Happy 7th Birthday Elizabeth!

I hardly know how it happened. I blinked a few times and somehow, seven years went flying by.

At her first breath, she changed me. I went from being just a regular woman to being a Mother.





Just like that, I was everything to somebody. And the tiniest person I'd ever held became everything to me. I wish I could say that in the last 7 years I've taught her lots of things. But the truth is, in 7 short years, she's taught me most of the really important things I hold closest to my heart.

My baby, my very first baby is 7 today.

And what a treasured joy she is to me. At 7 years old, Elizabeth has the most tender heart of any child I know. She loves fiercely, freely and wholly.





She's easy going, laid back and yet, totally detail oriented.





She's always wanted to have a collection of some sort. I think she's finally found her niche with her collection of bracelets/hair ties. Seeing her arm full of them makes me laugh because she is such her mother's daughter.





I find myself performing the constant balancing act of allowing her age-appropriate freedoms and still keeping her closely tucked under my wing. She's determined to be independent, almost as much as I'm determined to protect her fragile, gentle heart.









Laughter regularly spills out of her, both because of herself and because of others. She's joyful and loves nothing more than a night with her family, some good laughter and maybe a few cupcakes thrown in for good measure.









And she is really, sassily silly. She knows how to make me laugh even when I'm in the worst of moods. She can turn on the goofiness and both of us are laughing in no time, enjoying the sweet release that only a hearty belly laugh can bring.

















She's a deep thinker, who loves the Lord with intention. She challenges Luke and I so much in many aspects of our faith because of her trust, understanding and belief in His power.




How I love this biggest girl of mine for so many reasons! Far too many to put into a simple post. She reminds me so much of myself, but then on another level, makes me stand in awe at the young girl she's grown to be.
I'm so proud to be her Mother and so blessed that God chose us for her parents. She hasn't stopped changing me since that first breath nearly 7 years ago to this very hour. And I pray that she never does.
Happy 7th Birthday Elizabeth! I love you so very much!

Miracle after miracle

Today we had our first visit to the OB/GYN for the new baby. It was an appointment that, for me, seemed to be the turning point for a lot of the things on the horizon of our lives.

You see, normally I don't start feeling the yuck of pregnancy until I'm about 9 - 10 weeks pregnant. When I was pregnant with Elizabeth I remember, vividly, the 1st time I threw up. Christmas day 2003.

I'd felt FINE up to that point and was certain that I'd be one of those women who felt nary a moment of sickness while I blissfully carried a child inside me. (I have those friends and sometimes - like when I'm hovering over the toilet -  I hate them.)

My Mom made the best Christmas morning pancakes and I justified my overconsumption of them with the fact that I was eating for 2. Washing them down with a nice, cold glass of milk seemed to be the best idea I'd ever had. Until approximately 30 seconds later when I threw every bit of it up. Upon exit, the milk was still cold, y'all.

Awesome, huh?

With Ella I, again, thought that maybe I'd side-step the months of toilet hovering thinking that maybe she was a boy. I was coasting into week 10 and had only felt momentary nausea, but nothing to stop me dead in my tracks.

Then it hit me like a freight train and the next 14 weeks I puked so much that Ashlee would hover over the sink, make wretched noises and feign "growin' up."

So when the pregnancy sickness hit me this time right at about 6 weeks I was shocked and then perplexed and then stunned. The only other time I've ever been sick that early was when I carried the twins.

With Lucas and Ashlee, my body's 6 week alarm went off and the months of toilet hovering began. At the time I didn't really think much about why I was sick so much earlier than I was with my previous pregnancy. At my 13 week ultrasound, we found out why. Baby A (Lucas) and Baby B (Ashlee) put to rest any of the questions I had about why I thought I was dying due to lack of food.

Flash forward to about a month ago. I found out I was pregnant this time super early. Weird things were happening with my body and I just knew. When the nausea kicked in at 6 weeks, I naturally began to let my mind drift to the what if.

Twins? Again? Could it be?

So today came as sort of a turning point for Luke and I. I called my OB last week and all but begged the receptionist to ask the Dr if I could have an early ultrasound. Truth is, if we were having twins our July 2012 departure date for Africa could.not.happen.


(I have several markers for another multiples pregnancy. Previous multiples. Over 30. Some other marker I can't remember now. Drastic memory loss (ha, kidding). Multiple pregnancies. A SUPER early positive pregnancy test.)


Some days, I was okay with that. "If we have twins and can't go, I'm okay with that," I'd think.

Other days, or maybe in the same day, I'd think, "But if we have twins and we can't go, what does that say about the certainty with which I felt our calling? What does that say about all I know about how the Lord speaks to me?"

Over the last month, I've questioned God. A lot. I've questioned if He is who He says He is. I've questioned if He'll do what He says He'll do.

I felt today had the potential to be one of those turning-point days in my relationship with the Lord. If I saw two babies on the screen then surely something was wrong at the core of my relationship with God.

One baby and my heart would be crushed a little, knowing the joy of twins and longing for that again.

Maybe it's stupid to stake so much on an ultrasound or on the number of babies in my womb. In fact, it was.

But I still learned much about my God today.

As the wand swept across my abdomen and ONE tiny baby was revealed I saw a miracle. The flicker of that sweet one's heartbeat flashing back at me.

A miracle. One after the other. With each little flicker. One that I pray I will never take for granted.

I never ceased to be amazed by the mercy, character and love of our great God as he pours upon us miracle after miracle after miracle....

Fresh Eyes

I don’t typically love it when people use well read scriptures to make a point. Often, I just want to ask them if they know of any other scriptures to prove their point.

And, let me tell you this little secret, okay? Lean in real close.....

Sometimes, when I’m reading my Bible and I come to those familiar passages of scripture..............I skip over them.

*Gasp*

I know. Total sinner.

It’s true though. I have a tendency to want something new. Something shiny. Something profound. But, one of the things the Lord has revealed to me over the course of this summer reading session is that He alone can make familiar scripture new, fresh, shiny and profound.

If I give it a chance.

So when I got to 1 Corinthians 13 I was tempted to just skip ahead.

It’s read at nearly every wedding (or at least it was at mine) and I can loosely quote it without much effort.

But today, reading it was different. I realized, too often, I entertain my family, I tolerate my family, I even accommodate my family. But do I really treat my family with love? The love that is described in 1 Corinthians 13?

“If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.” - 1 Corinthians 13:1

Today, I didn’t speak in tongues (well, not the appropriate kind anyway) yet I told my children at least 5,783 times to (please for the love of God) speak nicely to one another, while I was doing the exact opposite.

Clang. Gong. Call me a cymbal.

“And if I give away all that I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing” - 1 Corinthians 13:3

Yesterday I thought, “All I do is work, work, work, work, work for these kids. Fix their food, get a snack, pour a drink, change a diaper, wipe a nose. And they don’t appreciate me one bit! Maybe I should just sit on my duff all day and then they’ll see how much I do for them!”

Here I am. Nothing gained. And I can guarantee you my children picked up on my lack of love.

“Love is patient, love is kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

This week, I’ve certainly been impatient. “I’ve told you too many times. STOP YELLING!”

More than a few times I’ve been less than kind. “Why can’t you just focus on what I’m telling you?”

I’ve been envious of the seemingly easy life someone else has.

I’ve been rude. “Why are there perfectly clean clothes in the dirty clothes bin? Do you enjoy making me do more laundry?”

I’ve insisted on my own way. “Please just stop doing that and get over here and put on your pajamas. I can see your Thomas train. I’ve seen it before. Please, hurry up!”

Irritable? Me? “Your behavior is totally getting on my nerves, kid. Totally.” Maybe just a touch.

How could a mother possibly rejoice in wrongdoing? “I’ve told you not to stand in that chair. When you fall off, it’s going to hurt and I’m not going to feel sorry for you because I’ve told you to get down several times already.”

The rest of 1 Corinthians Chapter 13 promises us that prophecies, knowledge, tongues and the partial will all pass away one day.

But love? It NEVER ends.

God’s love never ends. It never ceases to be poured upon me. Even when I’m rude, impatient, hurtful, insistent, envious and boastful.

Never ending love poured upon me while I’ve shown very limited love to the people I love the most. Oh Jesus, how unworthy I am of You! How your word refines me when I allow myself to delight in it!

And to think, I would have totally missed this had I just skipped over those familiar verses.

I pray the Lord gives each of us fresh eyes as we encounter Him on the pages of Truth.

I like to link it, link it

Sometimes you just read someone else's blog post and think, "Dude. If it weren't against a few laws, I'd totally steal that and post it myself."

Instead I'll just link.

This post by Missy at It's Almost Naptime will get your wheels turning about the Caylee Anthony story. I didn't follow the trial but I agree with what Missy says.

Amy and her husband Todd are moving their large family to Guatemala to be missionaries. This post she wrote about taking their children on the mission field is superb. She's basically been reading my journal.

I totally relate to this post Mary Grace at Books and Bairns wrote about feeling lonely while surrounded by tons of people. It's an odd phase we're in right now, preparing to move, loving the people in your life yet looking ahead to life without them. It's strange to say the least.

Finally, this post by our friend Neil on our church's Summer Session Blog speaks greatly about how the Bible has changed his life. And I feel the exact same way. God's word refines my heart continually and draws me to Him, wooing me with His love.

Hope y'all had a superb weekend and an awesome Monday.

I'm gonna go spend the day trying to school our children and NOT throw up. Both incredible tasks worth every ounce of my effort. :)

Suffering. Endurance. Character. HOPE.

Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
(Romans 5:3-5 ESV)

I want hope and power via the Holy Spirit. I want to know God’s love intimately. I’d even like a healthy heaping of hope.

But you know what I don’t want?

I don’t want to grow my character. I certainly don’t enjoy practicing endurance. And, without a doubt I do not want to suffer.

Who signs up for that?

Lately, I feel like the Lord is hard at work procuring in me hope. But, I think I’m missing it. You see, I feel a lot lately like I’m suffering. I even feel like He’s hard at work sculpting and shaping my character. He sees a blemish in me and makes it glaringly obvious that it’s an area of my character that needs refining. Bring in the suffering. I meander along, enduring it, but not necessarily growing my endurance. And you can be sure that I’m not rejoicing in it one bit.

I think that the Lord is holding up to His end of this refining process. He’s ordained the suffering and refining my character. But I am not willing to do more than endure it. Which should not be confused with building my endurance. Truly, I’m not holding up to my end of this process.

About a year ago, a friend of mine talked me into running my first ever 5K race. By nature I am NOT a runner. In fact, even when I was a college athlete in prime physical condition I loathed running. Still, this sweet friend of mine encouraged me and helped me train for this race.

With every training session, I endured the pain. I pushed through the shin-splints. I logged the miles and miles of pre-5K runs. But it wasn’t with joy. In fact, I thought about faking an injury just so I could stop. (I didn’t.)

After all, I’ve always said that my favorite part of running is the stopping at the end.

Race day came and my sweet, marathon-running friend trotted happily beside me while I endured 5 kilometers of a race I wasn’t even sure I wanted to run. She chatted and I fought vomiting. The finish line came in sight and suddenly, I was joyful.

Not because I had spent hours training. Not because I had grown a friendship to a new level. Not because I had strengthened my body and challenged myself to grow. All of those things would have been awesome things to be joyful about.

I was joyful because it was almost over and I could go back to my normal life of hating running and never doing it again.

Unfortunately, I look at Romans 5:3-5 in much of the same way. During the suffering, I don’t stop and take joy in what the Lord is doing in my life. I don’t joyfully look upon the fruits of my character building. And I often miss the hope poured into me by the Holy Spirit.

Sadly, I spend all of my time looking for the finish line. Praying for the suffering to end. Hoping not more in the Lord but in my own capabilities for a finished result.

I pray that I can begin to look at life’s trials and sufferings as character growing, endurance building and hope breathing seasons in the Lord. Romans 5 clearly states that the end cannot come without the means.

What are you simply enduring right now? How can you turn it into a season of endurance building instead? Allow God to refine you and in turn, pour His love into our hearts through the Holy Spirit.

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I wrote this post for the Summer Session Bible Reading plan my church is doing. If you're reading along, what do you think? If you're not, it's not too late to start!

A link to a post about having a big family

The half-question/half-comments have already started. (I say half-question/half-comments because I don't think people really want an answer from us. Instead, they want to make a comment and make it seem like they are being careful and concerned.)

"You know how that happens, don't you?"

"Why would you want to do that?"

"Are you trying to be like the Duggars?"

While the vast majority of people congratulate us, it's usually followed with, "Y'all are crazy."

If loving our kids and following God's desires for the size of our family makes us crazy, then I guess we are.

So this morning when I read Kate's (from Savvy Little Women) post, I was so encouraged.

Not because they're considering purchasing a trampoline.

But because of this link to a post on John Piper's blog.

Seriously, go read that. It's awesome. And convicting too. Convicted my socks right off.

Happy Monday y'all!

Das Not Funny! Friday: Super Hero Squat

Welcome to a video version of Das Not Funny! Friday.

Y'all, superheroes have been a big deal in our house for a long time now. Remember that time Lucas was being a superhero and punched Luke in the junk? That still makes me laugh out loud, no matter how much my hormones are out of control.

Anyway, Lucas waxes and wains between wanting to be a superhero and wanting to be a cowboy, whose cap gun isn't nearly as lethal as his death stare.

The stick horse makes the picture.

Most of the time, the big girls will play "Super Hero Squat" with him. Last week, the older 3 watched something on TV where the superheroes wore masks. It took our superheroing to a whole new level.

I spent a ridiculously small amount of time fashioning the worst masks on the planet. I secured them to my children's heads using elastic headbands. I tied towels and various other fabrics around their necks with hair ties. Clearly I was trying to break every rule of Strangulation Prevention 101.

But my kids were happy.

When Luke called on his way home from work, I asked if he wanted to tell the kids about the new baby that night at dinner. We decided we would, but we wanted it to be in a creative and fun way.

Don't you dare judge us for our lack of creativity. I had about 20 minutes and 12 hands all over me while I brainstormed my heart out. This is what we came up with.... (You may have to view it full screen because I'm a genius and recorded it on our iTouch, not even thinking about it being so stinkin' tall.)

Who's Gonna Hero Up? from The Beaver Bunch on Vimeo.

Things I love about this video.

1) The look on Luke's face as I pan the camera around to him, whilst asking him if we have another superhero. In his Type A mind he's thinking, "Woman! We did NOT rehearse this. WHAT SHOULD I DO!?!"

2) At 0:49 seconds in and Aaron and Olivia begin their tirade of questions and attention gainers."Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! DADDY! DADDY! DADDY!!!"

 I also love that our other children are completely unfazed by their chaos and continue on with their life, like it's normal.

3) "MOMMA'S BURFDAY!" Eh, so not everyone hits the mark the first time. Maybe she should change her name to something besides Super Speed.

4) At 1:40 Lucas punches Elizabeth for saying we need another boy. Obviously he's not willing to share his Super Hero status.

5) "Before your Anniversary?" That would be seemingly a good question, except I'm willing to bet she has no idea when our Anniversary is.

6) The yelling to say, "STOP YELLING PLEASE!"

7) The random bowling pin at 2:14 and how I didn't miss a beat. (It was courtesy of Aaron, by the way.)

8) The Ella Goat eating the baby's foot. And her subsequent response.

9) "Do, do, do doot, doot! I'm gonna have........................................" Insert the longest pause ever while she counts her siblings. Almost like she's never counted them all before.

10) "Can I be a big brother again?" Followed by, "Wooooohooooooo! BAM! BAM! BAY-BAY!"

and finally, perhaps the thing that makes me laugh most,

11) "CHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESE."

If you ever wondered what a typical evening is like for us, this is it. This is real life y'all. REAL LIFE. Perfectly displaying each of their personalities.

Happy Friday!

Anything but common

I love the ESV version of Acts 10:15. “And the voice came to him again a second time, "What God has made clean, do not call common."

Specifically the fact that the Lord references the unclean, or unholy foods, as “common.”

Is it just me or does it cross anyone else’s mind that they are just....common?

I’m a common Mom, living a common life. (Yes, I know we have 6 kids. For us, that’s common.)

Or maybe for you, you’re just a common person, working a common job. Your job isn’t fancy and you’re a creature of habit. You have worn the same shirt to bed since 1983 and you like it that way. By all standards set by the world, you’re common.

Or maybe you’re a rockstar during the day, but when you come home, your house is normal, your food tastes the same as everyone else’s and really, your life is just.....common.

Heck, even Clark Kent was common when he wasn’t leaping tall buildings with a single bound. Right?

But you know what? I think the enemy whispers the same lie to all of us, no matter what day job we hold, no matter how many kids we come home to, no matter what our salary is or how flashy the car is that we drive. No matter if you flip burgers for a living or flip out $100 bills to pay for your breakfast.

It starts as we begin to feel the Lord drawing us to a closer relationship with Him. We see clearly that God is calling us to be set apart, to walk differently, to speak on a more candid level about our faith, to love the people around us that are really hard to love.

For each of us, this calling is different yet deeply personal. Maybe God’s calling you to start a lunch time Bible Study at work. Maybe He’s asking you to walk across the street to that cranky old lady and be her friend. Maybe He’s nudging you to tell that family member, who rejects everything about the gospel, the truth of your relationship with Him. Maybe He’s moving you to increase the size of your family. Maybe He’s beckoning you to the mission field.

For whatever God is desiring for each of us, He equips us to accomplish His work with scripture, confidence and authority by the Holy Spirit. Secure in our new task, we cinch up our pants, take a step out onto this new ground and the lies begin.

“What are you doing? You can’t do this. Why do you think you can? Don’t you realize that you are nothing special? This is huge and you’re just so.....common.”

And it occurs to us that maybe we are just a common person. Fear grips us, the idea of radical change baffles our minds and we become sold on the lie that we are common.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

When God meets us where we are and invites us to know Him in a deep and intimate way, we shed all things common about us. We shed the sin of our commonality and our past self. We shed the inability to be used for the glory of the Lord.

In essence we become quite uncommon. In Acts 10:15 the word common is used interchangeably for the word unclean. And I’d like to assert that when we buy into the lies the enemy so fervently yells in our direction, we are also buying into the lie that we too are unclean.

My friends, if you have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, nothing could be further from the truth. And do you see the amazing parallel between being unclean and being common? Whether you consider yourself unclean or merely common, you are placing yourself in a position to accomplish nothing for the glory of God.

The truth is, whatever God is beckoning you to at this moment it is worth pursuing. Don’t let the enemy’s lies of your worthlessness, your uncleanliness and your commonality rob you of the joy found in obedience to God’s purpose for your life.

Flee from a common life. And when the enemy begins to whisper to you the lies and pains of your past and tries to convince you that you cannot possibly accomplish all that the Lord has laid out before you, remind yourself that you are anything but common.

Because, “For what God has made clean, do not call common.”

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Chime in and see what else is being blogged about over at the Summer Session blog. And if you're reading along, how's your Summer Session Reading going?

Once upon a time

Once upon a time, there was is a little girl.



She is the cutest, most adorable little 2 and a half year old girl her Momma ever knew. And she LOVES life.


She loves to talk and sing and talk and sing and talk and sing and talk. All of the time. Nonstop. All of the time. Always.



She is silly and happy and knows nothing about volumes that are appropriate for being inside. She loves fiercely, hugs often and affectionately and (aggressively) mothers her "little" sister frequently. (And by "little" I only mean in age. She and "little" sister wear the same size clothes, which is super convenient for their Momma.)



Her Momma loves her more than she can explain, even when she drives her Momma to the brink of insanity. Her laugher abounds through her house and rings in the ears of her family. She loves to eat, talk, be silly, sing, talk, jump, run and do all the things a two and a half year old knows is borderline questionable.



But most of all, this little girl makes her family feel so blessed. Blessed that God would choose them to be her family. Blessed that even though she didn't grow in her Momma's belly, she was chosen to grow their family. Blessed that she's going to be a big sister, again, because she's just so good at it.

And mostly, just blessed by her sweet, joyful, hopeful, always lively spirit.

And they all lived happily blessedly forever after.

Just like my Granny

All my life, people have told me that I'm just like my Granny. When Luke and I first got married, she told me something that, at the time, cracked me up so much that I really didn't think too much about it.

She said, "Jessica, you know, we're fertile people. All your Grandpa had to do was throw his britches across the foot of the bed and I'd get pregnant."

Turns out, I am just like my Granny. And baby, I'm glad that I am. ;)

I wonder about Lazarus

Below is a post I wrote for today's readings for the Summer Session. Are you still reading along? If so, how's it going? If you've not yet started, it's not too late. Join us! This week's post is taken from my readings in John Chapters 11-12.

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I wonder how Lazarus felt when we walked out of the tomb. I wonder if when his body jolted back to life, if he was disoriented and confused. I’ve done that when we’ve been on vacation and I wake up abruptly in the night and can’t figure out where I’m at. But I’m guessing four days in a tomb wasn’t quite the same as a vacation for Lazarus.

As he stumbled past the stone that was holding his body (and his odor - thanks for pointing that out, Martha) in, I wonder if he was smiling beneath the wrappings. Were his eyes fixed on his beloved sisters or on his beloved Savior?

As Lazarus reclined at the table with Jesus and the disciples as he watched his sister anoint their Lord, I wonder if he told of what he’d experienced in his four days of death. I wonder if he recounted for his friends the moment he realized he was indeed dying and then, the moment he realized he’d been risen from the dead.

But mostly, I wonder how Lazarus felt when he found out that the chief priests were plotting to kill him because his story was leading others to Christ.

Was he afraid of dying once more? Did he run and hide? Did he remember his final moments of his first death? Was he like me and forgot all the things the Lord had previously done for him and instead panicked and allowed fear to wash over him?

Or, did he continue to recline at the table? Did he smile at his persecutors and remember with fondness The Lifeblood that previously redeemed his once-dead body? Did he walk boldly through the markets, knowing that death had lost it’s sting?

Often, when I face a time in my life that, from all appearances, seems to be a crisis I forget rather than remember.

I forget the triumphs of the one who has rescued me time and time again. I forget the one that took this once-dead body of mine and rose it to new life. I forget all of the things the Lord has already proven to me, even though no proof was ever required of Him.

I forget that He has already conquered the world. And even if it seems as contradictory as a second death for an already resurrected Lazarus, it’s for His glory alone and my job is simply to trust and endure.

I wonder which side of the emotional pendulum Lazarus’ emotions went as he discovered the chief priests’ hatred for him. Did he swing to the side of fear or to the side of faith? Did he shut down and abandon all that he’d known to be true, or did he embrace his past, the statement his life made for the Lord and endure every persecution with joy?

Put me in Lazarus’ sandals and I’m not sure which way I’d lean. I pray for the Lord to increase my faith but often, increased faith only comes through increased testing.

How about you? Which way do you lean when the pressure comes to call?

Chock full O' Nuts Controversy

A couple posts ago, I asked if you were ready to hear about the deep, spiritual truths I learned on my trip to Guinea-Bissau. Resoundingly, you all said you were. However, two comments in particular stood out to me. Before I move on to describing my experiences, I want to address those comments first.

First of all, my friend Wendi (who went on the trip to Guinea-Bissau, too) reminded me that it was more important to get God's input than anyone else's. I love having a friend who always points me back the Lord and His desires. Thanks Wendi, for doing such time and time and time again.

Secondly, Lisa had quite a bit to say. You can read her full comment by clicking here, and scrolling to the comments section. It's pretty lengthy, but well worth going back and reading what she has to say. I'm going to address some of her comments and points in this post and will only copy and paste excerpts (or maybe even a dissection of sorts) of her comment. However, please don't just take the portion I have copied and use it as a jumping point if you'd like to join in the discussion. I really believe it's worth going back and getting a feel for the spirit with which Lisa's comment was intended.

I didn't perceive Lisa's comment to be offensive, rude or disrespectful in any way. However, she does pose some interesting questions about the spiritual realm and her experiences in Africa.

Let me preface the rest of this post by saying this:

This is my experience in Guinea-Bissau. I'm not claiming to know much, if anything, about Africa as whole. I can only comment on the limited experience I have from a 10 day trip to Guinea-Bissau, West Africa. Specifically the village of Canquelifa, where I spent the majority of my time. HOWEVER, while praying about how much of my experience to share in such a public forum, I did ask other folks, some who are missionary kids (now grown) - some former missionaries - some current missionaries - what their experiences are with the spiritual realm. Every one of them agreed that it does exist and it is active and that they had experienced it to some degree. Each of the people I spoke with told me of differing areas of spiritual activity. Some spoke of seeing the heavenly side of the spiritual realm (in Africa) while others spoke of seeing the dark side of the spiritual realm.

There are several points I want to discuss in light of Lisa's comment.

For starters, Lisa said,

I must admit I am always uneasy at how easy it is for westerners to experience the dark spiritual realm during mission trips to the “dark continent”. In my 25 years living there amongst the citizens – i.e. having them as neighbors, going to school and working with them (without the benefit of the usual segregation where missionaries tend to live in their own little “pockets” away from the “natives”), I never saw or experienced anything in the dark realm.

Lisa, I hope you understand that I do not in any way want to discredit your experiences. But, they are just that. Your experiences. And truthfully - examining your experiences against the backdrop of Scripture - I'm going to go out on a very shaky limb here and say that if you "never saw or experienced anything in the dark realm" then maybe you are fooling yourself. Because, really, I don't think your feet have to be on African soil to experience the dark side of the spiritual realm. In fact, one of the things the Lord reminded me of on the 1st night of our stay in the village was a dream I had when I was a very little girl. A dream that was so vivid, that 20 years later I can still remember details (and I can't hardly remember what I had for breakfast yesterday). I believe the Lord was confirming that the enemy does, indeed, attack me most openly in my dreams and that, indeed, what I was sensing was the presence of evil (both in my dream so many years ago and in the moment that I was currently in).

Lisa, I pray you don't find that offensive. But, truly, even in America before I ever set foot in Africa, I had experienced evil. Granted, God certainly used my time in Guinea-Bissau to open and give clarity to my spiritual eyes but the truth is, I've been in the presence of evil before. And, I'd bet that if you're being honest too, you have as well. No matter what continent you were standing on.

A sentence or two later, Lisa went on to say,

The only experience with witchcraft any of my school mates [She's referencing a previously mentioned boarding-school she was a student at - I'm guessing? Please correct me if I've misunderstood, Lisa.] ever had was what was found in the pages of western novels! My African friends would always be surprised that we had things like Wiccans in the west and not understand our fascination with the occult and eastern mysticism.

While I agree that the Africans I met were typically astounded with our fascination with the occult and demons, in particular our celebration of Halloween, I find it hard to digest that any of your African friends would deny the existence of witchcraft. I'm not for one split-second suggesting that any of your African friends participated in witchcraft, but I'm sure they know it existed. And if they didn't, I'm truly shocked.

You see, all of the people we encountered in Guinea-Bissau knew there was a supernatural battle and the power in spirits. It wasn't because they spoke crazy things or looked like crazy people. In fact, neither of those are the case. BUT, if I had to put a percentage out there, I'd wager that nearly 80% of the people in the village we were in had some sort of involvement with the witchdoctor. And it was obvious. Because, either they themselves, or their children wore amulets. See those yellow arrows below? They are pointing to amulets that are tied onto this sweet, beautiful, precious scared-to-death-of-the-white-lady-with-the-camera, princess.

Amulets bought from the village's witchdoctor and include spells, potions or who knows what else on/in them to keep away evil spirits and to bring good luck. But the truth is, those amulets don't ward off the evil, they attract the evil.



But I don't for one second blame that Momma for doing her best and whatever she can to keep her baby safe. It saddens me deeply that she is unknowingly exposing her baby to darkness. And I explained such to her. But she wasn't prepared to hear what I had to say.
And this baby wasn't the only one. Nearly every child we saw had amulets of some type on them. Some were less visible and tied around their waists, under their clothing. Others, more obvious like the sweet thing pictured above. And I know that the people in the village of Canquelifa believe in their power.
One young Momma, who looked to be about 17 or so, offered her life up to Christ. In fact, I had the privilege of praying with her, along with our translator Ruthie. The timing wasn't right to discuss with her the amulets that hung around her 6 month old baby's neck. But the next day as we made our rounds through the village, I saw her. Ruthie and I went to speak to her. Ruthe translated as I explained that now, with her being a new creation in Christ, she didn't need the amulets for her baby. She said that she's went to the witchdoctor to get them because her baby had a rash on her face. We explained that God could heal her baby, but He may not. Yet either way, the amulets were attracting evil to her baby rather than providing protection. Immediately she got a knife and cut them off. This was NOT characteristic of the new believers in the village. Most would tell us that they'd cut them off later, undoubtably, never following through.
Y'all, this was no small demonstration of faith for this young Momma. You see, this young Momma lived with her own Mom. As soon as her Mom saw what she had done, she grabbed the amulets from her daughter and told us, not-so-nicely, that she'd tie them right back on her grandbaby after we left.
If the people of this village didn't believe in or practice witchcraft, why were the amulets so prevalent? Why were they so fervently clinging to them? Again, I don't claim this is the way for all Africans, but for this group of people it was a way of life.
Lisa continued with,

I have always wondered if it is easy to experience the dark spiritual realm while in Africa based on the prissm through which we westerners view Africa – the dark continent where witchcraft and evil spirits run rampant! Thanks to national geographic, hollywood's depiction of Africa and missionaries war stories...

Oh Lisa! I know you are correct in how most westerners view Africa. And, it breaks my heart deeply. Some of my own family views Africa that way and, truly, it crushes me...and angers me.

Believe me when I say that I believed, before I ever went, that Africa is beautiful. Not only the landscape, but her people. I fell in love with Africa's people before I ever touched her soil. I can't explain how or why but I did.

Honestly, I expected to experience the supernatural while I was in Guinea-Bissau. I FULLY EXPECTED that I would see and experience things that I had never seen or experienced before. But, even that didn't meet my expectations.

You see, I expected to see the MIRACULOUS not the darkness. About a year or so before I went, one of the teams from our church went to one of the villages we've partnered with to plant a church. One of my husband's very good friends saw a New Testament miracle with his very own eyes! Indeed, he and another man prayed over a lame man and the lame man GOT UP AND WALKED AWAY. Neil (my husband's friend - and also the husband of my good friend) brought home the man's walking stick. I don't remember specifically how long the man had been lame but long enough that his thumb had worn a spot in the stick that he used to walk with. I'VE TOUCHED the not-so-lame-anymore man's former walking stick. I've ran my thumb across the wood that his thumb had worn smooth.

THAT is what I expected to see. Not the darkness. In fact, before I left the darkness never even occurred to me. Yes, I expected to see the supernatural. But not like I did. But I've found that God likes to surprise me more often than He likes to prove me right. But yes Lisa, I agree, and find it disturbing, that most western people view Africa as a dark continent. It makes me want to leave this country so much faster and prove to the people watching us that Africa is BEAUTIFUL and worth sacrificing a few comforts for the salvation of her people.

Then, Lisa reaches into my journal, plagiarizes my thoughts ;) and says the following,

To me, it appears as though we westerners never look at our own sins through the prism of the spiritual realm, but somehow the same sins in the “dark” continent and in Asia can only be attributed to this realm and not man’s fallen and sin nature.

I agree. And let me tell you all, America is out of control with the labels. Now, I'm probably going to start a whole 'nother debate but can I just go out on another limb?

I have some illnesses that run in my family. Sure, there are times with these particular illness can be situational, seasonal and sometimes even chemical imbalances. But the fact that this same illness has plagued my family for GENERATIONS should make me stop and recognize that it's probably less of an illness and more of a oppression from darkness. And I should be doing everything in my power to release my family from this bondage!

I know. Gasp! I said it. Out loud. But you know what? I think it's true. And not just for my family. Now, I am NOT saying that mental illnesses aren't serious. I'm not saying that they're not legitimate. But I do believe that Americans are very quick to get a prescription for their woes rather than renouncing the dark powers that potentially have a hold on their lives. I wholly agree with Lisa that Americans (and westerners) don't give enough credit to our own sin, fallen nature and the darkness that creeps around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. People! Our enemy is real. Why do we discredit him so much in our western world? THAT is why I desire to speak the truth about my time in West Africa.

(Cue the crazy lady stares and eye-contact avoidance on Sunday Morning. I'm ready. Bring it people. My family isn't any more messed up than yours. Let's all stop pretending, okay?)

Lastly, Lisa mentions that she cannot find any biblical evidence for the dark spiritual realm only existing in one geographical area.

Well, Lisa, I think you'll agree with me on this one. There is, in fact, one geographical area that is predominantly suppressed by the dark spiritual realm. It's little sphere of dirt and water called Earth. The enemy is called, among other things, the prince of the power of the air - meaning HE'S EVERYWHERE. And y'all he's out to get us, whether we chose to see him, believe he exists or give him any credit for the evil that surrounds us. He's not just chillin' in Africa or Asia. He's in the country you live in, the state in which you reside, the city you buy your groceries in and sometimes, even knocking on your door.

True, we are indeed driven by our own sinful selves and our fallen world. But he's after us. He's seeking to destroy us. He's looking for a foothold to drag us down. He's got authority over demons and forces and darkness beyond what our little minds can comprehend.

He's real, whether you like it or not. But, we should all take heart. Because, like Dave Ramsey says (and I'm gonna paraphrase here)...

"It's all going to be okay. I've read the back of The Book. It's okay guys. WE WIN."

So, what do you all think?

Jesus makes me glad I'm a sinner

Click here to read why Jesus makes me glad I'm a sinner.

Speaking of Summer Session Reading, how's yours going?

What has the Lord revealed to you specifically since you started reading? He's given me so much to dwell on and pray over.

Have a great Thursday!

Dare to share?

I know it's been over two months since I've gotten back from Guinea-Bissau, West Africa. And I know the three, measly posts I've written about my 10 days on the other side of the world, hardly do it justice.

I've written this post in my mind at least a dozen times. In fact, I have two saved posts regarding this aspect of my trip, each of them containing 2 - 3 sentences and copious amounts of empty space.

I'm having this conflict within myself. Do I tell you all exactly what happened, laying out there the logistics of the supernatural experiences I had or do I just give you bits and pieces, palatable excerpts that I think the majority of our American Church culture can tolerate?

Because the truth is, y'all, I faced some serious stuff. Stuff that American Christians generally don't talk about. Stuff that we should talk about because it's real, but it invades on our comfortable American lives, making us uncomfortable with the fact that there really is a spiritual realm that for the most part we don't even acknowledge.

For those of you who are regular readers, honestly, I think you can handle it. But my worry is that anyone new stumbling by may read that post and go, "Woah. This Christian lady is whack. Thanks but no thanks, Jesus." Then click away, even more turned off from the Christian faith.

But the truth is, Paul didn't hold back. Neither did John in writing Revelation. I'd wager a guess to say that none of the authors of the Bible held back the truth. And while I am certainly not putting myself in the same boat as the authors of the Bible I do know that God revealed specific truths to me about the Spiritual realm. In fact, He didn't just reveal it to ME, he revealed it to my friend Wendi and the others on our trip as well.

But, on the flip side, I don't want to give myself that much credit. The truth is, if the Lord desires to draw someone to himself, how arrogant of me to think that if they read one of my blog posts that they'd be turned away for good! I'm not that important.

So I guess what I want to know is:

Do you want me to lay it out there?

It's heavy stuff, y'all. And I don't tell about it lightly. I've only shared it with specific people. But it is truth. And not just truth from my perspective, but truth as confirmed in Scripture. The spiritual realm is all around us and God brought it to the forefront of my life while I was half a world away from everything and everyone I loved. I'm not talking about fat, fluffy angels with harps and bow and arrows. I'm talking darkness.

Do you think this is the space to share that? If so, why? If NOT, why? I value your input so much.

Arm Yourself

**I wrote this post for the Summer Session blog our church is hosting this summer. Are you reading along with us? If so, how's it going? I pray you're getting depth and richness from God's word as you read through the New Testament with us over the summer! I'd love to hear from you!**

Satan is the author of lies. John chapter 8 tells us that he is the father of lies. So why should we expect any less from him than distortion, abuse and misuse of the truth?

Isn’t that how the enemy works, his very nature? He takes what we know to be true, noble and good and twists it just enough so that it distorts what God intended. He did that with Eve in the garden when he asked her, “Did God actually say, ‘You must not eat of any tree of the garden”?’ (Genesis 3:1) Of course that’s not what God said, but the enemy twisted the truth just enough so that Eve began slipping down the slippery slope of half truths.

So when I read Luke Chapter 4 and of Jesus’ temptation, God opened my eyes to see that often when the enemy attacks, he uses half and partial truths to twist the the beauty of God’s protective and loving nature.

In verses 1 - 12 of Chapter 4 we see the enemy take the Scriptures and use them clearly out of context to tempt Christ and submit to Him that the character of God isn’t quite what the Scriptures portray. In verse 9, Satan takes Jesus up to Jerusalem and sets him on the pinnacle of the temple. Satan taunts Jesus, scoffing that if He really is the Son of God, flinging himself off of the ledge is acceptable because God will command the angels to guard Him.

He takes the intention of the Scriptures (Psalm 91:11-12) and distorts it just enough that it seems plausible. Surely God wouldn’t allow His only Son, the Savior of the world, to die just from jumping off a ledge? Right?

Jesus retorts with an accurate use of Scripture and it silences the enemy, at least for that moment.

But do you want to know what the scariest part of this passage of scripture is for me? The fact that Satan knows more scripture than I do.

I learned so much from the 10 days I spent in Guinea-Bissau, West Africa in April of this year. But the overarching theme that I believe the Lord wanted to show me is that the enemy is powerful. As Americans, we are so quick to claim the power of God. We are quick to claim that God is still the God of the Bible, He can still perform miracles, He can still heal the sick and wounded. He’s still all powerful. Those statements are undoubtably true.

But you know what else? Satan is still the enemy of the Bible. He’s still sneaky and deceptive. He still whispers lies to God’s people. He has power over the demons and all things evil.

The thing I was convicted of most in this passage of Scripture is this: What am I actively doing to contrast the power of the enemy in my life?

Quiet time, reading and studying the Scriptures is crucial. Prayer is essential. But an important aspect that many Christians, myself included, tend to gloss over is Scripture memorization.

If our very enemy knows the Scriptures and is prepared to twist them like jagged arrows then launch them at us in his attacks, how can we defend ourselves unless we know the REAL truth of the Scriptures?

As I laid in a dark hut in Guinea-Bissau, feeling the presence of the enemy like never before in my life, feeling overwhelmed with the power of darkness, the Lord quickly brought previously memorized Scripture to my mind.

As the enemy whispered to me, “I’ve got you. There’s nothing your God can do now. You’re here all alone. Be afraid. I will win.” the Lord instantly reminded me that Satan was whispering to me half truths. And God brought His word from the recesses of my heart to confirm Himself. Resist him, Jessica. Stand firm in your faith. I will restore, confirm, strengthen and establish you. I have the glory and the dominion forever. (1 Peter 5:6-11)

Are you actively storing up God’s word in your heart? If not, how else can you or I expect to fight the enemy when he begins his language of lies? The Word is our only offensive tool.

Arm yourself.

Unreached

What's it worth to you?

What's the cost of spreading the gospel worth to you? I'm going to be really honest and tell you that lately, my selfishness gets a hold on me and I DON'T WANT TO GO TO AFRICA.

There. I said it.

I don't want to leave my church. I don't want to leave my women's Bible study group. I don't want to leave my town with the drug store just down the street and fresh, drinkable water flowing from the tap.

I don't want to leave cable TV or fast internet access or a life where my husband makes good money and the grocery store provides ready to eat food.

I don't want to leave my friends. I don't want to leave my family. I don't want to leave my Mom.

But in my quiet time I feel the burden. I feel a longing in my Spirit, an ache for something bigger than my own life. I walk away from time in the Scriptures and I know that we must go.

Basically, it boils down to whether or not I really believe what I say I believe. Because if I say that I truly believe that Jesus is the only way, can I really sit idly by and allow millions of people who have never heard the gospel to continue living a life separated from God?

Can I sit and drink my clean water, go to my plentiful grocery store and spend frivolously the money my husband brings home and pretend these people don't exist?

I see statistics like this people group in Afghanistan who claim a population of 7.6 million yet there are only 0.01% evangelical Christians among them. ONE HUNDREDTH OF A PERCENT! Folks, where's the hope for them?

Or what about the Hakka people group of China? They boast an impressive population of approximately 33.4 million and yet only 0.06% are evangelical Christians. Do you realize that the Hakka people make up the same population as the ENTIRE country of Canada? (source)

If, as Americans, we knew that the ENTIRE COUNTRY OF CANADA were unreached with the gospel of Jesus Christ WHAT WOULD WE DO? Leaders from every American denomination of Christianity would be up in arms, pleading their people to share the gospel! Yet the Hakka people sit, a world away - much more risky that a mere border crossing - and the church does relatively nothing.

But you know what, I get it. China and especially Afghanistan are scary places. Surely God wouldn't want you to do something dangerous, right? (The answer to that question requires another post, entirely.)

But for arguments sake, let's say you need something more safe. What about Japan? 122 MILLION Japanese people and only 0.05% are evangelical Christian. I'm quite sure the effects of the tsunami are still being felt, especially with all that's going on with their nuclear problems. Surely they need the hands and feet of Jesus in their midst.

What's that? You don't want to go to Japan because of nuclear radiation? Um. Okay.

What about the Berber, Riffan people of France? Approximately 126,000 people in that specific people group and only 0.02% are evangelical Christian.

Or the Punjabi people living in the United Kingdom? Approximately 562,000 and only 0.01% of them are evangelical Christian.

Don't care for Europe?

Okay, how about tropical Brazil where the Karafawyana people live. Granted, there's only 50 of them and you may have your work cut out for you finding them in a country the size of Brazil, but they're also considered unreached.

Don't want to travel internationally? Then what about the people groups who are considered totally unreached right here in the United States? (You'll have to click on the filter to sort by % Adherent to see the least reached groups.) (There's also that widget on my sidebar from JoshuaProject.net that lists and unreached people groups each day.)

(By the way, if you're still looking for an excuse, then I've got nothing for you.)

Scripture tells us that one day someone from every tribe, tongue and nation will stand before the throne and praise the Living God.

My question to you is, what are you doing to advance the kingdom? What are you doing to take hope to the unreached people of this world? If you claim to know the truth, why aren't you sharing it?

Because, there are many days where I think about us buying a nice, big house with some land, getting some horses and popping out a few more kids and NEVER GOING TO AFRICA. However, doing so at this point in our lives would be living in disobedience to what God has called us to do.

He's burdened our hearts for the unreached people of Kenya. And though my flesh tries to convince me otherwise, I know us going is our only option.

Please don't be mistaken, I do not think the only way to obedience is through foreign missions. I was talking to our Pastor yesterday morning and he told me of an elderly lady in our church who had invited a middle aged black man to visit our church and bring his children to our Vacation Bible School. (And he did, by the way, and turns out, I knew him!)

This lady is easily 70+ years old. Do you understand the era in which she was born and raised? That put this woman in her late teens/early 20s when desegregation erupted in the southern United States. Going out of her way to invite a young, black man and his family to her church, joyfully, must be so radical for her. Not that I believe for one moment that she shouldn't have, or that she still feels the prejudices of 50 years ago, but I do think that it probably took a step of boldness that the Holy Spirit must have prompted.

My point is, everyone can be radical. Everyone can do something crazy, on fire for the Lord. Everyone can do their part to reach the Unreached People of the globe. For some, getting on their knees daily for the Unreached is where they'll find their power. For others, they need to put their money where their faith is. For some, it's going. For a few, it's training up the missionaries. Whatever the case may be, it's critical that we all do our part to take the only Hope to the hopeless.

I pray the Lord breaks your heart for those who've never heard of His redeeming power.

Sweet Little Girls

On Saturday, I had the pleasure of photographing a sweet family in our church.




The original plan was to take pictures of them when their youngest was still resting nicely in her Momma's belly. But, maternity pictures didn't pan out with my impending trip to Guinea-Bissau and the half a billion other scheduling conflicts we had.

But truly, I'm glad it worked out this way. Because I got to hold, squish and love on this little angel.




Her sweetness was not only evident to me, but also to her two sisters who swooned over her as well.




Well, I guess I can't say both of them swooned over her that much. This little cutie was much too busy picking up sticks and rocks and dirt to swoon over anyone. Don't let that sweet, girly face fool you. She's all girl and equally all tomboy.




Their oldest is so tender, loving on her baby sister fiercely. She kissed, cuddled, held and doted over her as only an oldest sister can.




Her sweet spirit captivated me, as did her gentle smile and her beautiful eyes.







It was an honor to spend some time with this awesome family who seeks to serve the Lord and raise up Godly women! Thanks B family for the opportunity!

The Face of a Miracle

Ever wondered what a real, live miracle looks like?

Click here to see one.

If you're unfamiliar with Chris and Lindy's miracle story, I blogged about it here.

Congratulations to Chris and Lindy on the birth of the most anticipated miracle I've ever known (you know, besides Jesus)!

Today, I stand in awe of the God of miracles.

Take Heart, Daughter

Everyone knew her. After all, she’s been unclean for 12 years. Her secret was no secret. When she needed necessities from the market, it was likely that she hardly had to speak above a whisper anymore, as she announced herself to the masses, which was custom for the unclean. Likely, few would go near her. She probably couldn’t remember the last time she’d heard a kind word, someone had hugged her and that her body hadn’t writhed from her illness.

If physical touch was her love language, I’m quite sure her body ached to feel love. Disgust, loathe and filth were synonymous with her name. I’m sure the young women of the town scoffed at her, giggled with each other, at her expense, as she shuffled through the streets.

Click here to continue reading.

(That'll take you to the Summer Session Blog, where my post is featured today).

I know, trickery is only fun if you're the trickster.

So? How IS your summer reading coming along? It's not to late to jump in! Click here for the Summer Session Reading Plan. Click here to see how I feel about Bible reading plans.

Want Updates?

Just wanted to hop in really quick and let you all know that we are trying a new email system for updates with our ministry. The plan is to send out newsletters once every quarter and only on rare occasion email our entire contact list with specific needs outside of our quarterly publications.

If you would like to subscribe to our ministry newsletters, you can do so using the widget over on the left sidebar of my blog. I promise your info will be kept confidential and never used for anything other than contacting you about ministry news. And, I'll never sell your info or use it to garner extra chocolate or a kidney on the black market. Not that I need a kidney, but I do need chocolate. In large quantities. Often.

Anyway, if you subscribe and at some point realize you no longer wish to receive updates, you can unsubscribe hassle free.

Hope y'all have a great Tuesday.

Decay

I sat, reclined way back in the chair, as she updated me on her family, while her tools filled my mouth. She scraped, I listened to how her son liked his first year of "big" school.

I knew the question was coming among the small talk we were making back and forth.

Side note: Why do they do that? If you are dental hygienist, can you explain this to me? Why do y'all ask a question, then shove your tools in our mouth so that there is no possible way in the universe that we could ever answer you? Every.single.time.

Anyway, she asked how our kids were doing, how homeschooling was going, how my teeth were feeling. I like my hygienist. She always seems to remember the details of my life, even though I'm sure she's just reflecting on the notes in my chart.

I knew the question was coming. As she scraped the plaque off my teeth, especially in the nooks and crannies and spaces between, I knew it was bound to be next out of her mouth.

"Are you brushing regularly?"

"Yes." I stated hesitantly, because I knew it was coming. "I can tell," she responded, "you have great teeth."
She scraped and scraped. The dentist came in and checked. They took that little mirror and explored my entire mouth. Nothing inside it was a secret anymore.

The dentist gave me a clean bill of health. Well, at least as far as my mouth goes, anyway. Then, she came at me with that stuff. I knew the question that was next.

"So, are you flossing every day?" she asked, already knowing the answer.

For a brief moment, I thought about lying. But, like I always do, I confessed the truth. "No," I said ashamedly, my mouth full of floss and her fingers.

"When was the last time you flossed?" she asked.

"Um...I think you did it," I said and sort of laughed, "or maybe a few months ago when I had something I couldn't get out between my teeth."

"Well, at least you're honest," she laughed.

(Am I the only one who knows the question is coming, yet it doesn't prompt me to floss regularly before my next visit?)

And then it hit me. Isn't that exactly how my prayer life is? Because, (I'm going to be honest y'all) my prayer life sorta stinks. Like that stinky old, nasty stuff that grows between my teeth.

Today, I think I figured out why. I'm afraid y'all. I'm afraid that when I enter the presence of the Lord He's going to flush out all the nasty, gross, disgusting decay that's growing in the places that I try my best to keep hidden. And he should. But truthfully, I don't want Him to. It hurts.

But really, I mean, who am I trying to kid? The Lord already knows everything that's in there. Just like my sweet dental hygienist, there's no lying about all the stuff I'm able to keep secret from everyone else.

If my BFF asked me if I floss everyday, I could easily say, "Yeah. Sure, I do." But the dentist knows differently. The same is true with the Lord. It's easy to put up the perception of being a "good" Christian. I can spout off Scripture, give you some Biblical truth served up on a silver platter and even lead Bible studies. But if my prayer life is amiss, it all seems, well....fake. It's like I smile and on the outside appear to have this great mouth full of teeth. But one glance in the mirror and well, I know how long it's been since the nastiness was removed.

My hearts desire is to get on my knees and cry out to my Lord. But, truthfully, I'm afraid. I'm afraid He'll see the truth and then maybe change His mind about calling us to the mission field, or maybe I really can't handle all these kids, or maybe He messed up giving me the blessing of a Godly husband.

(source)

But the real truth is, He sees it anyway. No tiny mirrors needed. He sees it all. And yet, He chooses to bless me despite the decay I allow to grow in the crevices of my soul. My sinful desires override my spirit's desires to make me clean, from the inside out. I get so frustrated with myself and I wonder why I don't feel near to the Lord.

I think the answer is on my knees. I need to go before the King, beg him to remove the decay and stench from my soul and purify me. Then, the nearness will come.

And then, maybe, search for that spool of dental floss.

-------

What do you do to keep your prayer life in check?

Threefold cord

*Alternately titled: Amanda's Bridal Portraits*

Remember when I posted engagement pictures of our sweet, amazing, awesome babysitter/Nanny Amanda and her terrific fiance Nick? (No? Well, that's what that link was for.)

Then, I posted sneak peek pictures of Amanda's bridal portraits? Do you want to see more? I know you do. She's breathtaking, really.

Last week, Amanda and Nick made it official. I'm still a little dazed at the fact that they're really married. Over the last year, I've watched their relationship blossom. It's not always been easy, and had it been I probably would have been worried. But they've both stepped up to the plate and decided that the thing that's most important in their relationship is Christ.

Both Amanda and Nick have grown in leaps and bounds in their relationships with the Lord. Nick has started going to the weekly men's Bible study that Luke is a part of and Amanda's joined my women's group. As Nick has blessed my man with his walk with the Lord, Amanda has equally blessed mine.

There's nothing special about Luke or I. There's really nothing extraordinary about our small groups. But, the fact that Nick and Amanda desired to begin their marriage deeply rooted in solid study of Scripture is HUGE. I remember feeling so burdened for them when they first announced their engagement.

In fact, the next time Amanda came over, I felt compelled to tell her something I felt the Holy Spirit had firmly pressed on my heart.

"Amanda, I know you didn't ask me for advice, but I'm going to give you some anyway." My heart was pounding in my chest because I didn't want to offend her but I knew I needed to say what the Lord had so clearly told me.

"My prayer for you is that you will spend the next months before your wedding focusing more on becoming a wife rather than becoming a bride. I really wish I had done that."

She smiled and nodded in agreement. Luke and I began to pray for them both. A month or so later she joined our group and Nick joined the men's group. Over the course of the months leading up to their wedding, something changed in my relationship with Amanda. At first, I was hesitant because, after all, she works for us.

But I'm so glad that she's allowed me into her life, into some hard places and we've walked some roads together. Now, Amanda's not our babysitter/Nanny.

Now, she's a treasured friend.

I love her so much and I'm so honored that she allowed me front row seats on the last year of her life.

I was a bundle of nerves the day of their wedding, hoping we had prepared enough, had enough food and everything would go smoothly. But, after I ushered my little people to the top of the aisle and then went around and took my seat, I sat there, eyes fixed on Nick.

The music began and I glanced over my shoulder. I saw her coming around the corner and then Luke and I both turned back to Nick. My favorite part of the bride's entrance is watching the groom. As Nick grew teary eyed, my own hot tears streamed down my face. I looked at my own husband and thought about how much our lives had changed in the last 8.5 years.

I sobbed. Luke cried.

And now, a week later, they're married. I'm so excited to see what the Lord is going to do in their life! I know they will have struggles, I know they will have moments of doubt and fear. But above all, they've placed their marriage on the altar before God. I know the Lord Himself is eager to reveal to them His plans. I can't wait to watch it all unfold. All the while praying that they continue to keep Christ as the 3rd and central cord in their marriage.

And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken. - Ecclesiastes 4:12

Summer Session. Join me?

Wanna know what three words send chills up my spine?

Are you ready for this......

Bible Reading Plan.

I know. The horror.

Probably because in my short time as a follower of Christ (7 years to be exact) each and every time I've began a Bible Reading Plan *shudder* I've failed miserably.

Sometimes I'd make it to the 3rd or 4th week. Most times, I just give up 1 week in when I'm 2 or more days behind. So when our Pastor announced on Sunday that we'd be doing a church-wide Summer Session complete with a Bible Reading Plan I thought, "Yeah. No thanks."

Truth is, I also thought, "You know what? This is for people who don't really read their Bible. This is for people who aren't growing in their relationship with God because they refuse to pick up their Bibles and really read them."

Then, our Pastor hit us with a staggering statistic. He said out of all of the regular church attenders (that would be people who come pretty regularly - not just on Christmas and Easter) only 11% have regular, consistent quiet time, studying the Bible.

ELEVEN PERCENT.

That stunned me. Then I started to wonder....would I consider myself in that 11%. I mean, I have small group on Sunday night with our teenagers, then another small group on Monday nights with my girlfriends, then during the school year I have a small group Community Bible Study group that meets on Thursdays and that's not to mention when Luke and I read together a night during the week.

I mean, I'm good. Right?

Then the Lord gently spoke to me. "Jessica, those are great but really in each of those instances you're reading studies that other people have produced. You're not reading Scripture for yourself. And you've never even read all the way through the New Testament."

Ouch. Okay, I'll do it.

So, I really wasn't going to mention it to Luke. That way, if I failed at least I'd be the only one with a record of my disaster. But then, on Monday night, Luke cracked open his Bible and said, "So, did you do the summer reading for today?"

Yikes! Good thing I had. Then, yesterday I got an email from our Pastor asking if I'd contribute to the blog for the summer reading.

How did he know?

So, I guess I'm making it public.

I, Jessica, am doing a *gulp* Bible Reading Plan this summer.

I'd love you to join me. It's not too late! Plus, sometime today, a post I wrote will be up over on our church's Summer Session blog.

Click here for the Summer Session schedule.

Click here for the blog where there will be posts for each day's worth of reading.

Three days in to the Bible Reading Plan and I'm so glad I've jumped in with both feet. Join me?

More answers to your ministry/Africa questions!

In my last Q & A post about our ministry, my sweet, bloggy friend Holly asked some great questions. Apparently, it sparked some questions some others of you had.

So here's round 2 of Questions and Answers....

Amym asked....

Any ideas on what homeschool curriculum you will follow while in Africa?

Um. No. Right now we use Spell to Write and Read and I like it so-so. It's suppose to be able to be used through High School, but I think Lucas will struggle with it. So right now, I don't know. We also use Math-U-See and I like it alright. I don't know, it's hard for me I think because I used to be a public school teacher so I have in my head what "school" is suppose to look like and Homeschooling looks NOTHING like public school (which, isn't that the point?).

So, all of that to say, Homeschooling and the materials involved is still a work in progress for me. I really need to spend more time in prayer over our schooling in general. This year (starting yesterday actually) we are going to function on a year round school schedule. We'll do 6 weeks on, 1 week off. I'm pretty excited about it. I'm adapting some resources from a (very old) version of Sonlight's Grade 1 (before they even named them "Core"...yes, it's old) and yesterday went well. The twins are officially in Kindergarten and Elizabeth is hovering between 1st & 2nd grade. Lately I've been thinking a lot about how/when to get school books to Kenya. I know the Lord will work out the details, but it never hurts to use the brain He's given us to think!

Any of you have suggestions?

Beth asked....

1. How often will you come back to the states... during the 4 years I mean?

The plan is to not return to the US until after the 4 years is up. But, people can come see us at anytime! (GREAT BIG HINT!)

2. How will I be able to keep in touch with you when you are living in the wilderness? Is postal service totally sketchy... will you have interwebs access?

We will have internet access (do you think I could live without it?) and we will also have cell phones. From what I understand, postal service is not great.

3. Will you instead consider moving west with us and create a baby making Jesus loving commune with us? We can get house help. (I kid, I kid, sort of).

At this point, I will consider anything. I am not kidding. Okay, sorta.

4. Do you realize how much I'm going to miss you? And how much our kids will miss your kids?

Yes I do and if I dwell on it I turn into a bucket of tears. Thanks for the reminder.

Holly asked....

Yes, will you have internet access?

Yes! It will be the main way we stay in touch with family, friends and supporters!

Will you live on a compound with security?

From what I understand, most houses in Kenya are gated. We will likely have a day guard and a night guard. There will likely be bars on the windows. We will probably also get a (large) dog once we get there as well (our kids have already began talking about that). It's just common there to have guards, gates and bars on the windows, from what I gather.

How do the locals feel about white people there? (I know some places are superstitious)

We have not been told that there is any hostility or superstitions surrounding the people groups that we will be working with. I feel strongly that our sending organization (AIM) would have given us a heads up about that when we were selecting our assignment. AIM makes every effort to give their missionaries as much information as possible and to keep them as safe as is possible.

Will you be one of many families there with this organization or others?

Just depends on who is still there/going there/staying there when we get there! From what I understand, plans can change quickly. Though there are suppose to be other AIM missionaries in the area jobs, life, ministry changes and the Lord may change all of their plans. With us still being a year away from departure, it's hard to say how close we'll be to other AIMers. The good news is that our Pediatrician has traveled to this region of Kenya before on a mission trip and she knows Kenyans! She's promised to put us in touch with those folks. I'm holding her to that promise!

Will you get a vehicle once you get over there?

Yes, we will have to purchase one.

How big of a city/village is it?

We have a choice of 3 places to live. We will most likely choose the most urban setting. Honestly, I'm not sure what size of a city it is. Luke will probably drive out to the villages as he works with the Duruma and Digo people.

What is the main religion there?

Muslim is the main religion, though from what we understand they are not avid mosque attenders. Mostly the people are Muslim because their family is Muslim (sound familiar to our culture much?). There are also some Animistic religions as well as a predominance of folk Islam.

Emily Doss asked....

Is there a required amount of money to raise before you go? Do you have to have so much pledged in monthly support?

We are required to have 100% of our monthly support pledged by June 2012. Our monthly support goal is $7,338.

I know.

It's a LOT of money. Well above what our family lives on here. The reason it's so much more than our current standard of living is because we are not only funding our family but also the entire ministry we will be doing. Imagine having to furnish everything for your husband's career: paper, pens, gas, supplies, basically everything that makes your husband able (or yourself) to work.

Right now we are just under 10% of our monthly support goal. We have to have $38,071 in an outgoing account to get us there and set up. We are also at just under 10% of that goal as well.

One year from right now if we are not fully pledged monthly and fully funded in outgoing, our departure date will be bumped to the next Africa Based Orientation (ABO) departure date (which I think is September?). We are praying that July 2012 will remain our departure date but trusting that the Lord will bring in our funding in His perfect timing.

If you are interested in supporting us either in prayer or financial support, or if you'd like us to come and speak with your church or small group (and you live relatively close) please email me at beaverbunch (at) gmail (dot) com. Please put "Ministry Support" in the subject of your email.

Laurel asked....

Will you all be taking Malaria meds?

While I took Malaria meds for my short term trip to Guinea-Bissau, for the duration of our time in Kenya our family will most likely NOT take prophylaxis year round. Right now we are praying about how often/when to take meds or if to take them at all. I've thought about us taking them during rainy season (when mosquitos are more prevalent) and also having us all on them the first several months we are in Kenya (if we're already adjusting to African life the last thing we need is Malaria). But both our pediatrician and other missionaries (one of them being a pediatrician himself) have suggested that taking that heavy of medication for 4 years continually would do us and our kids more harm than good.

Thanks for chiming in with your questions. If you have more, feel free to ask. My hope is to publish my thoughts and experiences on my time in Guinea-Bissau and how that relates directly to us going to Kenya long term.

Happy Tuesday!