Last week my right tonsil hurt, but I chalked it up to being thirsty and dehydrated. Sunday night, my left tonsil hurt so bad I could hardly swallow. Yesterday, I took the Baby D and Baby Girl for their 6 and 2 month check ups, respectively, and really started feeling like poo.
Since my wonderful mom came with me to the check ups (we've been through twin check ups before and 2 babies getting shots requires a two person team), she told me to drop my the urgent care clinic and have them look at my throat.
Whatta ya know, I've got Strep throat.
I don't remember ever having it before, and man does it ever hurt. Supposedly this pain medicine they gave me is suppose to help, and let me tell you, if I don't take it on the 4 hour mark, I pay for it later.
Anyway, if you think about it, please pray that Luke and the kids are spared from the strep. Boy, that would really stink.
Have a great New Year's Eve!
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Sunday, December 28, 2008
The Other Side
Six years ago, almost to this very hour, I stood behind 2 solid, wood doors. My heart was fluttering and my eyes misty. As I stood there, with my arm looped through my Dad's, I had no idea what awaited me on the other side. Although the physical journey on the other side of those doors was just a short walk down the aisle, the memories, relationships and love that have been formed from that day to this have exceeded my wildest expectations.
The doors flung open and there stood my love, dressed in a perfect tuxedo, surrounded by our family and friends. Funny thing now, but I barely remember the long anticipated journey down the aisle to become his wife. I can hardly remember any of the details that seemed so important on that day. Time and distance has separated us from many of the people we asked to join us in our wedding party.
I wonder now, how might our marriage be better, closer and more holy if I had focused all my energy on becoming a Godly wife rather than a blushing bride. And although God's mercy and grace has proven to be the key ingredient in our wonderful marriage, I can only mourn for the days that I was so wrapped up in this world that I could hardly see my Lord beckoning me to Him.
It's only been 6 years, which seems like such a short time compared to some marriages. However, in those 6 years God has so richly blessed us with 5 healthy, wonderful children. He has blessed us financially, with way more than we could ever need. He has blessed me with a husband who desires to serve Him. He has shown me that a Biblical marriage is worth working for and submission is a beautiful thing.
As I think back to myself, the me of 6 years ago standing behind 2 wooden doors, I am so humbled at the way God has changed my heart and my life. I praise the One who had used our messed up story and turned it into something for His glory. I praise Him because He changed me, and us, to make our marriage last and become something functional.
As I watch the doors fling open on the rest of our life and the years to come, I'm still a lot like that bride of 6 years ago. I can see the place I am suppose to walk, I see the goals and dreams and fears that lie ahead. However, this time I have my arm looped through the Father's, and a Godly man already at my side. I am so honored and blessed to have shared the last 6 years with this man. And as we take steps into an unknown future, I rest assured that God is directing our steps and leading our lives.
Happy Anniversary Honey! I love you so very, very much.
The doors flung open and there stood my love, dressed in a perfect tuxedo, surrounded by our family and friends. Funny thing now, but I barely remember the long anticipated journey down the aisle to become his wife. I can hardly remember any of the details that seemed so important on that day. Time and distance has separated us from many of the people we asked to join us in our wedding party.
I wonder now, how might our marriage be better, closer and more holy if I had focused all my energy on becoming a Godly wife rather than a blushing bride. And although God's mercy and grace has proven to be the key ingredient in our wonderful marriage, I can only mourn for the days that I was so wrapped up in this world that I could hardly see my Lord beckoning me to Him.
It's only been 6 years, which seems like such a short time compared to some marriages. However, in those 6 years God has so richly blessed us with 5 healthy, wonderful children. He has blessed us financially, with way more than we could ever need. He has blessed me with a husband who desires to serve Him. He has shown me that a Biblical marriage is worth working for and submission is a beautiful thing.
As I think back to myself, the me of 6 years ago standing behind 2 wooden doors, I am so humbled at the way God has changed my heart and my life. I praise the One who had used our messed up story and turned it into something for His glory. I praise Him because He changed me, and us, to make our marriage last and become something functional.
As I watch the doors fling open on the rest of our life and the years to come, I'm still a lot like that bride of 6 years ago. I can see the place I am suppose to walk, I see the goals and dreams and fears that lie ahead. However, this time I have my arm looped through the Father's, and a Godly man already at my side. I am so honored and blessed to have shared the last 6 years with this man. And as we take steps into an unknown future, I rest assured that God is directing our steps and leading our lives.
Happy Anniversary Honey! I love you so very, very much.
In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.
~Proverbs 16:9
~Proverbs 16:9
Saturday, December 27, 2008
His Perfect Plan, My Perfect Baby Girl
I used to believe in coincidences. I used to find irony interesting. I used to think that karma was something that truly existed and that I was lucky. I used to think that wishes came true. I thought all of these things before I came to know my Savior. Now, I realize that things happen according to a plan, His plan. Although I don't think our lives are mapped out for us, I do believe that God already knows the choices we'll make and the things He will set in motion so that we can fulfill our purposes for His kingdom.
It is no accident that Baby Girl is in our home. It isn't by coincidence or an interesting twist in irony how she came to live with us and I fell in love with her.
When we got the call on that Thursday, Luke and I prayed and talked over whether or not we should take this placement. We knew that God had called us to this ministry, but 5 kids 4 and under? Surely not. When we were told that we were the 5th family that had been called, my heart broke.
As I sat in a nurse's station 75 days ago, holding a sweet baby my heart melted and tears burned my eyes. As we sat in a courtroom 9 days ago and listened to the heartbreaking details of her life as she suffered in her mother's womb, God's plan continued to unfold.
I have struggled with whether our home is the best place for Baby Girl. It is not because I do not love her, but rather my worry about how our society will view a black child in a white home. I have prayed for God to reveal His desires to me, and over this Christmas He has done just that. How can I ever doubt that God, who so meticulously weaved together His plan so that she could be placed in our home, will fail us later? He will not. Failure is not His way.
God has gently reminded me that nothing happens by coincidence. It was not an accident that 5 other families denied Baby Girl's placement. In our struggle to decide if we should be Baby Girl's foster home, we told the social worker to call 1 more family. We told her that if they could not take her, that we would. When she called us back saying that all of the options had been exhausted, we knew God was asking us to step up to the plate. We were family #6, there was no #7. We trusted and stepped and He's carried us from then until now.
It was not because of luck that Baby Girl survived the neglect and abuse in her mother's body, only to arrive in this world perfect and whole and beautiful. It is not irony that we received Baby Girl just days before our good friends returned from the mission field. These friends that prayed with us over our ministry and led us to a crisis of belief where we knew we had to act in obedience to God's call. Nothing is coincidence when you're talking about God.
As for Baby Girl, I am 100% smitten with her. She is precious and lovely and completely perfect because she is God's creation. I cannot imagine our home or my life without her in it. I cherish our night time cuddles and early morning feedings. Tonight, as I watched her scream because her tummy hurt so badly, I knew just what to do to make her feel better. Why? Because she's my daughter and Mommies know how to help their babies.
I know I haven't posted about getting/adjusting/learning to love Baby Girl as much as I did when we got Baby D. But believe me, it's not because the emotion isn't there. It isn't because I love him more or she is second best.
It is purely because she makes me speechless. I cannot fathom how a mother could see her precious face, then turn and leave her at the hospital. I cannot stomach that Baby Girl had immense tremors because of her mother's addiction. It makes tears stream down my face and my heart grieve with loss.
So, if I don't discuss my emotions surrounding Baby Girl's past and her being our "foster baby" do not believe for one second that it is because they do not exist. They are there and they are real. But until she is ours forever, I do not know if I can allow myself to dwell on anything other than my love for her. I cannot think of those other things because as her mother, dwelling on my baby's hurt is just too much for me to bear. If that flood gate opened, I don't know if I'd be able to shut it again.
For now, I must focus on the fact that I have 3 beautiful daughters. All 3 so incredibly perfect, designed by a Creator who made no mistake in their form. In the depths of their mothers' wombs He perfected them and knit them according to His plans for their lives. They are treasures that I am blessed enough to hold and kiss and love each day. They are a taste of heaven that I can hold in my arms and I praise my Lord for the perfection of their design.
But mostly, I thank Him for giving them each to me. I praise Him for His tremendous plan and that He allows me to have a tiny portion of His glory right here, asleep in my home.
For you created my inmost being;
It is no accident that Baby Girl is in our home. It isn't by coincidence or an interesting twist in irony how she came to live with us and I fell in love with her.
When we got the call on that Thursday, Luke and I prayed and talked over whether or not we should take this placement. We knew that God had called us to this ministry, but 5 kids 4 and under? Surely not. When we were told that we were the 5th family that had been called, my heart broke.
As I sat in a nurse's station 75 days ago, holding a sweet baby my heart melted and tears burned my eyes. As we sat in a courtroom 9 days ago and listened to the heartbreaking details of her life as she suffered in her mother's womb, God's plan continued to unfold.
I have struggled with whether our home is the best place for Baby Girl. It is not because I do not love her, but rather my worry about how our society will view a black child in a white home. I have prayed for God to reveal His desires to me, and over this Christmas He has done just that. How can I ever doubt that God, who so meticulously weaved together His plan so that she could be placed in our home, will fail us later? He will not. Failure is not His way.
God has gently reminded me that nothing happens by coincidence. It was not an accident that 5 other families denied Baby Girl's placement. In our struggle to decide if we should be Baby Girl's foster home, we told the social worker to call 1 more family. We told her that if they could not take her, that we would. When she called us back saying that all of the options had been exhausted, we knew God was asking us to step up to the plate. We were family #6, there was no #7. We trusted and stepped and He's carried us from then until now.
It was not because of luck that Baby Girl survived the neglect and abuse in her mother's body, only to arrive in this world perfect and whole and beautiful. It is not irony that we received Baby Girl just days before our good friends returned from the mission field. These friends that prayed with us over our ministry and led us to a crisis of belief where we knew we had to act in obedience to God's call. Nothing is coincidence when you're talking about God.
As for Baby Girl, I am 100% smitten with her. She is precious and lovely and completely perfect because she is God's creation. I cannot imagine our home or my life without her in it. I cherish our night time cuddles and early morning feedings. Tonight, as I watched her scream because her tummy hurt so badly, I knew just what to do to make her feel better. Why? Because she's my daughter and Mommies know how to help their babies.
I know I haven't posted about getting/adjusting/learning to love Baby Girl as much as I did when we got Baby D. But believe me, it's not because the emotion isn't there. It isn't because I love him more or she is second best.
It is purely because she makes me speechless. I cannot fathom how a mother could see her precious face, then turn and leave her at the hospital. I cannot stomach that Baby Girl had immense tremors because of her mother's addiction. It makes tears stream down my face and my heart grieve with loss.
So, if I don't discuss my emotions surrounding Baby Girl's past and her being our "foster baby" do not believe for one second that it is because they do not exist. They are there and they are real. But until she is ours forever, I do not know if I can allow myself to dwell on anything other than my love for her. I cannot think of those other things because as her mother, dwelling on my baby's hurt is just too much for me to bear. If that flood gate opened, I don't know if I'd be able to shut it again.
For now, I must focus on the fact that I have 3 beautiful daughters. All 3 so incredibly perfect, designed by a Creator who made no mistake in their form. In the depths of their mothers' wombs He perfected them and knit them according to His plans for their lives. They are treasures that I am blessed enough to hold and kiss and love each day. They are a taste of heaven that I can hold in my arms and I praise my Lord for the perfection of their design.
But mostly, I thank Him for giving them each to me. I praise Him for His tremendous plan and that He allows me to have a tiny portion of His glory right here, asleep in my home.
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
Your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Merry Christmas!
I know I haven't posted much lately. Along with they busyness of family time and going from here to there, I've had a lot on my mind and in my heart. I promise to roll it all out to you soon.
However, don't think for one second that I'm not excited to celebrate the birth of the Greatest King to ever live!
I pray, that above all else, you will find true joy in the greatest gift we can receive, Jesus Christ.
Merry Christmas to you all!
However, don't think for one second that I'm not excited to celebrate the birth of the Greatest King to ever live!
I pray, that above all else, you will find true joy in the greatest gift we can receive, Jesus Christ.
Merry Christmas to you all!
Monday, December 22, 2008
Baby D's Court Hearing Today
The judge ruled to continue Baby D's case plan as reunification with the birth parents. Needless to say, I'm very frustrated and even a little ticked.
Thanks for the prayers and encouragement.
Thanks for the prayers and encouragement.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Another Day In Court
Tomorrow we go back to court for Baby D's case that got pushed back. We are hoping that the judge will side the the G.A.L. recommendation and begin a concurrent plan that would introduce Termination of Parental Rights (TPR). However, we know that it is in God's hands.
I think what saddens me the most is that Baby D's parents are clearly not willing to give up the things that brought him into the Foster Care system, yet they are also not willing to relinquish their rights. If pressed on your heart, please pray that we would handle tomorrow with grace and mercy and be a light to them while we are in the midst of this remarkable Season of Joy, the birth of our Savior.
I'll update as soon as I can. Blessings.
I think what saddens me the most is that Baby D's parents are clearly not willing to give up the things that brought him into the Foster Care system, yet they are also not willing to relinquish their rights. If pressed on your heart, please pray that we would handle tomorrow with grace and mercy and be a light to them while we are in the midst of this remarkable Season of Joy, the birth of our Savior.
I'll update as soon as I can. Blessings.
Friday, December 19, 2008
He Makes It Easy to Be His Wife
I've been wanting to blog about submission now for a while. But, I found this post on Mckmama's blog and I feel that it would be redundant in posting something about it now (especially if you take the hint and click on that link). She says it so perfectly. Although their story is a little different from our story, the truths are still the same.
However, I feel that I must tell you about this amazing man that I have the honor of calling my husband. Luke isn't perfect and he would be the first to say so. However, it is only by the protection, provision and counsel from him that I able to be what I am: A Mother to 5 Very Small Children.
Yesterday, at Baby Girl's hearing, it was all I could do to keep myself from falling apart in that courtroom. There are only 2 reasons that I was able to resemble someone who is emotionally stable. The first is the Wonderful Counselor that I serve and the second is Luke.
Luke is my rock. Let me tell you, very simply, that HE makes me the wife, mother, friend and woman who strives to be holy and deeply know my Lord. He is the reason (2nd to God, of course) that I am able to mother these children each and every day. I have never, ever met a person more selfless than my husband, ever.
While most men come home and need "their" time, Luke changes from his office clothes and jumps right in with the kids, house, dishes and diapers. Luke is the one who rescues me when I've had too much of "that one" (as I casually point out the problem child of the day). Luke is the one who allows me to sob into his chest, streaky mascara and all, and holds me close as the people on the sidewalk look on. Luke is the one who leads, disciples and provides for our family. And he takes his job so incredibly serious.
Truly, Luke is after God's heart. He wants, so desperately, to serve the Lord in everything he does...in his job, as a father, as a husband and a friend. I cannot brag on him enough. Sure, he has his moments, don't we all? But the one thing I have realized in the last few months is that I don't do enough to make his life easier. I should serve him better, listen to him more and do my best to be all that God ordained when he created me to be his help meet. I don't know if I take that role seriously.
When we got married I thought I loved Luke, and I really think I did to the best of my ability. However, in the (almost) 6 years that we've been married, God has so graciously shown me what it means to TRULY love my husband. A serving love, a love that is sacrificial and a love more abundant than anything I could have ever imagined. And the best part yet...I know I've got so much more to learn.
Please don't think that I am proclaiming our marriage as perfect, it is not. BUT, what I have discovered about myself and this wonderful man to which I'm married, is that TRUE love is a choice. Luke chooses to love me despite knowing all there is to know about me. He loves me because of the man he is and the God he serves. He loves me when I'm unlovable and cares for me when it could be easier to walk away.
I write all of this not to pump up Luke's ego (because he rarely reads my blog anyway) but rather to challenge myself and to challenge you. If you are married, tell your husband TODAY what you admire about him. Tell him the things that he does that are worthy of respect. Tell him, with thoughtful words, how much you need, adore and cherish him. NOT because he HAS to love you, but because he chooses to. Pray over him, pray over his job, his relationship with the Lord and his role(s) as husband, father, friend and son. Pray that he will feel the enormity of the role that he plays in your life and the life of your family. And, as you store these things up in your heart, cut him some incredible slack. I know that I am often so quick to judge and correct Luke in ways that I should not...a harsh tone, an ugly look, a hurtful comment. Because, I know that if ever the situation arose, he would offer his life for mine, without a second thought.
He is truly a man with my heart in his hands and he makes it so easy to be his wife.
Our wedding day: December 28, 2002
Oh Baby, if we only knew then what we know now, then we'd really be laughing!
However, I feel that I must tell you about this amazing man that I have the honor of calling my husband. Luke isn't perfect and he would be the first to say so. However, it is only by the protection, provision and counsel from him that I able to be what I am: A Mother to 5 Very Small Children.
Yesterday, at Baby Girl's hearing, it was all I could do to keep myself from falling apart in that courtroom. There are only 2 reasons that I was able to resemble someone who is emotionally stable. The first is the Wonderful Counselor that I serve and the second is Luke.
Luke is my rock. Let me tell you, very simply, that HE makes me the wife, mother, friend and woman who strives to be holy and deeply know my Lord. He is the reason (2nd to God, of course) that I am able to mother these children each and every day. I have never, ever met a person more selfless than my husband, ever.
While most men come home and need "their" time, Luke changes from his office clothes and jumps right in with the kids, house, dishes and diapers. Luke is the one who rescues me when I've had too much of "that one" (as I casually point out the problem child of the day). Luke is the one who allows me to sob into his chest, streaky mascara and all, and holds me close as the people on the sidewalk look on. Luke is the one who leads, disciples and provides for our family. And he takes his job so incredibly serious.
Truly, Luke is after God's heart. He wants, so desperately, to serve the Lord in everything he does...in his job, as a father, as a husband and a friend. I cannot brag on him enough. Sure, he has his moments, don't we all? But the one thing I have realized in the last few months is that I don't do enough to make his life easier. I should serve him better, listen to him more and do my best to be all that God ordained when he created me to be his help meet. I don't know if I take that role seriously.
When we got married I thought I loved Luke, and I really think I did to the best of my ability. However, in the (almost) 6 years that we've been married, God has so graciously shown me what it means to TRULY love my husband. A serving love, a love that is sacrificial and a love more abundant than anything I could have ever imagined. And the best part yet...I know I've got so much more to learn.
Please don't think that I am proclaiming our marriage as perfect, it is not. BUT, what I have discovered about myself and this wonderful man to which I'm married, is that TRUE love is a choice. Luke chooses to love me despite knowing all there is to know about me. He loves me because of the man he is and the God he serves. He loves me when I'm unlovable and cares for me when it could be easier to walk away.
I write all of this not to pump up Luke's ego (because he rarely reads my blog anyway) but rather to challenge myself and to challenge you. If you are married, tell your husband TODAY what you admire about him. Tell him the things that he does that are worthy of respect. Tell him, with thoughtful words, how much you need, adore and cherish him. NOT because he HAS to love you, but because he chooses to. Pray over him, pray over his job, his relationship with the Lord and his role(s) as husband, father, friend and son. Pray that he will feel the enormity of the role that he plays in your life and the life of your family. And, as you store these things up in your heart, cut him some incredible slack. I know that I am often so quick to judge and correct Luke in ways that I should not...a harsh tone, an ugly look, a hurtful comment. Because, I know that if ever the situation arose, he would offer his life for mine, without a second thought.
He is truly a man with my heart in his hands and he makes it so easy to be his wife.
Our wedding day: December 28, 2002Oh Baby, if we only knew then what we know now, then we'd really be laughing!
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Baby Girl's Court Update
Today was probably one of the hardest days we've faced so far in this journey. Here is the best way I can describe it to you:
Imagine sitting in a cold, hard room. With you are familiar faces, but no one you know who is a true ally. The person being discussed is someone you love dearly, someone you know you'd give your life for. Someone you have grown to cherish and dream about. Someone you have prayed over, cried over and hurt for. Now, imagine those familiar faces speaking about this person you love. At first, they begin by saying things you already know. Times this person has been hurt. If you're thinking of your child, it would be like them discussing a skinned knee, maybe a broken arm, or a fall that left a nasty bump on their head.
Then, they move on to talk about the person who had inflicted hurt and pain on your loved one. They discuss all the ways that this person has hurt other people. Those ways are the same as the ways that this person has hurt the one you love.
Now, imagine sitting there and being blindsided with information you never knew existed. Imagine them talking about harming your loved one in ways that are similar to torture. Imagine them discussing how your child has been abused, neglected and put in dangerous situations. This is more than skinned knees, bumped heads or broken arms. Now we are talking about REAL danger. Danger that comes with a death sentence. Danger that you know should have killed them. Danger that makes your heart break in half and ache for them in a way you've never known possible.
As I sat there in that court room this morning, listening to the things my precious Baby Girl has already endured in her lifetime, I lost all composure. The tears flowed freely and even now, as I write this, hot tears sting my eyes. During the adjudication, as the investigator spoke of the ways my child has been abused, she would glance up and me, but I saw no pain on her face.
I can only imagine that these people who work daily with abused and neglected children have become hardened. I see how it might shock them to see a woman, struggling to maintain some sort of composure, hurt this badly over a child she did not birth. I managed to only squeek out silent tears within the court room walls, but as soon as Luke and I stepped out of the courthouse, I lost it, we both did. As we stood there, both of us crying, shaking and holding each other, we mourned over the thought of having to tell our sweet Baby Girl all of the things she had to endure before she even drew her first breath.
Today we only had the Adjudication. Birth mom did not come to court. We return to court on January 12th for the Disposition, at which time DSS will recommend to the court Termination of Parental Rights (TPR). While I am thrilled with this decision, my heart remains heavy as I now know more than what is probably digestable.
Thank you for your prayers today. I know that the grace and mercy of the Lord carried us through and will continue to prove Him faithful in all things.
Imagine sitting in a cold, hard room. With you are familiar faces, but no one you know who is a true ally. The person being discussed is someone you love dearly, someone you know you'd give your life for. Someone you have grown to cherish and dream about. Someone you have prayed over, cried over and hurt for. Now, imagine those familiar faces speaking about this person you love. At first, they begin by saying things you already know. Times this person has been hurt. If you're thinking of your child, it would be like them discussing a skinned knee, maybe a broken arm, or a fall that left a nasty bump on their head.
Then, they move on to talk about the person who had inflicted hurt and pain on your loved one. They discuss all the ways that this person has hurt other people. Those ways are the same as the ways that this person has hurt the one you love.
Now, imagine sitting there and being blindsided with information you never knew existed. Imagine them talking about harming your loved one in ways that are similar to torture. Imagine them discussing how your child has been abused, neglected and put in dangerous situations. This is more than skinned knees, bumped heads or broken arms. Now we are talking about REAL danger. Danger that comes with a death sentence. Danger that you know should have killed them. Danger that makes your heart break in half and ache for them in a way you've never known possible.
As I sat there in that court room this morning, listening to the things my precious Baby Girl has already endured in her lifetime, I lost all composure. The tears flowed freely and even now, as I write this, hot tears sting my eyes. During the adjudication, as the investigator spoke of the ways my child has been abused, she would glance up and me, but I saw no pain on her face.
I can only imagine that these people who work daily with abused and neglected children have become hardened. I see how it might shock them to see a woman, struggling to maintain some sort of composure, hurt this badly over a child she did not birth. I managed to only squeek out silent tears within the court room walls, but as soon as Luke and I stepped out of the courthouse, I lost it, we both did. As we stood there, both of us crying, shaking and holding each other, we mourned over the thought of having to tell our sweet Baby Girl all of the things she had to endure before she even drew her first breath.
Today we only had the Adjudication. Birth mom did not come to court. We return to court on January 12th for the Disposition, at which time DSS will recommend to the court Termination of Parental Rights (TPR). While I am thrilled with this decision, my heart remains heavy as I now know more than what is probably digestable.
Thank you for your prayers today. I know that the grace and mercy of the Lord carried us through and will continue to prove Him faithful in all things.
You hem me in- behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
Psalm 139:5-6
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
Psalm 139:5-6
Baby Girl's 1st Court Hearing
Today, we go to court for Baby Girl. It's iffy if birth mom will even show and if the case will even be heard. It would be an important court date because it would be the adjudication and disposition (this 2nd link will open a word document) component of Baby Girl's case.
A lot of information is disclosed at these hearings and it will set the course for Baby Girl's ultimate time line of permanent placement, where ever that may be (although I'm sure you all know by now MY desires).
If it comes to mind, please pray over the judge, social workers, birth parents, attorneys and G.A.L.s. Also pray that the case will be heard, as Baby Girl is nearing 3 months old and her "plan" has not even begun to take shape.
I know God is in control, above all else. I'll update you as soon as I can. Thanks.
A lot of information is disclosed at these hearings and it will set the course for Baby Girl's ultimate time line of permanent placement, where ever that may be (although I'm sure you all know by now MY desires).
If it comes to mind, please pray over the judge, social workers, birth parents, attorneys and G.A.L.s. Also pray that the case will be heard, as Baby Girl is nearing 3 months old and her "plan" has not even begun to take shape.
I know God is in control, above all else. I'll update you as soon as I can. Thanks.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
If I Can Remember Movie Lines...
Scripture memory has always been something I've known I needed to do, but I've struggled to commit to doing, OR I've just tried and failed miserably. However, lately, God has been placing me in situations and bringing scripture to mind. Unfortunately, I am unable to reference the scripture to which I am referring. Sorta makes my credibility look shady.
Therefore, I'm taking the challenge from this blog and committing to memorizing Psalm 139 in its entirety.
Technically, we were suppose to start yesterday, but I figured I'd post it here and see if any of you would like to join me. I certainly need the accountability.
So....if you want to take part, do so. Read Angie Smith's blog for details and don't worry, every 3 days there is a "Catch Up/Review" day so really, it's not too late to start!
Hope you'll join me, and we can badger...er, I mean, spur each other onto memorizing stuff that really matters. If I can remember pointless movie lines, surely I can do this.
Therefore, I'm taking the challenge from this blog and committing to memorizing Psalm 139 in its entirety.
Technically, we were suppose to start yesterday, but I figured I'd post it here and see if any of you would like to join me. I certainly need the accountability.
So....if you want to take part, do so. Read Angie Smith's blog for details and don't worry, every 3 days there is a "Catch Up/Review" day so really, it's not too late to start!
Hope you'll join me, and we can badger...er, I mean, spur each other onto memorizing stuff that really matters. If I can remember pointless movie lines, surely I can do this.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Court Today
Baby D's case was moved to next Monday, December 22nd. The judge just-so-happens to be married to birth mom's attorney. It was a conflict of interest. It bugs me because birth mom didn't show up in court today because she is tired from working 3rd shift. GRRRRRR!
BUT, that means that a different, less DSS hating judge, will be on the stand next week to hear Baby D's case. I smile because I know that God is in control, regardless of next week's ruling (which could still not be in our favor).
Please continue to pray for our friends, as their little boy's case will (hopefully) be heard today. There is more at stake with him. Luke and I wanted, so badly, to stay and be a support for them. But with it being the holidays and everyone in Luke's office being out, he really needed to go in to work today, especially since he'll still be taking off on Thursday for Baby Girl's case and then again next Monday.
Thanks for all the prayers. You are such a blessing!
BUT, that means that a different, less DSS hating judge, will be on the stand next week to hear Baby D's case. I smile because I know that God is in control, regardless of next week's ruling (which could still not be in our favor).
Please continue to pray for our friends, as their little boy's case will (hopefully) be heard today. There is more at stake with him. Luke and I wanted, so badly, to stay and be a support for them. But with it being the holidays and everyone in Luke's office being out, he really needed to go in to work today, especially since he'll still be taking off on Thursday for Baby Girl's case and then again next Monday.
Thanks for all the prayers. You are such a blessing!
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Hi Ho, Hi Ho, It's Off to Court We Go...
I know the title of this sounds light and airy, but my heart is very heavy with knowing that we will be in court on Monday. The judge on the stand is known for siding with birth parents - almost to a fault. With that in mind, if it is pressed on your heart, please pray for us, Baby D's case, the judge, the social workers, the GAL folks, D's birth parents and everyone involved in court on Monday.
My prayer, obviously, is that the court would begin to terminate the birth parents' rights. However, I know that is JESSICA'S plan and not necessarily God's. Please pray for Luke and I to have peace, an obvious love for our sweet Baby D and to shine the light of our Savior in that drab, dark court room.
Also, some of our good friends will be in court that day as well (already an answer to prayer), for their sweet boy Daniel (who just-so-happens to be 3 days older than Baby D). I'm sure they'd appreciate a prayer or two as well.
I'll let you know how it went sometime Monday. Blessings!
My prayer, obviously, is that the court would begin to terminate the birth parents' rights. However, I know that is JESSICA'S plan and not necessarily God's. Please pray for Luke and I to have peace, an obvious love for our sweet Baby D and to shine the light of our Savior in that drab, dark court room.
Also, some of our good friends will be in court that day as well (already an answer to prayer), for their sweet boy Daniel (who just-so-happens to be 3 days older than Baby D). I'm sure they'd appreciate a prayer or two as well.
I'll let you know how it went sometime Monday. Blessings!
Thursday, December 11, 2008
My Sweetest Baby Boy
I sat down yesterday, several times wanting to write this. Each time, I could not find the words I wanted to say. So, pretend it's December 10th:
My Sweet Baby D,
Six months ago today, escorted by 2 social workers, you entered our home. It was a moment of anticipation, anxiety, unspeakable joy and the culmination of complete obedience to our God. Then, I had no idea what the next year would hold or how I could possibly juggle 4 small children (which makes me chuckle now). In your short life, you have taught us so much about unconditional love, our Savior and the joy that only comes from being truly obedient. And although your arrival has brought many sleepless nights, emotional pain, confrontation with family and tears, the love that has grown in our hearts has covered it all. God has richly blessed us with your life. You were no accident.
Many people worried how you would effect our family. Although they saw disaster, we saw the richness of God's love being poured upon us. I desire nothing more than for you to be my son forever. When I hold you, kiss you and feed you I see my son. When your Daddy makes you giggle or tosses you up and down, he too sees his child. You have brought out parts of Elizabeth that we never knew existed. She has nurtured you, loved you and kissed you as you sleep. Lucas is so proud to finally be a big brother. I think, somewhere within him, he knows that you will be an awesome counterpart to his games with guns, swords and all things boy. I can hardly wait to see the two of you grow into Godly men. Ashlee has always been a baby lover, but you have taken this to a whole new level. When she wakes up, she runs to find you first. She jumps up and down in front of you yelling, "Baby D! Baby D!" hoping to elicit a smile from your fat, round face.
You have helped to complete our family. You have made this family grow in the richness of the Lord. You have fulfilled our act of obedience with love, laughter and warmth. You, my sweet son, have given me all the more reason to trust in my Savior, even when the task seems daunting and overwhelming. Your life will always symbolize what I know to be God's blessing through obedient action.
Almost a year ago, when your Daddy and I started talking about the possibility of becoming your parents (though we didn't know it was you yet), we prayed and found that God was calling us. It was a deep yearning within me, and I knew you were out there, somewhere, waiting to come to our family. As only God knew, it was around this time that your birth mother discovered you growing within her. And through choices that I have yet to understand, she and your birth dad could not be the best place for you. God knew you were coming to us, and He began preparing our hearts. As you grew in your mother's womb, so did our desire for you. As we prayed and followed God, our hearts were being prepared in a way that we could never imagine.
Thank you, my sweet boy, for bringing God's promises with you to our home. Thank you for carrying so many blessings within your joyful heart. We love you and look forward to watching you grow into the man that God created you to be.
All my heart,
Mommy
My Sweet Baby D,
Six months ago today, escorted by 2 social workers, you entered our home. It was a moment of anticipation, anxiety, unspeakable joy and the culmination of complete obedience to our God. Then, I had no idea what the next year would hold or how I could possibly juggle 4 small children (which makes me chuckle now). In your short life, you have taught us so much about unconditional love, our Savior and the joy that only comes from being truly obedient. And although your arrival has brought many sleepless nights, emotional pain, confrontation with family and tears, the love that has grown in our hearts has covered it all. God has richly blessed us with your life. You were no accident.
Many people worried how you would effect our family. Although they saw disaster, we saw the richness of God's love being poured upon us. I desire nothing more than for you to be my son forever. When I hold you, kiss you and feed you I see my son. When your Daddy makes you giggle or tosses you up and down, he too sees his child. You have brought out parts of Elizabeth that we never knew existed. She has nurtured you, loved you and kissed you as you sleep. Lucas is so proud to finally be a big brother. I think, somewhere within him, he knows that you will be an awesome counterpart to his games with guns, swords and all things boy. I can hardly wait to see the two of you grow into Godly men. Ashlee has always been a baby lover, but you have taken this to a whole new level. When she wakes up, she runs to find you first. She jumps up and down in front of you yelling, "Baby D! Baby D!" hoping to elicit a smile from your fat, round face.
You have helped to complete our family. You have made this family grow in the richness of the Lord. You have fulfilled our act of obedience with love, laughter and warmth. You, my sweet son, have given me all the more reason to trust in my Savior, even when the task seems daunting and overwhelming. Your life will always symbolize what I know to be God's blessing through obedient action.
Almost a year ago, when your Daddy and I started talking about the possibility of becoming your parents (though we didn't know it was you yet), we prayed and found that God was calling us. It was a deep yearning within me, and I knew you were out there, somewhere, waiting to come to our family. As only God knew, it was around this time that your birth mother discovered you growing within her. And through choices that I have yet to understand, she and your birth dad could not be the best place for you. God knew you were coming to us, and He began preparing our hearts. As you grew in your mother's womb, so did our desire for you. As we prayed and followed God, our hearts were being prepared in a way that we could never imagine.
Thank you, my sweet boy, for bringing God's promises with you to our home. Thank you for carrying so many blessings within your joyful heart. We love you and look forward to watching you grow into the man that God created you to be.
All my heart,
Mommy
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Chaos
I posted about this song here. However, I keep hearing it played on the radio, and then today a blog I follow had this video. I think I am needing to hear it over and over again for a reason.
It is how I'm feeling right now...lost in chaos, emotionally, physically, spiritually.
It is how I'm feeling right now...lost in chaos, emotionally, physically, spiritually.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Baby Updates and Upcoming Court
Well, DSS finally got smart and decided to wait and see if Baby Girl's birth mom shows up before they come to get her. So, this morning, at 9am there was a scheduled visit. At 9:20am the social worker called and said that birth mom was not there and that until they heard further, it would be a weekly thing to wait and see. I appreciate them saving my tax-payer dollars and not driving all over Egypt un-neccesarily.
Next week is a big week for us. On Monday, we go to court for Baby D. Since he's 6 months old, the G.A.L. has recommended to the court a concurrent plan of reunification and termination of parental rights (TPR). Now, that does not mean that is what will happen, it is purely her recommendation. DSS is still recommending reunification. Baby D's parents have not passed a drug screening and it is my understanding that they have all but stopped attending their drug treatment classes. Also, the judge on the bench is very pro-birth parents. My understanding is that she almost favors them to a fault. NOT good if we want to begin the TPR paperwork and try to have the concurrent plan passed. However, we will have good friends in court with us that day, and I think it will provide some much needed peace.
Then, Baby Girl is scheduled for court next Thursday. However, her social worker told me that they have not yet determined paternity so her case may not be heard. I don't know how much longer before they move past the fact that her father cannot be located and determined and they just proceed. It's all so very frustrating.
Baby D is doing so well and is such a happy boy! (As I type this, he is "making" me a party favor.) He just laughs and talks and his favorite thing is the Johnny Jump Up. He adores it and will sit in it for nearly an hour jumping and talking and squealing.
Baby Girl is growing and getting so much more alert. I don't remember any of the other 4 kids being this alert at 2 months old. She is cooing and smiling and she will turn her head and follow me with her eyes when I walk across the room. She's so precious and cuddly and (except for today) is such an easy baby.
I know I haven't blogged much about how much I adore and love her, but it is not because of the lack of emotion. Trust me, I'm completely in love with her. But like I told my BFF last night, I just don't think I can allow myself to be consumed with her case like I was Baby D's. Seriously, when we got him it was all I thought and prayed about (notice the abundance of posts about him from the beginning).
This time, I'm trying so hard to let go and just let God be in control. So, I plan on spending an entire post on her and my love for her, but right now I can't let myself be that emotional. I'm afraid if the flood gates open, they will not shut easily and flooding isn't something extra I need in my house right now. I've got lots of kids to take care of, and during the day, I'm the only one here who knows how to swim.
Next week is a big week for us. On Monday, we go to court for Baby D. Since he's 6 months old, the G.A.L. has recommended to the court a concurrent plan of reunification and termination of parental rights (TPR). Now, that does not mean that is what will happen, it is purely her recommendation. DSS is still recommending reunification. Baby D's parents have not passed a drug screening and it is my understanding that they have all but stopped attending their drug treatment classes. Also, the judge on the bench is very pro-birth parents. My understanding is that she almost favors them to a fault. NOT good if we want to begin the TPR paperwork and try to have the concurrent plan passed. However, we will have good friends in court with us that day, and I think it will provide some much needed peace.
Then, Baby Girl is scheduled for court next Thursday. However, her social worker told me that they have not yet determined paternity so her case may not be heard. I don't know how much longer before they move past the fact that her father cannot be located and determined and they just proceed. It's all so very frustrating.
Baby D is doing so well and is such a happy boy! (As I type this, he is "making" me a party favor.) He just laughs and talks and his favorite thing is the Johnny Jump Up. He adores it and will sit in it for nearly an hour jumping and talking and squealing.
Baby Girl is growing and getting so much more alert. I don't remember any of the other 4 kids being this alert at 2 months old. She is cooing and smiling and she will turn her head and follow me with her eyes when I walk across the room. She's so precious and cuddly and (except for today) is such an easy baby.
I know I haven't blogged much about how much I adore and love her, but it is not because of the lack of emotion. Trust me, I'm completely in love with her. But like I told my BFF last night, I just don't think I can allow myself to be consumed with her case like I was Baby D's. Seriously, when we got him it was all I thought and prayed about (notice the abundance of posts about him from the beginning).
This time, I'm trying so hard to let go and just let God be in control. So, I plan on spending an entire post on her and my love for her, but right now I can't let myself be that emotional. I'm afraid if the flood gates open, they will not shut easily and flooding isn't something extra I need in my house right now. I've got lots of kids to take care of, and during the day, I'm the only one here who knows how to swim.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Like A Stray Marble...
I'm having trouble staying on track with my thoughts.
I'm having trouble forming concurrent thoughts to create a blog worthy of your time (notice the abundance of pictures lately?). Why? I dunno.
What has been rolling around in my brain is....
* What are the challenges that we will face raising a child of another race?
* Why won't Baby Girl's mother just go ahead and relinquish? I mean, she hasn't seen her in WEEKS.
* I'm trying hard to focus on the word and soaking up some Son, but I come away from my quiet time discouraged. I'm not getting much out of it. I know this happens and that every time I go to scripture I can't be hit with a brick between the eyes, BUT I could use something of substance.
* Maybe God is teaching me patience since things seem to be dragging out with the babies, AND I'm getting little from my quiet time. Hummmm....I haven't asked for patience.
* I can't seem to form full thoughts or focus on any one thing for an extended period of time. I have a heavy heart for friends, ministries and friendships.
* I can't seem to get into the Christmas hype. Yes, I'm excited about celebrating the birth of my Savior, but I can't get excited about the presents, gatherings and such. Odd?
So, sorry if I'm not really blogging lately, but I can't think of anything that's really worth blogging.
I'm having trouble forming concurrent thoughts to create a blog worthy of your time (notice the abundance of pictures lately?). Why? I dunno.
What has been rolling around in my brain is....
* What are the challenges that we will face raising a child of another race?
* Why won't Baby Girl's mother just go ahead and relinquish? I mean, she hasn't seen her in WEEKS.
* I'm trying hard to focus on the word and soaking up some Son, but I come away from my quiet time discouraged. I'm not getting much out of it. I know this happens and that every time I go to scripture I can't be hit with a brick between the eyes, BUT I could use something of substance.
* Maybe God is teaching me patience since things seem to be dragging out with the babies, AND I'm getting little from my quiet time. Hummmm....I haven't asked for patience.
* I can't seem to form full thoughts or focus on any one thing for an extended period of time. I have a heavy heart for friends, ministries and friendships.
* I can't seem to get into the Christmas hype. Yes, I'm excited about celebrating the birth of my Savior, but I can't get excited about the presents, gatherings and such. Odd?
So, sorry if I'm not really blogging lately, but I can't think of anything that's really worth blogging.
Friday, December 5, 2008
5 for Friday: This and That
1. Somedays I wonder how this:
Became this:
In the blink of an eye.
2. Ashlee is starting to potty train. Which means I'm seeing more of this:
And less of these:
Thankfully, Ashlee feels like this:
3. Lucas is on steroids right now for a cold that has stirred up his asthma. Usually, he's funny, determined and playful like this:
With that medicine he's more like this:
Which makes me wanna pull my hair out.
4. Baby D is developing quite a personality. He is generally a happy baby, doing lots of this:
And, since I told him I can't put his whole face on my blog, he obliged me with this:
Does it remind you of this? It does me.
5. Baby Girl is getting so big. She's sleeping well at night, only waking up once for one of these:
Which means that I'm seeing more of these:
Which makes me have more of these:
Became this:
In the blink of an eye.
2. Ashlee is starting to potty train. Which means I'm seeing more of this:
And less of these:
Thankfully, Ashlee feels like this:
3. Lucas is on steroids right now for a cold that has stirred up his asthma. Usually, he's funny, determined and playful like this:
With that medicine he's more like this:
Which makes me wanna pull my hair out.
4. Baby D is developing quite a personality. He is generally a happy baby, doing lots of this:
And, since I told him I can't put his whole face on my blog, he obliged me with this:
Does it remind you of this? It does me.5. Baby Girl is getting so big. She's sleeping well at night, only waking up once for one of these:
Which means that I'm seeing more of these:
Which makes me have more of these:
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Simply Beautiful
Quite possibly the most beautiful Baby Girl ever(along with Elizabeth and Ashlee of course).
Don't you think so?
Monday, December 1, 2008
How To Perpetuate An Obsession: 101
Here are the pictures of, quite possibly, my favorite day of our vacation. But first, do you remember this post? Do you remember the obsession my kids have with all things Cowboy/Cowgirl? Oh yes, the obsession was fed, brushed, watered, saddled and perpetuated beyond a reasonable limit.
The first day we rode the pony, Petey, in the indoor area. Those specks in the air are dust and..uh, horse particles. Absolutely gross. The next day, the weather was more tolerable and we opted for outdoor riding. I pretty much think that this one day was the highlight of Lucas' little life.
At one point, my very generous uncle saddled up a big horse (not pictured) so that I too could ride (I may know where my kids' obsession of horses comes from. I LOVE riding as well.) Anyway, I took Lucas and Ashlee both for a ride on the big horse so that they could go fast, since they had been begging. We attempted to go fast on Petey and Little Dan, but their top speeds are just about as fast as quick jog. Not good enough for these dare devils.
As Lucas and I galloped across the field he yelled,
"Wait! Mommy stop! It hurts my butt-butt...and my parts."
Poor Ashlee only got a few turns riding outside before it was time to put the horses away. She napped through the whole afternoon. AND, I feel super horrible because I only got the 1 picture of her on the pony.
The last time we were at the horse farm, Lucas and Ashlee were just barely 1 year old and Lucas was terrified of the horses. Actually, now that I think about it, I don't even think Elizabeth had the courage to ride. Such was not the case this year. Elizabeth rode Petey all by herself! She man-handled...er, lady-handled, him like it was old news. Finally, after a napless day and the exhaustion from riding, she was pried from the saddle screaming and throwing a fit that only a real cowgirl could muster.
So, without further ado, I present to you...The Beaver Trio..Cowboy and Cowgirl Style.
Elizabeth rides, Ashlee and Lucas close behind, waiting for their turn. Sort of like an old west wagon chain don't you think? Well, except there aren't any wagons.
Elizabeth is just getting used to Petey. Oh, Petey! You just wait!
Cowgirl Addie (my BFF's girl) and Cowboy Lucas. Hummm...can you say "Arranged Marriage?" I'm only kidding, partially.
The ONLY reasonable pic I got of Cowgirl Ashlee. It makes me so sad.
"Best-ies" Elizabeth and Cousin Dylan
Cowboy Lucas. So proud to be riding the "big whorsey".
Cowgirl Elizabeth showin' Petey who's boss
Tryin' to go solo. Little Dan was a no-go.
The first day we rode the pony, Petey, in the indoor area. Those specks in the air are dust and..uh, horse particles. Absolutely gross. The next day, the weather was more tolerable and we opted for outdoor riding. I pretty much think that this one day was the highlight of Lucas' little life.
At one point, my very generous uncle saddled up a big horse (not pictured) so that I too could ride (I may know where my kids' obsession of horses comes from. I LOVE riding as well.) Anyway, I took Lucas and Ashlee both for a ride on the big horse so that they could go fast, since they had been begging. We attempted to go fast on Petey and Little Dan, but their top speeds are just about as fast as quick jog. Not good enough for these dare devils.
As Lucas and I galloped across the field he yelled,
"Wait! Mommy stop! It hurts my butt-butt...and my parts."
Poor Ashlee only got a few turns riding outside before it was time to put the horses away. She napped through the whole afternoon. AND, I feel super horrible because I only got the 1 picture of her on the pony.
The last time we were at the horse farm, Lucas and Ashlee were just barely 1 year old and Lucas was terrified of the horses. Actually, now that I think about it, I don't even think Elizabeth had the courage to ride. Such was not the case this year. Elizabeth rode Petey all by herself! She man-handled...er, lady-handled, him like it was old news. Finally, after a napless day and the exhaustion from riding, she was pried from the saddle screaming and throwing a fit that only a real cowgirl could muster.
So, without further ado, I present to you...The Beaver Trio..Cowboy and Cowgirl Style.
Elizabeth rides, Ashlee and Lucas close behind, waiting for their turn. Sort of like an old west wagon chain don't you think? Well, except there aren't any wagons.
Elizabeth is just getting used to Petey. Oh, Petey! You just wait!
Cowgirl Addie (my BFF's girl) and Cowboy Lucas. Hummm...can you say "Arranged Marriage?" I'm only kidding, partially.
The ONLY reasonable pic I got of Cowgirl Ashlee. It makes me so sad.
"Best-ies" Elizabeth and Cousin Dylan
Cowboy Lucas. So proud to be riding the "big whorsey".
Cowgirl Elizabeth showin' Petey who's boss
Tryin' to go solo. Little Dan was a no-go.Sunday, November 30, 2008
A Lesson In Solar Energy
I sat on my porch last night in the bitter cold, in the silence, wondering why I felt so yucky. I sat there, wanting to talk to God but not really knowing what to say. I had a million thoughts yet no real thoughts swirling around in my mind. Finally, one thought came into my mind and stuck,
"Why wasn't I a light? That whole week, why wasn't I a light?"
When we moved into this house the one thing that bugged us was how dark the front walk way became at night. For Christmas last year, my grandmother bought Luke some solar powered lights to line our sidewalk (she is oh-so thoughtful...and practical). As I sat there last night I noticed one single light that was still lit. As I watched it fade, I noticed that none of the other solar lights were on. It was late and had been hours since the sun had set. I wondered why that ONE was still burning. Then God told me.
That ONE had spent the most time in the sun.
I had my answer. With no time in the Son, I cannot be a light. I thought about the weeks that led up to our vacation and even the week of. I had spent little to no time in the Son. Is it really that simple? Yes, it is.
Tonight, I went back out onto our porch. None of the lights were shining. It had rained all day today. No time in the sun = no light. Just when our walkway needed it most, on a cold, wet night, those lights were useless because they hadn't spent any time being recharged.
Again, I heard God say; You can be the vessel, equipped to carry the light, but without time in the Son, you will only sit in darkness.
I came in and opened my journal. I had left off at Romans Chapter 8. I began to read and just as He always does, God showed me the answers as to why I felt so yucky, so sinful and so unworthy of His forgiveness.
Paul (the guy who wrote Romans) said basically (this is my own version) that I am continually fighting a battle between my own sinful nature and the God-placed spirit that lives within me. There is NOTHING I can do to deserve to approach the Lord and ask for forgiveness, nothing. However, God chose to forgive me long before my sins ever even came to pass. He did that in the form of His Son, Jesus. If God was willing to sacrifice His only Son for my sins, why was I sitting here, wallowing in my yuck? I'm not worthy to approach Him but He is willing to and ready to forgive.
God himself gave me right standing with Him, it wasn't anything I did. Although I feel so far from Him right now, I am told that nothing, NOTHING can separate me from His love (Chapter 8 v. 31-39). So what was I waiting for? I begged God to forgive me for being so self-righteous and for wallowing in my yuck.
When I looked back at my Bible, I saw Romans Chapter 7. True to His comical nature, I began to read EXACTLY what I have been struggling with. I mean really...if Paul, the author of several books of the Bible felt this way, clearly I'm not THAT abnormal (at least in this regard). Paul says,
"Why wasn't I a light? That whole week, why wasn't I a light?"
When we moved into this house the one thing that bugged us was how dark the front walk way became at night. For Christmas last year, my grandmother bought Luke some solar powered lights to line our sidewalk (she is oh-so thoughtful...and practical). As I sat there last night I noticed one single light that was still lit. As I watched it fade, I noticed that none of the other solar lights were on. It was late and had been hours since the sun had set. I wondered why that ONE was still burning. Then God told me.
That ONE had spent the most time in the sun.
I had my answer. With no time in the Son, I cannot be a light. I thought about the weeks that led up to our vacation and even the week of. I had spent little to no time in the Son. Is it really that simple? Yes, it is.
Tonight, I went back out onto our porch. None of the lights were shining. It had rained all day today. No time in the sun = no light. Just when our walkway needed it most, on a cold, wet night, those lights were useless because they hadn't spent any time being recharged.
Again, I heard God say; You can be the vessel, equipped to carry the light, but without time in the Son, you will only sit in darkness.
I came in and opened my journal. I had left off at Romans Chapter 8. I began to read and just as He always does, God showed me the answers as to why I felt so yucky, so sinful and so unworthy of His forgiveness.
Paul (the guy who wrote Romans) said basically (this is my own version) that I am continually fighting a battle between my own sinful nature and the God-placed spirit that lives within me. There is NOTHING I can do to deserve to approach the Lord and ask for forgiveness, nothing. However, God chose to forgive me long before my sins ever even came to pass. He did that in the form of His Son, Jesus. If God was willing to sacrifice His only Son for my sins, why was I sitting here, wallowing in my yuck? I'm not worthy to approach Him but He is willing to and ready to forgive.
God himself gave me right standing with Him, it wasn't anything I did. Although I feel so far from Him right now, I am told that nothing, NOTHING can separate me from His love (Chapter 8 v. 31-39). So what was I waiting for? I begged God to forgive me for being so self-righteous and for wallowing in my yuck.
When I looked back at my Bible, I saw Romans Chapter 7. True to His comical nature, I began to read EXACTLY what I have been struggling with. I mean really...if Paul, the author of several books of the Bible felt this way, clearly I'm not THAT abnormal (at least in this regard). Paul says,
"I know that I am rotten through and through so far as my old sinful nature is concerned. No matter which way I turn, I can't make myself do right. I want to, but I can't. When I want to do good, I don't. And when I try not to do wrong, I do it anyway. But if I am doing what I don't want to do, I am not really the one doing it; the sin within me is doing it.
It seems to be a fact of life that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. I love God's law (here he is speaking of the commandments God gave Moses..I think) with all of my heart. But there is another law at work withing me that is at war with my mind. This law wins the fight and makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. Oh what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin? Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God's law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin."
~ Romans 7:18-25 (emphasis mine)
It seems to be a fact of life that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. I love God's law (here he is speaking of the commandments God gave Moses..I think) with all of my heart. But there is another law at work withing me that is at war with my mind. This law wins the fight and makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. Oh what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin? Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God's law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin."
~ Romans 7:18-25 (emphasis mine)
Those sinful desires that captivated me during my vacation? Oh! They are right here too..right in my own home where I've built my bubble. They are with me at Wal-mart, when I change diapers, when I'm angry at my kids and when I snap at my husband. They are always there.
You see, I am just like those pesky solar lights. The amount of light I produce is directly related to the amount of time I spend in the Son. In the days leading up to or vacation, my Son time was non-existent. Accompany that with the emotion and trials that presented themselves while we were gone and I was not equipped to shine, much less fight.
Please do not read this as a cop out. I'm not excusing myself or saying that it's okay. But like a very WISE 11th grader recently reminded me, guilt is not of God. This guilt I've been carrying around isn't from Him. It's whispers of lies from the enemy. So, my plan now is to soak up the Son in a way I've never done before. I will pray for endurance because that smelly old sinful nature will find ways to hold me back.
Hopefully, the next time you see me I will be shining brightly....maybe even Son burnt.
You see, I am just like those pesky solar lights. The amount of light I produce is directly related to the amount of time I spend in the Son. In the days leading up to or vacation, my Son time was non-existent. Accompany that with the emotion and trials that presented themselves while we were gone and I was not equipped to shine, much less fight.
Please do not read this as a cop out. I'm not excusing myself or saying that it's okay. But like a very WISE 11th grader recently reminded me, guilt is not of God. This guilt I've been carrying around isn't from Him. It's whispers of lies from the enemy. So, my plan now is to soak up the Son in a way I've never done before. I will pray for endurance because that smelly old sinful nature will find ways to hold me back.
Hopefully, the next time you see me I will be shining brightly....maybe even Son burnt.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Confessions of a Vacation Mom
Okay, so you know how I said here that I planned on spending that driving time reading and memorizing scriptures and catching up on my Bible study book? Well, I must confess, I didn't even crack my Bible open. Well, that's not true either, I did open it on Sunday when we visited my BFF's church. I DID get caught up with my Bible study book, but I don't know that I like it very much. But, that's another post entirely.
Anyway, the point in my confessing is that I feel the need to tell you all that I struggled a lot on vacation. You see, being in my hometown is bittersweet for me. If you read this you will know that my time in high school wasn't great. Being "home" always comes with a level of anxiety for me. Usually, I can tolerate it. However, this year more family drama added to the mix made it just a bit more stressful. Now pour in some hurt and pain from issues with another family member and you have nothing short of a recipe for self-pity pie.
Here at home, in my own environment, snuggly safe in my own world, these things do not pose any threats. I can turn to trusted friends who are also believers, blogs of other believers and even prayer to help me through life's daily struggles. On vacation, those first two were not readily available. And I chose NOT to use the third. Why am I telling you all of this? Why am I exposing myself? Because I feel that you deserve the truth? Not really.
I am blogging this because I feel that saying it outloud, with other people watching will remind me of the real place that I should go to find comfort...Him.
So, I'm telling you that numerous times on our vacation I should have cracked my Bible open or prayed for God's wisdom and peace, but instead I chewed at my fingernails, mumbled under my breath, thought negative thoughts and did things that made my Lord none-too-proud. Rarely, when facing these situations did I stop and pray for peace, mercy or understanding. I just don't get it. I do that at home. Why didn't I there?
Then it hit me. I live in a bubble. I live safe and secure in my own little world. I allow very little negativity in. When it does sneak in, I push it out and wall myself in. I surround myself with believers, people who are uplifting and put myself only in situations that I am prepared to handle. I live in a self-created, virtually impenetrable bubble. I am still sitting here in shock. How did this happen? Why did I do this?
I sit on Sunday mornings and tell the 11th graders in my Sunday school class to live what they know. I sit there and tell them that if they really believe, then others around them will see it and it will be evident. I tell them to go out and take with them all that they know and not to fall victim to the world's deceit.
I am a hypocrite. When faced with the most challenging people in my life I chose to shut down. I did not seek out my Savior. Instead, I dealt with it on my own, I put myself and my own abilities above what I knew to be true. Instead of making a difference or being a light, my bulb burnt out and I chose to leave it that way. I just don't get it. That's not me. Or is it? I still have a lot of discovery to do in this area. I have a lot to pray over, a lot to repent about and a lot of allowing of God to search my heart.
But for now, I ask each of you to forgive me. Forgive me for being self-righteous and arrogant. Forgive me for pretending to know how to deal with the world when I don't have a clue. Forgive me for closing myself into a bubble and squelching out anything that is of conflict. Forgive me for being your Sunday school teacher and wondering why it was so hard for you to "get it" when I didn't even "get it" myself. Clearly, I have so much to learn. I pray for you all to bear with me as the Lord teaches, guides and reprimands me in all that I have to learn.
Anyway, the point in my confessing is that I feel the need to tell you all that I struggled a lot on vacation. You see, being in my hometown is bittersweet for me. If you read this you will know that my time in high school wasn't great. Being "home" always comes with a level of anxiety for me. Usually, I can tolerate it. However, this year more family drama added to the mix made it just a bit more stressful. Now pour in some hurt and pain from issues with another family member and you have nothing short of a recipe for self-pity pie.
Here at home, in my own environment, snuggly safe in my own world, these things do not pose any threats. I can turn to trusted friends who are also believers, blogs of other believers and even prayer to help me through life's daily struggles. On vacation, those first two were not readily available. And I chose NOT to use the third. Why am I telling you all of this? Why am I exposing myself? Because I feel that you deserve the truth? Not really.
I am blogging this because I feel that saying it outloud, with other people watching will remind me of the real place that I should go to find comfort...Him.
So, I'm telling you that numerous times on our vacation I should have cracked my Bible open or prayed for God's wisdom and peace, but instead I chewed at my fingernails, mumbled under my breath, thought negative thoughts and did things that made my Lord none-too-proud. Rarely, when facing these situations did I stop and pray for peace, mercy or understanding. I just don't get it. I do that at home. Why didn't I there?
Then it hit me. I live in a bubble. I live safe and secure in my own little world. I allow very little negativity in. When it does sneak in, I push it out and wall myself in. I surround myself with believers, people who are uplifting and put myself only in situations that I am prepared to handle. I live in a self-created, virtually impenetrable bubble. I am still sitting here in shock. How did this happen? Why did I do this?
I sit on Sunday mornings and tell the 11th graders in my Sunday school class to live what they know. I sit there and tell them that if they really believe, then others around them will see it and it will be evident. I tell them to go out and take with them all that they know and not to fall victim to the world's deceit.
I am a hypocrite. When faced with the most challenging people in my life I chose to shut down. I did not seek out my Savior. Instead, I dealt with it on my own, I put myself and my own abilities above what I knew to be true. Instead of making a difference or being a light, my bulb burnt out and I chose to leave it that way. I just don't get it. That's not me. Or is it? I still have a lot of discovery to do in this area. I have a lot to pray over, a lot to repent about and a lot of allowing of God to search my heart.
But for now, I ask each of you to forgive me. Forgive me for being self-righteous and arrogant. Forgive me for pretending to know how to deal with the world when I don't have a clue. Forgive me for closing myself into a bubble and squelching out anything that is of conflict. Forgive me for being your Sunday school teacher and wondering why it was so hard for you to "get it" when I didn't even "get it" myself. Clearly, I have so much to learn. I pray for you all to bear with me as the Lord teaches, guides and reprimands me in all that I have to learn.
Friday, November 28, 2008
Vaca Photos for Friday
Glove-less at the NC Arboretum..it was cold!
Putting on a "show" with the help of Mrs. Mandy and Gram B
With Lucy at the Children's Museum...more of these to come!
Ash...rollin' with her homies
Who needs toys when you have flyswats and protective ear wear?
I didn't take as many pictures as I'd like, but I've got a few more that I'm saving all for 1 post (here's a hint and I'll just say, the obsession was perpetuated). You won't see ANY pics of Baby D or Baby Girl because I didn't take ANY that are allowable on my blog. While on my blogging vacation, I totally forgot about you guys (ok, not really) and the need for me to take blog-acceptable pictures of them. Oops!You will see a runny nose on all of my kids in almost every picture. That's because as we adjusted to the changes in weather we also picked up a nasty old bug and ran fevers on and off for the 2nd half of the trip. Yeah, good stuff. Stay tuned for more to come...oh, and I hope everyone had a fabulous Thanksgiving. I realized a lot on our trip, but mostly, that I have A LOT to be thankful for.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Back From Vaca
We made it back from vacation earlier this evening. It was a long time in the car, but the kids did amazing. I have a lot to share, but it might take me a while to formulate my thoughts. Thanks for the prayers while we traveled. I know that it was only because of those prayers that we were kept safe and the kids endured endless hours of being strapped down.
I'll try to post some pictures tomorrow. Blessings!
I'll try to post some pictures tomorrow. Blessings!
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
If You Need Some Stuff To Pray For...
I don't have a lot to blog about, however my heart is heavy for two families. I'd like to ask you to pray for both of them.
The first are friends of ours whom we go to church with. Jeff had some infection that flared up in his knee almost 2 weeks ago. He has been in the hospital the last several days battling a mysterious fever. Please pray for this sweet family that they would find peace, healing and comfort. In addition, they they have been trying to sell their house that has been on the market for almost 2 years. Can you say stressful?
The next request is for someone whom I've never met, but my heart aches for. Jim and Adrienne adopted their first son from Russia about a year or so ago. This week, they went to meet a brand new baby girl, who they had hoped would be theirs through the birth mother's decision to relinquish rights shortly after birth. Now, birth mother is taking the time to reconsider. Either way, a mother will be heartbroken and have to heal from the hopes of a baby she will never know. Please pray for Adrienne, Jim and the baby's birth mother.
Also, we are leaving in the morning for our vacation. We will be traveling around 2,000 miles in all (there and back). All five kids plus us will be packed into Big Red. And although it has copious amounts of room, the fact still remains that we will be in the car for a LONG, LONG time. Please pray for us to have an uneventful trip and one that is blessed with visits with family and friends.
By the way, Big Red did not need those repairs I mentioned before. Thanks God for working that out for us. Also, we got birth parent permission to take both Baby D and Baby Girl!! Yay God!
I doubt I'll be able to blog while I'm gone, so miss me and have a very, very, very Blessed Thanksgiving.
The first are friends of ours whom we go to church with. Jeff had some infection that flared up in his knee almost 2 weeks ago. He has been in the hospital the last several days battling a mysterious fever. Please pray for this sweet family that they would find peace, healing and comfort. In addition, they they have been trying to sell their house that has been on the market for almost 2 years. Can you say stressful?
The next request is for someone whom I've never met, but my heart aches for. Jim and Adrienne adopted their first son from Russia about a year or so ago. This week, they went to meet a brand new baby girl, who they had hoped would be theirs through the birth mother's decision to relinquish rights shortly after birth. Now, birth mother is taking the time to reconsider. Either way, a mother will be heartbroken and have to heal from the hopes of a baby she will never know. Please pray for Adrienne, Jim and the baby's birth mother.
Also, we are leaving in the morning for our vacation. We will be traveling around 2,000 miles in all (there and back). All five kids plus us will be packed into Big Red. And although it has copious amounts of room, the fact still remains that we will be in the car for a LONG, LONG time. Please pray for us to have an uneventful trip and one that is blessed with visits with family and friends.
By the way, Big Red did not need those repairs I mentioned before. Thanks God for working that out for us. Also, we got birth parent permission to take both Baby D and Baby Girl!! Yay God!
I doubt I'll be able to blog while I'm gone, so miss me and have a very, very, very Blessed Thanksgiving.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Skin Deep
Yesterday, the G.A.L. came by and told me that at Baby Girl's first court date (the first one that will determine permanency) will be on November 24th. Guess what? We will be on vacation. I'm so disappointed.
However, she also told me that they will reccommend starting Baby Girl's case with a concurrent plan of reunification with birth mom AND Termination of Parental Rights (TPR). This means, at the end of the next 3 months, which ever plan has had most progress, that's the one they stick with. Since birth mom has only showed up for one visit, I'm guessing TPR will soon follow.
Last night, I told all of this to my Mom and we had a LONG, LONG conversation. Mostly, about us adopting a child of another race. Though this has crossed my mind, and already we have had to deal with some strange stares in public, it seems more real now. I am excited to think that we could have a multi-racial family. However, another part of me is concerned that Baby Girl would feel so obviously different. When we take Baby D out, it isn't obvious that he isn't our son. With Baby Girl, such is not the case.
Her beauty captivates me. I love the way her dark skin looks next to our pale complexions. I love her dark lips and her jet black hair. I love it when she stares at me with her deep, dark eyes. I love the way her head smells. I love how her nose crinkles when she yawns and how she burps like a grown man. My heart is smitten with her and for me, when I look at her, I do not see skin color, but my daughter whom I love so very much.
Now, I want your opinion. I know that God has already placed the love in our hearts for Baby Girl, and we have not even considered NOT adopting her because of her race. This is not a black/white issue. This is not an issue of prejudice.
What I want your opinion on is, if you HAVE children who are of another race (or bi-racial children), or if you are planning on adopting children who are of another race how do you (or will you) deal with the hurtful things other say? I know that they will come, because they already have.
How do you (or will you) discuss with your child, as they grow older, WHY they look different from the rest of the family? I want to have as much knowledge as possible on what it is like to be a multi-racial family. I want to absorb all of the information I can so that when I'm faced with challenging comments or people who are simply hurtful, I will not lash back but respond in love. Should I even be concerned about all of this?
I know God has purposed her into our family for a reason, and that through it all He will show His unfailing love to us all. Thank you for your support and encouragement as we journey down these foreign paths.
However, she also told me that they will reccommend starting Baby Girl's case with a concurrent plan of reunification with birth mom AND Termination of Parental Rights (TPR). This means, at the end of the next 3 months, which ever plan has had most progress, that's the one they stick with. Since birth mom has only showed up for one visit, I'm guessing TPR will soon follow.
Last night, I told all of this to my Mom and we had a LONG, LONG conversation. Mostly, about us adopting a child of another race. Though this has crossed my mind, and already we have had to deal with some strange stares in public, it seems more real now. I am excited to think that we could have a multi-racial family. However, another part of me is concerned that Baby Girl would feel so obviously different. When we take Baby D out, it isn't obvious that he isn't our son. With Baby Girl, such is not the case.
Her beauty captivates me. I love the way her dark skin looks next to our pale complexions. I love her dark lips and her jet black hair. I love it when she stares at me with her deep, dark eyes. I love the way her head smells. I love how her nose crinkles when she yawns and how she burps like a grown man. My heart is smitten with her and for me, when I look at her, I do not see skin color, but my daughter whom I love so very much.
Now, I want your opinion. I know that God has already placed the love in our hearts for Baby Girl, and we have not even considered NOT adopting her because of her race. This is not a black/white issue. This is not an issue of prejudice.
What I want your opinion on is, if you HAVE children who are of another race (or bi-racial children), or if you are planning on adopting children who are of another race how do you (or will you) deal with the hurtful things other say? I know that they will come, because they already have.
How do you (or will you) discuss with your child, as they grow older, WHY they look different from the rest of the family? I want to have as much knowledge as possible on what it is like to be a multi-racial family. I want to absorb all of the information I can so that when I'm faced with challenging comments or people who are simply hurtful, I will not lash back but respond in love. Should I even be concerned about all of this?
I know God has purposed her into our family for a reason, and that through it all He will show His unfailing love to us all. Thank you for your support and encouragement as we journey down these foreign paths.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Baby Updates and Vacation
Baby D still sees his birth parents twice a week. They are making slow progress in their case plan, however they cannot seem pass a drug screening. We did get permission from them to take him with us on our vacation next week. It frustrates me incredibly that we must ask permission from people who cannot get their act together for their son. On Monday, they canceled the visit because birth dad wasn't feeling well and birth mom was tired. It took everything I had to calm myself down. Seriously?
Until last week Baby Girl had not seen her birth mom except for 15 minutes at the very first visit. She showed up last week only because the social worker told grandma (b/c she's yet to speak with birth mom) that if she didn't show up all other visits would be canceled until court in December. Today, she was a no-show again. Still no word on whether we can take her on vacation or not.
Baby D has been sleeping through the night very well. He usually wakes up about 5:00 or 5:30am to eat, so with the time change it has been 4:00 or 4:30am. Otherwise, he's doing very well. He's just a big, fat, happy baby boy.
Baby Girl still wakes up several times throughout the night. She has been eating about every 3 to 3.5 hours. She HATES being wet or dirty and insists on her diaper being changed immediately. However, she HATES having her diaper changed. Poor girl can't catch a break.
Two Saturdays ago, the wonderful Kassakatis family came over to watch the kiddos while Luke and I had a full day to ourselves. We had no idea what we would do, but we found stuff to fill our time. We did go and see Fireproof. It was a great movie, with a great story, IF you can overlook some mediocre acting. Kirk Cameron and the main woman character were good, even though every time I saw him the theme song from "Growing Pains" flashed through my mind. Oh, I had such a crush on him when I was younger. Anyway, I would highly recommend ANYONE going to see it, married or single.
On Wednesday of next week we will be making the 700+ mile trip to Tenessee/Arkansas to see family. I am excited about seeing everyone but very anxious as to how the driving will play out with all 5 kids. Most likely, my internet access will be limited, which for me will be a good thing and hopefully be a time that I can read, catch up on some scripture memory I've been trying to do and just have a blog free week. My BFF Amanda does have the internet, so I might be able to squeak in a quick update.
Luke took Big Red in today to have it looked at the before the trip and we were told it needed $1,100 worth of work done to the shocks and ball bearings. *Sigh* I've called the dealership and I'm hoping that I can haggle my way into having them do the repairs. Guess we will see.
Until last week Baby Girl had not seen her birth mom except for 15 minutes at the very first visit. She showed up last week only because the social worker told grandma (b/c she's yet to speak with birth mom) that if she didn't show up all other visits would be canceled until court in December. Today, she was a no-show again. Still no word on whether we can take her on vacation or not.
Baby D has been sleeping through the night very well. He usually wakes up about 5:00 or 5:30am to eat, so with the time change it has been 4:00 or 4:30am. Otherwise, he's doing very well. He's just a big, fat, happy baby boy.
Baby Girl still wakes up several times throughout the night. She has been eating about every 3 to 3.5 hours. She HATES being wet or dirty and insists on her diaper being changed immediately. However, she HATES having her diaper changed. Poor girl can't catch a break.
Two Saturdays ago, the wonderful Kassakatis family came over to watch the kiddos while Luke and I had a full day to ourselves. We had no idea what we would do, but we found stuff to fill our time. We did go and see Fireproof. It was a great movie, with a great story, IF you can overlook some mediocre acting. Kirk Cameron and the main woman character were good, even though every time I saw him the theme song from "Growing Pains" flashed through my mind. Oh, I had such a crush on him when I was younger. Anyway, I would highly recommend ANYONE going to see it, married or single.
On Wednesday of next week we will be making the 700+ mile trip to Tenessee/Arkansas to see family. I am excited about seeing everyone but very anxious as to how the driving will play out with all 5 kids. Most likely, my internet access will be limited, which for me will be a good thing and hopefully be a time that I can read, catch up on some scripture memory I've been trying to do and just have a blog free week. My BFF Amanda does have the internet, so I might be able to squeak in a quick update.
Luke took Big Red in today to have it looked at the before the trip and we were told it needed $1,100 worth of work done to the shocks and ball bearings. *Sigh* I've called the dealership and I'm hoping that I can haggle my way into having them do the repairs. Guess we will see.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
No Haggle Price
Yesterday went well. Those of you who said you hate to haggled would have been very comfortable on our adventure yesterday. With only Elizabeth in tow, we headed to Charlotte. I had found quite a few vehicles online that I wanted to look at. Most of them were at smaller dealers, and very, very...seasoned.
Once more, we knew we were buying a used car, paying cash only, plus our trade. No financing here.
We visited the first place, and the car was less than promising. I think Luke would have really considered buying it, but I just felt uneasy. They claimed they'd just had $3,500 worth of work done to the van, but random things didn't work like the blinkers. Plus, they had to jump it to get it started. Hummm....
Next, we drove around Charlotte and randomly perused car dealerships. Woo-hoo (say that in your best monotone voice). Nothing. Finally, I had printed off a page for a car about 30 minutes outside of Charlotte. It was a 1995 Dodge Conversion Van and they only wanted $1,350. Off we go.
Because my husband loves to find a deal, I think he was the most excited about this one. However, when we got there, we realized a few, very important things about this "gem."
1. It had no back seat. The guy kept saying he'd bolt one in for us. Creepy.
2. The inside flashed me WAY back to 1985. How a '95 van could look that straight from the 80's I'll never know.
3. The tires didn't match.
Once again, I think Luke was really ready to consider this. However, I knew that we only had a week before our big trip and that was NOT enough time to "fix it up." When the salesman finally referred to it as a "fixer-upper" Luke got the point.
Tired, beaten and ready to call it quits, we loaded up and started home. Just for laughs, we decided to drive by a bigger dealership. You know, the ones with 300 new cars all in the different colors and always claiming to have a "S-A-L-E."
We figured it was a lost cause, but when we saw a nice conversion van sitting out front, we figured why not?
We climb out and begin inspecting this van. It is BY FAR the nicest one we've seen all day. We'd probably driven by 5 or 6 like this one already because we figured they were out of our budget. When the guy came out, I casually asked the price. Naturally, he had to go "check."
Let me just say that as much as I love to haggle, I do hate that salesmen try to act like they are stupid.
When the salesman returned, he told us the car was $7,900. WOWzers. WAY out of our price range. I immediately shut the door to the car and told him such. I mean, why look a something you can't buy? I don't like to torture myself.
Upon realizing that we were gettting in our car, he says,
"So how much are you looking at spending."
Luke says, "Whatever $3,000 plus that (pointing to our minivan) can get us."
The salesman oh so graciously asks us if he can look at our van and "See what he can do."
I turned to Luke smiling and said, "Let the games begin." This is my favorite part.
Luke and I both knew that there was no way they'd sell us that van for the price we could pay, but we played along.
He brought us the first offer, and I told him that it was a no-go. Realizing that I was serious, he said he could "check one more thing."
"You do that", I thought.
Meanwhile, Elizabeth had to go potty. Luke is always her first request for bathroom duty. I have no idea why. While they were in the bathroom, the salesman comes back.
He shows me that paper. Even though it's a terrific deal on the van, it's $1,000 out of our price range. Instead of haggling, I catch myself being brutally honest (a shocker for most of you, I'm sure).
"Look, we've been looking at cars all day. We saw this one on your lot as we drove by and thought we'd check it out. I realize that you are cutting us a great deal, but the truth is, I have $4,000 cash and that van we drove in. With 5 kids at home, I can't go take more money out of the bank, and we don't finance."
The salesman stares at me. Now, let me tell you that this guy is really nice, but he is doing his job. He tells me something about 45-60-90 grace period or something. I figured it meant borrowing money so I didn't really listen. I told him that when my husband returned, I'd show him the paper, but it was out of our budget by $1,000.
He said he had an older conversion van "up on the hill" that he would show us. Out of exhaustion, I said okay.
Luke returned with Elizabeth and we walked outside to find the ugliest thing I've ever seen. Seriously, we'd looked a lot of cars that day. No-backseater van had this one beat. It was terrible.
We shook the salesman's hand and told him thanks but no thanks. As we buckled up Elizabeth, I asked the guy for our car keys (by the way, I LOVE this trick at car dealerships, it always cracks me up).
He goes into get them but instead of coming back out himself, the manager returns.
By this point, we are exhuasted and just ready to leave. I recant everything I told the salesman to the manager. I tell him about the money in my purse and how we know it's a great deal, but it's just too much. He offers financing, we refuse. At last, he says,
"Well, let me have one more person look at your van and see if we can squeeze anything else out of it."
(In my mind, I picture a large juicer (thanks Cathy) squeezing the life out of our minivan.)
Oh me, enough already. Please, just let us leave. As another guy and the manager circle our van (which Elizabeth is buckled into and we are all but sitting in) they retreat back into the dealership.
I look at Luke and we both show the same signs of fatigue. We are SO ready to GO. Mr. Salesman comes back out and stands in front of us. He looks across the parking lot at the conversion van we've been discussing for the last 1.5 hours. He extends his hand and says,
"If you promise to tell everyone where you got a great deal, the van is yours."
Shock, sheer shock I tell you. I just knew we'd never drive off in that van. I still can't believe it.
With $4,000 cash and a minivan worth only about $1,800 (trade in) we got an $8,000 van. I've never loved driving a BIG red beast so much.
Oh, and if you need a new (different) car, I know just the place to send you.
Once more, we knew we were buying a used car, paying cash only, plus our trade. No financing here.
We visited the first place, and the car was less than promising. I think Luke would have really considered buying it, but I just felt uneasy. They claimed they'd just had $3,500 worth of work done to the van, but random things didn't work like the blinkers. Plus, they had to jump it to get it started. Hummm....
Next, we drove around Charlotte and randomly perused car dealerships. Woo-hoo (say that in your best monotone voice). Nothing. Finally, I had printed off a page for a car about 30 minutes outside of Charlotte. It was a 1995 Dodge Conversion Van and they only wanted $1,350. Off we go.
Because my husband loves to find a deal, I think he was the most excited about this one. However, when we got there, we realized a few, very important things about this "gem."
1. It had no back seat. The guy kept saying he'd bolt one in for us. Creepy.
2. The inside flashed me WAY back to 1985. How a '95 van could look that straight from the 80's I'll never know.
3. The tires didn't match.
Once again, I think Luke was really ready to consider this. However, I knew that we only had a week before our big trip and that was NOT enough time to "fix it up." When the salesman finally referred to it as a "fixer-upper" Luke got the point.
Tired, beaten and ready to call it quits, we loaded up and started home. Just for laughs, we decided to drive by a bigger dealership. You know, the ones with 300 new cars all in the different colors and always claiming to have a "S-A-L-E."
We figured it was a lost cause, but when we saw a nice conversion van sitting out front, we figured why not?
We climb out and begin inspecting this van. It is BY FAR the nicest one we've seen all day. We'd probably driven by 5 or 6 like this one already because we figured they were out of our budget. When the guy came out, I casually asked the price. Naturally, he had to go "check."
Let me just say that as much as I love to haggle, I do hate that salesmen try to act like they are stupid.
When the salesman returned, he told us the car was $7,900. WOWzers. WAY out of our price range. I immediately shut the door to the car and told him such. I mean, why look a something you can't buy? I don't like to torture myself.
Upon realizing that we were gettting in our car, he says,
"So how much are you looking at spending."
Luke says, "Whatever $3,000 plus that (pointing to our minivan) can get us."
The salesman oh so graciously asks us if he can look at our van and "See what he can do."
I turned to Luke smiling and said, "Let the games begin." This is my favorite part.
Luke and I both knew that there was no way they'd sell us that van for the price we could pay, but we played along.
He brought us the first offer, and I told him that it was a no-go. Realizing that I was serious, he said he could "check one more thing."
"You do that", I thought.
Meanwhile, Elizabeth had to go potty. Luke is always her first request for bathroom duty. I have no idea why. While they were in the bathroom, the salesman comes back.
He shows me that paper. Even though it's a terrific deal on the van, it's $1,000 out of our price range. Instead of haggling, I catch myself being brutally honest (a shocker for most of you, I'm sure).
"Look, we've been looking at cars all day. We saw this one on your lot as we drove by and thought we'd check it out. I realize that you are cutting us a great deal, but the truth is, I have $4,000 cash and that van we drove in. With 5 kids at home, I can't go take more money out of the bank, and we don't finance."
The salesman stares at me. Now, let me tell you that this guy is really nice, but he is doing his job. He tells me something about 45-60-90 grace period or something. I figured it meant borrowing money so I didn't really listen. I told him that when my husband returned, I'd show him the paper, but it was out of our budget by $1,000.
He said he had an older conversion van "up on the hill" that he would show us. Out of exhaustion, I said okay.
Luke returned with Elizabeth and we walked outside to find the ugliest thing I've ever seen. Seriously, we'd looked a lot of cars that day. No-backseater van had this one beat. It was terrible.
We shook the salesman's hand and told him thanks but no thanks. As we buckled up Elizabeth, I asked the guy for our car keys (by the way, I LOVE this trick at car dealerships, it always cracks me up).
He goes into get them but instead of coming back out himself, the manager returns.
By this point, we are exhuasted and just ready to leave. I recant everything I told the salesman to the manager. I tell him about the money in my purse and how we know it's a great deal, but it's just too much. He offers financing, we refuse. At last, he says,
"Well, let me have one more person look at your van and see if we can squeeze anything else out of it."
(In my mind, I picture a large juicer (thanks Cathy) squeezing the life out of our minivan.)
Oh me, enough already. Please, just let us leave. As another guy and the manager circle our van (which Elizabeth is buckled into and we are all but sitting in) they retreat back into the dealership.
I look at Luke and we both show the same signs of fatigue. We are SO ready to GO. Mr. Salesman comes back out and stands in front of us. He looks across the parking lot at the conversion van we've been discussing for the last 1.5 hours. He extends his hand and says,
"If you promise to tell everyone where you got a great deal, the van is yours."
Shock, sheer shock I tell you. I just knew we'd never drive off in that van. I still can't believe it.
With $4,000 cash and a minivan worth only about $1,800 (trade in) we got an $8,000 van. I've never loved driving a BIG red beast so much.
Oh, and if you need a new (different) car, I know just the place to send you.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Haggling...My 2nd Favorite Past Time
Today, Luke is off work. A week from tomorrow, we leave for a week long trip through the lovely state of Tennessee (all of it, it's a long state) and onto Arkansas. If you've been reading this blog very long, you know how I LOATHE our minivan. If you haven't been reading (or if you've forgotten) you can click here for a small sample of why.
At any rate, today Luke and I are going vehicle shopping. We have hired a sitter for the big kids, passed Baby Girl off to some friends and we plan on taking Baby D. This should be interesting. I LOVE to haggle prices. Luke HATES confrontation. Oh my, I cannot wait to tell you about our time shopping on used car lots. Because Luke and I do not "believe" in debt, we will be paying cash, plus trading our current heap of junk...er, I mean van.
Our budget is small.Very small, but I know that if it is God's desires for us to move up in the world of vehicles, then we will. We are looking for either a conversion van or a passenger van. I prefer something that I can move around in (so that I can help kids on the long trip), but a passenger van may be more practical since we are most likely NOT done adding to our quiver.
If you're a praying person, please pray that God would lead us to make a wise decision. Also, please pray for mercy on the poor salesman's soul when I..er, WE finally find the one we want. Have I mentioned I LOVE to haggle? Let the games begin.
At any rate, today Luke and I are going vehicle shopping. We have hired a sitter for the big kids, passed Baby Girl off to some friends and we plan on taking Baby D. This should be interesting. I LOVE to haggle prices. Luke HATES confrontation. Oh my, I cannot wait to tell you about our time shopping on used car lots. Because Luke and I do not "believe" in debt, we will be paying cash, plus trading our current heap of junk...er, I mean van.
Our budget is small.Very small, but I know that if it is God's desires for us to move up in the world of vehicles, then we will. We are looking for either a conversion van or a passenger van. I prefer something that I can move around in (so that I can help kids on the long trip), but a passenger van may be more practical since we are most likely NOT done adding to our quiver.
If you're a praying person, please pray that God would lead us to make a wise decision. Also, please pray for mercy on the poor salesman's soul when I..er, WE finally find the one we want. Have I mentioned I LOVE to haggle? Let the games begin.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Need A Laugh?
I know I did today, and GK is just the person to deliver one.
If you are like me and need a chuckle, click here.
Be prepared to shoot snot out of your nose. 'Tis the season (cold and flu).
If you are like me and need a chuckle, click here.
Be prepared to shoot snot out of your nose. 'Tis the season (cold and flu).
Saturday, November 8, 2008
The Story of Us: Part 10
Read these first:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7
Part 8
Part 9
Because of my obsession with having things even, I had to post a part 10. Okay, okay, I don't really have anything else to add, but I thought I'd go out on a limb and see if anyone had any questions about our story.
I will try to answer them, and I will even allow anonymous commenting.
Don't be offended if I don't answer your question, although I will try to answer all of them that I can, as thoroughly as I can.
So...here goes. Ask away!
**Commenting on this post is now closed. However, if you've read all other 9 parts and have questions or comments, please feel free to email them to me at beaverbunch (at) gmail (dot) com.
Thanks!**
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7
Part 8
Part 9
Because of my obsession with having things even, I had to post a part 10. Okay, okay, I don't really have anything else to add, but I thought I'd go out on a limb and see if anyone had any questions about our story.
I will try to answer them, and I will even allow anonymous commenting.
Don't be offended if I don't answer your question, although I will try to answer all of them that I can, as thoroughly as I can.
So...here goes. Ask away!
**Commenting on this post is now closed. However, if you've read all other 9 parts and have questions or comments, please feel free to email them to me at beaverbunch (at) gmail (dot) com.
Thanks!**
Friday, November 7, 2008
The Story of Us: Part 9
Read these first:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7
Part 8
One weekend, Luke and I were laying in the bed talking about baby things. Okay, I was talking and he was probably clawing is eyes out. I wasn't even through my first trimester and EVERYTHING was about the baby. As we laid there, I thought to myself,
"We can't do this alone. We can't just raise this baby alone. We need a plan. We need direction. We need something bigger than us."
I was finishing up my first trimester when we went to the new members class at our church. I was still very apprehensive about this whole church thing. I mean, I knew there was a God, but I just didn't think that he cared about me and my day to day life. I figured he was of solving much bigger issues like World Hunger or Cancer. Nonetheless, Luke and I wanted to see what this church was all about. It was a Baptist Church and I had particular issues with the fact that women could not be considered for deacons.
Poor Bob (he's one of the associate pastors at our church), I think I really gave him a hard time. I kept harping and asking questions about why women couldn't be considered deacons and how was that Biblical. I had "came" from a Methodist church where there was a woman minister. Who did these Baptists think they were? Regardless of my attitude, we actually did make some friends that day. Sarah and Luke bonded over the love of mint chocolate chip ice cream and Phil and I bonded over our hatred of such nastiness. They invited us to their newly married Sunday School class. In there, we made even more friends.
Although I still had my guard up, these people seemed normal. They weren't perfect either and most of them were actually a lot like me. I was shocked.
Some Christians have a defining date, a moment that they KNEW that they had met their Savior. I don't have one of those stories. For me, just like with every other relationship I've had, falling in love with my Lord was a process. Slowly, things in me began to change.
I had a hard time letting go of my past, letting go of the dirtiness that plagued my heart. I kept waiting for the proverbial "other shoe" to drop and for God to really let me have it. I cannot pinpoint for you the moment I realized that my God is one that loves me for who I am, despite my countless failures, but the peace that came with that knowledge was overwhelming.
Just days before my second trimester began, Luke and I decided to join Rich Fork. As we walked forward, my heart raced. I didn't fully understand what this meant, but I knew I liked this place and these people. Since Luke had grown up in the church, he had been baptized as a middle schooler. I was baptized at 10, but remembered virtually nothing about it. With our joining the church, I decided to be re-baptized.
With Elizabeth growing inside of me, I publicly declared my belief in Jesus Christ and followed through with baptism. Once more, the change was not instantaneous for me. Slowly, God began working on my heart and our marriage.
I still didn't understand the whole "Christian" thing, and I had several moments of doubt. However, I began to understand what my BFF Amanda had said about a 3 strand cord. That 3rd strand had been missing in our marriage.
In it's absence, dishonesty, mistrust and confusion stood in its place. Now that God was that 3rd strand, the mistrust began to fade. I no longer felt the overwhelming desire to check Luke's email, browse through his call history on his cell phone or look in his car for signs of her. As pain from the past faded, it opened up new possibilities for Luke and me. We could now freely talk about things of the past, things we loved about our childhood, high school years and how we had experienced life. So much of that had been forbidden territory because of the jealousy and hurt that I felt each time our pasts were brought up.
Now, almost 6 years and 5 kids since our wedding day, I cannot imagine my marriage without God as the center. I've come to realize that God is loving and caring and, most of all, my Father. I see that Luke and I NEED God as that center strand, so that we can be held together. I cling to Him with the knowledge that He is the reason my marriage works. Without hesitation, I can say that had I NOT come to a deeper understanding of God and Christ, my marriage would not still exist.
The fear, mistrust and pain that used to burden my heart and from which I carried such baggage, has been taken up by the One who understands all pain. Our marriage isn't perfect, and neither am I. In fact, in writing this story of us, I must be honest in telling you that I have not picked up my Bible in almost 3 weeks. Yes, we still struggle in a lot of areas.
However, our marriage used to be bound by love. I have found that love can fade. Our marriage used to be bound by the physical. One day, the physical WILL fade (sad, but true). Our marriage used to be bound by fear. Fear that if we didn't make it, it would scar us forever. Fear is paralyzing. Now, our marriage is held together by the One who is the strongest binding agent available.
All those times that I desired to be rescued were not in vain. I have been rescued. I have been ransomed. I have been bought at a price. Our marriage has been saved. I love seeing how, each day, God makes our marriage new. He takes the bad, the good and the just plain ugly and weaves it together for His glory. He reveals His miraculous mysteries in ways that I could have never imagined. The contentment I feel within my heart and my marriage is like nothing I've ever felt before. It cannot be of the flesh, it must be of the Spirit.
I am not perfect, I am incredibly and exhaustingly flawed. I deserve to live in continual pain, but because of grace I have been rescued.
On August 3, 2004 we welcomed our first daughter into the world. Then, on May 30, 2006 Lucas and Ashlee joined our family. June 6th of this year our precious Baby D was born and on October 9th, Baby Girl was born.
Although "Our Story" is far from over, this is the point in the game where most of you already know our lives. Somehow, Luke and I manage to keep our marriage first. Above all else I have prayed that God would allow us to preserve our marriage through these hectic years. God continues to show His goodness. He has molded Luke into the wonderful husband and father that I am blessed by daily. And, He's even done some work on me, making me more humble, self-sacrificing and less anxious.
I pray that if you have gleaned nothing else from our story, that you have come to know us a little better. I hope that you have seen that our pasts are far from perfect and our "love story" is anything but a fairy tale. In the years that we have been together we have cried many tears, buried a few loved ones and mostly just grown up. It is my prayer that you will see us for who we are, incredibly flawed, hopelessly imperfect and totally surrendered to a mighty God.
As you read over what I have written to you, you'll be able to see for yourselves into the mystery of Christ. ....The mystery is that people who have never heard of God and those who have heard of him all their lives .... stand on the same ground before God. They get the same offer, same help, same promises in Christ Jesus. The Message is accessible and welcoming to everyone, across the board.
Ephesians 3:4-6, The Message
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7
Part 8
One weekend, Luke and I were laying in the bed talking about baby things. Okay, I was talking and he was probably clawing is eyes out. I wasn't even through my first trimester and EVERYTHING was about the baby. As we laid there, I thought to myself,
"We can't do this alone. We can't just raise this baby alone. We need a plan. We need direction. We need something bigger than us."
I was finishing up my first trimester when we went to the new members class at our church. I was still very apprehensive about this whole church thing. I mean, I knew there was a God, but I just didn't think that he cared about me and my day to day life. I figured he was of solving much bigger issues like World Hunger or Cancer. Nonetheless, Luke and I wanted to see what this church was all about. It was a Baptist Church and I had particular issues with the fact that women could not be considered for deacons.
Poor Bob (he's one of the associate pastors at our church), I think I really gave him a hard time. I kept harping and asking questions about why women couldn't be considered deacons and how was that Biblical. I had "came" from a Methodist church where there was a woman minister. Who did these Baptists think they were? Regardless of my attitude, we actually did make some friends that day. Sarah and Luke bonded over the love of mint chocolate chip ice cream and Phil and I bonded over our hatred of such nastiness. They invited us to their newly married Sunday School class. In there, we made even more friends.
Although I still had my guard up, these people seemed normal. They weren't perfect either and most of them were actually a lot like me. I was shocked.
Some Christians have a defining date, a moment that they KNEW that they had met their Savior. I don't have one of those stories. For me, just like with every other relationship I've had, falling in love with my Lord was a process. Slowly, things in me began to change.
I had a hard time letting go of my past, letting go of the dirtiness that plagued my heart. I kept waiting for the proverbial "other shoe" to drop and for God to really let me have it. I cannot pinpoint for you the moment I realized that my God is one that loves me for who I am, despite my countless failures, but the peace that came with that knowledge was overwhelming.
Just days before my second trimester began, Luke and I decided to join Rich Fork. As we walked forward, my heart raced. I didn't fully understand what this meant, but I knew I liked this place and these people. Since Luke had grown up in the church, he had been baptized as a middle schooler. I was baptized at 10, but remembered virtually nothing about it. With our joining the church, I decided to be re-baptized.
With Elizabeth growing inside of me, I publicly declared my belief in Jesus Christ and followed through with baptism. Once more, the change was not instantaneous for me. Slowly, God began working on my heart and our marriage.
I still didn't understand the whole "Christian" thing, and I had several moments of doubt. However, I began to understand what my BFF Amanda had said about a 3 strand cord. That 3rd strand had been missing in our marriage.
In it's absence, dishonesty, mistrust and confusion stood in its place. Now that God was that 3rd strand, the mistrust began to fade. I no longer felt the overwhelming desire to check Luke's email, browse through his call history on his cell phone or look in his car for signs of her. As pain from the past faded, it opened up new possibilities for Luke and me. We could now freely talk about things of the past, things we loved about our childhood, high school years and how we had experienced life. So much of that had been forbidden territory because of the jealousy and hurt that I felt each time our pasts were brought up.
Now, almost 6 years and 5 kids since our wedding day, I cannot imagine my marriage without God as the center. I've come to realize that God is loving and caring and, most of all, my Father. I see that Luke and I NEED God as that center strand, so that we can be held together. I cling to Him with the knowledge that He is the reason my marriage works. Without hesitation, I can say that had I NOT come to a deeper understanding of God and Christ, my marriage would not still exist.
The fear, mistrust and pain that used to burden my heart and from which I carried such baggage, has been taken up by the One who understands all pain. Our marriage isn't perfect, and neither am I. In fact, in writing this story of us, I must be honest in telling you that I have not picked up my Bible in almost 3 weeks. Yes, we still struggle in a lot of areas.
However, our marriage used to be bound by love. I have found that love can fade. Our marriage used to be bound by the physical. One day, the physical WILL fade (sad, but true). Our marriage used to be bound by fear. Fear that if we didn't make it, it would scar us forever. Fear is paralyzing. Now, our marriage is held together by the One who is the strongest binding agent available.
All those times that I desired to be rescued were not in vain. I have been rescued. I have been ransomed. I have been bought at a price. Our marriage has been saved. I love seeing how, each day, God makes our marriage new. He takes the bad, the good and the just plain ugly and weaves it together for His glory. He reveals His miraculous mysteries in ways that I could have never imagined. The contentment I feel within my heart and my marriage is like nothing I've ever felt before. It cannot be of the flesh, it must be of the Spirit.
I am not perfect, I am incredibly and exhaustingly flawed. I deserve to live in continual pain, but because of grace I have been rescued.
On August 3, 2004 we welcomed our first daughter into the world. Then, on May 30, 2006 Lucas and Ashlee joined our family. June 6th of this year our precious Baby D was born and on October 9th, Baby Girl was born.
Although "Our Story" is far from over, this is the point in the game where most of you already know our lives. Somehow, Luke and I manage to keep our marriage first. Above all else I have prayed that God would allow us to preserve our marriage through these hectic years. God continues to show His goodness. He has molded Luke into the wonderful husband and father that I am blessed by daily. And, He's even done some work on me, making me more humble, self-sacrificing and less anxious.
I pray that if you have gleaned nothing else from our story, that you have come to know us a little better. I hope that you have seen that our pasts are far from perfect and our "love story" is anything but a fairy tale. In the years that we have been together we have cried many tears, buried a few loved ones and mostly just grown up. It is my prayer that you will see us for who we are, incredibly flawed, hopelessly imperfect and totally surrendered to a mighty God.
As you read over what I have written to you, you'll be able to see for yourselves into the mystery of Christ. ....The mystery is that people who have never heard of God and those who have heard of him all their lives .... stand on the same ground before God. They get the same offer, same help, same promises in Christ Jesus. The Message is accessible and welcoming to everyone, across the board.
Ephesians 3:4-6, The Message
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