Das Not Funny! Friday: Mike, Mail and Wally

It's been a while, huh? SO many funny things happened these last few weeks. Too bad I only remember about 3 of them. Geesh, I love the memory lapses that come with being pregnant.

There have been several things over the last few weeks that caused me to chuckle or out right laugh out loud. So settle in and enjoy this week's edition of Das Not Funny! Friday. Not sure what Das Not Funny! Friday is about? Click here for details.

While I was out of town I got to spend much too little time with my BFF Amanda and her three precious children. (She has a husband too, but I don't think she'd appreciate me calling him "precious." Actually, I don't think he'd like it that much either. And now, I'm feeling incredibly uncomfortable. Aaaannnnnyyyyyway....)

The first time her oldest daughter Addie saw me adoring Annabelle the following conversation took place.

Me: "Hey Annabelle." (insert lots of mushy baby talk that I won't repeat)

Annabelle politely cracks an eye open to look at me.

Addie: "You know what she's sayin'?"

Me: "Um. No. I guess I don't."

Addie: "She's sayin' 'I'm watchin' you Wazothski. Allllllllllways watchin'.'"

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Elizabeth and I are resting during nap time this week. As a commercial comes across the screen she leans over to me and whispers,

"Mom. I loooooooooove Walmart."

"You do?" I respond.

"Yep. They've got all the best toys."

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One night while I was out of town I called and got on the phone with a frantic Elizabeth. She was sobbing about some recent injustice no doubt doubt handed to her by her brother or sister. I'm trying to calm her down, from 750 miles away and her wails go something like...

"Mooooommmmyyyy! I miss you. And.....Bubbie.....mean......Ashey.......not fair! I'm so saaaaad..... (sob, sob, sob).

Hey! Remember you said you'd mail me a letter? When you gonna do that?"

Me: "I'll mail it tomorrow."

Elizabeth: "Okay, well, I gotta go. Bye!"

Oh how I wish I could remember more because there were several times since I've been home that I've laughed hysterically and then thought, "Man! I need to blog that" only to forget again.

So, if you'd like to play along with this week's Das Not Funny! Friday it's really simple. All you have to do is write your own Das Not Funny! Friday post. Link back here and then enter your info into MckLinky.

And (insert dramatic drumroll) coming up early next week I have a SUPERB surprise that I cannot wait to show you all. It might even cause some of you lurkers to show yourselves! It's fun people.

Y'all have a good weekend.

Download, rinse, repeat...

I got home LATE Tuesday evening and was greeted by my wonderful husband and the squeals of our three eldest children. It is great to be home.

Then, eager to catch up on blogs and check emails, I turned on our computer only to confirm what my husband had already stated that, "The computer was broken."

A phone call to the Dell company and an overnight package later and we have a brand new hard drive. But, with that, we lost all of our pictures and all of our software was wiped out.

So, as I rebuild our computer for the next couple of days, I also hope to blog about my amazingly long, wonderful, relaxing trip.

Until then...I'll be downloading software and restarting, downloading software and restarting, downloading software and.....

Friday night in the (not so) big city...

Hey peeps. Sorry for not posting a Das Not Funny! Friday post today. I had every intention of stealing borrowing my sisters laptop and posting one, but I didn't. Instead, I slept.

Word on the street (and from my awesome husband) is that Luke and the kids are doing remarkably well. School is being done, playdates are being had and so far everyone is happy, healthy and missing Mommy.

I'm headed off to my high school Alma Mater tonight for a high school football game. I'm both excited and a little apprehensive. If you've read my blog for long you know that I don't have the fondest memories of high school. If you've not been around here for long and you are interested, click on the old photo of Luke and I in my left sidebar under The Story of Us to get somewhat caught up.

Tomorrow, my sister and I are heading up to my old college campus to meet up with a great friend from college. I'm having a great time catching up with family, my BFF and friends, but I miss my man and kids like CRAZY.

Y'all have a good weekend.

Leavin' On A Jet Plane

Tomorrow, I head off for an almost week long vacation all by myself. Yep, you read that right, alone. I'm heading off to see my Dad, Sister, BFF Amanda and a few other long, lost friends for 6 days, alone. Manning the children and holding down the homefront will be my wonderful husband extraordinaire.

A month or so ago when I booked my airline ticket I had no apprehension about leaving the kids and Luke here. In fact, I was almost giddy when I clicked "purchase" for my flight. However, as the day creeps closer I'm starting to have some anxiety. I mean, it will be Luke with the 5 kids, all by himself for nearly 6 days. Day and night. That's a lot for anyone to handle. I know it would be pushing the limits of my sanity. And, Luke doesn't want any help.

And while I'm sleeping in and being pampered (because I will totally play the pregnancy card approximately 1,000 times with my Dad) my sweet husband will be waking up early and going non-stop all day long. Oh sweet stomach please stop that churning.

I know Luke is capable of tending to the needs of all of our very, small children. I guess I just know how incredibly ready I am to see him each and every day at 6:00pm and he will not get that reprieve of another person coming in to divide and conquer.

And, if I'm being totally honest with all of you I have two other very real concerns. The first is that I would like for my husband to be mentally stable when I get back. I don't desire for this to be 6 days of you-know-what for him. The second is a tad more self centered. What if I get back and he's completely refreshed, the house is clean, our children are more educated and he doesn't even hint that it was one bit of a struggle?

I guess I'd prefer for the next 6 days of his life to be carefree and filled with joy. But, selfishly, I'd like to be missed and even welcomed home with tired, weary arms. I only say that because I know that when (and I say when because after these 6 days I will require Luke to get away for a few days) my husband goes on a vacation, I KNOW without hesitation that I will welcome him home tired and possibly totally worn out.

So, if you know Luke I'm gonna ask you to pray for him. And if you're a good man friend and you're reading this post, I'm even going to politely ask beg you to stop by and offer him some company. The kids go to bed at 8:00pm. I'm sure he'd enjoy a friendly knock on the door about 8:30. Even better if you bring a movie and some snacks.

Das Not Funny! Friday: Stinky, Jelly and Worship

Welcome Friday! The last couple weeks I've taken some time off from writing new Das Not Funny! Friday posts. You'd think I'd have a TON of new things my kids have said. But, I don't have as much as you'd think. My pregnant brain forgets so much these days. Here are the few I could remember. I hope they make you chuckle, just a little bit.

After our ultrasound on Wednesday, the kids had lots of questions, mostly about the actual ultrasound itself. The doctor was very kind and explained every step of the process, including putting the "jelly" on my tummy. As I was wiping my tummy clean from the jelly, the kids asked if they could touch it. The doctor kindly asked if the kids wanted some for themselves.

All 3 big kids held out a single finger and he applied a small dollop of "jelly" to their fingertips. No sooner had he applied Ashlee's than the following words came out of her mouth,

"Jelly! Can I eat it?"

For being so small, food is ALWAYS on her mind.

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Baby Girl is known around our house for her ability to produce some excessively stinky diapers. How someone so small produces such a fowl, lingering stench I'll never know. Nonetheless, Elizabeth came over to kiss her after Baby Girl had woken up from a nap. Here's what followed,

"Hey pretty girl. Did you take a good...... WOW! YOU'RE STINKIN' THIS PLACE UP, MISSY!"

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On the way home from Community Bible Study yesterday, we were listening to the song "What Do I Know of Holy?" by Addison Road. Elizabeth was being so sweet singing along and even raising her hands in the back of the van really worshiping to her new favorite song. As I watched her tears burned the back of my eyes. Watching it all from the rear view mirror, scan my eyes over to Lucas who is mimicking his older sister. Finally, I look at Ashlee who is sandwiched between the two. On her face is the largest scowl I've ever seen. She's so put off at her current situation that I couldn't contain myself and I burst out laughing and crying at the same time.

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Aaron continues to display a temper that is uniquely his own. After being reprimanded or having an item taken from him he will run away often shrieking his disapproval. Elizabeth has apparently picked up on my apathetic attitude toward his screeches as she will now frequently say to Aaron, as he walks away,

"Oh, you are SO pitiful. Poor neglected baby. Oh, you'll get over it."


Won't you join me and write your own Das Not Funny! Friday post? If you do, I'd love to read it. Simply enter your info into MckLinky so I will know where to find you!

Y'all have a great weekend!

Ultrasound Today & Some Updates

Little Beaver Baby #6 looked perfect during today's ultrasound. The doctor did a very quick and thorough ultrasound of the baby's head, spine, heart, abdomen and femur. Luke and I decided to NOT find out this baby's gender ahead of time, despite the protests from many, many friends and family. Guess you'll just have to keep reading until March!

We took the three big kids and they loved seeing their baby brother/sister on the big TV screen. Just for the record, all three big kids along with myself believe that this baby is a boy. Luke is BEYOND convinced that it is a girl. It's been the topic of daily debate in our house and I'm sure it will continue to be until he/she gets here.

Here's the only photo we got today. The doctor couldn't get a good profile picture because of the way the baby was laying. So, this was the best we got. The baby is laying face up, with his head on the left, booty on the right and her legs wrapped around the top of the picture by his face, with her knees right by his nose. Limber one, huh? You may have to click on the photo to enlarge it just a bit. That black area you see in her abdomen is the stomach. (Yes, I know I just interchanged his and her. I'd rather do that than say "it".)


In other news, we did receive an offer on our house and after some negotiating, we reached an agreed price. However, the offer is contingent upon the buyers selling their current home, which was just recently listed with our realtor. The offer expires on December 8th, which means if they do not have a contract on their home by that time, our contract is voided.

This is good for us, because we didn't want to be closing and moving around the time the baby will be born. Since it is taking 45-60 days for new mortgages to close, getting a contract after mid-December would put us closing and moving mid-February, early-March which would also be baby time. If the contract is voided as of December 8th, our house will be off of the market until after the baby comes.

Plus, even if they do sell their house, our house still has to appraise, they must secure a loan and our home must pass their standards for an inspection. So even still, we are not holding our breath.

That's about it. Hope y'all have a great Wednesday.

Party Pictures

For first birthdays we've never had BIG parties for our kids. Usually, it's just immediate family. However, Baby Girl's birthday was extra special because we had grandparents in from out of town. I hope you can see the sheer joy on Baby Girl's face. She had an excellent time being the center of attention.

By the way, I'm SO over not showing her face. I mean, she's so incredibly close to being legally free for adoption that I'm just gonna show off her beautiful face and continue to be as discreet as possible with giving away any identifying information (not that I disclose much identifying information about us anyway, I guess).

Anyway, ENJOY!

All the Beaver kids, personalities and all.

Run 4 Revolution

Y'all, I'm gonna be real honest here. I hate running. No, let me rephrase that, I HATE running. Don't get me wrong I don't dislike physical activity in general (despite my plump appearance), but running just isn't my thang.

I tried it about a year ago and I think it last about 2 weeks. You see, it's always been a strong dislike of mine. When I was in college I was on the volleyball team. In addition to our 2-3 hour a day practices, we'd also run 2 to 3 times a week. During pre-season, we were required to run a timed mile and in order to play, we were to run that mile in 8 minutes. I know, that doesn't sound like much to some of you crazy people who enjoy pounding your feet on the pavement. But volleyball players are not typically runners.

We would run our timed mile every-other-morning (at 7am) during preseason, each time with the goal of 8 minutes. EVERY time we had our timed mile my alarm would go off, I'd slide out of bed and the dry heaving would begin. I would dry heave as I got dressed, put my hair in a messy ponytail and tied up my shoes. The dry heaving would get increasingly dramatic as I walked the 75 yards across a portion of campus (it was a small campus y'all) to the track. As we ran our "warm up lap" I would dry heave further, sometimes making my team mates snarl their lips and run away from me.

Dry heaving continued until I was 3/4 of the way through my first timed lap. Then, I was fine. I'd push through and finish my mile, usually within the 8 minutes required. Truthfully, once I was into my 3rd lap, I was fine and knew that I was going to make my time.

So you see, I HATE running. But even though I had a profuse hatred of running, I bit the bullet and did it because I had a goal, a purpose even. Without making that 8 minute mile I was not allowed playing time. So, I ran because something depended on my running. As I continued through my 4 years of college volleyball, it became easier. Mostly because I knew that not making my timed mile was not an option.

A year ago when I started this whole, "I'm gonna run" bidness, my main goal was to just "get in shape." Well, then we got another newborn (Baby Girl) and finding making the time just fell to the wayside.

But now, I have a reason again to run, or, um....jaulk, as will be my case. My multi-talented friend Lindsey and my African Soul Mate, Lindy have founded a new organization called Run 4 Revolution. Run 4 Revolution is a worldwide running club that raises awarenss and funding for Child Trafficking. Seriously people, if there was ever a reason for this tub-o-jello to run, it's this.

When I first heard about it, I seriously thought, "Crap. I'll never be able to contribute to that. Ever. Afterall, I HATE running." But then, I read more about it. I was slowly getting reeled in and then I saw it...their tag line. It got me.

Run 4 Revolution

...Run like somone's life depended on it.

Wow. Back when I was running all those timed miles in college I used to joke that it would be so much easier for me to run faster if someone would chase me with a knife (morbid, I know). The truth is, running like your life is at stake makes running, well...easy.

Hopefully, I can begin walking now, then maybe jaulking, then once this baby gets here, running...just like someone's life depended on it.

Won't you try running or jaulking or even walking with me...because someone's life does depend on it. If you can't do any of the above, won't you check out Run 4 Revolution's website and consider sponsoring one of their already active team members who are running in half and/or full marathons.

For more info and/or to hear straight from the horses mouthes, check out Lindsey's blog or Lindy's blog.

Now, with all this talk of running, my gag reflex is in hyperactive mode. I think I'm gonna go grab a slice of pie or something and plan out my walking route.

One Year Ago Today...

As I write this, it is October 8th. One year ago today I had no idea that I would be sitting on the verge of a day that would be celebrated for years to come in our family.

As you are reading this, I will be thinking about the miracle that is our youngest daughter. One year ago today she was born at a local hospital without my knowing. She was most likely placed in the arms of the woman who carried her in her womb for approximately 9 months. God allowed her to survive things that most babies should not because He knew what joy she would bring to our family.

As you read this, I will be remembering that one year ago today I got a call from our social worker telling me about a newborn baby that needed a placement. I called Luke at work and asked him about taking a newborn, knowing that Aaron was only 4 months old. We knew it was crazy, so we prayed and waited. Finally, my heart could no longer take thinking about a newborn little girl, laying in a hospital, most likely all alone.

Today we celebrate all the joy that Baby Girl brings to our family. We celebrate her laughter, her two-toothed smile. We celebrate her squeals and shrieks of exhiliration. We celebrate the way she loves her siblings and they love her back.

Today, we celebrate our youngest daughter and the way she completes our family.

Happy Birthday Baby Girl. We love you so very, very much!

In other news, my BFF Amanda will deliver her second daughter today. Please keep her in your prayers. I am so excited that her new little one and Baby Girl will share a birthday!

(Shhhhh! We'll keep this picture our little secret.)

Baby Girl's TPR Update and More

I found out earlier this week that Baby Girl's TPR (Termination of Parental Rights) Order was filed (which is a really good thing). However, several things were incorrect on the order which means it now has to be rewritten and re-signed by the judge. It could take several more months for all of that to happen (which is a not-so-good thing).

That means, instead of her being legally free for adoption by Christmas, it's looking more like February.

In other news, the people came back to look at our house for a 2nd time last night and are asking loads of questions about everything from plumbing (like we know those answers) to general home maintenance. We are hoping they will make an offer soon. Once we have an offer and an agreed price, Luke and I will begin discussing our options and whether we want to buy something else or rent for a while.

Lastly, Luke's Dad, step-mom and step-sister come in today for a long-weekend visit. The kids (and Luke and I) are so excited! We have big plans for the weekend that include Baby Girl's FIRST birthday party, soccer for Elizabeth and maybe a few family photos.

It's looking to be an awesome weekend.

Home For Sale

As you may know, we have our house on the market. On Sunday we had our second ever showing and the folks seem really interested. They are coming again tomorrow night for a second look and both our realtor and their realtor think they will make an offer.

I'm not getting my hopes real high. There are so many things that have to fall into place before we can kiss this pile 'o debt goodbye begin frantically searching for a new place live. We have to reach a negotiated price, there have to be no hang ups with the inspection or appraisal. They must secure a loan. And finally, closing must go through.

So, I'm trusting. Although it's really hard for me to think about moving from this house because I really love it so much, I know that putting our house on the market was an act of obedience. And if it is God's desire for us to be living someplace else by Christmas time, then we will.

Das Not Funny! Friday: Flashbacks and 'Coons

I'm ashamed to admit that Luke and I got our money's worth for whatever my grandma originally paid for our VCR last night. I mean, I've had that same VCR since I was in high school, but last night grandma's $25.00 was well spent. We put the kids to be early and settled into a night of VCR heaven that proved to disturb my dreams in mind-baffling ways. After 4 hours of TV drama, we called it quits and shut 'er down so our precious VCR could rest until next week's Thursday night adventures.

I say all of that to say, I don't have a shiny new Das Not Funny! Friday post. Sorry peeps. Instead, I'd like to offer you something I've read lately that made me laugh out loud and a couple of my favorite flashback Das Not Funny! Friday posts.

First up is my friend Wendi. If you haven't read this post of hers that deals with 'coons and plant watering, it's a MUST read. Seriously, only the in the south people, only in the south. Go read it now, you won't be disappointed.

Next, I've picked the following flashback Das Not Funny! Friday posts because, well, they're still happening around here on some level. Here's the first one, originally posted on May 7, 2009.

Lucas and I headed out to Walmart to pick up some things one afternoon. As we were walking through the parking lot, we approached an elderly lady loading her purchases into the trunk of her car. She was wearing a hat much like this one (minus those dope shades):

In his typical, louder-than-necessary, voice he says to me, "Mom! Look! A Cowboy!"

We've encountered cowboys before, but somehow, I didn't think this lady wanted to A) Be called a man. Or B) Entertain a (almost) 3 year old.

"No, honey, that's not a cowboy." I replied.

"Yep, it is Mom. A Grandma Cowboy!" he said with a squeal.

Back to the present people: Unfortunately, Lucas continues to think that anybody with any other head covering besides a baseball cap is a COWBOY! I've yet to convince him otherwise.

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Originally posted on May 1, 2009:

You know that you are kuntry when your (almost) 3 year old says,

"Mom. I nayde some chock chock may-yulk."

And, you're also kuntry if you know exactly what I just said without having to say it aloud to yourself 10 times.

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Finally, a flashback to the post that started it all. Originally posted on March 17, 2009 but still heard being sung loud and cheerful every time we are in the Big Red Beast...

For Christmas or Valentine's or some holiday, Luke's Aunt sent the kids a CD with a bunch of kids' song. We have learned several new songs including: Joshua and the Battle of Jericho, Zaccheaus, The B-I-B-L-E and a song called Praise Him! (which Elizabeth has alternately titled Everything That Has Breaf). This CD has become our theme music as we roll down the road in the Big Red Beast. I actually caught myself singing along the other day as I drove to the store, without the kids.

Recently we have started learning a new song, "Who Did Swallow Jonah?" The beginning goes a little something like....

Who did? Who did?
Who did? Who did?
Who did swallow, Jo, Jo, Jo, Jo...

Who did? Who did?
Who did? Who did?
Who did swallow, Jo, Jo, Jo, Jo...

Who did? Who did?
Who did? Who did?
Who did swallow, Jo, Jo, Jo, Jo...

Who did swallow Jonah down?

Well, being the musical genuises that my eldest children are, they LOVED this new song. After listening to it 4,924 times in a row I finally convinced them to listen to a few others, giving Jonah a break. Approximately 5 minutes later, I hear the following request from the back of the van...

"Pooted Mommy!"

"What?"

"Pooted!"

"Who pooted?"

"No. We wanna hear Pooted!"

"Excuse me?"

"Pooted swallow Jo, Jo, Jo, Jo!"

Crying and unable to drive, I turn it back to Pooted. (If you don't get it, sing the song above, outloud, in the loudest voice possible.)


There you go folks. Hope y'all have an awesome weekend. Don't forget to link your Das Not Funny! Friday posts below.

Growing

They're getting so big that sometimes my heart can barely take it.

Das Not Funny! Friday: Walnuts, Glue and Federal Disaster Areas

Friday! Yes! This means Luke and I will get to spend a romantic evening catching up on the season/series premiere TV we Tivo'd VCR recorded last night. We not only live with the latest technological advances but our Friday nights are packed with romance. Be jealous people, be very jealous.

At any rate, we've had an exciting week to say the very least. Ashlee had to have her forehead glued shut with liquid stitches (that's a whole 'nother post), I heard baby #6's heartbeat for the second time ever and life in general was just busy, busy, busy. We managed to squeak in a few several laughs along the way. Won't you join me this week for Das Not Funny! Friday?

Here, I'll go first and show you that it's relatively painless. I am about to tell on myself. I will only do so if you promise not to make any jokes or comments about me. At least not to my face, anyway. Ok?

Good.

I was snacking on some walnuts earlier this week and probably shoving them into my mouth much faster than is socially acceptable (Britt, I was IN the zone.)

Anyway, about an hour later I felt the baby moving. I lovingly placed my hand on my tummy only to feel that my belly button had suddenly become very much of an outie. "Huh?" I thought to myself. That's quick.

As I scanned my hand over my tummy again I thought, "Man, my belly button is awfully hard."

I raise up my shirt to inspect further and out of my belly button pops a walnut. So I did what any self-respecting pregnant woman would do. I picked it up and ate it.

Glad I live with gorillas who understand such primitive behavior.

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After the brass swallowing incident and promising myself that we would not be back at the doctor's office for a long, long while, I recanted my promise promptly on Tuesday evening. Lucas allegedly pushed Ashlee down and what resulted was a substantial sized hole in her head which required an after-hours doctors visit.

Ashlee was very brave about the whole thing and even while the doctor was gluing her forehead back together she was boldly professing, "Dis is fun! I wike dis."

Really? Because Mommy almost fainted at the sight of your blood, so let's not make it habit, mmkay?

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I see Lucas emerging from the bathroom, still pulling his pants up. Naturally, and because I'm slowing turning into a broken tape recorder (we still have a VCR, remember) I say, "Lucas did you wash your hands after you went potty?"

Lucas: "Nope. I don't need to Mom."

Me: "Yes sir, you do too. Please go wash them."

Lucas: "But Mom! I didn't touch my penis!"

Good to know. I'm sure that makes your aim so much better.

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Last Friday was just one of those days. Those days where you know that there is no chance you'll ever get dinner on the table before the children's stomachs begin eating themselves. So, we ordered pizza. After ordering a wave of nausea hit me hard enough to knock King Kong on his back (you know, if boy gorillas got pregnancy sickness and all). Anyway, as I hover over the toilet and ralph up any and all contents of my stomach, Elizabeth comes into the bathroom and stands behind me.

Elizabeth: "Um. Mom. You're really not going to be happy."

Me: Gurgle. Spit. Gag. "Okay honey. Please give me some privacy. I'll be out in a moment."

Elizabeth: Still standing behind me. "Lucas and Ashlee have done something really bad Mom. You need to come see."

Me: Gag. Spit. Heave. "Okay, just give me a few minutes, okay?"

I gather myself and follow Elizabeth into the girls' room. I see the following when I look into the girls' closet.

Now, that may not look like much, but notice how the clothes come to the top of the bottom drawer of that drawer bin in the back. That bottom drawer is at least 12 inches tall.

Me, to Lucas and Ashlee: "What in the world did you guys do?"

Lucas: "We pulded da cwose down."

Me: "Well, I can see that. Why would you do that?"

Ashlee: "Becawse. We needed to jump on dem."

Every. Single. Article. Of. Clothing. Pulled down from their previously hung-up home and strewn out of the drawers. Every shoe off of the shoe rack on the right. The only 3 pieces of clothing left are 3 dresses of Baby Girl's that they were too short to reach.

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Well, there you go. If you'd like to play along, simply write your own Das Not Funny! Friday post and link it back to here. Then, enter your info into MckLinky so we can all hop over and read your funnies.

Y'all have a good weekend. And remember, keep the romance alive. Settle in with your Honey, VCR some prime time TV and treat yourself to some Texas Pete Popcorn.

But Mom! Dats what gurilldas do!

Picture my two 3 year olds jumping over furniture, sitting on the tip-top of the back of the couch, flinging random toys across our basement and jumping from one stationary object to another.

Picture me saying over and over and over and over again,
"Please do not do that. It's not safe!"
"Please stop Ashlee, you're going to hurt yourself."
"Lucas, when you fall off of there and crack your head open, I'm not going to be sorry for you because I told you to get down several times already."

Finally, picture the above mentioned 3 year olds, looking at me ever-so-seriously, and replying, "But Mom! Dats what gurilldas do!"

Glad I'm raising up gorillas, not children. That explains all the poop I blog about.

Das Not Funny! Friday: Don't wook at my brass poop.

Friday again! Who's up for another round of Das Not Funny! Friday? I am!

What is Das Not Funny! Friday, you ask? Welllllll, I've always said that I want to write down the funny things that my kids are forever saying. However, I stink at journaling. Therefore, I began posting them here on Fridays. They're called Das Not Funny! because when our daughter Ashlee does something funny and we laugh at her, she usually frowns (like pictured above) and says, "Das not funny Mommy!"

She's a TAD dramatic and doesn't realize that this comment only makes her antics even funnier. I hope you'll join me and play along for this week's Das Not Funny! Friday.

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Monday did not go as scheduled this week. The physical therapist was here for Baby Girl so I sent the twins to the basement to play (Elizabeth was over at Nana's house that morning). After checking on them several times, I realized that they were quiet. Too quiet. The following is the conversation that transpired next...

"Ashlee! Lucas! What are you guys doing?"

Giggling from the basement echos up the stairs.

"GUYS! What is going on down there?"

"We's just playin' Momma," Ashlee calls.

"Um. Playing what exactly?"

"We's eatin' dees fangs."

"You're eating what?!?"

"Dose fangs in Woocas mouth."

"What things? Bring them here now!"

They both creep up the stairs.

"Lucas, what are you eating?"

"Gurwillda food," he states, logically.

"Show me please, NOW."

He opens his hand to reveal several brass shelf hangers from a shelving unit.

"Did you have those in your mouth Lucas?"

"Yep."

"Did you eat any?"

"Yep."

We spent the next 4.5 hours at various doctors offices getting x-rays and verifying that a brass shelf hanger apparently denigrates upon ingestion. Either that, or he really didn't swallow it at all.

I'll let you decide which is true.

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Last night Lucas was helping me make dinner. We open our pantry and both discover a horrible smell (thanks to some rotten potatoes). Lucas turns to me and says,

"Shoooo weeee Mommy. You poot stinks."

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Ashlee to me, from the bathroom: "Mooooooom. I'm done. Come wipe me."

I enter the bathroom and begin her requested task.

She adds, "Wipe me good Mom. But cwose your eyes. Don't wook at my poop.."

Somehow, those two things cannot be accomplished at the same time little girl.

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If you'd like to play along write your own Das Not Funny! Friday post then enter all your info into MckLinky.

Y'all have a great weekend, free from poop or brass shelf hangers or either of those two combined.

Homeschooling Woes

It's been another interesting week around here. I wish I could say something profound, or even witty, but I'm afraid my brain is on a vacation. Tomorrow we head out to Bible Study in the morning, then we have SO MUCH homeschooling to catch up on.

Here's my predicament:

We wake up, eat breakfast and have play time while I feed and diaper babies and clean up from breakfast. Then, we begin schooling. Usually, it is interrupted by poopies or snacks or boo-boos or some such common occurrence. I promise myself, and Elizabeth, that we will finish during nap time, but when nap time finally gets here I just want to SIT and do nothing in the hopes that I can recuperate from the morning and not grow increasingly nauseous. So, what we plan for nap time gets pushed to the next day.

It's a viscous cycle and one that I'm afraid I'm not doing too much to break. Any advice from you "seasoned" homeschoolers for this worn-out, nauseous, brain-dead Momma?

Come on people, I know you've got to have SOMETHING....

Oh My Wordy, Luke is 30

Last week, Luke turned 30. In keeping with the theme of 3's and 0's I thought it would be fun to list 30 reasons why I love my man so very, very much. So here they are, in no particular order...

1. He loves Jesus.

2. He scratches itchy spots my back, even when it means he has to wake up and roll over.

3. He never makes fun of me when I'm an emotional wreck and I cry over stupid TV shows and gut wrenching blogs.

4. He doesn't nag me about only shaving my legs once a week. (And once every 2 weeks in the winter.)

5. He's a good baby Daddy.

6. He knows how to make me laugh until I pee.

7. He's not afraid to drop it like it's hot.

8. He has curly, red hair and baby blue eyes. *sigh*

9. He holds my hair back when I throw up, then brings me a cold wash cloth to wipe off my face.

10. He genuinely loves our kids, as is evidenced by his willingness to wipe their butts even when they stink.

11. He tries, every night, to stay awake past 10pm so I will feel like he wants to spend time with me.

12. He gets up at night with our kids, even though he usually doesn't remember doing so the next morning.

13. He's doesn't mind that I break wind like a man.

14. He eats at the restaurant of my choice, even when it's his birthday.

15. He makes a mean grilled cheese and bologna sandwich.

16. He holds my hand in public.

17. He looks mighty fine in a tie.

18. He will get out of bed and turn on the ceiling fan because I'm hot.

19. He will get out of bed and get some water because I'm thirsty.

20. He will get out of bed and turn off the light that I left on.

21. He knows how to use and allen wrench like nobody's business.

22. He's good at filing important papers so that I can find them when I need them.

23. He doesn't get angry when I don't re-file the important papers that I needed to find.

24. He doesn't care that I don't wear make up 99.99% of the time.

25. He squeezes the zits that I cannot reach.

26. He loves me even when I'm not so lovable and I have morning breath.

27. He respects my personal pillow space.

28. He knows I'm totally not type A and loves me anyway.

29. He can shake it like a Polaroid picture.

30. He works to pay the bills so that I can stay home all day, eat bon-bons and watch my soaps.

Happy 30th Birthday Baby! I love you.

Das Not Funny! Friday: Potties, Mountains and Old Men

Oh it's Friday already! Yay! Even thought Monday was a holiday, this week has gone by slowly around here. I think my body is getting re-acclimated to life at home and making up for nearly-to-none nausea during out mountain vacation. I've felt horrible this week.

However, nothing soothes my soul (if not my stomach) like a good laugh. I hope you will sit back and have a good chuckle over the funny things my kids said and/or did in this week's edition of Das Not Funny! Friday.

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Earlier last week, Ashlee was helping me cook dinner when she abruptly leaned over the kitchen sink and began gagging and spitting.

"Ashlee, what are you doing?" I asked.

"Ohhhh, my tummy wealwee hurts," she said, in a pitiful voice.

"Why does your tummy hurt?" I asked, knowing what her response would be.

"Becawse. I gots a baby in my tummy and it makes me grownin' up."

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At our mountain "cabin" (and I use the term "cabin" loosely because this place was WAY nice), 2 of the bathrooms had a bidet. At first Elizabeth thought they were "man potties" (urinals). Once she realized what they were and their purpose, it was only logical that she needed to move up the social ladder in reference to her bathroom experiences and take one for a spin.

I let Luke do the honors of helping her and stood in the doorway and observed. She was a little leery, but as soon as the washing began she began shrieking with laughter. Apparently it tickled more than it cleaned.

Now don't go thinking that our 5 year old princess is a regular bathroom snob now that she's, ahem, sat on the rim of luxury. Only hours later, she used a fallen tree as an out house. We like to think we gave her a culturally diverse bathroom experience over the long weekend.

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Ashlee on the other hand misunderstood the bidet's use. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME she went into the bathroom, she would pull down her pants and begin to climb onto the new kind of potty and claim,

"Momma, I need to poop in dat."

I'm thinking the homeowners would not appreciate that so much little girl.

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Lucas did, indeed, use the bidet as a urinal several times. He also used trees, bushes and the rail of the deck as his personal urinal. At least his standards from home life to mountain life did not change all that much.

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Ashlee finally got a chance to use the "poop potty" just before we left. She too thought it was more funny than purposeful.

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Yesterday, Luke turned 30. I plan on doing a whole 'nother post about that, but for now I will tell you that I had a delightful time on Thursday, provoking the children to call him "old man" and ask about his walker.

Lucas, taking initiative of his own, turned to Luke and asked, "Hey old mens, where is your walkin' stick?"

Hilarious. At least for another 45 days. Then I won't think 30 is quite so old.

Well, folks, that's it for this week. I hope you will play along and write your won Das Not Funny! Friday post. If you do, please enter your info into MckLinky so that we can all read the funny things your kids or husband or friend or self said and/or did this week that was funny.

Y'all have an awesome weekend.

Hands Full Overflowing

I have never denied that Luke and I have our "hands full." I may have not always wanted to admit it openly, but never have I denied it.

Still, I can't help but think...."Surely we are not the only ones, living in complete chaos, desperate to seek God's desires and yet wondering if we REALLY heard God right when He called us to this place."

After all, 6 kids ages five and under IS a little crazy. Not to mention we are trying to sell our house and homeschooling and fostering and ...well, you know, everything.

Then, today I found this blog (thanks Holly):

http://kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com/

Now, before you click away and say..."Oh, ANOTHER blog" hear me out. This girl, this YOUNG girl, is 20 years old. She followed God's call to Uganda and is now mothering 13 children and supporting 400 more through her ministry. A ministry that God began and is consistently providing for.

Yes, Luke and I have our hands full. But as tears stream down my face after only reading 3 entries on her blog, I KNOW that having hands full of what God is given us is the ONLY place that I want to be. What if we ALL got so uncomfortable by following God's commands that everyone else thought we were crazy? What could we do for lost people then? And how would God fill up our hands so much that blessings overflow them to the point of no return.

I can't even imagine.