Das Not Funny! Friday: Lucas-esque

I know, I know, it's been weeks since I've done a real Das Not Funny! Friday. But I just had a little something that I wanted to share with you all...

I think I'm going to be pregnant forever. Either that, or maybe I'm not really pregnant at all.

Let me explain.

About a year or so ago one of Olivia's social workers sat with us in the courtroom for a routine hearing. The social worker, Ms. L, was very concerned because Olivia's case was being pushed until after lunch and Ms. L's dog was at home in labor, about to give birth to a litter of puppies. Naturally, Ms. L wanted to be there with her dog while she labored and delivered her pups. Ms. L is probably the best social worker I've ever seen, so don't let her concern for her dog mislead you.

This dog is her baby.

Anyway, I saw Ms. L a week or so after our court date and asked her how the puppies were doing. Turns out, Ms. L's dog WAS NEVER REALLY PREGNANT. Apparently, the dog only thought it was pregnant and went an entire gestational cycle with her abdomen growing and displaying all the symptoms of a doggy pregnancy but was never really "with puppy."

Ms. L stated that her veterinarian confirmed that this sometimes happens to dogs and Ms. L shouldn't be worried.

I think if I've still not had this baby by the time my doctor's appointment rolls around on Monday, I'm going to see Ms. L's veterinarian for a second opinion.

I'm just sayin'.

And now, onto your regularly scheduled laughs....

Last week, you may or may not remember that we got a stomach virus. It doesn't really matter if you remember though, because we did and it was NOT fun.

We have the coolest baby monitor on the planet and it allows us to monitor 3 rooms at once, with each room cycling on a 5 second interval. The point in me telling you that is so that you can understand that really you don't need 5 seconds to discern what is happening in a room when you hear the sound of someone puking. Really, the 1st second of sound tells you all you need to know.

On Thursday night, I heard that sound coming from the boys' room, where Lucas was sleeping. His footsteps on the stairs confirmed what I knew to already be true.

After cleaning up the mess, I told Lucas that I heard him over the monitor and I knew that he was sick. He leans into me and says,

"Yeah, but Momma you prolly just though it was a dinosaur in my woom. And the sound of me growin' up you thought was the dinosaur growlin'. Didn't you Momma?"

Sure baby. Whatever makes your little tummy feel better.

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Lucas has been so sweet to me lately. Like, seriously sweet. Like, coming over to me just to give me a "hug and tiss" sweet. I don't know why, and frankly, I don't care why. It does this Momma's heart good.

However, he's also learned how to break wind on command. Often, his new found affection is coupled with his new found wind-breaking skill, which he finds hilarious and I find disgusting.

Choose your battles I guess, right?

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Luke and I really try to limit what our children watch. In the past, we've learned the hard way that JUST because a movie is rated "G" and JUST because it's animated doesn't mean that it contains appropriate words or messages.

Lucas has learned this first hand and freely explains it to me on multiple occasions. "Momma, we don't watch All Dogs Go To Heaven anymore because they say words like 'shut up' and we don't say 'shut up' do we Momma?"

Me: "No baby, we don't."

Lucas: "Yeah. 'Shut up' isn't something nice to say. We also don't call people 'stupid' or say 'I will kill you.' Dose are not nice fangs to say."

In his dissertation on "Things we don't say" he has inadvertently said each of the things we don't say approximately 15 times a piece.

Good job Mom. Goooooood job.

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We are all riding in the car the other day and Lucas pipes up from the 2nd row, "Dad?"

Luke: "Yes Buddy?"

Lucas: "What are people made of?"

Luke: "What do you mean?"

Lucas: "What are people made of? Are peoples made of meat?"

Luke: "Yes Buddy, people are made of meat."

Lucas: "Oh." (insert 5 seconds of silence) "Hey Dad?"

Luke: "Yeah Buddy?"

Lucas: "Dad, don't tigers eat meat?"

Luke: "They sure do Buddy."

Lucas: "Oh. Okay. Thanks."

Luke and I are trying so hard to stifle our laughter we can hardly address the fact that tigers aren't on the prowl looking to eat meaty-humans. But we managed to set the record straight. Eventually.

I am SERIOUSLY hoping to have a baby this weekend. Seriously. I'll keep you updated on Twitter if my body ever decides to make that happen. In the meantime, y'all have a great weekend. Happy Friday!