First of all I want to make it clear that this is NOT intended to start a breastfeeding vs. formula debate.
Studies show that breastmilk is best for babies. Period.
However, women who either cannot breastfeed or choose not to breastfeed are not horrible mothers. Anyone who proposes such thought is narrow minded, shallow, ignorant and has clearly never struggled to nurse a baby who won't latch or struggled with milk supply issues or simply has zero compassion for a Mom who just did not enjoy breastfeeding.
Breastmilk may be best for baby but it does not equate immaculate mothering. In fact, I've met Moms who breastfed their baby yet stunk at mothering. Most days, I'm that Mom.
So why do I even bring all of this up?
Because last night I had to give Ella her first bottle of formula and it broke my heart.
Not because I believe that I'm letting her down or I'm not a good enough Mom or even because I think I'm hurting her. None of those could be further from the truth. In fact, to date, 50% of our children were fed formula for the majority of their first year of life.
The reason it broke my heart is because I love breastfeeding.
I love that it allows me time with my baby that no one else gets. I love that it soothes her when nothing else can. I love that only I can do it. I love the closeness I feel with her as she suckles and drifts off to sleep. I love that I can provide that for her.
I love it when she nurses, unlatches and grins and me, then latches back on, smiling the entire time. I love it when she's done eating and she's got remnant milk on her chin and she's content and happy and satisfied.
I love that my milk gave her those fat, squishy cheeks.
I just love everything about it.
But since I've been sick with that stomach virus and then in the days following Ella felt less that spectacular and in turn nursed less, my milk supply has plummeted. Yesterday she was not my sweet, happy-go-lucky, smiling baby. She was fussy and cranky and clingy. She wanted to nurse but she didn't. She wanted to be held but she wanted to be put down. With the exception of last night, she's slept horribly, waking up and screaming every 2 - 3 hours and not settling until I nurse her back to sleep. Then 2 - 3 hours later crying out again.
And I really believe it was because she was hungry for milk that I did not have. I've not been able to save up any milk in my freezer because my body was making the exact amount she needed every day. I've been on supplements to boost my supply for several weeks so that I could have a reserve in my freezer but then the virus hit and we used what little was in the freezer to satisfy her while my dehydrated body recuperated.
So I'm sad. Just sad that this could be the beginning of the end. Sad that I'm having to mix up bottles of formula for my girl because she's hungry and I cannot produce what she needs. Sad because I can still remember each time I nursed my other babies for the last time.
And I'm disappointed because I really want to nurse her for a full year (or beyond) and allow her to self wean. And I'm so frustrated with my body because of it's lack of production even with me on supplements for the last 2 - 3 weeks (and on and off for the last 9 months).
I'm going to keep nursing and pumping and drinking lots of water and taking the supplements and see what happens. If anyone else has any other suggestions I'd love to hear them. But, if this is the end of nursing her I can handle it. It will stink but I can handle it.
I just started following your blog and thought I'd throw this out there...
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't give up and I'd stop giving the formula. That will only make your supply tank more. We had periods with this problem and I just nursed more often and it brought my supply back up. I never pumped (he wouldn't take a bottle) and so if he was fussy, I would nurse him. He's 15 months and still nursing and when he's sick he may nurse less, but he makes up for it later and my supply comes back up. I'm almost glad we never did bottles because then I would be paranoid about how much he was getting. Trust your body!
You should try Mothers Milk Tea. I tried it when my supply was down. It really helped. You should be able to get it at a Health food store.
ReplyDeleteI think your milk will bounce back. Lots of liquids and don't stop breastfeeding her and try to pump some (if you have time)! I went through phases. I think it will work out. I too cried the first time I had to give my kids formula. I even did both for awhile when they were nearing a year due to the hassel of pumping. I started my kids on milk a little early and some real food as well as breastfeeding.
ReplyDeleteBreastfeeding is one of the unmentionable words I have vowed to never use on my blog for the reason you said about not wanting to start a debate.
ReplyDeleteI was unable to breastfeed both of my chidren and by unable I mean 5 lb screaming, skinny babies. I went on medications, herbal teas, and nursed 12 times a day before throwing the towel in.
Understandably, I am overjoyed that no one is asking if I am going to be breastfeeding my next child since we're adopting!
keep it up and don't supplement unless you think she is weaning herself. some will do that at about her age. i would not go from breast to bottle at her age but breast to cup......just an opinion from a granny
ReplyDeleteThank you all so much for the encouragement! I used to be on the Breastfeeding Support team at our hospital so I know all the head knowledge but it's so much different when it's YOU. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm still nursing away, but I will probably offer her a bottle after her bedtime nursing session tonight. She's so pitiful crying out at night because she's hungry.
I'm praying it's short lived - the formula. Taking supplements and drinking lots of water and nursing and pumping, I am.
Thanks again for the encouragement. Y'all rock.
@Mommy: I have sine Mother's Milk Tea. But..Blech. I can hardly choke it down. Do you think it works better than the capsule herbs?
Awh man...sorry to hear that. I know that is so difficult and frustrating. Adalei went through that just as my training for the marathon peaked (I was running too much--fat stores plummeted and milk supply followed). BUT I kept nursing...4 times a night for two weeks--she didn't even lose an inch of her baby fat rolls!!! And now...PRESTO..back to normal. Give it time...supply and demand, right? At least that's what I've heard. The equilibrium in your curve is just a little off right now...factory is probably working overtime--hahahaha.
ReplyDeleteI'll be praying! PRAYING PRAYING PRAYING...I'll just commit to praying every time I nurse :-)
As a side note..heard I get to hang out with you next week and I am SO FLIPPING EXCITED! SO EXCITED...
so sad. I know the frustration in not having any control over how your body works but I pray that you will once again be able to nurse your sweet girl. I have always dreamed of doing so (but with one of my own, not yours.. hahaha). Who knows, maybe some day I will be allowed that joy as well. Blessings on you and your sweet family! Hope you get well SOON!
ReplyDeleteI'm hoping you don't mind if I ask, have you always had issues with supply? Even though I tried BF and pumping, I never seemed to make enough and was told after my third baby it was because I had breast hypoplasia. I was told I lack the tissue to make enough milk. Now that I'm pregnant with our fourth, I'm just looking for some inspiration from other moms who successfully BF with supply issues.
ReplyDeleteThanks,
Melanie
Hey Melanie!
ReplyDeleteWith Elizabeth (our oldest) my supply dried up after I went back to work and relied more on the pump. And, it seems, as though my body requires LOTS of nursing by the baby (and not the pump) to maintains it.
I nursed the twins until they were 7.5ish months and when I began pumping more (b/c I was TIRED of breastfeeding all the flippin' time) I dried up as well.
In the beginning of each nursing season I always have enough milk, though I did have a low supply when Ella was about 1.5 weeks old, for some reason. I've taken herbal supplements (a Mother's Lactaid blend of Fenugreek, Blessed Thistle, Fennell Seed and some other stuff) on and off the entire time I've been nursing Ella. I've also taken just straight Fenugreek & Blessed Thistle and that seems to work well too.
So maybe I have supply issues or maybe my body makes EXACTLY what she needs. I will say that today is better than yesterday and yesterday was better than the day before, but she's still getting a few ounces of formula after she's nursed and she's still hungry for milk.
Hope that helps and I hope you can to nurse that sweet baby to your hearts content!
One thing I have noticed is what I call the three day rule. I don't know if there is any exact science to it but it always seemed to take three days for me to notice any effect on my supply... one way or another. If something happened like illness and Annabelle nursed less, then about three days later I could tell my supply was down. And when I started all the methods to boost my supply it would seem to take three long days to really notice a difference. So, if I were you, I would nurse her every time she seems willing and skip the bottles... except the one at night I can understand... and just wait a few more days. I don't think it is the end. Just a bump in the road.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, reading this really made me ready for #4 to be here.
Sorry :(
ReplyDeleteI used a drug called domperidone. I had to order it on the black market from New Zealand because it is not FDA approved here. I felt like a spy. But it worked magic.
Google it :)