How it's going

This post may mean nothing to any of you but I know that if I don't write this stuff down I'm going to forget. I forgot so much about the twins being babies because I didn't write any of it down. So, here goes. If you're a guy, you may wanna skip this post because I talk about boobs and breastfeeding...a lot.

We are doing well. Ella is such a sweet baby. Really, there is no other way to describe her. Just SWEET. The 2nd and 3rd night home were rough, with Ella pretty much staying awake from 1-5am. Then, Saturday night she did fabulous, waking up every 4 hours to nurse and going straight back to sleep. Last night was okay, since she woke up about every 2 hours.

I'm not a schedule person. All of our babies have put themselves on a schedule within the first couple weeks and I just nurse on demand and watch as they schedule themselves out. I'll help them transition from day to night with a warm bath and usually swaddle them at night and for long naps. It seems to have always worked well for us in the past, so I'm gonna stick with it until I need adjust.

Speaking of nursing, my milk came in very quickly. Very, very quickly. And a lot of it came in. I wouldn't go so far to say that I was engorged but I was close. I had to pump once to relive some pressure and I considered using ice packs one night (but didn't). Since I'd had milk supply issues when nursing Elizabeth and nursing the twins, I really didn't want to do anything to hinder my supply. Unfortunately, my body took over and starting yesterday my milk supply dramatically decreased. I'm sure it is just my body over compensating for the over abundance and within the next day it will all level out. Or at least that's what I'm praying it is. I know that breastfeeding doesn't make me a better mother but I truly LOVE to breastfeed and I think I would be crushed if it doesn't work out. So I'm drinking tons of water and praying it resolves quickly.

We went to an Easter egg hunt at church on Saturday and also to regular church services on Sunday. Everyone was so astounded to see us there. But, I can honestly say that I feel great. I'm tired but physically I feel fine. And, truthfully, it's more work to keep our people at home than it is to go to church and send them into their Sunday school classes. And, our other children need life to be normal as well (and so do I). Keeping them cooped up at home wouldn't help them with transitioning to our new life with a new baby.

I wrapped Ella onto me with a khanga that my friend Lindy gave me and gave people the stink eye if they acted like they were going to touch her. I'm not afraid to tell people that they need to keep their hands off my new baby. And I tell them nicely, of course.

I will post about my birth story sometime soon, in case anyone out there cares. But for now, I'll tell you that I can honestly say, with assurance, that I believe Pitocin is extracted from the veins of the Devil himself and and slowly dripped into the blood stream of laboring women to give them a taste of what hell must be like.

And Epidurals are like God's gift of salvation. And, I'm totally not kidding. Except that I am.

Das Not Funny! Friday: Baby Ella Edition

It's Friday! What an awesome week we've had! Welcoming our sweet Ella Joy has provided us with some seriously hilarious moments courtesy of Lucas and Ashlee. So, welcome to this week's edition of Das Not Funny! Friday: Baby Ella Edition

For the first one, let me set the stage for you. After Ella was born, our wonderful baby sitter brought 4 of the 5 kids to the hospital to meet their littlest sister (Aaron was still napping and missed all the excitement). When they arrived, Luke and Ella were already in the nursery. Luke snapped the following photos of the 4 kids seeing their baby sister for the first time. My friend Lindy provided us with the commentary from the other side of the nursery's glass...

Luke tells the kids through the glass that they have a baby sister. See the smiles on their faces?

(click to enlarge)

Also be sure to note that there is another baby laying up there near the windows, close to Ashlee. Clearly this isn't Ella since Luke is nowhere near that baby. As Luke snaps photos of the kids smiling and waving, Ashlee's eyes wonder over to that other little baby. See her eyes in the photo below?


Suddenly, she realizes it's a REAL baby there, points at said baby (see the photo below)...

...and squeals..."Wook!! MOMMY HAD TWINS!!!"

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Lucas was clearly smitten with his littlest sister the first time he saw her...

...even though he REALLY wanted another brother so that he wouldn't have "4 sistas and still just one brudder."

I think he changed his mind when he finally got to see Ella because before he left the hospital he leaned over to me, patted me on my still-numb right thigh and said,

"Momma, you take care of that baby. Okay?"

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Finally, last night Lucas was holding Ella. He started to raise her off his lap and Luke corrected him, "Oh no Buddy. Don't raise her up okay? You might drop her."

To which I add, "Yeah. You just hold her until either Mommy or Daddy come and take her, okay?"

He looks at us and asks, "To jail?"

Y'all have a great weekend. I KNOW we will.

Ella, Day 2

Perfection.

It's a GIRL!

Introducing....

Ella Joy

7lbs 11oz, 21 inches

4:17pm

The LORD has done great things for us,
and we are filled with JOY.

~ Psalm 126:3

42 weeks and 1 day

That's how long this baby will have been inside me when he/she finally makes his/her debut. At my 42 week OB appointment this morning, Doctor D took a look at Baby #6 via ultrasound. The fluid around the baby looked good but the Doctor did say that there was a little bit of calcium beginning to form on the placenta. He assured us that there was nothing to worry about but that we also shouldn't wait too much longer for this baby to come out.

So, tomorrow morning, bright and early, Luke and I will report to the hospital for a scheduled induction.

Why have I tried to avoid an induction so far?

I was induced with Elizabeth AND with the twins. And while both of those labor and deliveries had great outcomes (healthy babies and a healthy mommy), I did have some seriously difficult contractions during the twins' delivery and I feel that Pictocin was responsible for tetanic contractions (contractions that have extended durations, last for several minutes at a time, and have little or no break between them). Ashlee's heart rate dropped dramatically and there was talk of an emergency c-section (after I'd already delivered Lucas vaginally). Thankfully, Ashlee was also delivered vaginally with no problems...a mere 2 hours and 24 minutes AFTER her brother. (She began her life of drama early people.)

The plan tomorrow is for the Doctor to break my water then give me 2-3 hours to start labor on my own. If after 2-3 hours my body is not having regular contractions, then they will begin Pitocin in small increments.

I am excited. And nervous. It's so hard for me to believe that within 24 hours I will most likely have a baby in my arms and not in my belly.

I plan on updating (or having Luke update) via my Twitter account tomorrow. You can see the last 4 updates on my right sidebar or you can click here to see all of my updates.

Next time you see something here on the blog it will probably be a photo of our NEW BABY! Yay! I'm so excited (and nervous)! Thanks in advance for the many prayers I know you will all be praying. Y'all are the greatest friends and readers ever.

Das Not Funny! Friday: Lucas-esque

I know, I know, it's been weeks since I've done a real Das Not Funny! Friday. But I just had a little something that I wanted to share with you all...

I think I'm going to be pregnant forever. Either that, or maybe I'm not really pregnant at all.

Let me explain.

About a year or so ago one of Olivia's social workers sat with us in the courtroom for a routine hearing. The social worker, Ms. L, was very concerned because Olivia's case was being pushed until after lunch and Ms. L's dog was at home in labor, about to give birth to a litter of puppies. Naturally, Ms. L wanted to be there with her dog while she labored and delivered her pups. Ms. L is probably the best social worker I've ever seen, so don't let her concern for her dog mislead you.

This dog is her baby.

Anyway, I saw Ms. L a week or so after our court date and asked her how the puppies were doing. Turns out, Ms. L's dog WAS NEVER REALLY PREGNANT. Apparently, the dog only thought it was pregnant and went an entire gestational cycle with her abdomen growing and displaying all the symptoms of a doggy pregnancy but was never really "with puppy."

Ms. L stated that her veterinarian confirmed that this sometimes happens to dogs and Ms. L shouldn't be worried.

I think if I've still not had this baby by the time my doctor's appointment rolls around on Monday, I'm going to see Ms. L's veterinarian for a second opinion.

I'm just sayin'.

And now, onto your regularly scheduled laughs....

Last week, you may or may not remember that we got a stomach virus. It doesn't really matter if you remember though, because we did and it was NOT fun.

We have the coolest baby monitor on the planet and it allows us to monitor 3 rooms at once, with each room cycling on a 5 second interval. The point in me telling you that is so that you can understand that really you don't need 5 seconds to discern what is happening in a room when you hear the sound of someone puking. Really, the 1st second of sound tells you all you need to know.

On Thursday night, I heard that sound coming from the boys' room, where Lucas was sleeping. His footsteps on the stairs confirmed what I knew to already be true.

After cleaning up the mess, I told Lucas that I heard him over the monitor and I knew that he was sick. He leans into me and says,

"Yeah, but Momma you prolly just though it was a dinosaur in my woom. And the sound of me growin' up you thought was the dinosaur growlin'. Didn't you Momma?"

Sure baby. Whatever makes your little tummy feel better.

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Lucas has been so sweet to me lately. Like, seriously sweet. Like, coming over to me just to give me a "hug and tiss" sweet. I don't know why, and frankly, I don't care why. It does this Momma's heart good.

However, he's also learned how to break wind on command. Often, his new found affection is coupled with his new found wind-breaking skill, which he finds hilarious and I find disgusting.

Choose your battles I guess, right?

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Luke and I really try to limit what our children watch. In the past, we've learned the hard way that JUST because a movie is rated "G" and JUST because it's animated doesn't mean that it contains appropriate words or messages.

Lucas has learned this first hand and freely explains it to me on multiple occasions. "Momma, we don't watch All Dogs Go To Heaven anymore because they say words like 'shut up' and we don't say 'shut up' do we Momma?"

Me: "No baby, we don't."

Lucas: "Yeah. 'Shut up' isn't something nice to say. We also don't call people 'stupid' or say 'I will kill you.' Dose are not nice fangs to say."

In his dissertation on "Things we don't say" he has inadvertently said each of the things we don't say approximately 15 times a piece.

Good job Mom. Goooooood job.

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We are all riding in the car the other day and Lucas pipes up from the 2nd row, "Dad?"

Luke: "Yes Buddy?"

Lucas: "What are people made of?"

Luke: "What do you mean?"

Lucas: "What are people made of? Are peoples made of meat?"

Luke: "Yes Buddy, people are made of meat."

Lucas: "Oh." (insert 5 seconds of silence) "Hey Dad?"

Luke: "Yeah Buddy?"

Lucas: "Dad, don't tigers eat meat?"

Luke: "They sure do Buddy."

Lucas: "Oh. Okay. Thanks."

Luke and I are trying so hard to stifle our laughter we can hardly address the fact that tigers aren't on the prowl looking to eat meaty-humans. But we managed to set the record straight. Eventually.

I am SERIOUSLY hoping to have a baby this weekend. Seriously. I'll keep you updated on Twitter if my body ever decides to make that happen. In the meantime, y'all have a great weekend. Happy Friday!

Q & A: Past your due date style

Oh how I love loathe the questions that I hear being a woman at/past her due date. Some of them are laughable, others are....how shall I say...annoying.

In a world where God has not taught me the value of holding my tongue, these might be my responses. In a world where one-too-many people ask me the same question for the bazillionth time, these might be my responses.

I'm still working on acquiring a gracious spirit people. Cut me some stinkin' slack.

1) Are you EVER gonna have that baby?!?

"Why no. I thought I'd just stay pregnant forever. Babies easier to take care of this way."

2) WHEN are you going to have that baby?!?

"I'm not. Actually, I'm not really pregnant at all. APRIL FOOLS!!"

3) WHY are you here and not at the hospital having that baby!?!

"Because I thought it would be a much better day if I postponed meeting my child and instead spent some quality time with you, answering questions about my cervix and the enormity of my stomach."

4) Are you still pregnant?

"No. I thought it would be fun to have the baby then wear a fat, pregnant belly suit and fool everyone. The baby was sleeping when we left so we decided not to wake her and left her at home."

5) Man! You are huge! Isn't your doctor concerned?

"Yes. In fact my doctor told me that I was a gigantic blimp and he couldn't believe that I hadn't spontaneously exploded yet. I'm a medical marvel, really."

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Regardless of whether or not you are 41+ weeks pregnant, I find that people tend to ask questions that are generally baffling/crazy/funny/annoying.

So, what crazy, stupid or otherwise annoying questions have people asked you lately?

The Initial Cry

In February of last year I began a private blog. I omitted it from appearing on my profile and told myself (and my husband) that it could be our private journal, documenting what we felt God pressing deeply upon our hearts. As I promised in this post, I plan on making public the desires and promptings that God has been revealing to Luke and I over the course of the last year or so.

Trust me when I say that opening up these things to you all isn't easy. It isn't something that I'm necessarily excited about either. I mean, after all, it's going to make us look even crazier than we already do. It's going to evoke questions from people and, at times, probably make it uncomfortable for us in certain social settings.

But, I can't believe that God has called us to life of comfort and ease. I can't believe that by truly following His plans for our life that we will get a free pass and get to just settle in and take it all in with excessive comfort. I can't believe that He has allowed us to experience Him in these profound ways so that we could keep it all bottled up and NOT proclaim His goodness.

So, it's with lots of prayer that I share these posts with you all. My plan is to simply copy and paste most of the original posts from our private blog onto this one. Where I make modifications or clarification I will use {these fancy brackets}. If you see {these} you can know I've used them to clarify something that might have otherwise not have made sense.

My sincere prayer is that you clearly see how God has worked in our lives and know that there is nothing extraordinary about our family. We are not "super Christians" nor do we have more of a direct line to God than anyone else. In fact, if my post on being lost in the dark is any indication to you, you will see that this journey has not been a smooth one. In fact, I've questioned God so much that it's laughable and yet He has still chosen to bless us time after time after time. So without further ado, here is the first of the posts. I pray that my words then, and my words now, scream out to you the goodness of God and you see through my flawed thoughts and straight into the face of Jesus.

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Originally posted: February 3, 2009

Almost three years ago I traveled 4 hours away to witness a commissioning service of a friend of mine who was heading to the mission field {through the International Mission Board}. As I sat in a vast auditorium watching family after family boldly announce their plans to serve, I felt hot tears spring to my eyes. As I saw the commitment of each of these people, the tears were impossible to hold back. Streams of tears flowed down my cheeks, yet not for the one person I was supporting, but for the almost 100 others that were laying aside their lives, losing them, to follow Him.

I saw families with multiple children, newly married couples and expectant parents, families with newborns and singles all being commissioned to go where the Lord was leading them. I mourned for them in a way that I did not understand. As I watched the extended family members of those journeying onto the mission field I saw joy, hope and tears. I wept, loudly, as I saw grandparents and grandchildren embrace, knowing that it would all-too-long before they saw each other once again.

Even now, remembering that day brings tears to my eyes. It evokes in me an emotion that I cannot explain. And even now, I wonder where the mourning comes from.

Am I mourning because I know, all too well, that one day WE will be that family, forsaking everything to follow the calling of our Lord? Am I mourning because of the loss I know we will have when we move away from my parents, losing our comfortable life so that we may bear the cross He's assigned to us? Am I mourning for the souls that may never know Him if we choose not to obey?

Right now, I'm not sure. All I know is that my heart is being pulled to a place that is not comfortable. My mind drifts to a people group who are hurting and in desperate need of hope. My heart is breaking for my children because I am afraid that they will have to spend parts of their childhood, separated from their beloved grandparents.

And yet, I know that unless we are willing lose our lives for His sake, it will never truly be a life consecrated to Him.

Matthew 16:24-25 says:

Then Jesus said to His disciples, "If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it."

So it is with a tear stained face that I begin to document this journey. I do not know the end result or location, but I know the One who is faithful and merciful. I know the One who rescued me from a life doomed to eternal death and I know the One whose love is everlasting.

It is for Him that I am willing to lose my life.

As we attempt to interpret if we are being called out of our life of comfort, our life of normalcy and a life of this world, I have no doubt that we are being summoned to a life that is truly saved and life that is being lost, one cross at a time, for His glorious sake.

(untitled)

This is the face of...

...silly...

...ambivalence...
(with a side of goldfish)

....goofy....

....seriousness....

...pure joy.

How I love her.

The perfect stormy cocktail

Well, I went back to the Doctor this morning for my 41 week check up.
What's that? You didn't know that a 41 week check up was part of a routine OB package?

For the general population it's not. They reserve the extra long gestation periods for special people. Or maybe just for me. The latest update is that my cervix has not changed since last week and I am still 2 - 3 cm dilated. He did say that he thought the baby was in a "good birthing position."

Good to know.

Also, and possibly the thing I have the most anxiety about, is that my OB is leaving to go out of town on Wednesday and won't be back until sometime on Saturday (I think). Normally, in an OB/GYN practice this isn't a big deal. Another doctor you've previously visited within the practice just delivers your baby and all is hunky-dory.

Well, you see, I switched from my previous OB/GYN's office (which had a 5 doctor rotation) to this new office because this Doctor had a Midwife. And, truthfully, she was the big draw for me. But, about 2 months ago the Midwife left the practice and moved to another city. So that just left the 1 doctor. He is supremely nice and very laid back. But, for the last few months he's be doctoring it up solo. Which means if Baby comes Wednesday through Friday (or possibly Saturday or Sunday) a doctor from a "partner practice" will deliver me.

A stranger.

Someone that I've never met (which is the definition of a stranger, isn't it?).

I mean, it's not like the doctor is in the delivery room for that long anyway but still, it's not my doctor. Oh well.

Add to all of that that we are tentatively set to close on our house sometime Wednesday, Thursday or Friday and I believe that is the perfect cocktail for a baby coming. I mean, if walking and sex and pineapple and pumping and bouncing on the birthing ball can't make this baby come out, then surely my Doctor being out of town and a major financial transaction should be the perfect storm, don't you think?

It's not funny this Friday

Oh holy smokes it's Friday again. I was sure hoping I'd be in the hospital this Friday holding a cuddly baby OUTSIDE my body. Instead, the stomach virus showed up full force at our house around 11:00pm last night. It continued to plague us every hour until about 5:00am.

So far, only Elizabeth and Lucas have been effected. We are praying they are the only ones, but these things usually don't just "skip" family members. So, it's actually a blessing that the baby isn't here yet. I can't imagine the panic I'd feel knowing the stomach virus was sweeping my house and my newborn was in the midst of it all.

There would absolutely not be anything funny about that. Not one thing at all.

Hope y'all have a great weekend. I plan on having a baby. Now, if I can just get the baby and my body on my plan, it will really be a great weekend.

From the darkness

So, I know I've been holding out on telling you all about how much God has blessed us lately. And, truthbetold, I've been holding out on you guys for a long time now. God has been showing Luke and I so much for such a long time and I've been pretty tight lipped about it all.

My reason?

Fear.

Fear that I will say something and then look like a fool when it doesn't happen or come to pass. Fear that maybe I don't know God at all like I think I do. Fear of the realization that what He has done for us is truly just a coincidence and that maybe, just maybe, this whole God thing isn't real at all.

I mean, what kind of real Christian walks around saying,

"Well, I think I've heard from God but, truthfully, I'm just not sure it's Him. And sometimes, I wonder if He really is who He says He is or if He even really exists."

I mean, after all, how can I stand here and tell you all day after day after day that Jesus is the only way, His grace covers all your sin and then question the whole idea myself?

Hypocritical much? I'd say so.

So, for the last 10 or so months (basically since I've found out that Baby #6 was growing inside of me) I've been on a journey of questioning God and His word and the authenticity of it all. It wasn't until the last couple of months that I've realized that through the questioning and doubting I've found out more about God and my relationship with Him than ever before.

But it hasn't come without it's fair share of hurt and pain. It hasn't come without some seriously dark days. It hasn't come easy. There have been days where I've known that God was desiring me to come to Him with my questions and yet I've turned the other direction and walked away, shutting out anything and everything about Him.

There have been deep valleys of intense pain because I thought that I knew myself and my God and yet in the midst of all of my knowledge, things didn't seem as they should. Where was my God when I was hurting and confused? Why was He allowing me to feel such pain and distance?

Looking back I can see that even during the darkest of my days, even when I questioned Him unlike ever before, He was there.

The thing about darkness is that it is consuming. Back when I was in college, my family took a trip to Niagara Falls for the 4th of July. We stayed on the Canadian side of the falls and enjoyed celebrating both the Canadian Independence as well as the American one. As part of our vacation, my parents and I decided to go into a haunted house.

Don't ask me why there was a random haunted house at Niagara Falls Canada. I don't know.

Anyway, here is how the haunted house worked: You went into a pitch black room, creepy and scary things popped out at you and all the while you were suppose to be searching for a small, red light. This small, red light was your clue as to where the entrance to the next room was hidden. If you got too scared all you had to do was yell, "SCREAMERS!" and they would rescue you and your time in the house would be over.

At first, the haunted house was fun, exhilarating even. My Mom, my Dad and I had many laughs as one of us would scream and shriek from a sudden lurching of a skeleton or mummy. We ventured from room to room following the little, red light. But then we got into one room. We stood there, waiting to be frightened by something creepy but all the room seemed to hold was darkness. We couldn't even find the little, red light.

Minutes passed and still no red light and no scary sights, noises or sounds. We all began to panic. More minutes passed and we still found ourselves standing in darkness, unable to locate this light that had become so instrumental in our journey through the haunted house. Panic set in. Irrationally, my Mom whispered to us, "Y'all, we are in a foreign country in a haunted house. No one knows where we are. They could do anything to us and no one would ever know."

In a moment of complete confusion and fear we all simultaneously yelled, "SCREAMERS!!!"

The lights came on and all we saw was an empty room, painted black. Standing no more than 4 feet from us was a worker with a headset who pushed open a door beside him. We stepped through the door, onto the busy, bustling Canadian street and walked away from the haunted house with our hearts still pounding within our chests.

In many ways, I feel like I've spent many of the last 10 months in that same, dark room. I've been waiting and waiting for that little, red light to come on and show me the way. At times, it has flickered in a direction that I didn't think was right, so I ignored it. Then it went pitch black. I've been lost in moments and days and weeks without any signs or direction and it's been fearful.

But then, something amazing happened. I cried out, screamed out actually. I begged God to show me something, give me some reprieve, shower me with perspective. Finally, the lights came on and I realized that I never really was lost at all. In fact, just a few short steps away was reality. A reality I've known for a long, long time.

Fear was gripping me, causing me to lose my direction. I allowed the darkness to take over and instead of turning to the One that already knew the outcome I settled for wallowing in the darkness and succumbing to my irrational fears.

As my eyes have adjusted from being in darkness and as my heart has slowly stopped pounding in my chest, I've realized that the direction I was seeking was right in front of me all along. He was there, standing nearby always knowing the way.

As Luke and I take our family to the next step of God's desires for our life I can look back and see that these last months were perfectly laid out before us. Did we know the outcome when we set out? No. Had we known it all beforehand would it have made things easier? Probably not. Probably harder actually.

So as I continue to unfold for you all the richness with which God has blessed us, know that it hasn't come without some serious growing pains. We are seeking to use our lives to earnestly obey God. I can't wait to let you in and show you all the ways that He has blessed us. I wish I could pour it all out in one sitting but I can't. So bear with me as our life gears up to be chaotic (if this Baby ever decides to show up outside my body). I hope you will see God as clearly as we have.

Not yet

No. I have not had a baby yet. Despite trying EVERY thing I know to do to make my body think it's time to be in labor.

I have had a terrible cough for about a week and, honestly, it's driving me crazy. I am wearing one of those post-delivery pads 24/7 because each and every time I cough I pee all over myself. And I cough a lot.

So far I've not found anything that will cause me to A) Stop Coughing or B) Have a baby. I'm tired from lack of sleep (from being up all night coughing) and I'm trying VERY hard not to be cranky and bitter that I'm up all night without a baby to cuddle.

My (step)Dad leaves for an extended business trip out of the country tomorrow and I was really hoping that the Baby would come before he leaves. Guess not.

I keep reminding myself that so, so, so many women desire to be pregnant and simply cannot be and that I should not complain about my current condition. But honestly, I just want to meet my child and hold him/her and it's less about not being pregnant and more about wanting to know if this baby is a boy or a girl and seeing who he/she looks like.

And that's where I am at today. Waiting for Baby, praying for Baby to come soon and wishing that my body would cooperate with my mind.

This isn't what I wanted to post today and it's probably not the post you wanted to read. But it's all I got.

Possible...not easy

I just heard from our realtor that it will probably be next week before we close on our house. As anxiety begins to creep into my mind, I am reminded that He is in control. And, I don't think it's an accident OR a coincidence that I found this little sign at Hobby Lobby yesterday.

(Faith makes things possible...not easy.)

When I saw it, I scooped it up and knew it was perfect for this season of our lives. And God has provided for us richly during the last few weeks. I'm sure He will continue to provide for us and through our faith in Him make things possible, if not always easy.

If you feel led to pray along side us for a swift and immediate closing date, we'd be very appreciative.

Thanks friends.

Did you miss me?

Well, I'm still here. Pregnant and alive somewhere amid the piles of boxes and junk that we call our stuff. We just got our cable and internet hooked up today. It was a nice break from "real" TV and the internet. But I'm glad to be back to 2010.

No baby yet. As of this morning at my Doctor's appointment, I was dilated 2-3 cm and effaced NONE. Yes, NONE. I love my cervix.

We are officially moved out of the "old" house and into the "new" house, which we are renting. However, we have NOT closed on the old house and hope that it happens sometime this week.

Otherwise, we are just doing life as normal. Well, as normal as life gets with 5 children aged 5.5 years and younger, with #6 due any moment now.

You know, normal, simple life. How are all of YOU? Chances are I won't have the time to read and catch up on your blogs. But I've missed you all and reading about your lives.

Hopefully, I'll be posting soon about the new baby. Don't hold your breath though. I know I'm not. I'd love to blog more but people are waking up from naps and requiring my attention. I hope to post quite a few things about the ways that God has blessed us in the last few weeks.

Some of them, actually most of them, are mind boggling. I can't wait to tell you all about it.

Overwhelmed

Today was moving day for us. And I as I sit here now, after an exhausting day, I just can't stop the tears. Not because of the reality of the house we will soon call home. Not because we are moving. Not even because we are leaving a place where treasured memories were made.

All I can do now is cry huge, wet tears. I am just overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with the way that our friends loved us today.

I am beyond humbled. I don't know that in a thousand years I could ever be able to express just how blessed I felt today. As I stood today, surrounded by people who love us, people who care deeply for our family, it became a reality just how much God has provided for us.

And for the first time in a very long time, I'm speechless. I'm overpowered by the thoughts of how these people served and ministered to us today. And I know, without hesitation, that I saw the very face of God today in 18 different people. Ordinary people who chose to be His hands and feet.

And it's because of His love today that I am overwhelmed tonight.

Das Not Funny! Friday: Right in the sniffer

It's Friday again already. What a week we've had! Last night some friends of ours blessed our socks off and descended upon our rental house and cleaned it better than I even thought possible. But, I'm guessing that's not why you are here today.

So saddle up and join me while I share with you the funnies from my kids in this week's edition of Das Not Funny! Friday. And don't ask why I said "saddle up" because I don't know why. Maybe Lucas' affection for all things cowboy has finally caught up with me.

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Elizabeth and Ashlee were cleaning their VERY dirty room. At the bottom of a large pile of clothes and blankets Elizabeth finds some dirty panties and smells them.

Elizabeth: "Shoooo weeee. These stink! Smell them Mom!"

Me: "Uh...No thanks."

Elizabeth: "Okay, smell them Ash."

Ashlee: "Ew. Somebody tooted in doze!"

As Elizabeth walks out of their bedroom carrying them to laundry room, Ashlee goes running behind her saying, "Wait! Lemme smell dem again."

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A few weeks back I borrowed the Planet Earth series from our library. For several nights in a row the big kids would join Luke and I in our bed and watch an episode as our bedtime story. One night, Luke broke wind as he left to get something in another room. Immediately Elizabeth darts from our bedroom and into the bathroom, returning with the air freshener.

When Luke returned to our bedroom Elizabeth was fogging our room with air freshener and Lucas pipped up and yelled,

"Dad. Shoo-wee dude. You stink! Get outta here."

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Brinkley, our golden retriever, was walking through our living room recently. Elizabeth said something to her and called her over.

Lucas asserted, "Mom. I think Brinkley's a boy."

To which Elizabeth replied, "No Lucas. Brinkley's a girl. Just look at her butt."

I have no idea what that means but apparently it cleared up any misconceptions on Lucas' part.

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Our kids are into playing "Puppy" and sometimes it changes to "Horsey." Whichever is the flavor of the day it generally annoys the mess out of me after about 5 minutes. Mostly because the incessant barking and screeching from the "puppies" or the obnoxious neighing from the "horses."

One afternoon recently, all three big kids were in full blown Puppy mode. As I bent over to pick up something from the floor my bottom became the object of Puppy Ashlee's interest and I found myself having to physically pull her nose away from my bottom. I absolutely demanded she stop when she proceeded to try and lick my...um...butt.

Yes, I'm serious.

Y'all have a great weekend. Happy Friday!

I would list for you all the ways I'm not Type A but that would require another list

My mind is spinning in such a tailspin that until I get some of this out on paper (or onto virtual paper) that I don't think I can properly function. That's what I do when I'm stressed, I make lists. I'm sure Luke LOVES my stress-induced Type A tendencies because normally I am so the opposite of Type A that I'm Type Z or something.

When I begin making lists you know I'm getting anxious. Currently I have 5 separate lists saved to our Desktop. 5 separate, yet totally related, lists titled such things as:

Needed for Baby
House Stuff
To do for the move
Repair requests that need to be done
Ways God is working (This one is SO cool and I can't wait to share it with you all.)

Not to mention that I have scribbled notes on about a bazillion pieces of paper that I can no longer find (see, not so Type A am I?). My organization skills are on overload. If you're Type A this will be the only month of my life where we can coexist peacefully. Hence the fact that my husband is LOVING that I'm a go-getter right now. LOVING IT I tell you. I think his photo is in the dictionary or Wikipedia beside Type A. And if you look up the antonym you'll find my photo.

So, why not continue my list making right here? I will, thankyouvermuch. Except this list is of things that are weighing heavily on my mind. So heavily I know nothing else to do other than list them, in a list-type fashion so that I feel like I'm accomplishing them. Or something like that.

-------

These past few weeks I have stunk it up homeschooling Elizabeth. Between being physically fatigued from just being pregnant to battling a never-ending cold to dealing with all the things that come with selling our house and my Maw's surgery we've done very little in the way of schooling.

She did explain reversible change (thanks to Sid the Science Kid) to Ashlee so I know she's soaking stuff up. But I feel like such a failure as a homeschooling mother. Especially because she desperately wants to know how to read and that's something we have to work on during naptime so I can give her my undivided attention and by that point in the day I just want to lay in the bed. I am using that time to read aloud to her, but still...

I've even thought about enrolling her in school for the next 2 months just so her brain cells don't die off and be shed for eternity. I worry about her loosing critical brain storage space while I'm floundering with having a baby, moving and such. At least if she's in public school she'd be learning something.

Even though it may not be what I want her learning.

-------

I think the use of the TV is the sole reason I will not end up yelling at my kids continually for the next 2 weeks. PBS Kids is educational, right? What about Porky Pig?

-------

My Darling child continues to drive me crazy. I reprimand Darling for the EXACT SAME THING every.single.day. Often multiple times a day...

"Darling we don't jump on the bed.
Darling, please don't touch that.
Darling, please don't pull all the clothes out of the drawers.
Darling, please don't climb onto the table.
Darling, please don't throw your food on the floor.
No, Darling, this is what's for dinner (or lunch or breakfast). Mommy isn't making anything else. Please eat.
Darling, STOP IT!"

It's exhausting and I feel like a failure when it comes to parenting my Darling.

-------

My quiet time is so sporadic. When I make time to be alone with God I am so tired that my mind drifts off to a happy place where I don't think of anything. I know that quiet time with the Lord would calm the other areas of my crazy life so I try hard, I really do. But my mind is so weary and I just can't comprehend what I'm reading. And, if I close my eyes to pray I almost fall asleep.

It's so frustrating because I feel like it's all my fault and yet I can't do anything to make it better.

-------

OH MY WORD THE COLD WEATHER! Please, no more snow or cold weather we need to go outside. And bundling all the kids up in 57 layers of clothes is so tiring, especially when I'm 99.9% sure that as soon as we get outside someone will poop their diaper or have to come in and poop. And then I feel selfish because it's just easier on me to stay inside where we can all be close to the toilet and in 1 layer of clothing or less. And so I can sit on something that doesn't make my pelvis feel like it's about to split into two pieces.

-------

I am just overwhelmed and humbled at the friends that are pouring out of the woodwork to help us with this move. Seriously, if I think about it too much I just get teary eyed. I'm pretty sure we are blessed with the most gracious, giving, serving friends on the planet.

-------

We still have so much to do to our house before closing. We have to paint (per our contract) all the places that have marker or crayon on the walls (which is our entire basement and most of the girls' room) and have trees removed from the yard and just MOVE OUR STUFF. Geesh, when will we ever get all that done?

-------

I loathe calling all of our accounts and changing our address. I just loathe it.

-------

Last night our whole family had cereal for dinner. All of us. How pathetic.

-------

And then, THEN I think, "What happens if we do all this stuff, move all our stuff and the deal falls through at the closing table? What then?"


Have mercy. I think I'm going crazy. Just plain crazy. Anybody wanna join me?

God and moving and my cervix. Not be confused with "God moving my cervix."

Today was a pretty big day for us. First up, Luke and I drove over the attorney's office this morning and signed all our paperwork for our closing that is STILL SCHEDULED for next Wednesday, March 3rd. We gave our relator limited power of attorney so that he could sign everything needed the day of closing.

Then, I went on a search for an infant carrier for Baby. You see, we had the car seat we bought when Elizabeth was a baby, but it expired in December.

(Yes, carseats expire. I know, who'dathunk? Right? If you have a carseat and you didn't know they could expire, flip it over and look somewhere on the bottom. The expiration date is stamped into the plastic somewhere. That was SO helpful, I know. "Flip it over and look somewhere." I'm a wealth of information.)

So, we felt extremely blessed when someone from Luke's work gave us a "new" infant carrier. However, when I went to take the cover off and wash the "new" carrier, I realized that it too expired in December. Not so "new."

So, today was carseat day. So, I went to Babies R Them and looked but they all seemed so expensive. So I went to Target but nothing there really tripped my trigger (mostly because they were all gender specific). After my Doctor's visit, I went to Walmart, which really had nothing in the way of an infant carrier that is compatible with the stroller I have my eye on.

After Target, I ran (Not literally, I'm 10 months pregnant people. I run no where.) over to my OB's office for a check up. I asked the nurse to ask the Doctor if he would please check my cervix since we are, afterall, still closing on our house next week. He obliged and after a quick check said that my cevix was shut up nice and tight.

I told him that we didn't say "shut up" in our house.

In other news, he is estimating that this baby is already 7 lbs. Which means it would be my largest baby ever. Elizabeth was 6lbs 13oz at birth and a WEEK LATE. Lucas was 5lbs 2oz and Ashlee was 5lbs 13oz and they were considered "on time" as far as twins go (and still I was induced with them at 38 weeks).

We threw around the possibility of an induction next week and ultimately agreed that we could decide further when I come back in on Monday for him to check me again.

So, this weekend will be full of packing and moving stuff to our rental house and more waiting. I will blog more later about how God is making this all incredibly easy. Just when I think that it couldn't be more stressful, something happens and I think, "Seriously? It's THAT simple?"

And you know what? It really is. And there's no other reason other than God's grace and His mercy over our family and this situation. No.other.reason.

In fact, as Luke and I spoke on the phone just moments ago about our situation with moving and paying deposits and such and how incredibly gracious our new landlord is being to us, Luke commented,

"Seriously. Who does that for people?"

And just now, I realized that my response to him should have been, "Our God does, honey. He always does."

He perceives my thoughts from afar

Usually I blog in the evenings and schedule it to post the next day. But lately, I fall into the bed at night, exhausted from the day and pelvic pressure that seems to be unending. So in a effort to update my blog and have some free therapy, here I am blogging during nap time when I should be napping as well.

This week has been extremely tiring and it's only Tuesday. I have apparently lost my voice due to some mystery cold. Actually, I have a voice but it resembles that of a 98 year old who's been chain smoking since birth. I spoke with our realtor on Thursday and he alluded that it might be possible that we wouldn't close on our house on time. Therefore, we could push closing from March 3rd to the first week in April.

I was a little happy about that considering my due date is March 8th.

But, as of today it seems as if closing will be right on schedule (maybe a day or so late) and we will, in fact, be holding our breath hoping that Baby #6 doesn't come on the day we are moving all of our stuff.

Speaking of moving, we have found a place to rent. It's about 200 yards from our current home so that SHOULD make moving much, much easier. The biggest catch is that the house we are moving to is about 1/2 the size of the one we are currently living in. Which means that we need to find somewhere for 1/2 of our stuff to go.

And I'm NOT all about storing our crap for no apparent reason. So, we have a basement full of furniture and toys and books and children's clothing that needs to go somewhere. My biggest frustration is deciding what to keep, what to toss and what to just give away. I have two amazing friends that gave up their Mother's Morning Out time last week and came to my house and helped me pack up and sort through most of our basement. Can I just tell you how relieved I feel?

Yet, when I sit back and look at what the next 30 days of our life here is what I see...

> A new baby
> A new house
> Moving and sorting all our stuff
> Deciding what is worth keeping and what is not
> Finding the essential baby items once they've been moved to a new place
> Making large purchases
> Discerning between a good choice and the best choice
> Still finding time to spend alone with God
> Still managing my home and our children
> Still schooling Elizabeth

Oh and did I mention we are having a Baby somewhere in all of this?

And we filed our taxes and there was a problem so we had to send in a paper return which means we will probably get audited. AGAIN. JUST LIKE LAST YEAR.

I am praying for God to give me clarity to see what He wants me to learn through this process. And I am reminding myself that NONE of this is a surprise to Him. He knew this would all be on our plate at the same time. He knows when Baby is coming even though I have no clue.

A while back Angie challenged her readers to memorize Psalm 139. I made it about half way through. But, the half I vaguely memorized keeps flooding back into my mind.

"O Lord you have searched me and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise.
You perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all of my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue,
you know it completely Lord.
You hem me in, behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me."

Psalm 139:1-5

He knows how well I function on little-to-no-sleep because He has searched me and knows me.

He knows that this will either make my marriage stronger or cause us to distance ourselves from each other because He knows when I sit and when I rise.

He perceives my thoughts from afar. (That part just baffles me.)

He knows. I don't. And, somehow I need to make up my mind that I'm okay with that and just let go of the things I have no control over and just trust Him.

I love that He brings opportunity for me to see that He knows me better than I know myself. Like yesterday, when Elizabeth is frantically searching for a specific sticker book and I see her, from afar, doing the pee pee dance.

I say to her, gently, "Elizabeth. Please go to the bathroom before you have an accident."

"But Mom!" she stammers, "I don't need to go!"

"Really? You sure look like you do," I reply softly, not wanting to hurt her tender feelings.

She turns and sprints to the bathroom, barely making it to the potty.

He knows me. When I sit and I rise He sees me. He perceives my thoughts, desires and needs from afar. He knows when I'm on the verge of having an accident and He gently urges me in the right direction before my tender heart gets broken and the waves of uncertainty cloud my mind.

Twitter

Well, I packed my hospital bag this weekend in the hopes that Baby Beaver #6 was waiting on me to be "ready." Turns out, Baby could care less that I'm ready.

So, I thought I'd go a step further and go ahead and add twitter to my blog so that when I (finally) do go into labor I can tweet and you all can see updates right here on my blog, if you care. If you do care, you can find those updates right over there on my right sidebar.

Or you can click here and see all my updates on twitter. Most likely after the baby comes I will remove twitter from my blog again. When it's up, I feel pressure to update it. And, I like to set goals that I can actually reach. And, quite frankly, my life just isn't that interesting to need to update twitter several times a day. Well, okay, some days are that interesting but I forget (repeatedly) to refill Lucas' juice cup so chances are I won't remember to tweet about something interesting.

Although today I may need to communicate with EVERYONE via twitter because apparently I've caught a cold that has caused me to lose the majority of my voice. That should go well today with 5 kids who don't really listen when I have my whole voice in tact.

I wonder if using Twitter to help Elizabeth learn to read would be a good idea? Probably not.

Anyway, y'all have a good Monday.

Babies and racecars

I think somewhere, woven into the DNA of my children, there are two unspoken truths.

My girls believe that before any real fun can be had with a babydoll, they must be naked (or as naked as you are able to make them).

Then once the clothing is as removed as your little fingers will allow, you must "mommy" them to the point of breaking them.

In turn,

my boys have the ability to know exactly where every car in our house is located.

In addition, they know exactly how to make car noises for as long as their little lungs can hold breath. Then they repeat this noise approximately 3,729 times.

(Just so you know, when I took these pictures Aaron and Olivia were playing in the kitchen at the same time. Olivia with her baby and Aaron with his car. It was, perhaps, the most precious thing I'd seen all week.)

I only thought that I had this whole God thing figured out

Can I just confess you to you that God is doing major work on my heart right now?

Which, by the way, is NOT where I prefer Him working right now. I'd much rather He be working on my cervix. But, He doesn't seem to want to change that right now, so I guess my heart will have to do.

As I write this, my husband is in Atlanta waiting to board an airplane that will bring him home from a long weekend away at his grandfather's funeral. By the time you read this, he will have been home for a mere 8ish or so hours and will be back at work.

I just can't tell you how ready I am to see my husband.

(Can I just take a second or three and tell all of you single parents out there that I think you are AMAZING? Seriously? No matter the reason you are currently single (this includes you military spouses) my hat is OFF to you. I have no idea how you do life day in and day out knowing you are the sole provider for your family's needs. I commend you and I can promise you that I will spend MUCH more time in prayer for you. This weekend, I was humbled by what God revealed to me about your lives.)

But, when my husband left I wasn't so thankful. Actually, I was pretty pissed if you want to know the truth. I mean, here I am 57 months pregnant with our 6th child. The other five kids are a mere 5.5 years old and younger and one of our darling kids is pushing me to my limits. Why in the world would this man think it would be a good idea to leave me here to do life for 3 whole days - ALONE?

(Nevermind that I encouraged him to go. Nevermind that at all.)

Then, I realize that he left me a sink full of dirty dishes. AND a trashcan that is overflowing. AND a refrigerator full of uncooked food.

I mean, when I left him and went out of town for a week at least I tried to leave our house in some sort of condition where it would be easier on him. I left him frozen meals and even prepared a posse of men to come a few times after the kids' bedtimes to give him a mental reprieve.

But OH NO. He just left.

So yeah, I was pretty upset about it. And, the night before he left I managed have had an emotional breakdown over everything that is going on in our life. I might have cried because he hurt my oversensitive feelings. And, I might have been ticked off the next morning because he didn't take my breakdown seriously and instead he drifted off to sleep while I continued to cry.

(Have I mentioned that my marriage is perfect? No? Oh wait, that's because it's NOT. Close, but no cigar. I mean, mostly because of me.)

I don't say all of this to try to make my husband look bad. Because, truly, I was being selfish, I see that now. But, as I texted my BFF Amanda in an effort to "ask for prayer" (which was really just me disguising my desire to unleash on her about my husband and gossip) I realized something.

It's all about my perspective. So, I prayed a prayer I seem to be praying a lot lately.

"Father, help me to see what YOU desire me to see in this situation. It seems crazy and chaotic to me but this situation is not surprising you. So show me God, show me."

And you know what? He did. That afternoon I read this post by Katie. Actually, I read it in bits and pieces because I prefer to be hit across the face with tiny, little God slaps rather than one ginormous sized God slap.

Over the course of the weekend, He showed me that if I HAD to make it with 5 (or 6) kids all by myself, I could. He gently reminded me that somewhere in Haiti (or another disaster ridden nation), there is a Mother begging for just 1 more day with her babies.

He showed me just how much my husband does for me that I never really notice. Small things that I take for granted. (I realized that until this weekend that I don't think I've taken out the trash in probably 4 months. And, I never feed the dog.)

Mostly though, God made it abundantly clear how incredibly selfish I am. Selfish with my time and the selfishness of my heart's desires.

Why did I ever believe that being a follower of Jesus would be easy? Why did I think that looking less like the world and more like a crazy Jesus freak would be fun?

Why did I ever believe that because I am set apart within the light of God's truth that I would no longer have difficulties or struggles or even have to make sacrifices that are close to my heart, intimate with my spirit even? I so desperately want to live a life sold out to God but in turn I expected it to be easy and streamline and, well, uneventful.

Where is that Biblical? Show me where it says in God's word that giving up your own life for one immersed in His is easy?

Blessed? Yes, incredibly so. Filled with joy? Most of the time. Burden free? Hardly so.

So, sometime on Saturday afternoon I decided to put myself up by my bootstraps (which it totally figurative because I can promise you that my cankles will NOT be fitting into boots anytime soon). I decided that I can choose to loathe the entire weekend, make my kids miserable, be miserable myself and speak harshly to my husband each time we talk.

Or...

I can do life alone (as alone as you get with 5 kids) with joy. I can be supportive of my husbands need to be there for his father and family. I can joyfully look and see what God is choosing to show me during these few days alone.

And I can pray I won't go into labor while my husband is 3 layovers and 8 hours worth of plane travel away.

I was exhausted every night and I certainly didn't win any awards for Mother of the Year. But I did it. I made it through the weekend. I chose to change my attitude. And, honestly, I had fun with my kids.

My house is a total disaster and I don't know that I ever want to be pregnant and alone with 5 kids again, but we made it.

And today while my husband is back at work and life goes back to "normal" for us (whatever that is) I will choose to face our continued chaotic life looking for what God wants me to see. And how I should act in response.

Considering the alternative I'd say that's really my only option.

Honestly, Darling.

Can I just be really honest here?

(I'm guessing since it's my blog and you aren't beside me as I type this, I can. And, I don't really know why I used that as my opening sentence because it's not like you can answer me and then it would change the rest of this post.)

Well, I'm gonna be honest. And if honesty is something you don't like then you might wanna go ahead and leave now. And, if you read what I'm about to write and you don't agree with me, then that's fine. I only ask that you comment respectfully.

Right now, I love all my children. I love each of them so much that I would die to save their lives, without hesitation. You see, I know that true love is a choice you make. I touched on that previously way back when I wrote this post about my husband. But, what I've realized since then is that even loving your children is choice.

Some women receive their children into their arms and immediately fall in love. Other women grow to love their children over the course of their first weeks and months with them. As for me, I've found both to be true with each of my babies. I loved them immediately but the fluttery emotion of it faded at times and the real choice to love them came later.

Sure, I have moments, several of them a day even, where my children do or say something and my heart swells with pride and adoration. Most days, I can just look at my kids and feel a rush of emotion and feel overwhelmed with how much I care about them.

But, you see, I choose to love my kids. I choose to train them to be responsible, God loving, courteous, family focused people. I choose to give them my attention and affection and somedays, I make better choices than others. But, in my opinion, loving my children is a choice I make, daily.

But lately, there is one of my children that I just don't LIKE very much.

I know. Mothers should never speak such words, huh? Truly wonderful mothers don't speak about when they've had enough of their kids or when they're so sick of them that they dread hearing them wake up the next morning. Or, if they DO mention such things then they ONLY do so while joking. Right?

Well, I'm not joking.

I'm seriously in a state of unlike with one of my kids. Because I'd rather not call out one of my kids and because I'm sure that there will be a day (and there have already been days in the past) where I feel this way about another one of my children, I'll call the child I'm currently referencing "Darling."

Now, please don't misunderstand me. I still love Darling as much as possible. Because I choose to love Darling.

I choose to love Darling despite the fact that Darling is driving me insane. I still love Darling despite the fact that Darling is currently causing me to employ every disciplinary method I've ever wanted/needed/thought about trying.

I choose to love Darling despite the fact that I discipline Darling for the EXACT SAME DISOBEDIENCE several times a day.

But, I'm gonna be honest. When I look at Darling I don't see very much like. In fact, I hardly want to be in the same room with Darling. I hardly want to go out of my way to help Darling find a toy or understand how something works.

But then, Darling will grab a book and crawl into my lap, bat those eyes and I'm hooked. And I smell Darling's hair and kiss Darling's cheeks and I remember that God blessed me with Darling, even when Darling doesn't feel like a blessing.

And I wonder how often my Father feels the same way about me. I wonder how many times God looks at me suffering in the EXACT SAME DISOBEDIENCE and wonders if I'll actually get it right this time.

I wonder how often God looks at me and hardly wants to be alone with me. I wonder if He looks at me and hardly wants to go out of His way to help me or help me understand how something works or how it harm my soul.

Currently, I have 5 children. All of whom I love deeply. All of whom have taught me so much about myself and my God and how much He loves me, even though I'm completely flawed. And I think about this verse,

"If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!" ~ Matthew 7:11

And I am reminded that I am imperfect and yet I can still love my little Darling, despite the fact that Darling is driving me insane. In contrast, God is perfect and He continues to love me, despite the fact that I am driving Him insane.

And suddenly, I have perspective.

So tomorrow, I will wake up and feed all 5 of my children breakfast. I will hand out sippy cups and kisses for boo boos. I will continue to choose to love all of my children, even when I don't feel warm and fuzzy about them. And I will maintain that I am the most blessed woman I know because God has entrusted me with these babies. And gifts like these are not something I take lightly.

Das Not Funny! Friday: Not much and an email rant

Wow! I just realized it's Friday. I mean, I knew it was Friday because we did our normal Friday morning activities already this morning, but I just realized it was Friday. You know what I mean?

I don't really have anything in the way of a Das Not Funny! Friday post because, well, I've been a little busy...

...growing a baby.

...going pee.

...packing up my house.

...searching for a place for us to live.

...going pee.

...calling to check on my Maw.

...and the normal stuff like changing diapers and cooking meals and breaking up arguments and kissing boo boos and tying shoes.

...and going pee.

The only funny things that I remember from this week are two, both from my Ashlee.

She was playing with her Vsmile and changing out the game to play Winne the Pooh and she looks at me, holds the cartridge next to my belly and says,

"Mommy, you and Pooh have the same kinda tummy. 'Sept your tummy has a baby in it and Pooh's doesn't. He's just got honey."

And then this afternoon as I backed our new (to us) van into the driveway Lucas says,

"Let's 'retend that dis is the DINOSAUR TRAIN!"

To which Ashlee replies, "Let's don't. And just let it be a people train, okay Woocus?"

There's always a joy killer in every group.

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With the rest of your time, I'd like to discuss with you the aspect of email addresses. As I am calling all over various towns, speaking to several different people, trying to find us a place to live I'm having to give out my email address to strangers.

And, it's got me to thinking. Your email address actually says quite a bit about you, don't you think? Have you ever looked at someone's email address and wondered WHY ON EARTH they'd have chosen that one?

I mean, did they think no one would ever see it?

I mean, what if my email was something like: foxychick@somewhere.com? Um, can you imagine giving that out to someone when you are looking to have a professional relationship with them?

What about: hellzangelinlove@anywhere.com?

Or one I saw not long ago, attached to a Craigslist listing: toohotforyou24.7@idontknow.com.

Seriously?

So I ask you...what does your email address say about you? If it's got the word "sexy" or "love" or some reference to your VERY personal life may I suggest a change is in order?

Mmmkay, I'm done now.

Have a great weekend. If you need me, I'll be in the bathroom.

Hope

Even though our lives seem to be spinning into a world of chaos God is proving that He is, indeed, in control.

On Monday, as we waited for word from the operating room regarding my Maw's surgery, we received another kind of word.

Yes, our sweet Baby Girl is now officially a Beaver!

After sitting in the courtroom just over 14 months ago, listening to all the things her little body endured before she was born, we have no doubts that God mercifully spared her life so that she could one day be our precious daughter.

So, it's with great joy that I present to you:

Olivia Hope

The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;

his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
"The LORD is my portion," says my soul,
"therefore I will hope in him."
~ Lamentations 3:22-24

Thank you God. Thank you.

He knew our life would be this chaotic. I just wish He'd told me sooner.

Our life is never boring. EVER. Even when it seems as though things are "normal" around here, it's chaotic and crazy and full of energy.

I'm pretty sure that our life is the antonym of boring. And, I'm pretty sure that we are the synonym of chaotic.

But over the next month our lives will prove to be more chaotic than ever.

And, through it all I continue to remind myself that NONE of this comes as a surprise to God. He knew how incredibly chaotic our lives would be at this time and He remains in control.

(And lately, I'm chanting the previous sentence to myself on an hourly - sometimes minute by minute - basis.)

Why is our life more chaotic than normal these days? Let me start with the basics that you probably already know.

I'm about 36 weeks pregnant with our 6th child. Our oldest child is a mere 5.5 years old. That in-and-of-itself is chaotic.

But wait, there's more.

My grandma, Maw, just had major heart surgery. Major, major heart surgery. God is proving, once more, to be merciful and is healing her body unlike anything we expected. Her recovery will last for the next 3 - 4 months and my Mom will be her primary care giver. How does this directly impact our family, aside from the fact that we love my Maw more than words? Well, my Mom usually helps us out several times a week with childcare and dinners and such. With her giving all her effort to care for my Maw, our life will become a little more chaotic.

But wait, there's more.

We found out that Luke's paternal grandfather passed away and arrangements will be made for his memorial/burial in the next week. Luke is planning on attending the funeral, which will be in another state. We are still working out details, but he will certainly be traveling over the course of 2 - 3 days, while his wife is on the verge of going into labor. That makes life chaotic.

But wait, there's more.

Perhaps the most chaotic thing is that we finally sold our house.

Oh, had you forgotten that it was still on the market? Well, it was. Let me catch you up to speed.

We've had a contingent offer on it since sometime around October. However, the folks who are buying our house had to sell their house first. It wasn't looking good and we had agreed that if they hadn't sold their house by December sometime (I don't remember the date) the contract would become voided.

Well, that day in December came and went and we re-negotiated so that our contract would expire if we didn't close by February 28th.

We didn't think it was looking promising. Actually, Luke and I hadn't even spoken about selling our house in several months. We were sorta on auto-pilot with the whole house thing, or so we thought.

Then, randomly (you know if you believe in coincidences) last Thursday, Luke and I laid in the bed and talked about how wonderful it would be if God would allow our house to sell before the baby came.

We talked about the debt we owe on our house and how much of burden we felt over it.

THE NEXT MORNING I got an email from our realtor. The buyers had an offer on their house. At 5:00pm I was on the phone with our Realtor hearing myself say that a closing date of March 3rd would be acceptable.

That's 5 days before this baby is due.

With my Maw still being in the thick of recovery and rehab.

And now we have to find a place to live.

And pack up all our crap treasures.

And all the things that come with moving.

Our life is getting incredibly chaotic. More chaotic than I ever thought possible.

But God knew. He knew the before the creation of the Earth that we'd be expecting a baby and moving and dealing with recovery of my Maw and the death of Luke's grandfather.

He knew. Even though we had no clue.

So we press forward, trusting that the Lord is completely in control. Trusting that even though it feels like the ground beneath our feet is spinning out of control. Truly, it isn't.

Truly God is in control. Truly, He knew that when we placed our house on the market back in August, with a new baby growing in my womb, that it would all accumulate around the same time that the baby would come.

He knows what will happen in the next 30 days and I do not. He knows whether or not I will go into labor while my husband is several states away (please Lord, NO!).

He knows how on His own green Earth we will pack, move, settle, have a baby, help as much as possible with my Maw, support Luke's Dad and family and still Homeschool, disciple and raise our children.

He knows. Even though we have no clue. And I am trying my best to rest in that knowledge.

Update on my Maw

Hey peeps.

Today has proven to be an amazing day. I'm telling you, God has really shown off in the last 24 hours. I mean, He acts like He's actually in control of all things or something. Geesh. ;-)

My Maw is doing fabulous. I just left visiting with her in the ICU and she was eating applesauce and threatening to charge the nurses for every vile of blood they took from her. Typical of my Maw. Excessively typical.

This morning, she walked to the end of the hall and back. Since I just told you about the whole eating thing, I'm guess you could infer that she is off the ventilator. But in case you couldn't, she's off the ventilator. Her heart is also sustaining its own rhythms and she in no longer needing the pacemaker.

She will remain in the ICU tonight, but purely as a precaution. Hopefully tomorrow, she will be moved to the step-down unit.

I probably won't blog about her status and recovery here regularly. However, if you'd like to follow her recovery or leave her a comment you can click here and go to the blog we've set up that will follow her recovery, even after she comes home.

Thanks so much for your prayers and thoughts. I know that they were heard by our marvelous Creator. I am amazed at how wonderful His blessings continue to be.

Surgery Day: Update

745pm Update:

We got to go back and see Maw for a few brief moments. I'll be honest, it was really hard seeing her in that condition, although I was expecting it - as much as I could.

She continues to be on the ventilator and has tubes everywhere. She is on medication to ELEVATE her very, very low blood pressure and is also on an external pacemaker. Our understanding is that without these two things she would have no blood pressure or heart rhythm.

The nursing shift is changing now and the new nurse will begin weaning her off sedation within the hour. With that, they will also begin trying to wean her off the ventilator. However, as the doctor said previously, her accelerated lung disease (due to many, many years of smoking) is a big factor in how well she will respond to the decreased level of the vent.

Visiting hours end at 9pm EST and at that time we will be asked to leave the ICU and we cannot return until 9am tomorrow morning. We can, however, call at any time for an update.

Unless there is significant improvement or a significant decrease in her condition, I won't update again until tomorrow.

Thank you all so much for your prayers. Right now we are just praying for her to be strong enough to be weaned from sedation so that her body can begin to regulate itself. We appreciate your thoughts and prayers so very much.


5:00pm Update:

Surgery began about 5 minutes before 8:00am. Maw came through surgery well. The surgeon met with us about 1.5 hours ago and said that they bypassed 4 arteries and replaced her aortic root and valve. He commented that she had more lung disease than we originally thought (due to 60+ years of smoking cigarettes). Additionally, that getting her lungs and airways to dialate properly so that she can get adequate oxygen is going to be important.

We are waiting outside of the ICU now to go back and see her for the 1st time since surgery. I'll try to update again later tonight.

We've got a long 48 hours ahead. Thanks again for the prayers.


Original Post:

Today is surgery day for my Maw. If you're visiting my blog today, please offer up a prayer for her, the surgeons, the doctors, the hospital staff, the nurses and all involved in the surgery.

I will try to update throughout the day via my twitter account, if you'd like to know how things are going.

Thanks for all your support friends. It's going to be a long day and I appreciate your thoughts and prayers more than you know.

Das Not Funny! Friday: I can't think of a clever title because I'm too focused on the nap I'm about to take

Welcome to this week's edition of Das Not Funny! Friday. I don't have much this week so I hope these few give you at least a smile or two.

Lucas has been all about getting himself dressed lately for the last several months. Usually his outfits consist of pants that are on backwards and cowboy boots on the wrong feet. But this week, he emerged from his room after getting ready for bed in the following outfit:

I always knew he was a turkey. Those feet prove it.

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Earlier this week Lucas saw my bra laying on the bench at the end of our bed. He casually picked it up and handed it to me saying,

"Here mom. Put your boobies on."

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Lucas, from the bathroom: "Bizzy! Ashwee! Come here and wook at my poo poo."

Ashlee and Elizabeth file into the bathroom and I hear the following...

Ashlee: "Shoowee Woocus. You stink!"

Elizabeth: "Lean up Lucas and lemme see." (insert pause) "Yep. You stink alright."

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You know you over-rationalize your thoughts to your 20 month old when you talk to him and his reply to you is,

"Mum."

Which means "Yes Mam."

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One afternoon this week Lucas changed into a pair of Ashlee's jeans. When I asked him what he was wearing he said,

"Mom, dese are boy jeans too because day have da zwipper in da front for my peenus."

That still doesn't explain why he wears his own pants backwards, with the zipper on his butt.


Y'all have a happy weekend.