Repost: Saturday's Special

This was originally posted on September 2, 2010.

As I looked back through my blog at posts about Paige, this one brought quick and lasting tears. Our family is going to miss her so very much.

Original post:

On Saturday we made a fun family trip up to see someone very special. Paige is one of the students that graduated this year from our Student Ministry. She holds a very special place in the heart of everyone in our family.

Back before Luke and I ever even made the plunge into Student Ministry, Paige played the role of Dora the Explorer at Elizabeth's 3rd birthday party. Little did we know then that Paige would grow in our hearts the same as our own family. Truth is, we love all of our students equally. But our relationship with Paige is different than most of the others. Paige has consistently gone out of her way to come and visit us, make it our kids' birthday parties and just spend time with us when she could have been hanging out with other people. So naturally, we've developed a relationship with her outside of the church walls. Our kids have developed their own relationships with her. We are exponentially blessed by her on a continual basis.

The thing is, Paige allowed us to disciple her. And, it doesn't matter how eager you are to influence the life of another person if they don't choose to allow you to do so. She's invested as much in us as we've invested in her. She's proven to be an investment that we will never regret making. So it's for those reasons that Paige is special to our family and always will be.

Our girls look up to her and I couldn't be more pleased with the role model that they've chosen. And even though she's moved off to college a whole 2 hours away from us, I have a hunch will still see her on a pretty regular basis. Not only were our older 3 enamored with the fact that Paige lives at a real, live college but we had an amazing time "hiking" around at a local state park.

We did lots of running...

Lots of walking at our own pace....

Lots of shoulder riding...

Lots of chubby cheek grinning....

More than our fair share of jumping off rock walls...

We took cat naps in the stroller....

We posed everytime the camera was looking in our direction...

We allowed Luke to use the camera (which is really something special)....

We made silly faces...

And we made lots of lots of memories.

Thanks Paigey for letting us crash your Saturday. We had so much fun and we love you more than you'll ever, ever know!

My sweet Paigey

Yesterday morning, my sweet friend Paige ran into the arms of her beloved Savior. While my heart grieves so heavily I know she is worshipping the Great I Am. Our children are in shock, I believe. She was a huge part of our lives, spending many nights curled up on our couch with a child or eating M&Ms with me late into the early morning hours.

May her life be a fragrant offering to the Lord Almighty. And please, Jesus, be near.

Please pray for her family as they suffer this tragedy and for her sweet sister Grace as she travels back from Nairobi, Kenya. Grace departed Monday evening to serve a 2 year term with the Network of International Christian Schools in Kenya. She was on the ground a mere 2 hours when she called home to receive such heartbreaking news. She is scheduled to be back home on Friday.

Visibly more beautiful: Dove Visible Care Review

The bathroom door clicks shut, I take a seat and it's like an alarm goes off in the minds of my children.

"Mom! Can you get me a drink?"

"Mom! Can I have a snack?"

"MOM! SHE HIT ME!!"

It's like they know. Something deep within them snaps and as soon as I hit the bathroom they lose their ever-lovin' minds.

But there is one place where I can often find myself alone, without distraction and with time only to myself.

The shower.

So a few weeks ago when this little gem arrived, I was THRILLED. What a perfect product for my very first sponsored review!

I looked at the bottle, turning it's streamline shape over in my hands. The bottle touts, "Visibly more beautiful skin in just one week."

Psh. Yeah, right, I thought. How can a body wash make my skin softer? But as I looked further and read more about this revolutionary line of premium body wash, I realized that the product I received was not only formulated to to soften skin but to moisturize dry spots.

Um, yeah. That's me.

While my shower time is usually all my own, I rarely get time once I'm out of the shower to do more than get dressed, much less apply lotion. And girls, my skin get d-r-y. Especially my hands since I wash them approximately 4,872 times per day.

But this body wash? It's legit.

I lathered its rich creme on my skin, breathed in the amazing fresh, clean floral fragrance and felt my skin get softer.

With a 4 month old, it's often hard to feel beautiful in my own skin. My body isn't what I want it to be, I have very little time to fix myself up and often I simply wash and go. But y'all, this stuff has changed my mind just a bit.

Maybe it's the relaxing fragrance. Maybe it's the quiet time in the shower knowing I'm washing away all the dry, scaly skin.

Maybe it's the fact that even in the shower I feel like a multitasker since I can wash, soften and moisturize all at the same time. But this Dove Visible Care Softening Body Wash made me feel more prepared to take on my little brood of children. And, in some ways, more beautiful. Because I believe beautiful skin comes not only from the products you apply outwardly but the comfort you feel on the inside coming out.

So maybe it's true. Maybe you can get visibly more beautiful skin from a body wash! I think maybe it's possible. And just to be sure, I'll need lots of hours of alone with this purply-white bottle. :)

If the kids are looking for me, I'll be in my personal sanctuary the shower.

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Abigail at 4 months

I'm several days late but I wanted to get Abigail's 4th month on the books. Especially considering I missed her 2nd month altogether!

When she turned 4 months old, we were out of town, busy visiting friends and family. It was a whirlwind vacation trip. (Can you really call that much work vacation? I think not.)

We saw precious friends and family and Abigail did some pretty amazing things while we were gone. Like learning to love this:





We have our first, official thumb sucker. Out of seven kids, you'd have thought we'd have already had one. Luke has managed to ward off any thumb sucking thus far. But now that he has 6 other distractions Abigail has big plans to thwart his no-thumb-sucking record.

She still takes a pacci but her thumb is, by far, her favorite. And, don't tell Luke, but I think it's pretty darn cute.





Abigail got to meet her great-Granny. It's such a privilege for me to see our children with my grandparents. I believe they've left an amazing legacy. They have 15 great-grandchildren. Pretty impressive, huh?

14 of the 15 great grandchildren

Abigail got to meet all of her cousins and she enjoyed being passed around and held by almost everyone.

Of course, her favorite people there were her siblings. Even if it was by force.






Abigail began rolling from her tummy to her back this month and she's just so proud of herself when she does.

She'll nap just about anywhere and still loves being held. And now, she'll even tolerate being held by Luke.







She has started blowing bubbles and she's perfected her frown. Sometimes she does both at the same time.





She's got the most striking eyes and I just cannot keep my lips off of her sweet, chubby cheeks.







She is simply the most delightful baby I've ever seen. Ella was so content at this age and I think Abigail is giving her a run for her money.

I tried moving her to a room with Olivia but between my anxiety and Abigail refusing to sleep without me in the room, I gave up and put the portable crib back beside our bed. She still sleeps swaddled and last night she slept from 11:00pm - 6:50am! Wooo hoooo! But I'm not holding my breath that she will do that again.

We're doing a modified vaccine schedule and yesterday she had shots at her 4 month check up. She's in the 81st percentile for weight and the 77th percentile for height. She's wearing size 3 - 6 month clothes but not for much longer!

She smiles at everyone and rarely meets a stranger. Oh how I love this sweet little girl and I wish, so much, that I could just freeze time and have her stay this age forever!

Thank you Lord for 4 sweet months with our precious Abigail Mercy!





A special thanks to my friend Paige for many of these sweet photos!

Fear

To say that I am not afraid would be lying. Of course I’m afraid.

I’m afraid of the run-of-the-mill things like one of my children being abducted or being hit by a car. I’m afraid that the bruises on their legs that seem to linger will turn out to be cancer or that I won’t be a good enough mother and one of our children will never know the Lord.

I’m afraid I’ll fail my husband or my parents or my friends or all of them at the same time. I’m afraid I won’t be obedient enough to the Lord and I’ll suffer the consequences of my short comings. I’m afraid I’ll get so caught up in the day to day that I’ll never remember our children at the ages they are now.

A few nights ago I sat staring at a picture of Elizabeth when she was just about 3 years old. I willed myself to remember her tiny frame embracing me at that exact age.

I couldn’t.

A lump rose in my throat as I realized that I will never, ever get those days back. Forever she’ll be bigger than that chubby faced, wild haired almost-three year old in the picture. Never again will I hear her three year old voice or brush her wild, blond, fresh curls away from her pudgy little almost-three year old cheeks. I looked at her plump baby hands curled around a popsicle stick and forced my mind to remember what those fingers felt like intertwined with mind.

I couldn’t.

Fear overwhelmed me as I realized that those memories had faded quickly from my mind and as much as I will it, I cannot stop my children from growing.

The truth is, if I could keep our children the ages they are now and hold them in this season forever, I would. Yes, it’s exhausting. Diapers and snacks are endless. I’m sleep deprived and short on patience most days. But the alternative is forgetting. And I’m afraid I will forget and never again remember them exactly as they are now.

Then, there’s the biggest fear of all.

Africa.

My heart longs to go so desperately and then fear overwhelms me and my mind races with the what ifs.

What if we go and it breaks their little hearts too much?

What if they catch malaria?

What if they die?

What if they hate us for taking them?

What if we are making a mistake?

I cry out to God begging Him to confirm this calling just one more time. He always does.

I hurl fear-based questions at Him praying He hears them and calms my anxiety.

He reminds me that there is fear in every choice He has led us in as we obey His calling on our lives.

There’s fear in homeschooling, that I won’t be enough or do enough or prepare them adequately.

There’s fear in vaccinations, that they’ll suffer negative consequences from them or that by delaying them we’ve exposed them to diseases or that we’re being neglectful by omitting some.

There’s fear that we’ve had too many children, that they’ll never know just how truly special they each are or that they’ll resent having so many siblings or that we’ll miss a milestone in their lives.

There’s fear at every turn. Africa is no different it’s just on a bigger scale.

The Lord reminds me that I am merely a steward of these gifts He’s given me. They really aren’t mine anyway. They are His. He loves them so much more than I can even comprehend. And for some crazy reason, He trusts me to nurture, love, raise and disciple them here on this earth. I can’t say why but He does.

Isn’t He afraid I’ll blow it?

“So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. By this is love perfected with us, so that we may have confidence for the day of judgment, because as he is so also are we in this world. There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.
(1 John 4:16-18 ESV, emphasis mine)” 

There is no fear in love.

He loves me. And he loves them. More than anything I can comprehend, His love is everlasting.

So no, He's not afraid I'll blow it because He already knows that I'll mess up. He sees my mistakes and acknowledges them, knowing that He holds their futures, their pasts and their present all in the palm of His hand.

He has called us to parent this colony of children. He arranged and ordained our family to be in perpetual chaos. He knew it all before the dawn of time. He knew the day each of them would take their first breath and the day they will each draw their last.

If When bad things happen, I must trust in Him that He has His best in mind for me and for them.

I sank back into the pillows of the couch and continued staring at the photo of Elizabeth. "I can see some Ella in there and also some Abigail, can't you?" I say to Luke as he leans in closer and we look at this girl that we once knew.

"She's so big now," he says whispered, as if saying it loudly will make the time pass more quickly.

And again, fear lept into my throat.

I don't want to forget.

Please, Lord, let me remember these days. Let me not rush through them so quickly that I look back and wonder how I got here and where those chubby face babes went.

But mostly Lord, let me not fear your plans for me. Instead, let me press in close to the love you have for me and take great comfort in your desires for our life. Let your perfect love cast out all of my fears.

Lucas, 14 months

Ashlee, 14 months

Elizabeth, a few weeks before her 3rd birthday

Our Savvy New Friends: Where chaos and understanding collide

Oh this blogging world, it's full of any and everything to tickle your fancy. Foodie blogs? Check. Organic, natural and no GMO foodie blogs? Double check.

Mommy blogs? Check.
Large family blogs? Check.
Small family blogs? Check.

So, imagine my surprise when about 3 years ago I stumbled across this blog. Kate and her Savvy Little Women (and one little man) have a life eerie similarity to our own.

Twins!

Picture in your mind a family with an eight year old, 2 six year olds, 2 nearly four year olds and one cute, chubby cheeked toddler.

Sound familiar?

Well, it's not The Beaver Bunch. I just described the Savvy Little Family...and, nearly our own as well. I think that internet formed friendships still have a stigma attached to them.

Only weird people who have no social skills make friends over the internet, right?

And only people who are begging to be kidnapped actually plan real life, in person meetings with people they meet on the internet, right?

From the moment I began reading Kate's blog I sat staring at the screen knowing she just got me. Someone else, in the trenches of mothering half a dozen little loves, living a creepily similar life to mine and living to tell about it.

Just last week, she wrote this post. Oh how I get that.

And on more than one occasion I've reminded myself just to Do The Next Thing.

And so many more of Kate's posts that I just don't have time to link up.

So when we planned our "vacation" west to see family and friends (and I use that term loosely because vacations usually involve toes deep in the sand or fresh mountain air and plenty of sleep and rest - and we had none of the aforementioned, thankyouverymuch).

Ahem, where was I? Oh yeah, our trip west.... it only made sense to see if there was a snowballs chance in a southern July if Kate and her crew could meet up with us. Since we're planning a departure to Kenya in January this might be our only chance for a very, very long time.

Turns out (as I'm sure you could tell from all the photos) we made it happen. And for 36 glorious hours Luke and I sat with Kate and Eric and "talked shop."

Our kids adored each other. They grouped themselves off and played to their hearts' content. I think it's not coincidence that they paired off in birth orders. It's like they knew too that families like us don't happen everyday and to embrace each other quickly.

Reese and Lucas, the 2nd born in both of our crews, hit it off

Elizabeth and Ella, sporting their new BFF bracelets

Ashlee and Charlotte (and Elizabeth), the 3rd born in each crew

Kinely and Aaron, 4th born

(It was way too hard to get pictures of Raya and Olivia. And Lincoln and Ella? FORGET IT.)

Kate was exactly what I expected from reading her blog - you know, except much taller - and we laughed like old friends well into the night.

Feeding times we're quite the spectacle. Next time, I vote we go for a feeding trough. ;)

The "big kids" enjoyed a slumber party on our second night. 7 kids piled into the floor on sleeping bags, making sweet memories and giggling until well past bed time - much to their mothers' preferences otherwise.

Sunday morning came quickly and we said tearful goodbyes to these new friends.

These people who simply, all around, get us. They understand the chaos, the brink of insanity where we live life, the mountains of dirty laundry, the endless refilling of sippy cups and snack bowls. These people who know that at the end of the day you worry whether you spent enough time with a certain child and you can't remember the last time you had a proper shower. These people who understand what it's like to be the oldest of 6 (or 7) siblings and what it means to be a twin that is the also the middle child. These people who live life in the trenches next to us, albeit several states away.

Somehow God saw fit to bring us into each others' lives through the internet and I am so very thankful that He did. I feel so bonded to my new friend Kate, through this chaos I call the everyday. I can now tell which one of her 1st set of twins is Reese and which one is Charlotte. She understands my hesitation with sharing too much on a blog and reaping the negative consequences. I get her desire to maintain order and control while I too fight the urge control every aspect of my children's lives.

And while we are each unique and different in our own God designed ways, Kate and I are beyond similar in almost every way. Luke and Eric understand the challenges they each face in fathering a brood of kids. I know there's another woman out there that I can text and simply say, "Three year olds drive me crazy" and I know she gets it, doesn't judge and will pray for me as only a mother to a posse can.

Internet friend turned real life friend. Those are words I never thought I'd type. In this big bad internet world where I am fiercely aware of the creepers and stalkers, I'm so thankful that the Lord saw fit to connect me with Kate.

Just one more family on the list that I will miss severely when we leave for Kenya. Praise God for skype. And praise God for the reassurance that I'm never, ever going through crazy, chaotic, large family life alone.

13 kids in all. Crazy, chaotic and beautiful.

1,200 miles, 13 kids and counting

We're still alive. Whew! It's been a busy, busy, blessed week.

Luke's healing nicely from his emergency appendectomy 3.5 weeks ago. On the heels of his surgery and all that was going on I packed us all up, loaded the u-haul and we got out of dodge.

We left late last Thursday night (the 28th) and drove through the night to Luke's Dad's house in Mississippi. Then we drove over to Arkansas to visit my family and see friends. Then we drove back to Mississippi again spent the night, then to Memphis to see more friends and Luke's Mom for a couple nights. Currently, I'm sitting in northern Tennessee. We've driven over 1,200 miles in the last 9 days.

Tomorrow is sure to hold some surprises as we look forward to a day jam packed with 13 children under the age of 8.

I'm not even kidding.

In this great big bloggy world Kate (and her Savvy little women & 1 little man) and I have forged a friendship that can only be bound through the common understanding of lots of kids and lots of chaos and lots of laughs. We met up with them this evening and immediately her 6 and our older 6 hit it off. Giggles and chatter and crumbs flowed freely from around the table.

Now, all 13 kids are snoozing away.

Tomorrow's going to be fun day. For sure.

We hit the road again Sunday and roll on home.

I'll have stories to tell, pictures to prove them and lots to share, I'm sure.