, happy Friday. See you on the flip side.

Bittersweet Obedience

I love my house. Seriously. It is perfect for our family. The upstairs has 3 bedrooms, a nice sized living room, a dining room and a breakfast area (that we use as our exclusive eating area) and a big kitchen. Our master bath won me over at first sight and I almost fainted when I saw the huge laundry room!

Then, down just one flight of stairs we have what our good friends have dubbed as "The Fellowship Hall." Our basement has a huge great room with a full kitchen plus another bedroom and full bathroom. Again, it is truly perfect for our family.

However, over the last several months, Luke and I have read stories, heard even more stories via skype and witnessed God doing powerful things through the ministry of our dear friends, Chris and Lindy. We've realized that although our house is wonderful we can live with less. Rather than being tied to our overbearing monthly mortgage we have felt convicted that we could indeed do more with our money than we are currently. That, if used for His glory, our income can make a huge impact on God's kingdom, starting with the destiny of our own family.

So, it is with all that said that we decided today to list our home for sale. It's bittersweet for me really. Although I know that this is a step of obedience that aligns with what God has been speaking to us about for months, I'm a little overwhelmed.

How will I manage keeping the house "show ready" and also continue with our daily life, which usually destroys our house by the hour?

If our house sells, how in the heck will we move all the things associated with 2 adults and 5 children? And where else can we find to put it?

Where will we go? Rent house? Buy another, less expensive house?

I don't know the answer to any of these questions (and a few more that I didn't share), but I know the One who does. So, once again, Luke and I are stepping out on faith. Praying that God will lead us and show us where He wants us to be. Knowing that living life in obedience to Him is of the utmost importance and ultimately brings the greatest blessings.

But, it's still bittersweet. Because truly I love my house, but I love my God so much more.

48 Hours of Hope

If you've been around my blog for any length of time you know that Luke and I (and Elizabeth too) are avid supporters of Only Servants Ministries. Not only do we believe whole heartedly in the things that Only Servants Ministries is doing in Nairobi, Kenya, Africa but we also love Chris & Lindy to pieces. They truly seek the Lord for His desires in their ministry.

Their demonstration of obedience with their calling to the mission field convicted Luke and I to follow God's prompting to pursue becoming a foster family, and you all know how that has turned out for us (abudant blessings that we could have never imagined)!

Over the last several months Only Servants has begun to struggle financially. Although I know that God has the power to sustain any and all things He calls you to do, I also know that it takes people and their financial resources acting in obedience to provide.

With all that said, please, please, please go over to Michael's blog (he's our friend and pastor) and read about how you can support these dear friends of ours. Anyone can give an extra $5.00. With so many things pulling on your heart and wallet I know that this may sound like another request for you to dig out a few bucks that you really don't have any desire to fork over. (I know I certainly become jaded when folks begin asking for money.)

If you feel that way, please check out this post that Lindy wrote over on the Only Servants blog. It is powerful and thought provoking and it will make you re-evaluate that $5.00 you may or may not have spent on an Iced Latte this morning.

If It's Pressed On Your Heart...

I know I use the term a lot "If It's Pressed On Your Heart," specifically when requesting prayer. My reason for that is because I know that as believers we have a lot that we see in our world that we need to pray over.

However, several years ago I was heavily convicted about telling folks I'd pray for them, and then never doing it. Therefore, I choose two responses now when people ask for me to pray for them.

My favorite (which sometimes takes A LOT of prompting by the Spirit) is to stop RIGHT THEN and pray with that person over the issue that they are requesting prayer. I feel that if it's important enough for them to ask, then they could surely use the prayer right then.

The next option is to tell them that I will pray about it "If the Spirit presses it on my heart." Now, I don't want that to sound cold or distant. However, like I said earlier, as believers, if our eyes are truly open to the world around us, we are bombarded with things/people/events/circumstances that we need to be in prayer over. Just as our amazing God gives us various talents and abilities, I also feel that He softens our hearts toward specific things as well.

For example, my heart is incredibly touched by the story of the Lawrensons. I think about them daily, and I pray for them often. I've never met them, yet I feel burdened to pray for them. Someone else may not. I believe that God uses these burdens on our hearts so that all peoples can be touched in our prayer lives.

With all of that said, I have some things I would like for you to pray over, if it's pressed on your heart. If you'd like to pray over these things/people/circumstances now, please leave a comment. I know that these prayers will not go unanswered, as long as we are praying for God's desires and His perfect plan to persevere.

1. The Lawrensons that I mentioned above. Long, long story short, almost a year ago Tricia went to Duke for a double lung transplant due to the deterioration of her lungs because of Cystic Fibrosis. The transplant was successful, and just weeks prior she delivered a pre-mature baby girl who is healthy and thriving. However, Tricia has now developed lymphoma and the chemo is not working. This family needs ANOTHER miracle.

2. Chris and Lindy Thompson. They are dear friends of mine who are returning today from Africa where they are FULL TIME missionaries. I'm not sure how long they will be back in the US, but please pray that their mission work will continue to thrive in their absence and that they will adjust to time differences, culture differences and thoroughly enjoy their time with friends and family.

3. The Hauts. They are also foster parents that we met in our fostering class. They are fostering a baby just 3 days older than Baby D. Today they were told that their baby's plan is being changed to Termination of Parental Rights. While this is a huge praise for them, it also comes with it's share of frustrations as it will be many, many months until the adoption is final. Please pray that they will find joy in the process, perseverance and peace.

Once more, if you feel led to pray now please leave a comment telling so. If you do not, that's okay too. However, realize that if you think of them over the next few days that it IS the Holy Spirit pressing them on your heart and they could use prayer AT THAT MOMENT.

Prayer doesn't have to be formal, it doesn't have to be stiff and rigid. However, it must be sincere. God knows the intentions of your heart and listening to His callings and understanding His promptings will bring you so much closer into a love relationship with Him. One like you have never dreamed or imagined.

Birth Parents Do The Darndest Things

The craziest thing about being a foster mom is the realization that this person you love isn't REALLY yours. I mean, cognitively I know that. My heart doesn't seem to get the point.

When I hold Baby D, I think about my son. When I kiss his fat, round cheeks I think about my son. However, every Monday and Thursday, for 2.5 hours, I'm reminded that he's NOT my son. I am required to load him into the car of a social worker and allow him to be driven away.

When I hold Baby Girl, I feel love. When I kiss her soft head, smell her hair (yes, she has LOTS) and feed her at 3am, I feel love. When I talk to the social worker about how the visit went with birth mom, I'm reminded she's not my daughter.

However, these things I can tolerate. What pushes me to my limits is when birth parents decide to do (or say) things that, in my opinion, they have no right to do (or say).

For example, last Monday Baby D came home from a visit. I was at the hospital picking up Baby Girl, so Luke had the chance to speak with the social worker. Upon Baby D's return, the social worker tells Luke that the birth parents gave Baby D GRAPE JUICE. Are you kidding me?

This is further proof that God is in control. Had I been home, I'm not sure what I would have said. Thank you Lord for allowing my much calmer, more level headed husband to receive this news.

Now, if you're not a baby person, what you may not realize is that 4 month olds rarely need juice. You have the occasional baby who is extra constipated and needs the encouragement. Baby D is not one of those babies. At any rate, you usually offer these "backed up" babies Apple Juice and on rare occasion, Prune Juice.

NEVER GRAPE JUICE!!!

Grape juice is so completely NOT the first thing you introduce to a 4 month old. At least they had sense enough to dilute it. Baby D was incredibly fussy the rest of the afternoon (requiring being held...NOT good when you have a newborn) AND for the first time in 2 weeks, he woke up off and on throughout the night.

I cannot tell you how ticked I was. I'm over it now.

My encounters with birth parents does not end there. Oh no! On Friday, Baby Girl had her first visit with birth mom. When the social worker (same one) returned her to our home, she told me that birth mom said,

"From now on, when she goes out, can you make sure she has on a hat AND socks."

My blood still boils just thinking about it. Are you stinkin' kidding me?

This woman, who had her child taken from her because she COULD NOT REFRAIN FROM ILLEGAL SUBSTANCES WHILE PREGNANT, is asking me to please protect her baby with a hat and socks.

(For the record, it was a little chilly out, however, Baby Girl had on a onesie WITH a fleece-like jumpsuit on, PLUS a heavy blanket.)

I think there are still teeth marks in my tongue.

Over the last few years, God has emphasized patience, silence and refrain from harsh words. Never have so many reminders of scripture flown through my brain than at the moment the social worker uttered these words to me.

On another note, this week will be a crazy one. Baby D and Baby Girl both have visits on Monday, and we have Classical. On Wednesday, some dear friends return from Africa, on Thursday Baby D goes for another visit and on Friday we have doctor appointments for Baby D's 4 month check up (which means shots) and a weight check for Baby Girl.

Whew! I'm exhausted already. The good news is that Luke and I finally broke down and we hired someone to come clean our house. Okay, Luke broke down. I would have went for this YEARS ago.

She starts Monday. I CANNOT tell you how much I am looking forward to coming in from Classical on Monday to a fresh, clean house.

I smile just thinking about it. No more ring around the toilet, no more crunchies in the carpet, no more toothpaste dribble on the mirror, just....clean. For one day (okay maybe just until nap time is over), I will enjoy clean.

Ahhhhhhh.....maybe next week won't be so bad after all...as long as birth parents don't do anything crazy.

Seeing Clearly Now

I was going to wait and publish this after Wednesday, but the thoughts just won't go away. I am mulling them over and over and over in my mind. Therefore, I knew I needed some blog-therapy. Fair warning now, this WILL be a long post.

To catch you up to speed, last Wednesday I went for Baby D's agency review. You can read about the last agency review by clicking here. Basically, this meeting is just for agency workers to review the case. The birth parents did not show up for the last review, but this time birth dad came. Birth mom was supposedly attending a class that is part of her case plan for reunification.

Anyway, as I was sitting outside the conference room, waiting on the meeting to start, I kept wondering if his birth parents would show up. As the time crept closer and closer, I was starting to think not. Then, I glanced up and saw birth dad. Immediately, my heart began to race. Something about him gives me the creeps. Actually, a lot about him gives me the creeps.

Anyway, he sat next to me and attempted small talk. Usually this is my forte. I mustered out a few comments and he finally asked me how his son was doing. I looked him straight in the eye and said,

"He's doing great."

Finally, we went into the tiny conference room. Public building are notorious for their uninviting chairs, tables and decor. This room was no exception. I made my way down to the furthest chair and sat. With a buffer seat in between, birth dad sat down next to me and then our social worker. Across the table sat 2 women, neither of which introduced themselves, so I can't tell you who they are. I think one is the supervisor for our social worker. This is my second encounter with her (the first was over the phone) and let me tell you that I have been none too impressed by her at either interaction.

The Guardian Ad Litem (GAL) supervisor sat at the end of the table.

The social worker asked birth father if he remembered how an agency review went. No one introduced themself, no one introduced me. No one hardly looked at me. I sat there, shocked that such little effort was made to ensure that everyone knew the protocol. Maybe there isn't a protocol?

Baby D's social worker began to unpack the latest developments in the case plan. She told how the birth parents had completed a portion of the case plan (an insignificant portion at that) and how they were working on a second part, which will require 90 hours of classes.

She proceeded to tell the panel about the latest setbacks in Baby D's case. As she did, I sat and stared at the birth father. I searched his face for any hint of remorse or guilt or shame. I saw none. He sat, with his head down, shaking it almost knowingly, casually acknowledging his mistakes.

Finally, the Guardian Ad Litem supervisor looked at me and asked me how Baby D was doing. He asked me if Baby D needed any intervention or therapy evaluations for developmental delays. I simply replied,

"Compared with my other 3 children, he is right on track. Our pediatrician hasn't seen any need for intervention. He is making eye contact, following sounds and cooing."

At that birth father began throwing in his two cents. He told the panel how Baby D played with his toys at the visits and how well he was doing with growing.

What?!?

I'm sorry, are you pretending to know your child? The child that has been in my care for the last 3 months? The child that you have spent a mere 40 hours with since his birth? My son who I have rocked and fed and changed and loved on for the other 2,120 hours? Surely you can't be!

As the steam began to shoot out of my ears, I hear the supervisor of the social worker begin to chime in.

She says, with the meekest disposition and almost in a whisper,

"Mr. --, It is our understanding that you and your wife desire to bring [Baby D] home with you. I want you to know that this is our desire for you too. We are here, cheering you on. However, the clock is ticking and you have a lot of work to do. You all need to work hard and stay out of trouble so that [Baby D] can come home soon. We will do all we can to help you."

My mind screams. My heart is pounding. She can't be serious.

Birth father mumbles something about working harder and trying to break bad habits. I didn't really hear what he was saying because I think my ears were bleeding.

The meeting is adjourned and as we stand to leave this same supervisor gives birth father one final thought. Still in the same voice she says,

"Now don't hold your head down. You hold your head up as you leave here. It's gonna work out. Okay?"

With that, I am doing all I can trying to get out of that room. If these people don't move, I'll push them over or crawl across the table....anything to get out. Still not acknowledging me, the supervisor sits quietly, as we all exit.

I go an alternate route out of the building to ensure that I do not encounter birth father again, much less have to endure an elevator ride with him. I don't think I would be good at holding my tongue at this point.

The errands that followed and the ride home provided me with enough time to cool off. I'm still processing it all.

Flash forward to Friday. The same social worker comes for a home visit to see Baby D. I like her and feel comfortable talking with her. However, our communication has lacked something to be desired. This meeting made me feel a TON better.

Without going into those pesky details that I am unable to share, I will tell you that I think that the social worker and I see eye to eye on more than I had previously thought. We both feel that it is unsafe for Baby D to return to birth parents as they currently are living. She also assured me that the progress they have made is not significant which is a word that DSS uses to determine whether or not the plan will change from "Reunification" to "Termination of Parental Rights (TPR)." Of course, as for now, reunification is still the goal.

I made sure she understood that I desired for Baby D to return home to his parents IF:

1. They became believers in Christ Jesus and had a complete life change.

2. They completed every last word of their case plan and remained drug free for the duration of his placement.

She agreed with me, at least openly on #2.

Okay, lastly, if you're still reading this...

This Wednesday we have another review. It's a new policy in NC and they bring in an outside mediator or something to review the case. They are unbiased and get only the factual information about what birth parents are suppose to do, what they have already done and any offenses they have made against their case plan.

It will be a rough day. It's scheduled for an hour long and we are suppose to take Baby D. That means I will have to sit there and watch this woman pretend to mother my baby.

I know that God will provide, I know He will bring me through, but right now I feel so bogged down.

---I love how God provides. Here I am writing this blog, focusing on the worst possible scenario and I get a surprise skype from Lindy. With the time difference, I was shocked to get a message from her.

I don't know what it is about her, and her in Africa at that, that brings me out of a funk. Anyway, a few minutes of skype chat with her and I am seeing clearly again. Last week, I cried to her and Joy over web cam. I'm thinking she may quit skyping me if I do not become emotionally stable. Ha! God continues to show me that I can make it thorough all things, I just have to remember where my strength comes from.---

Now, I KNOW I can face Wednesday, although I would still cherish your prayers.

Thank you so much.

Father, why is it that I doubt you? Just when I think I cannot see past the dark, you shine your light on my situation all the way from Africa. Thank you so much for providing people in my life that understand. Thank you for the miracle of friendships that seem to strengthen across miles and oceans and satellite feeds. Thank you for being a sustainer. Thank you for your promises and how you help me to remember them with clarity. You are amazing and I am continually in awe of how You love and care for me, even when I try to make it without you.

Lindy's Kids

Here in NC, our local station runs a program called "Wednesday's Kids." Our local news woman, Wanda Starks, interviews a child waiting to be adopted. Each of these kids has a story and is desperately in need of love. Halfway around the world my friend Lindy is seeing her own version of Wednesday's Kids.

On Saturday, Elizabeth will have her 4th birthday party. Since she turned 2 (and we started having "friend" parties for her birthday), we decided that instead of presents from her friends, we would help her choose a charity and each child could bring something as a donation. When she was 2 we asked for canned food for our church's food pantry. Last year we asked for items for the local Children's home. This year we are collecting clothing for children in Kenya. We will mail the clothes to our friends Chris and Lindy and they will distribute them to some orphans/children at a nearby "school."

This afternoon, I checked Lindy's blog as I do religiously. Please click here and read this tender story. Near where they live is a "school" and the children there are so malnourished.

Above is a picture of Lindy holding a 4 year old boy who attends the school. It breaks my heart to see him so little, especially since Elizabeth is turning 4 and looks to be about twice his size.

Here's another of what appears to be the same little guy. Please read Lindy's blog and find out what you can do to help.

"With knowledge comes responsibility"