Chores and Kids: Putting it into practice (Part 2)

If you've not read Part 1 on Chores and Kids, do that first. You can click on this link.

Now that you have a foundation of why you want your kids to do chores, you have to implement the how. This part is, by far, the most taxing on you as a parent because these first few weeks of your new system will require lots of teaching, correcting and side-by-side cleaning with your kids.

But I promise, I promise, if you put in the hard work in the beginning, it's worth it and your children are more likely to do their work correctly, efficiently and even, dare I say, joyfully. (Or at least with minimal complaining.)

Again, as I am teaching our children how to do their chores, we talk about why we do what we do. Why do we keep our room clean? Because if it's clean, you know where all the pieces are to your toys. And, it's a blessing to your Mom and Dad and we will enjoy your room with you. Your room is your place of refuge, the calm away from the chaos of the house. Keep it tidy and you will enjoy spending time there!

Same is true for the bathroom. No one enjoys using a dirty bathroom, one that has trash overflowing, clutter all around the sink, hair all over the floor and a disgusting toilet! And, if one day, you're sick and spending more time than usual in the bathroom, TRUST ME, you'll be glad it's been cleaned recently.

Always putting the why behind what we are doing seems to help our children grasp the purpose behind good work ethic, putting in your very best and being really efficient (after all, the faster you can do your job, the sooner it's over with usually, right?).

Whew, okay. So, first, let's talk logistics.

CHORE CHARTS. This has been a source of wailing and gnashing of teeth for Luke and I since the beginning. Some of our first chore charts were so complex that it required lots of work on the part of us, the parents, to keep up with who had done what, when they'd done it, etc. We'd ask the kids to do chores and if we hadn't putting up a clean chart, marked off the list the things they'd already completed, rotated them for today, blah, blah, blah, then basically chore time was an epic fail. Finally, I realized...

K.I.S.S.

Keep
It
Simple
Stupid

So, we simplified it as simply as we could. I scoured Pinterest to find an easy chore chart. One that didn't require me checking boxes or flipping cards or spinning wheels or erasing or standing on my head while playing the tin whistle or ANYTHING because really, this thing should be self sustaining mostly, with minimal work for you, the parent. I found this link to make my own magnetic charts and adapted it just a bit for our family. I skimmed her post on the actual chores themselves and basically just stole her idea for the charts themselves.

Here's what ours look like:

(I painted them that color before we moved into our new house. The kitchen paint just-so-happened to be the same color as our chore charts. I don't really love yellow that much.)

Once you are 3 years old in our house, you get your own chore chart. Before that, you just help with keeping toys picked up, throwing things in the trash (any 18-24 month olds dream) and basic odds and ends. I keep our charts hung in the kitchen area of our house because that's the most central room where I can see what has and has not been done for the day.

Those are just pizza tins I found at the Dollar General and spray painted them yellow because, well, that was the cheapest color they had. See, here's the back of one:

I gave the kids creative control of their wooden discs and we took advantage of some paint supplies we already had and they painted their discs to their heart's content. Then I glued their chores to the front with clear modge podge. I think it helped them take a little bit more ownership over their chore charts. Maybe not, but I like to tell myself that.

For the older 3 kids, their chores are written out on their charts in words.

Elizabeth and Lucas decided to swap a chore permanently, thus the odd ball looking disc on her chart. For the younger four kids, I used clip art to show them what their chores are.

Their names as well as "To Do" and "Done" are simply some scrapbooking stickers I had laying around and I covered them with a thin layer of modge podge so the letters wouldn't pop off. Last, I bought round magnets and hot glued them onto the backs of the wooden discs. (I tried the peel and stick magnets and the magnets kept coming off the discs. Just fyi.)

Every morning that we are home, sometimes while I'm cooking breakfast or sometimes immediately after breakfast (if we have cereal or something from the crockpot) is chore time. Pick a chore time that can be relatively consistent. Before school, as soon as they are home from school, just before bed, etc. I've found that if we do it around the same general time every day, they see it coming and the complaining is minimal. Now, all I have to do is announce it's chore time. They all go to their charts, slide their magnets back over to the "To Do" side and begin. It's glorious, most days.

Now for the harder part of making charts: deciding what chores you want your kids to do. (I did a quick search on Pinterest of "chores by age" and got a gazillion results so if you're at a loss, try that.)

Here's what our kids do, but of course, you can decide which chores work best for YOUR family. I read somewhere that it takes about 3-4 weeks for your kids to master a chore, I think that's true. I think it's also important to keep in mind that some kids will be naturally gifted in doing some things rather than others. I also read somewhere (or someone told me?) that they had one of their sons on laundry duty. After several months, he politely and quietly went to his mom and told her, "Mom, can I have another chore other than laundry? When I have to fold your underwear and my sister's underwear it embarrasses me. Can I switch chores with someone who isn't embarrassed by stuff like that?" I was super impressed. Not only because he was able to articulate that it wasn't a chore he enjoyed, but he could say WHY he didn't enjoy it and he understood that just because he might not have that chore, he would certainly have one to replace it. It gave me hope that my kids would be able to do the same and it showed me that I need to respect their feelings if something like that should arise with our kids.

Lucas was in charge of sweeping for a long time. And honestly, he sucked at it. He was just BAD no matter how many times I showed him. I don't think it was lack of effort, it just isn't something he's good at. So he and Elizabeth switched. Now, Lucas does dishes and Elizabeth sweeps the floors. I'm not quick to allow kids to swap out chores because I want them to master their job so they can do it quickly and effectively. But like I said in my last post, some families have rotating charts and it works for them.

We do our chores EVERY DAY, except Sundays (and usually, if we have a busy Saturday we ditch them then, too). Soon, the older 3 will probably get one additional item on their list as will Ella, Olivia and Aaron. After all, just like in the real world, the more responsible you prove yourself to be, the more you are responsible for doing.

Everyone does these chores:

Make their bed

Clean their room

Pick up Toys

The older 3 also have this one in common:

Put away clothes (Luke or I will fold and sort them by kid. The older 3 must put theirs away.)

Our 3 and 4 year olds only have 4 chores total. So in addition to the 3 listed above, our 3 year old, Ella, also feeds the dog and our 4 year old, Olivia, (who just turned 5) cleans off and wipes off the table.

Aaron, our other 5 year old, has 5 chores. The three listed above plus he cleans up the outside toys that have been left out and he also cleans up the living room (our hot spot for toys and clutter). He also puts his clothes away and I can't seem to remember to give him another disc for that.

Finally, the older 3 kids have 6 chores each. Lucas and Ashlee are 7 years old and Elizabeth is 9. Elizabeth does the above 4 chores plus she sweeps the floor (one zone per day) and starts a load of laundry (or folds a load if there is none to start). I divided our house into 3 zones for sweeping: the kitchen, the dining room/foyer/sitting room, and the school room/hallway outside their bedrooms. She rotates each sweeping zone every day.

Lucas has the above listed 4 chores and also does the dishes once per day (unloads and loads the dishwasher) and takes out all the trash - which also includes him hauling the trash to the curb on Monday nights since pick up day is Tuesday.

Ashlee has the above listed 4 chores plus she also cleans one bathroom every day (we have 2) and she vacuums every, single day.

The hard work comes in when you, Mom, have to teach your children how do do each of these things. If you simply tell them what to do and release them, then not only will you be dissatisfied with their work but they will be frustrated with their lack of knowing what your expectation is for them. Therefore, when I taught Ashlee how to clean the bathroom I walked her through every step. We alternate between using sanitizing wipes and a spray solution with paper towels. I showed her how I want the bathroom cleaned, step by tedious step. At first, it was just the basics like wiping off the countertops, mirror, toilet, putting away stray toothbrushes and rinsing out the sink. Now, we are about to move her into scrubbing the inside of the toilet.

I talked with Ashlee about making the bathroom counter a place free of clutter and that it's important to make it hospitable for when we have guests, because they use our bathroom too. A few weeks ago Ashlee did her chores and later I entered the bathroom to find it like this:

It made me laugh all day long. And I think that's the thing about watching your children do work. You should take joy in it and laugh along with them when they do funny things, cheer with them when they do a great job and when necessary, gently correct or redirect them when they don't do it just how you've shown them. Sometimes, we have to have retraining sessions and that's okay. Sometimes, Mommy completely loses her junk because her daughters' room is a black hole of death that looks like a wild pack of wolves have taken up residence. Later, Mommy has to apologize for being someone who is rude and belligerent and talk to them nicely about her expectations.

The first time I helped the older 2 girls clean their room to my standard it took FOUR HOURS. FOUR HOURS y'all. And we had just moved and I had already purged a ton of crap. Somehow, a liquified banana made it through the move. Ew.

Now, we do random checks of their chores. We don't tell them when we will come behind them and inspect their jobs. But once they are fully trained, we will.

The bottom line is, have grace with your kids. Teach them and expect high standards because I truly think, as adults, we don't give kids enough credit for what they are capable of doing. But also do your best to be merciful with them when they don't meet those high standards each and every time. Because one day, you'll walk into a room, it will look very unswept, you will realize it wasn't done, lose yourself on your child who SWEARS SHE SWEPT, you'll both be on the verge of tears, you'll retreat to your room for a breather and realize that your darling daughter DID sweep. She swept your bedroom. And made your bed. And turned down your sheets. And organized your nightstand. And left your nightstand light on so that your room looks oh-so-very inviting. And you'll feel about this big.

We tell our kids all the time that when they do their part around the house they are helping our home run smoothly, but when they go above and beyond they overwhelm us with blessings. They do a lot of the latter. Especially when I don't expect it.

Oh, one last thing! We DO NOT PAY our kids for their chores. The way we see it, Luke and I do things around our house because we live here and we love each other and our kids. They can do stuff around here because, you know, THEY LIVE HERE TOO and they love us and their siblings. So I guess I'll drag this out to a third post and tell you about how we plan to implement a new system called "Jobs for Hire" where we pay our kids for helping out around the house, above and beyond their actual chores. Because y'all, we've got some money hungry kids and, honestly, we want to teach our kids how to handle money. So, until next time....

***Edited to add***

I should include that there are other things that our kids do just because they live here. Like putting their dirty clothes in the hamper, taking their plate to the sink after meals, keeping their shoes in their shoe bins, you know, normal stuff that people do when they live with other people. Just so y'all know. That's why those are NOT included on the chore charts. In my opinion, those are part of just being a human who lives with other humans.

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Question for you: Do you already do chores? If so, what chores do your kids do at your house?

Questions for me? Ask!

Chores and Kids: Setting a foundation (Part 1)

After I posted this video on Instagram I got several inquiries about our chore system. I figured this was the best place to post about what works for us with chores.

We've tried AT LEAST 5 or 6 different chore systems since our oldest kids were old enough to comprehend chores and offer some help around the house. Elizabeth is 9 and the twins are 7, so we've been at this chore thing for about 4-5 years. Just when I'd think we'd found the holy grail of chores, life would happen, Luke and I would forget to implement it and it would flop like a dead fish. My point is, we've failed, a lot.

But finally, FINALLY we have a system that works. For now.

I've decided to break this into two parts because I REALLY BELIEVE that this first part is a big reason why our system has worked so well and lasted. So, bear with me. Part 2 will follow soon. But, first, read this:

Here's where I think we messed up a lot in the beginning, you (and your spouse) need to decide WHY you want your kids to do chores. Aside from the fact that you desire a clean house and your children can provide free child labor, what are your hopes with a well executed chore system?

For us, these were the big ones:

* There's a lot of us. We make a lot of (big) messes. Luke and I were ragged from doing all the cooking/cleaning/housekeeping/laundry/parenting and our house was a perpetual wreck (like, not just toys strung amuck or dishes in the sink - DIRTY). We needed help. Plus, our kids live here too. The last thing we want is to raise entitled kids who think that everyone should serve them all of the time. Responsibility is learned by having things you are responsible for.

* We want our children to know and understand the value of hard work.

* We wanted to be able to take pride in our home. It may not be the most immaculately decorated house in the world, but a clean house is one to be proud of, in our opinion. When our chore chart doesn't flow smoothly, our home is habitually a wreck. Our family (even our kids) enjoy having company and friends over. When the house is messy we are all embarrassed by our home. It's not fun to have company over, often on short notice on our part, when your house is always messy.

* Luke and I can more readily enjoy our children, spend time doing things they enjoy and feel like our home is a place of refuge, not stress, when our home is tidy and everyone does their part. Luke comes home from work less stressed, I yell a lot less, we can do fun projects together or play football in the yard, or roast marshmallows, whatever, when the inside of the home has been cleaned that day.

* Luke and I set appropriate expectations for what our home should look like. After all, we have almost 8 children ages 9 years and younger. Our house shouldn't look like it belongs in a magazine. It should look like children live here! Messes are to be expected. When our children help clean up, it won't be perfect. But it will be better than it was before and we can gradually help them get better and faster at their chores which results in one step closer to "perfect" than before.

So what are your goals for chores?

When our children were really young, our main goal was to teach our children to help out, take responsibility, and see that even as a child they can do something to help their family and be proud of themselves when they accomplish a task. Now that some of ours are older, we expect more.

For example, when Ella's chore is to make her bed, we are perfectly fine with it looking like this:

We've shown Ella (3 years) how to make her bed and this is her very best effort. And her best effort is good enough for now.

But for Ashlee (7 years), when her chore says to make her bed, we expect much more. Her bed should look more like this:

When it doesn't, we remind her that she didn't do her best and ask her to try again. Our expectations and even our goals change as our children get older.

A few weeks ago our children were grumbling and complaining about doing their chores. Nearly every time I announced it was chore time, wailing and gnashing of teeth ensued. So, I had a quick family meeting off the cuff. I had already tried yelling, getting angry, making threats and none of those things worked (shocking, isn't it?). I realized I hadn't sat the kids down in a while and reminded them why we need them to do their chores.

I told them all very simply, "When you do your part around the house, our home runs more smoothly. When the laundry is put away, the floors are swept, the dishes are not piled high in the sink and your bedrooms are clean, it gives us more time to spend as a family. Daddy comes home and enjoys his house rather than having to start another job after he's worked all day.

When you don't help out, then it makes life more stressful for myself and your Dad. And right now, our lives are stressful enough. We can't do it all, so we need help. If you are not willing to cheerfully help us around the house then we will have to hire someone to help us. But Daddy only makes a certain amount of money. So, if we hire help, we would have to take that money from another area. The only area that money can come from right now is your extra activities. So, if you decide you cannot help cheerfully, then we will use the money from horse riding lessons, karate, ballet and gymnastics to hire someone to help clean our house. It's really your choice."

We've not had much grumbling and complaining since that day. And I didn't tell our kids that as a threat. I was totally serious. I explained it to the kids calmly and matter-of-factly because it's true. Luke and I cannot do it all and we do need help. (And if you think you can do it all, Momma, you're kidding yourself. And doing an injustice to your children.) They can choose to bless their family by helping and in return receive blessings or they can choose to not bless and reap the consequences from that choice. (One child did lose the privilege of their extra activity one week for having a T-total meltdown when asked to redo a chore that was only half-way done. Life lessons, friends. It was hard on Momma, too.)

Kids have the ability to understand much more than we give them credit for.

Second, we used to have a more complex system where people rotated chores each week. And maybe one day we will try that again. But for now, and with our children, we've found that giving each of our kids a set list of chores that stays the same each week makes it easier for them to accomplish their jobs more quickly and with more efficiency. After all, how you feel if each week you went to work and you had to learn your job all over again? What if your job changed each week, yet your boss expected proficiency upon demand? That seemed stressful to me, especially for our children at the ages they are. Yet, I do know families who have a rotating chore chart and it works beautifully. For them. Not so much for us. Plus, when our kids do a chore week in and week out they get good at it. Ashlee can clean a bathroom in 5 minutes flat. As it gets easier for her, I add one tiny thing to make the bathroom sparkle just a little bit more. It's not so overwhelming for her and in turn, the bathroom is one step closer to the kind of clean I really desire. Win-win!

Finally, (for this post) choose age appropriate chores for your children. I'll go into this in further detail in the next post, but this was key for us. It's a balancing act to figure out when a child's chore is too easy or too hard. For a long, long time Elizabeth's chore (she's 9 years) was feeding the dog. She enjoyed it so it stayed her chore for much longer than it probably should have. But finally, she passed that chore off to Ella and, GET THIS, she was the one who got to show Ella how to correctly feed the dog! Elizabeth enjoyed the time of teaching and Ella enjoyed the thrill of being in charge of something a "big kid" used to do. Ella aspires to do it well because it was a big kid job and Elizabeth is proud be a teacher.

It boils down to setting a foundation for your family, a tone, of what the purpose of chores are in your home. We want our kids to feel empowered by accomplishing a job all on their own and doing it well! We want them to see that they are able to bless us just by doing simple things. We want them to know that when we all work together, we can accomplish big goals (like having the house clean in under an hour)!

What are your goals for your family with your children doing chores? I'd love to hear your reasons and ideas!

I miss my friend

I notice Ella has her underwear on sideways as she trots away from me, her blond curls bouncing as she takes "Wee-ya" (Olivia) a sippy of milk, her own sippy clutched tightly in her other hand. One side of her hiney is totally exposed and her plump booty cheek is so pinchable.

And then it hits me, she'll never remember Paige. Ever. She's too young.

The waves of grief wash over me again.

Paige loved our children so much. I don't know why. I can't explain it to other people, but she loved our kids BIG.

I hate using past tense verbs to describe her.

I hate that at least once a day I feel the urge to call her and see how she's doing and then I remember, she's the reason none of us are okay.


Does that even make sense? I feel the need to call her to see how she's dealing with all of this and then it occurs to me that she's not dealing with all of this.

It's crazy how much I miss her already. Under normal circumstances, I'd go a week without physically seeing her. I guess knowing I'll never see her face again, while on this earth, makes it hurt more quickly.

She was suppose to come visit us next summer in Africa and be our intern. She was suppose to take Ashlee out for special-time. She was suppose to be here today to celebrate Elizabeth's 8th birthday with us.

Instead, she's gone.

And what are we suppose to do now? My heart is so broken.

I want to call off going to Africa and to cling to a "normal life." I want to buy a house, establish our family in a good neighborhood and disciple our children, weaving Paige's memory through our days so we never forget.

I want to push forward toward Africa with fervency because I know obedience to God's calling was so important to Paige and we can honor her in that way. Besides, God hasn't changed His calling our lives.

I want to disciple another youth, watch them grow in the Lord and blossom into the person God created them to be.

I want to be sure we never get that close to another youth again because the hurt of this loss is too much to bear again.

My heart flips in my chest and tears sting my eyes.

Will our children remember her? Will I forget her?

I want her to be sitting on our couch, sharing a bag of peanut M&Ms with me as we talk about her upcoming semester at school, the funny things our kids said this week and theology that neither of us fully understand.

But that would be selfish. It would be selfish for God to answer that prayer because it would take her away from the feet of her Savior, out of the courts of the Most High, away from worshipping the One she devoted herself to daily.

I'm angry.

I'm sad.

I'm broken.

I'm worried.

She was in my day to day. I'd think of her and send her a quick text telling her so because I knew how much words of affirmation meant to her.

We'd planned to visit her at school this semester so that the kids could see all the snow.

If my flesh can ever stop grieving her loss, I know my heart would rejoice in the joy that I know she's experiencing. But my flesh is hurting.

Hurting for my own loss, for the loss of my children, for the loss of her family - her sisters, her brother, her dad, her mother. I'm hurting for the loss of her BFF. I wonder how I'd survive the loss of my own daughter, sister or BFF.

I yearn for a day when happiness prevails but I'm dreading the day I wake up and she's not the first thing on my mind.

I don't expect people to understand how a 30-something mother of 7 children grieves the loss of a 20 year old college student so much. To the world our relationship had to look crazy. But our hearts were knit together inexplicably.

She was more than a mentee, she was my friend. She challenged me, encouraged me and continued to point me to the Father. She was family while no official title could describe how she was related to us.

I miss my friend.

Long days, short years

I stumbled across the above video the other day. Actually, Luke stumbled upon it. And as I sat and watched it, I thought of a few things.

1) Why didn't I ask Elizabeth to put on some clothes before I began videoing?

2) Lucas' chubby baby fat is all gone. In its place is a scarred, bruised and constantly scabbed little boy.

3) Ashlee's temper is the SPITTING IMAGE of Ella's (and they look more alike than I thought!).

4) How have I so quickly forgotten this time in my children's lives?

Lucas's little voice falls on my ears as a voice I vaguely knew at some point in my life. I had totally forgotten that Ashlee had those whispy waves in her hair after bathtime. Now her hair is as straight as a board.

I remember the busyness of our home, the constant trips to the potty as the twins learned to use the toilet and how hilarious (and stressful) it was when all four kids had meltdowns at the same time.

I remember the chaos, the dirty house and I remember laughing a lot. But truly, I can't stop and picture in my mind Lucas and Ashlee as 2 year olds or Elizabeth as a 4 year old. It's almost impossible for me to remember Olivia at the age of 2 or Ella as a chubby 8 month old.

With guilt washing over me and tears stinging the back of my eyes, I realized something. Two years from now, I probably won't be able to picture each of the kids at the ages they are now.

My breath caught somewhere in my chest and it hit me. I'm so caught up in living life today, in getting through today, in teaching them today that I am not burning this time into my brain like I'll wish that I had.

For the last several months the twins have been asking when it will be their birthday. Several months before Abigail was born we kept saying, "Not until after the baby comes!" Well, now she's here and for a 5 year old, that must mean that their birthday is just around the corner, right? About mid-March they began asking more frequently, almost daily, and I continued to say, "You've still got 2 and a half months!"

They asked me again a few days ago, and this time the answer blew my mind. "45 days."

What? How can that be? In 45 days I will no longer have twin 5 year olds. What?

The thing is, I think as Moms we focus so much on just surviving that we forget that the days are flying by at warp speed. In 45 days my sweet babies will be SIX and I don't understand how that's possible because it was just a few months ago that Elizabeth turned six, right? Heh. Try two YEARS ago, nearly.

I know I've said this here before, but I'm going to say it again...a couple of years ago I was at a Homeschool convention and one of the speakers said something like this,

"When your children are young you are so busy. You are meeting their every need. But let me promise you something...the days are incredibly long, but the years are incredibly short."

Boy, was she ever right. Somehow, amid laundry and diaper changes and schooling and discipline and having babies, my big babies have turned into nearly six year olds. And in two years, I'll look back and hardly be able to remember them being five.

Which seem ridiculous to me right now because in my mind I think, "Psh. Trust me. I'll NEVER forget this stage. It's chaos and busy but every day is pretty much the same. Ella throws a fit and I laugh at her ridiculousness, Aaron shows me his fish lips - and then requests a kiss, Olivia has a meltdown and then is giggling 10 seconds later, Elizabeth is the biggest helper on the planet but can turn around and sass me like a teenager, Lucas lives on his bike and, in turn, lives covered in band-aids and Ashlee waivers between being an independent artist and wanting me to sit with her so she can read.

I'll always remember this season, right? Wrong.

In fact, just as the 3 kids in the video at the top of this post show me, all too soon I'll forget key things I thought would never leave my mind. Like Lucas' tiny sweet voice and the way he rubbed that kitty cat on his nose at bed and naptime or Ashlee's incredible temper tantrums and the way she used to look at me out of the top of her eyes and grin or Elizabeth's mouth when she used to say the word "Jesus" or "gentle" or "gymnastics."

I forget that in a few years I'll forget. I want, so desperately, to remember these precious treasures and their egocentricities and the little quirks that are the result.

I don't want to ever forget how Aaron asked for months upon end what happened to his tooth after it was pulled or how Ella excitedly told her Lamby (the lovey she sleeps with) how she was a big girl because she pooped in the potty. I don't want to forget that Elizabeth is going through a phase of wearing faux glasses that resemble Buddy Holly and that she's so darn cute in them I just giggle when I see her. I don't want to forget that Lucas is Star Wars crazed and all he talks about ever is Star Wars.

I don't want to forget that Ashlee's new favorite hobby is reading or the look on her face when she realized she could read all by herself, without my help. I don't want to forget that Aaron almost always asks everyone he meets, "Do you know about trains?"

I don't want to forget that Olivia wants, more than anything, to wear a pretty dress each and every day even if it's freezing outside and she'll need an ankle length coat over it. I don't want to forget that she hides her Harrietts (the lovies she sleeps with) under her pillow, but each night before bed she'll pull back the corner of her pillow and tell them goodnight.

Such precious things these children do but somehow, I know I will forget most of it. That is the biggest reason I blog. To remember. That is the biggest reason I take pictures. To remember.

And I pray that I will always remember to do both of those things as life continues to move at warp speeds. I want to always remember as much as I can. Because one day, I'll look back and wonder how it all happened so fast.

Now, I'm off to look at good (but inexpensive) digital video cameras online. Anyone have any good suggestions?

A link to a post about having a big family

The half-question/half-comments have already started. (I say half-question/half-comments because I don't think people really want an answer from us. Instead, they want to make a comment and make it seem like they are being careful and concerned.)

"You know how that happens, don't you?"

"Why would you want to do that?"

"Are you trying to be like the Duggars?"

While the vast majority of people congratulate us, it's usually followed with, "Y'all are crazy."

If loving our kids and following God's desires for the size of our family makes us crazy, then I guess we are.

So this morning when I read Kate's (from Savvy Little Women) post, I was so encouraged.

Not because they're considering purchasing a trampoline.

But because of this link to a post on John Piper's blog.

Seriously, go read that. It's awesome. And convicting too. Convicted my socks right off.

Happy Monday y'all!

Sweet Little Girls

On Saturday, I had the pleasure of photographing a sweet family in our church.




The original plan was to take pictures of them when their youngest was still resting nicely in her Momma's belly. But, maternity pictures didn't pan out with my impending trip to Guinea-Bissau and the half a billion other scheduling conflicts we had.

But truly, I'm glad it worked out this way. Because I got to hold, squish and love on this little angel.




Her sweetness was not only evident to me, but also to her two sisters who swooned over her as well.




Well, I guess I can't say both of them swooned over her that much. This little cutie was much too busy picking up sticks and rocks and dirt to swoon over anyone. Don't let that sweet, girly face fool you. She's all girl and equally all tomboy.




Their oldest is so tender, loving on her baby sister fiercely. She kissed, cuddled, held and doted over her as only an oldest sister can.




Her sweet spirit captivated me, as did her gentle smile and her beautiful eyes.







It was an honor to spend some time with this awesome family who seeks to serve the Lord and raise up Godly women! Thanks B family for the opportunity!

The color of their love

She walks down the sidewalk toward me slowly. Her flowing skirt dancing around her calves, her bare feet shuffling on the concrete. She looks older. Much older than I ever remember. I thought she was old when I was 10.

That was 21 years ago.

Now it’s not my limited perception making her seem aged, but time. Years of working on a factory assembly line, then coming home to cooking, cleaning, gardening and canning the works of their harvest.

In my memory, she still wears a calf-length skirts and walks everywhere barefoot, while humming hymns. As I see her shuffling toward me, a thousand memories flood my mind. I can nearly hear her cackling laughter in my ears as a broad smile spreads across her face.

“Hey Jess!” the same voice of the grandmother of my youth echos out, sounding only slightly more weathered. I’m holding her namesake, who squeals in response to my Granny’s attention.


I used to sneak her extra pair of false teeth out of the bathroom and wear them, as best I could, over my own teeth. One time I used her denture glue to help hold them in. It took me forever to get that off my teeth. She laughed and laughed at me.

I wrap my arm around her, realizing she’s a little shorter than she used to be, but she smells just the same. “Look at how those kids have grown! And, there’s Ella.”

I’d played this moment out in my mind at least a dozen times, but living it was much better than I could have ever imagined. I shift my hip over so my Granny can finally meet the great-granddaughter who bears her name.

"Ella, meet Ella," I say. They both grin.


She laughs a hearty laugh, one that’s familiar and I can’t help but smile along with. “She’s beautiful, Jess, just like her Granny.” She cackles again, as she turns to walk to the house.


“Y’all come on in and get you somethin’ cold to drink,” she more commands than offers. Their house exists outside of time, I do believe. It’s hardly changed since I was a kid, only now it seems much smaller.

I walk into the kitchen and can almost see her standing there at the stove, with her back to me, her elbow moving wildly as she stirs a big pot of soup. Her voice breaks my thoughts, “Jess, there’s bologna in the refrigerator and some sodies too if you want one. Make those kids the rest of them hot dogs.” Pots rattle in the cabinet as she searches for her favored choice to boil some hot dogs.

“I’ll just grill them here, Gran.” She looks at me and clangs the pot on the stovetop, “Alright, but you’d better clean it up when you’re done.”

I smile. Not much has changed. I’m still a little girl in her mind and she’s still my headstrong, bossy, love-filled Granny.

We eat lunch and then head outside. She uses a cane now and tears sting my eyes as I notice how much more slowly she walks. It’s been nearly 18 months since we were here the last time. Too long considering how much she’s changed.

“Don’t you feed those kids? They’re so skinny.”

“Yes, Granny, they eat. A lot. Trust me.”

She laughs again.

We talk about nothing and everything. She asks about Africa. She says the obvious, “Four years? Well, you know we probably won’t be around by the time you get back.”

Tears wet my lashes again.

“I’d thought that too Gran,” I almost whisper. I’m pretty sure I got my matter-of-factness from her. Actually, I know I did. She loves boldly and speaks her mind the same.

In my mind I can almost hear her voice singing hymns as my eyes follow the rows of levies through the rice fields that surround their house. I blink hard to make the tears disappear.

“Come on and let me show you my flowers.”


For the next half an hour we walk hand-in-hand as she quizzes me on the names of the plants and I fail her test miserably. She laughs as I make up random names for the varieties of foliage, none of which are correct. She, on the other hand, knows almost every plant and who gave it to her and on which occasion. Her mind is still sharp even though her body is weakening.


I used to catch critters in glass canning jars. Usually lightening bugs, sometimes bees. My cousins and I would play for hours in the creek beside their house throwing rocks, catching inedible fish and hunting for crawdads. I took our kids down to that same creek and was surprised by how small it really is.

My Paw arrives back from a monthly lunch gathering with his brothers. My Granny and paw have been married for over 60 years and I don’t recall ever seeing them argue, though I’m sure they did. Again, my mind turns to memories and I see my Paw hunched over a small desk, with a desk lamp, reading a well worn Bible.

My hands would be purple or hot pink or maybe blue depending on the type of dust put on the seeds that we grandkids planted in their garden. They’d hand us a bag and show us a row and we’d get busy planting seeds. You could wash and wash and wash your hands but that color would take days to come off your skin.

“We planted us a garden again this year,” she says, breaking my thoughts once more. “Used to we could plant the whole garden, all over the back yard, in just one day. This year it took us all day just to plant 4 plants.” I look at the meager garden that they have sowed this year. It’s puny in comparison to the gardens of my childhood. I remember being yelled at for playing in the rows and rows of corn. I’d get called in from the back yard for stepping on the rows and rows of okra. It spanned their entire backyard, which is good sized enough to store up food for the winter. Now, their garden is the size of a few baby cribs.

My life is not what it once was because of the faithfulness of their lives. I am stained with their love. My greatest prayer is that our children, and even our children’s children, understand the labor of my grandparents and know The Love that they testified to my entire life.


Long after their garden is never again planted in soil, they will continue to reap a generational harvest. The legacy they have planted in the hearts of their children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren has stained our family’s hands for eternity. I could never wash off the color that these two people have embedded in my life. Nor would I ever want to. Long before I knew the King, they knew Him. They remained steadfast through deaths and burials of their children and grandchildren. They continued to slow, plant and tend. They continued to persevere. They sowed great seeds in me, without my even knowing.

Years from now as I remember my Granny’s abundant cackling laughter and my Paw’s tender, deep voice, I pray that I will also remember the love my Savior poured into me through them. I pray that my life remains stained with the color of their love.

A's to your Holly's Q's (Also known as FAQs)

We had another amazing discipleship weekend (d*weekend) with our students as I watched teenage girls serve others selflessly, like never before. But, more on that later.

For now, I want to answer some of the questions left in the comments of my Q & A post.

And Noah. Babies are made when husbands don't take care of the dirty dishes and unfolded laundry.

Thank goodness Holly had a laundry list (badoomching) of questions or else my self esteem would have been shot. Heh. Just kidding. Sorta.

Here are Holly's questions for any of you who A) Care or B) Want to know the same.

Most of Holly's questions are also common Frequently Asked Questions that we receive.

Questions #1 was: What will happen to your home there and your cars and such- do you sell everything you can't take with you or does a lot go into storage while you rent your home out?

Actually, March 1st marked one year that we've been living in a rental house. We sold our house last year when we felt the Lord asking us to be completely debt free and ready to go when he said "Go." Thing was, I was 10 months pregnant and just a week away from my due date and we really didn't think Missions was anywhere on the horizon. It's a really cool story how God brought Africa back to the forefront of our minds. I should probably blog about it.

As for our stuff. Well, we will probably keep only the bare basics. The beds and dressers will probably be put into storage, somewhere. Most of them are pieces of furniture we inherited from Luke's grandfather, so they hold quite a bit of sentimental value. We'll probably also keep some of our "keepsakes" like pictures, jewelry and other stuff like that in storage as well. Everything else that won't fit into 12 large suitcases (and weigh less than 50 lbs) will be sold! Including our vehicles. Shipping anything to Kenya is just too costly.

Question #2: How long of a commitment are you and Luke making to serve in Africa?

Right now we are looking at a 4 year commitment. Of course, God's plans can change that but we feel it would be a waste of resources to go for less than 3 years. And, our first 6-12 months in Kenya will be spent learning Swahili. So, we figure why not just go for a whole 4 years? After 4 years, Africa Inland Mission (our sending organization) will require us to come back for one full year. We'll visit our families, go on vacation, see our supporters and just spend a year recharging our batteries. Or, we could spend 4 years on the field and decide we are done and just come home for good. We're not sure exactly what the Lord has planned!

Question #3: Will you homeschool your kiddos there?

Yep. That's the plan.

Question #4: What will your role be there other than to take care of your children and home?

What will Luke's role look like?

My role will be very similar to my role here in the US. I'll be the manager of our home, the teacher of our children and probably manage most of our household and ministry paperwork (at least the ministry portions that AIM doesn't handle for us, like newsletters and maintaining contact with our supporters). I am SO VERY excited that I will have house help! I look at having house help as my main area of ministry (outside of my family). AIM encourages us to receive house help as it boosts the local economy and also provides stay at home Mom's with a resource and confidant in the community.

Luke's role will be basic church planting duties. He will build relationships, hopefully harvest new believers, disciple them and then train up Kenyan leaders for their own church. How this looks in a tangible sense is still to be determined. We anticipate that there will be a very real, physical need that the Duruma and Digo people will have. Hopefully, we can build relationships with them by helping them to meet their physical needs.

If we've learned anything through this process though, it's that what we have in mind is hardly ever God's plans and to truly maintain a spirit of service to Him, we need to be flexible and meet Him where He is already working! I'm excited to see what God will reveal to us once we are on the ground in Kenya.

Question #5: Will you have medical insurance or is it a pay as you need kinda thing? Is there a good medical facility nearby? (thinking of my own kiddos with medical concerns)

Our medical insurance is paid by AIM as part of the monthly support we raise. It's international insurance so it's good at pretty much any medical facility in the world. We will be about 8 hours (by car) from Nairobi which has a couple of decent hospitals.

Question #6: Will you go through language training before you go or is it an on the job learn as you go sorta thing?

One thing that I loved most about AIM is the pre-field and on-field training they provide for us. When we leave (in July 2012) we will meet up in Kenya with every other new missionary family going onto the field with Africa Inland Mission (they have 10 sending regions - US, Canada, Brazil, Europe, South Africa, Australia, Hong Kong, Korea, Netherland and New Zeland). Every missionary going into Africa with AIM in July 2012 will meet just outside of Nairobi, Kenya.

There will have approximately 3 weeks of Africa Based Orientation (ABO). At ABO we will learn basic and general ideas and practices of African culture. I've heard this ABO is rich and very vital to sustaining yourself in African culture.

After that, we will all disperse to our specific ministry sites. Since ours also happens to be in Kenya, we will travel to Southern Kenya and spend 1-3 weeks in a home with an African family. Yes, our WHOLE FAMILY will live with an African family. Yikes! After those 1-3 weeks, we will then move into our own home. For the next 6-12 months we will spend 3-4 mornings a week working with a tutor/translator learning the language. We will be using the LAMP (Language Acquisition Made Practical) method of language learning. From what I understand we will record specific phrases onto a recorder then go practice those phrases in the markets and with other Kenyans. This will surely be a season that will stretch us!

Question #7: What are you most nervous about in regards to leaving the country and continent?

Honestly, there is so much I have anxiety about that I don't know that I can pinpoint just one thing. We are going to an area that has seasons with high cases of malaria. That worries me.

I will not have the convenience of a grocery store or Walmart, so that means just about everything will be made from scratch. Even bread. I'll have to boil our milk, our water and figure out how to safely wash our produce because tap water is contaminated.

Pretty much everything about living life will become more difficult and I have anxiety about adjusting to it all and having 6 kids adjust to it all at the same time. I wonder if we will be able to find trustworthy house help and/or how many times we will have to fire someone who is being dishonest or untrustworthy.

So, there's a lot I worry about if I dwell on it. But I know that God is bigger than those circumstances and He has called us to this place. I must trust that He will take care of details and when disappointments come, He will sustain us. No one said life as a believer is Christ was all rainbows and unicorns, right?

Question #8: What are you most excited about?

Again, I think there are too many things to list! I'm so excited that our kids will grow up bilingual! I'm excited to see the first of the Duruma or Digo people come to Christ! I'm excited to be IN THE WILL OF GOD! I am so looking forward to how God will confirm that He has led us there and I'll be able to be in the presence of the sweet, intoxicating, addicting aroma of Christ. I think the latter is what I am most excited about. Because I have found that when you are living life in obedience to God, living within His will for your life, His presence is almost intoxicating. It's addicting and He lavishes Himself upon us. I CAN'T WAIT FOR THAT. And I love that He gives me glimpses of that now.

Question #9: Do you have pets? Will they go or stay?

We do have pets. We have an undefined number of fish (because those suckers hide) and a sweet, adorable, totally amazing and lovable Golden Retriever named Brinkley (no, not after that movie). She's the best dog in the entire world and is so patient, kind and loving with our kids.

I think I will sob when we leave her. Unfortunately, I don't think she could make the move and even if she could, I doubt I could stomach the cost of getting her there. I'm hoping that some dear friends of ours who have several children (one of which adores Brinkley) will ask if they can be her new family.

I've heard that people who deny their children the privilege of adopting sweet and innocent Golden Retrievers (that their children already adore and love) end up having triplets. But maybe that's just a rumor. Wanna chance that, Noah? ;)

It's good to know that CRAZY has company

If I had a dollar for every time we've heard, "Y'all are crazy," well....let's just say our ministry would be almost fully funded.

Yes, I agree, we are crazy. But you know what?

There are others like us.

Sure those other families may look different and maybe they don't dance quite as well as we Beavers do. But they are crazy too. And I take some comfort in their craziness. These families are sold out for Jesus, serving Him radically in missions. And I'd like to introduce you to some of them.

(Click on their names to go to their blogs)

This sweet family are the Helsbys. We "know" the Helsbys through an ongoing relationship via email. They are serving orphaned and vulnerable children of Tanzania and they have SIX kids as well. We "met" them through Chris and Lindy since they stayed at Livingstone Guesthouse when Becky neared her due date with their littlest one a few years ago. Becky has not been afraid to be real, practical and encouraging to me through many, many emails. She's set me straight on things I thought I knew and tenderly encouraged me in areas where she sees my heart aching.

We are crazy, so are the Helsbys.

Then there are the Swansons. We met this sweet family the 1st night of Candidate Week. The first thing Geoff asked me was, "So, do y'all know where you are going?" When I said, "Not a clue" we both breathed a sigh of relief that neither of us had any idea where the Lord was leading us.

The Swansons have 3 kids, one of whom, Sophia, has a manageable, yet serious, medical condition. They are leaving for Namibia (pronounced: Nuh-mi-bee-ya) in 2012.

We are crazy, so are the Swansons.

Then there's the Bentz Family. They are current Africa Inland Mission (AIM) missionaries heading to Lesotho (pronounced: Lee-sue-two) at the end of December. They have 4 children. I don't know them personally but from reading their blog it's obvious they have been on a faith journey since their initial pursuit of missions.

We are crazy, and from the looks of it, so is the Bentz family.

We also met the Tuckers at Candidate Week. Their sweet girls (along with Sophia from the Swanson family) loved on our kids so much during that week. They let our kids join the "big kid" table and Elizabeth really assumed the role of teenager much too easily.

The Tuckers are leaving to serve with AIM Air in December of 2011. Their servants hearts were so apparent to us while we were at Candidate Week.

We are crazy, so are the Tuckers.

Also there's the Lockwoods. Again, I don't know the Lockwoods personally. They have TWELVE children and serve the people of Mexico. Jaynee writes with such love for the Lord and such a heart of service. Talk about people who are CRAZY! Twelve kids AND missionaries.

We are crazy, so are the Lockwoods.

And then there are other families we know that aren't what normal people would call "missionaries" but are, in fact, on their own mission field.

There's this family who adopted from Rwanda when the world said, "Why? You already have enough kids?"

And this family who fostered then adopted a son. And if that wasn't enough they are now fostering a teenaged boy and LOVING IT.

And this family who is adopting from Ethiopia when they too "Already have enough kids."

And this family who is fostering two little ones while their own kids are still "young."

And finally, this family, who just adopted their 4th child (and it's their 2nd adoption) from China. Both adoptions were special needs children. Both frowned upon by the world around them.

And so many others that I can't even begin to list them all. Folks I know planting churches in cities that border our own. Folks loving on kids, teenagers, adults, people with special needs and orphans and following God's calling to pursue something crazy and beyond their own ability.

We are crazy, and so are most of our friends.

I hope that if you are reading this and not feeling a little crazy that you'll pray about the area of your life that God wants, desires and dreams to use in a crazy way. And join our family and our friends in being crazy in the eyes of the world.

Apparently, we Beavers aren't alone in the crazy. It's so good to know that CRAZY has company. And what awesome company it is, too.

Getting there was half the battle. Literally.

Fair warning, this post will a be LONG one, just like our first day in Washington D.C. We began on Thursday, November 4th as we loaded up our 15 passenger van and headed North. We didn't quite know what to expect but we knew we wanted to make a stop in Washington D.C. for a few days since

1) I'd never been and

2) the kids had never been and

3) it was the half way point and we were sure we'd all be screaming to get out of the car 5.5 hours in.

An amazingly generous member of this church provided us a place to stay for 3 nights while we spent some time touring D.C. and Luke and I proved to ourselves that we can handle being in public with all six of our kids. We will still choose to not prove that to ourselves on a regular basis, especially in a crowded metropolis, but we can do it.

We also realized that when there is a bathroom within mere steps of our children, we will insist that they use it to squeeze out whatever non-existent drops of liquid are in their bladders. Partenting's 1st Law of Bathroom Emergencies states that as soon as the bathroom that no one needed a short 5 minutes ago is out of sight, everyone will suddenly be on the verge of peeing their pants and/or poop their diaper.

It's pure physics, I think. Or Newton's 87th law of pee. I'm not sure. I was never good at science.

On day 1 of our time in Washington D.C. the kids woke up somewhat cheerfully, we enjoyed a relaxed breakfast then loaded up to drive to the nearest Metro station. We'd been told by numerous people that we'd better take advantage of public transportation in D.C. So, we heeded their advice and sought out parking for our vehicle.

Remember that time we drove a 15 passenger van? Oh wait....that's now. Can I just tell you that finding a parking spot for a 15 passenger van in a city that was built before 15 passenger vans likely existed was fun. And by fun I mean, notsomuch.

We parked in a parking garage where we could only enter and exit through 1 main door and we had approximately 20 yards worth of potential parking spaces before we no longer made clearance and likely busted a water main with the roof of our van. I asked the parking garage attendants where we should park since all the spots were reserved or for compact cars. They graciously let us park in the van parking for the hotel that was attached to the garage. They neglected to mention that the main door closes promptly at 6:57pm (or 7pm, but clearly 6:57pm was their target).

We unloaded the triple stroller, my anxiety and all the children and walked across the street to the metro. Several times during our journey into the city we heard, "One..two..three..four..five...SIX! They have six kids!"

(1st Metro ride. Clearly we are amused.)

We headed to the Smithsonian Museum of Natural History. It was cool. I dunno, maybe I'm a little lackluster for the whole thing because, I dunno, I BELIEVE IN CREATION.

(Please take note of the 4 dwarfs, Cheesy, Climby, Grumpy & Diva)

(Lucas and Ashlee were done with getting their pictures taken. Done. Let me show you just how done they were.)

(This is the above photo zoomed in. Hysterical. Even funnier? I had no idea they were making these faces as I happily snapped away.)

Don't get me wrong, the dinosaur bones were cool. Super cool. And they had an exhibit from Cyprus which was also pretty cool. But the 3 to 4 ENORMOUS ROOMS that were based purely on human evolution got old very fast. I'm still struggling to figure out how I feel about the entire museum. I mean, if they'd at least presented creation as a theory then maybe I'd be able to process some of the validity of their other exhibits. But how can I trust science in some areas and then say that other areas are completely false? It's like cherry picking the Bible. It just doesn't work that way. I wish we'd have been in town for this event.

We also saw this really cool piece of jewelry.

Any guesses on what that is? If you're like me, you'd expect that thing to be a lot BIGGER in real life. I dunno. The Hope Diamond should be the size of my hand or something, right? Eh, notsomuch.

Anyway, the kids loved it. After we spent most of the day there, we decided to walk over to the White House. Can I just tell you that the map I had was a little sketch? I mean, we did get it off of a guy on the street who was raising money for the "homeless" but there were some serious errors. So after taking all these photos we realized we were actually on the backside of the White House.

Whatever. The kids didn't know the difference and clearly neither did Luke or I until the next day when we actually saw the front. I got several other photos from the Museum as well, but it was so dark in there that it clearly tested my photography skills and, well, they all stink.







Even though the kids thought that seeing the Dinosaur bones was the highlight of Day 1, I'd have to say that for me, seeing the White House was definitely at the top of my list for our entire stay in D.C. Not so much because I'm a huge fan of politics, but more because of what it represents. Every president other than George Washington has slept in that building. That's amazing to me. Freedom is amazing to me.

On the way home we managed to

A) Get the stroller stuck in the door of the Metro, while we were boarding.

B) Get Luke's backpack (that was still on his back) trapped in the door of the Metro.

C) Almost cause Olivia permanent damage by getting her head stuck in the ticketing thingy as we tried to exit the Metro. It was eventful. (Don't worry, Olivia wasn't really hurt. She thought she was but trust me, she was fine.) Thank goodness there was a Hercules type-ish man on the Metro who rescued Luke both times as he tried to re-open the Metro doors and save himself, his backpack and the stroller.

It was clear we were not from around them parts. Mercy. Stay tuned for day 2. Much less squishage in the Metro doors and even cooler sights to be seen!

Saturday's special

On Saturday we made a fun family trip up to see someone very special. Paige is one of the students that graduated this year from our Student Ministry. She holds a very special place in the heart of everyone in our family.

Back before Luke and I ever even made the plunge into Student Ministry, Paige played the role of Dora the Explorer at Elizabeth's 3rd birthday party. Little did we know then that Paige would grow in our hearts the same as our own family. Truth is, we love all of our students equally. But our relationship with Paige is different than most of the others. Paige has consistently gone out of her way to come and visit us, make it our kids' birthday parties and just spend time with us when she could have been hanging out with other people. So naturally, we've developed a relationship with her outside of the church walls. Our kids have developed their own relationships with her. We are exponentially blessed by her on a continual basis.

The thing is, Paige allowed us to disciple her. And, it doesn't matter how eager you are to influence the life of another person if they don't choose to allow you to do so. She's invested as much in us as we've invested in her. She's proven to be an investment that we will never regret making. So it's for those reasons that Paige is special to our family and always will be.

Our girls look up to her and I couldn't be more pleased with the role model that they've chosen. And even though she's moved off to college a whole 2 hours away from us, I have a hunch will still see her on a pretty regular basis. Not only were our older 3 enamored with the fact that Paige lives at a real, live college but we had an amazing time "hiking" around at a local state park.

We did lots of running...

Lots of walking at our own pace....


Lots of shoulder riding...


Lots of chubby cheek grinning....



More than our fair share of jumping off rock walls...



We took cat naps in the stroller....


We posed everytime the camera was looking in our direction...


We allowed Luke to use the camera (which is really something special)....


We made silly faces...


And we made lots of lots of memories.

Thanks Paigey for letting us crash your Saturday. We had so much fun and we love you more than you'll ever, ever know!