They are worth it, and I am able because He is faithful

5 years ago, I anticipated, that by this point in our lives we'd be on the brink of returning from a 4 year term in Kenya. Our lives would be revolving around taking the gospel to the nations, building relationships with nationals, living among the people and serving them with open arms and glad hearts so that they experience Jesus in me.

Back then, I would have never imagined our life would look like it does today. After all, we were chasing hard after God, He was guiding us to this foreign land. It was bound to transpire just as my perfect, little brain could propose it to be.

And then, loss.

Grief.

Disappointments.

Financial setbacks.

Broken family relationships.

Pain.

Wrestling.

I have doubted my God on every level. I've begged to walk away, tried even. I've searched the scriptures for evidence that this God I devoted myself to is on a power trip and decided to wreck my life just for fun.

I've watched my children grow, as a shell of their mother attempts to shepherd them toward a God that she's uncertain of herself. I've cussed Him out, shut Him out, turned and refused to talk or listen. I've been at a place where I wondered if I was seriously delusional and if I dreamed up this whole missions thing because it was trendy, sounded fun and looked like it made us a better version of ourselves.

In every aspect of our lives over the last 3 years we've been broken. I've spilled tears over the simplest of things and shook my fist at God from the darkest parts of my heart. I've turned bitter, angry and spiteful.

Who needs God anyway? I mean, really. What kind of a God loads your whole family onto a rug called obedience then jerks the damn thing right out from under you? Not any God I want to follow, that's for sure.

The arrogance in my heart and the trust I had in my "strong faith" disappeared. In an instant, the person I thought I was and the things I thought I believed seem to lay before me on the ground like the contents of a beautifully potted orchid that had been thrown from the 10th floor window.

I couldn't read blogs, attend missions events, listen to songs or fake my way through a missions Sunday at church. I would get up and leave, telling God to screw himself as I walked out the door and down the hall.

Was this some kind of a sick joke? Who does that?

I've asked, desperately, what we should do now and the only thing I have gotten in return is silence. No whispers of His voice, no profound truths from scripture, no words from the teaching of the men and women that had so clearly been instruments of His words anymore.

The anger continued to well and finally pour out. I've been angry at everyone and everything for a very long time.

Anger does crazy things to you. It makes you blind, deaf and cold. I would interact with my children and I could see myself, almost in the 3rd person, reacting in ways that I would not typically react. It was surreal and almost as if I was living a life that I was simply watching, not a participant.

Finally, after a long silence with the Lord, I begged Him to reveal to me why we are in this place when it's not at all where my heart desires. I got no profound answers. I didn't see a hand writing on the wall or hear the voice of God audibly.

Instead, a dirty faced, chubby cheeked almost 15 month old toddler came toward me with her half drunk saunter. She grinned and juicy animal crackers dripped from her chin as she struggled her way into my lap and wrapped her arms around my neck.

A clingy 3 year old rounded the corner and squealed with the delight at the sight of me. I delight her every time I she sees me.

A fresh, new 5 year old crawls into bed with me on the morning of her birthday. Soft, blond, wild curls cover my face as she nuzzles her head under my chin. "You smell nice Momma. I think my nose is better when I'm five," she giggles.

Two six year olds sit poised with pencils in hand and scribble out shaky letters. One of them reads every word his eyes see and he beams with joy, the other beams with pride over words of praise and affirmation.

An eight year old boy finds a love for baseball. He carries his glove with him everywhere he goes and he wears his Daddy's number from college on his back. He's the scrawniest player on the team but he hustles and works hard and he's determined to prove himself.

Eight and ten year old sisters find a love for horses and cultivate a friendship unlike anything I've ever seen. They giggle and talk about horses and boys and how to decorate their room until long past their bed time.

When the anger subsides, this is what I see. I see the nations. I see my life revolving around these people who desperately need the gospel. I see me serving them with open arms and a glad heart so that they experience Jesus in me.

I see the one job my arrogant self assumed was not good enough now being the most important, the most challenging, the most necessary.

I see the nations before me. I see them in dirty socks left on the kitchen counter, unending loads of laundry and middle of the night nursing sessions. I see them in gentle corrections, hugs after a hard consequence and love despite their flaws. I see them in endless snacks and cup refills, in spills and messes, in cherrios crushed under my shoe.

I see the stage being set for world changers who grew up sitting right around my very own dinner table.

I see that in order for me to live within the full glory of God's desire for my life, and in turn to create these people who will no doubt love others beyond themselves, it begins by serving my children joyfully and with a heart devoted only to their very best.

I have spent much time wondering why the pain of the last few years has been heaped upon our family. I've wondered why the anger and resentment has been rooted deep inside my heart, seemingly planted there by the One who is suppose to take away doubt, fear, shame and bitterness. I wondered why He set us up for failure, for grief, for brokenness.

And then I looked up and I was overcome by exactly what I was suppose to see all along. They are it. We were not set up for brokenness. We were set up for this. This perfectly chaotic, unkept, totally filled-to-the-brim life. The scales tip whichever way I give them weight. I can choose anger and grief or joy and grace.

As the anger is slowly being washed away, joy is filtering through. Joy in the lives of these 8 people that are forever connected to me so deeply that there is no grief, no disappointment, no financial loss, no brokenness nor pain that could ever sever me from them.

They are my mission. And finally I can say with fullness that if they are my sole purpose in this life, it is enough. They are enough. Just as they are, just as I am, just as He has always been, I will fully pour myself into them, not reserving even one drop for what could have been or what I could hope will one day be.

I will share with them the good news of a Savior who never quits on them, even when they try with their whole self to give up on Him.

With love, I will serve them with joy and gladness, just as I would have the most honored guest at our Kenyan dinner table. Because they are worth it, and I am able because He is faithful, forever.

I manage

I never thought I'd see the day that I'd go nearly 2 months without blogging. I just knew I wouldn't be one of those bloggers who just doesn't update their blog and it drifts off into cyber space forever.

I have a lot to say. I have tons to post. Birthdays have been celebrated, kids are growing like summer weeds, I've started a small photography business and it's a nice, deliberate distraction from the every day.

But honestly, when I sit to write, none of that pours from me. I lay in bed at night and think about the abundance of blog worthy material and somehow, I never make it to the computer in time to document any of it. I've had moments of clarity where I thought I'd figured out really trusting the Lord. Then moments of such anger and frustration that I've vowed to share them because surely, someone else has felt the same.

In general, life is okay. Somedays, it's even good. I've had more days of energy and patience than days feeling like I'll puke at any moment and being done with my children by 8:15am. I get the joy of feeling sweet baby flutters deep within me that remind me daily that God's grace abounds even when mine is all dried up. We've moved into our new house and we are settled, even though boxes still line the halls and pile in corners of every room.

People keep saying, "Does it feel like home?" or, "Oh! It's just perfect. It feels so homey."

I'm glad they feel that way. I want our home to be warm and inviting, a place people feel comfortable.

I just wish I felt the same way.

For the last 3.5 years we've been in a rental house that we knew, from the day we moved in, would be temporary. We didn't know where we'd be going or how long we'd be staying. But we knew God led us to that season of our lives for a purpose, to prepare us and lead us to wherever He wanted us to be. We were ready. We were eager. While we waited on directions, and began stepping out in faith, we welcomed two more daughters to our family, still set on going somewhere.

And then, July 24th happened.

And now, I sit here unpacking boxes that have been sitting packed, in our attic, for nearly 4 years. Boxes that I never intended to unpack anytime soon. Photos that bring me joy and sorrow all in the same breath.

Chubby photos of my Lucas when he was just a roly-poly little baby and Ashlee with her huge eyes and kissable lips. Photos of Elizabeth with baby front teeth and chubby, little fingers. Prints of Aaron's huge, blue eyes and Olivia's round, bald head. I take them out, look at them, smile at the nostalgia.

Then I box them right back up.

I don't really know how to explain it. I want them out. I want to see them. I want our house to be our home. I want our kids to see photos of themselves as babies and toddlers and take pride in knowing that we have treasured them their entire life.

But I just can't. Not yet. I've asked a few people to come and help me hang photos and things on the walls. But plans fall through, or kids get in bed too late and I don't push the issue because I know that when the time comes, I'm probably going to fall apart. And how do you explain that to people?

"Well, you see, I'm sobbing because I thought our life plan was to be in Africa right about now. We weren't going to be unpacking photos of our babies, instead, we'd be taping a few treasured photos onto our fridge and calling it a day."

This isn't the life I had us pictured living. And it's hard to convey that to people when, from all outside appearances, it looks like we've moved on with our life. And while we have moved, I haven't necessarily moved on. Does that make sense?

Our pastor, his daughter and a team went to Uganda earlier this month. Honestly, I've not kept up with anything to do with missions because, well, I can't. But I was actually excited for them and for this young girl to set her feet on African soil for the second time in her young life.

But then, the Sunday after they returned, they showed a video summarizing their trip. Their 2 week experience in Uganda was nothing like what our day-to-day life would have been like in Kenya. NOTHING. And yet, Luke nor I could keep it together. We both just sat and sobbed silently in our seats. Both of us shedding tears faster than we could wipe them. I resisted the urge to flee the service, hide and weep openly. I didn't want to be that girl.

I'm not pretending to know the depth and breadth of the pain that a woman who is infertile, yet longs for children, endures. I have no doubt that is a pain unlike any other pain. Yet, when missions and Africa and blog links to awesome ministry blogs are sent to me, I recoil in pain. I recoil and fight the urge to run and hide. I fight the urge to look at them in disbelief and whisper through the pain, "This is more than I can take."

I miss a land, a people, a village, a house I never knew. We never visited Kenya. We never even knew the names of all of our team members. But the grief of losing what we never had must be some sort of a hint of what barren women long for, and grieve themselves.

I want Africa. And yet, it seems not oceans away, but galaxies. An impossibility to access. Something I will live the rest of my days longing for but never attain.

And yet, I know that now is not the time for us to go. I know that because of so many factors and reasons and the state of my own heart. So while things appear okay on the surface, while I go through the motions, try to love my children and my husband with everything I have left in me, I manage.

I manage to make it feel like normal life. I manage to not allow myself to dwell on the fact that I'm angry, I'm hurt and I'm not settled. I manage to make our children's rooms feel like home. I step back, regroup and move on with the next thing. Because most days, that's about all I can manage.

On being a sender

I've told myself that even short blog posts are worthy of this space. That's true, right?

With that said....

I recognize that not everyone is called to go to a foreign country and be a missionary. Some people cannot because of health reasons. Some can't because of family responsibilities. Some cannot because of situations beyond their control. Some cannot because they are scared to tears of flying.

The point is, not everyone can physically go. But the truth is, everyone can go in some capacity. Romans 10:13-15 is scripture very close to my heart.


For “everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”
How then will they call on him in whom they have not believed? And how are they to believe in him of whom they have never heard? And how are they to hear without someone preaching? And how are they to preach unless they are sent? As it is written, “How beautiful are the feet of those who preach the good news!” (ESV, emphasis mine)

You see, we can all go in some capacity. Some of us go physically but the vast majority of people will not go full time. And that's okay. In fact, dare I say, that's how God designed it!

After all, Romans is clear, it takes each step, each person, each team member to get the gospel into all the nations, to the very ends of the Earth.

Some are sent. Some are senders. My dear friends, it is no more important to be one that is sent than it is to be a sender. The truth is, the sent can't go without the senders.

As I sat here tonight figuring up what our monthly and outgoing support needs are, I realized something.

I have around 830 facebook friends. If HALF of the people I'm friends with on facbook committed to partnering with us in the amount equivalent to ONE FAMILY MEAL of fast food per MONTH we'd go from being at 18% to 100% of our monthly support goal!

ONE family meal out per MONTH. One.

And I'm not talking Chick-fil-a. I'm talking McDonald's. For the cost of about 3 value meals per month, pledged by about 400 people we'd be fully funded. Take that down to 200 people and it's becomes the cost of a mediocre sit down meal for your family (or still fast food for a family the size of ours!).

I've heard people say several times, "Oh, we could only give just a tiny bit per month. Not even enough to make a difference."

Can I challenge you on that?

I promise you, every amount makes a difference to the people in Kenya who have NEVER heard the name of Jesus Christ.

Won't you go with us? Even if not in the flesh, will you live out Romans 10:13-15 and be the sender? We'll never get there without you.

If you'd like to go with us, you can start by clicking here.

Break our hearts: Our April ministry newsletter

The song Hosanna is a favorite in our family. In fact, we considered naming Abigail "Hosanna" because we liked it so much. None the less, there's a line in the song that I (Jessica) often sing with half my heart filled with longing and half of my heart hesitant for the Lord to answer my request.

"Break my heart for what breaks yours..." The worship team belts out this line and I must confess that each time I wonder if I really want the Lord to break my heart for all the things that break His.

After all, can you imagine all the things that must grieve the heart of our Lord? I'm sure I can hardly imagine it. Yet, somehow, I do desire for my heart to be broken for the things that break His heart, even if it's just one at a time. And, in those requests, the Lord has answered. Pain and suffering are all around us. It's not hard to go through an average day and see a homeless person on the corner or hear of a tragedy in the news. But real heart break, things that drive you to action, we believe those heart breaks come from the Lord.

What breaks our heart? Many things actually, but at the top of the list is unreached people. What is an "unreached people"? Good question. According to JoshuaProject.net, an unreached or least-reached people group is a population of people with less than 5% professing Christian. To put that into perspective, according to JoshuaProject, 80% of the people groups in the United States are professing Christians. In Canada, that number is slightly higher at 84%. Joshua Project breaks down countries by people groups. The US has 365 total people groups. Canada has 247.

Remember, that for a people group to be considered unreached, less than 5% of that group will be professing Christians. In Kenya, East Africa there is a reported 117 people groups. 38 of them are totally unreached. Our family will be going to work, live among and share the Gospel with 2 of those 38.

So what about this breaks our hearts? Well, both Luke and I had the opportunity to visit Guinea-Bissau, West Africa in 2011. There, we experienced unreached people first hand. The image at the top of this newsletter shows a man with amulets on his necklace. The sweet little baby pictured above also has amulets around her neck. Amulets are tokens from Witch Doctors meant to ward off evil spirits and, for some, to bring good luck. For many African people groups, amulets are a part of every day life. But Christians know that true peace, joy and healing can only come from one person.

Jesus Christ.

Most of the African peoples practicing witchcraft have never heard the redeeming power of Jesus Christ. They've never had the chance or opportunity to hear about the One who can heal all hurts, not just the physical. That, my friends, is what breaks our hearts. We long for those who have never heard to hear the name of the Lord. We desire, desperately, for them to encounter the One who loves them, cherishes them and desires a personal relationship with them.

We are glad that God has not chosen to burden our hearts with every heartbreak He has. Yet we are honored He would reveal to us this specific heartbreak, one so dear to His heart. And it is because of this heart break that we are compelled to go, share and live among Kenya's unreached people.

Will you go with us? You can! Maybe not physically (though we'd love visitors once we get settled in!), you CAN go with us!

Right now we are raising up both PRAYER and FINANCIAL partners to GO with us to Kenya!

Want to partner with us and take the Good New of Jesus Christ to the unreached? You can, by emailing me at: beaverbunch (at) gmail (dot) com and putting "Missionary Support" in the subject line. I can email you a pledge card that you can complete and return.

Or you can click here for Online Giving.

We are so excited to see what the Lord is preparing for us in Kenya and we are honored you'd consider to GO with us!

Blessings,

Luke and Jessica Beaver
(Elizabeth, Lucas, Ashlee, Aaron, Olivia, Ella and Abigail, too!)

Support Needs

Financial Needs

Outgoing Support Needed:
$39,082
We are at 30%

Monthly Support Needed:
$7,999
We are at 12.5%

Prayer Needs

Praises!
* Abigail arrived safely and was EARLY! A first for Beaver babies!
* We are actively speaking with small groups and enjoyed a wonderful Sunday with Wellspring Community Church!
* We are continuing to receive people who are interested in partnering with us in prayer and financial support!

Requests
* For Luke and Jessica to organize their time so that Bible Requirements, Outbound Training and Paperwork can be completed efficiently
* For us to prepare the children, as much as possible, for the move to Kenya
* For God to raise up prayer and financial partners

December Newsletter

Our December Ministry Newsletter is out! Below is a modified version of what we recently sent to inboxes all over the globe.

Hope you enjoy!

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“Missions is not the ultimate goal of the church. Worship is. Missions exists because worship doesn’t .... Worship, therefore, is the fuel and goal of missions. It’s the goal of missions because in missions we simply aim to bring the nations into the white-hot enjoyment of God’s glory.” - John Piper, Let the Nations Be Glad, p. 35

It’s a season of worship in our society. During the month of December, service, love and charity is often dubbed as having the “Christmas Spirit.” And yet, many of us would agree, that as the spirit of Christmas washes over us and those around us we really wish the joy, hope and peace of the season would ring true all year long and not just for 25 days a year.

It’s a spirit of worship, a spirit of thankfulness and reverence for the birth of Christ that bids our hearts to spread the love and joy we know in our Savior.

As I (Jessica) read through the Introduction and first part of Chapter 1 of Let the Nations Be Glad by John Piper, his statements (quoted above) about worship sat with me, uncomfortably.

Does missions really exist because worship does not? Should our love for missions be fueled by our love for worshipping the One True God? Or should it be fueled by obedience, service and sacrifice?

And then, as December so quickly rushed upon us, it made perfect sense. Why am I so eager to practice love and charity this time of year? Why are we so eager to spread joy?

Because this truly is the best time of year! It’s the celebration of the birth of our Risen Lord. It’s the hope that was birthed into a hopeless world over 2,000 years ago. It’s the worship of the One who came, died and rose for all people in every nation on earth.

Worship is denying the desires of the flesh because of your love for the King. Worship is speaking softly to those you love when you desperately want to scream. Worship is purposeful prayer over those the Lord has brought to your mind and laid on your heart. Worship is sending, going and telling because of the joy of the Lord that you know is true in your own life.

“[Missions] is a temporary necessity. But worship abides forever.”

We pray that this Holiday season finds you in fervent worship of Jesus Christ, as you celebrate His birth. We also pray that we all continue to worship after the gifts are unwrapped, the trees are taken down and the New Year rolls around.

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So what’s new with the Beavers?

We found out in October that Beaver Baby #7 is a GIRL! We are so excited and we all continue to eagerly anticipate her arrival in March of 2012. We ask for your prayers for a continued smooth pregnancy and delivery.

We are continuing to meet with families and small groups to discuss our calling and our assignment. God is proving to be faithful in providing prayer and financial partners!

Currently, we are at 11.5% of our monthly support goal and at approximately 22% of our outgoing support goal!

We have added several new prayer and financial partners in the last few months. What a praise and answer to our specific prayers.

After much prayer, discussion and exchanging of emails with Africa Inland Mission, we have elected to postpone our departure date to January of 2013. This will give us an additional 9 months after the baby is born to get documents in order, items sold and loose ends tied up. It feels much less stressful than the original departure of July 2012.

Please continue to pray that we budget our time and resources to complete Outbound Training Requirements, Bible Requirements and Document Preparation over the next year. These tasks, along with normal, everyday life, can get overwhelming.

Please pray that we can aquire additional prayer and financial partners to reach our prayer and financial goals.

Please pray that God will continue to prepare the hearts of the people of Southern Kenya and our assignment location. Also pray for the leaders and citizens of Kenya as they face an ongoing war on terrorism.

If you are considering partnering with us in prayer and/or financial support, please email us at: beaverbunch (at) gmail dot com for further instructions or you can click here to be directed to Africa Inland Missions' online giving page.

We are so blessed by our prayer and financial partners and we desire to know how we can specifically pray for each of you as well.

We pray that you have a season of love, joy, peace and worship as you prepare your hearts for the celebration of the arrival of the King of Kings!

Merry Christmas!

Luke, Jessica, Elizabeth, Lucas, Ashlee, Aaron, Olivia & Ella Beaver

Memorial Box Monday: Trusting in God's Promises

Last week, I participated in A Place Called Simplicity's Memorial Box Monday. Over the last week, I've reflected a lot on the provision of the Lord. Yet still, I am yearning to hear His voice as I have so often in the past.

Right now, I'd say I'm in the midst of a season of fear. I'm afraid we'll never get to Africa. I'm afraid we will get Africa and it be a total disaster.

So, as Luke and I prayed earlier this week, God gently reminded me that He is always faithful. He reminded me to rest in His promises and reflect on them often.

I began thinking about previous promises the Lord had given me. In February of 2009 I began journaling on a private, invitation only blog to chronicle our calling to the mission field. We hadn't made our calling public yet (Olivia wasn't even adopted yet!) so I only invited a very limited number of people to read - less than 10.

Today, as I desperately desired to remember the promises God has previously fulfilled, I knew that I needed to look no further than the archives of that private blog. The post below was originally posted to my private blog on March 2, 2009.

(I find it more than a LITTLE funny that exactly 1 year after that post we were moving into our rental that I referenced in my last Memorial Box Monday post. Oh how God is faithful!)

I know how important it is to remind myself of God's unfailing promises. As we sit now, anticipating Baby #7's arrival and our future in Africa looking impossible by human standards, I know that the Lord's promises from 2008 are not voided. His promises from over 2,000 years ago are not voided. We serve an unchanging God. And today, I delight in His faithfulness.

It was August 10th, 2008 but I remember it like it was yesterday. Aaron was 2 months old and we were still having many sleepless nights and adjusting to life with a new baby. I was still telling Luke that we had to take Aaron to big church because the nursery was too germy. As I sat in service, holding my baby boy, I listened as best I could to the sermon. Our pastor was preaching a series out of Nehemiah.

Nehemiah had been summoned to build the wall and had many people rebuke him. Everything in the book of Nehemiah screamed to Luke and I that we were doing the right thing by obediently fostering. Although we had many critics, He had called us to this task and He was providing. I was listening intently to Pastor Michael, because I knew God was speaking to us, through him.

Then it happened, something that still baffles me, something that I'd not experienced, ever. God began a conversation with me. It went something like this:

God: "I'm glad that you see that this sermon is for you. You are doing the right thing, you know?"

Me: "Yes, I know Father. Thank you for the confirmation."

God: "Did you really think this was it though? Did you think that it was JUST about fostering?"

Me: "Huh? What do you mean?"

God: "This is not the end. After you adopt him [Aaron] I have something else for your family. Something big."

Me: "What? Uh, okay."

God: "Missions. You know it's been there this whole time. Once he's adopted, the bigger task will come."

Me: "Wait! Did you just say we would adopt him?" (Yes, I know I missed the point.) "Seriously? Why are you telling me this? Why now?"

God: "You will adopt him because I needed him. He will help fulfill my purpose for your family, when you go to your next mission."

Me: (Angry) "Why him? Why not our birth children? Don't they matter too?"

God: "Settle down. Of course they matter. They matter most because it is through them that I will harvest his heart so that he may do great works for Me. Listen to his story Jessica, it screams my name."

Me: (Picturing Elizabeth and Ashlee loving on him and Lucas showing him what it means to be a brother...then TEARS.) "Okay God. Here I am."

Can I tell you that just saying that outloud is freaky? Seriously. I've known people who live in padded rooms that have more rational thoughts. However, there it is.

I hid this promise in my heart, not even telling Luke until a few months later. I was so scared to admit it. So scared that I might be wrong. So scared that all of it would not come to fruition, then where would my faith be? How do you explain that you "Heard from God" but you got it all wrong. Even still, what if Aaron doesn't do great things for God? Where does that leave me?

God promised that we would adopt Aaron. After many court dates, tears and heart wrenching encounters with birth parents, and almost 12 months to the day from that promise, Aaron was legally adopted into our family.

God called us to listen and obey and become foster parents. Then He gave us insight to our next phase in life, nearly 2 years before our calling was made public. So God, here we are.  We have not forgotten the promise. We know the assignment. But God, I'm still so fearful of  the unknown. Help me Lord, help me not be afraid.

Help me to cling to your promises even in the uncertainties of life. I know you are faithful Father. Help me to not only rest in your promises but to walk in them with confidence.

Being holy

It's probably no secret that I pretty much adore my husband. I mean, I agree that he has flaws and he messes up sometimes. But, generally speaking, I could spend all day talking about how wonderful he is and how much he blesses me.

In fact, when we went to Candidate Week the psychologist, about 10 minutes into our 3 hour session, leaned into me and said, rather pointedly, "You over idealize your marriage. Which is odd because the rest of your scores seem to indicate that you're a pretty direct and blunt person."

I looked her in the eye and as nicely as I could say it I responded with, "I don't over idealize my marriage. I simply know how blessed I am."

My husband is selfless, strong, loyal, gentle and hard working, characteristics that many men do not choose to display. He is not afraid to tell me, our children or the important people in his life that he loves them.

Today, my man (along with 5 other men) leaves for 11 days to travel to Guinea-Bissau, West Africa. I went to Guinea-Bissau back in April. I'm so excited that Luke will have the opportunity to visit the places I went, meet the people I met and, most importantly, share the Gospel with unreached people. He gets the amazing privilege of sharing the power of Jesus Christ with people who may have never before heard His name.

A few weeks ago, I emailed several of the men in Luke's life who encourage him, challenge him and walk the road of brotherhood in Christ with him. I asked them if they'd like to write him a note to encourage him while he's half way around the world, disconnected from everything that's normal to him.

As the emails began to flood my inbox I couldn't resist reading each letter as I printed and sealed them. Every single time, hot tears stung the back of my eyes as I read the words of other men, writing to encourage this man the Lord has blessed me with.

They see it too. They see him, know him and love him.

Most of these men have seen Luke at his worst. Short-tempered with our kids, low on compassion for me, unshowered, unshaved and, even one of them, unforgiven.

Yet here they are, sending in words of confirmation, encouragement and conviction to this man they consider a friend. In fact, more than once they referenced him as their brother. Not just in the context of our faith, but in the context of their own families.

They see it too. They know him, flaws and all and they see it too.

I couldn't contain my tears as I stuffed envelopes, labeled them for each day of his journey and packaged them in a neat pile. Tears spilled over onto my cheeks as I thought about the time, the care and the ways these men have poured into my husband.

I stuffed in some additional cards from our oldest 3 kids, cards they've written, colored, stickered and sealed with copious amounts of tape.

Love. Poured onto paper for this man I have the privilege of walking through life with.

Over the last several weeks, I've prayed this scripture over Luke and the 5 other men that left today for Guinea-Bissau, West Africa.

Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ. As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance, but as he who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, since it is written, “You shall be holy, for I am holy.”

(1 Peter 1:13-16 ESV)

For the past several months, I've watched Luke prepare, as best as he can, for this trip. He's studied the scriptures, prayed hours upon hours, received shots and prayed over me and the kids. And, in turn, I've seen a level of holiness exude from him that I've never seen before.

Will you join me in praying this for the men on the team and that the Lord will prepare the hearts of the people in the villages to hear about the greatest plan of Salvation the world has ever known?

I too would cherish your prayers as the children and I travel over the next week. We're getting out of town while Luke's gone so we can stay sane and (hopefully) make the time pass quickly.

Thanks friends.

Overwhelmed

Lately, life seems really overwhelming.

There seems to be so much to do and just not enough hours in the day. There are so many things in our lives that are worthwhile, good and even purposeful that seem like heaping spoonfuls on our already full plate.

I am not a planner by nature, which may surprise some of you who only vaguely know me. Someone asked me last week, when they found out we were expecting our 7th child, "Are you just the most organized person ever?"

Uh. Notsomuch.

Our house is hardly ever clean, certainly not to the standard of the majority of my friends and yet, it really doesn't bug me too much. I don't really care if people come over and there's laundry on the couch. I figure if they have an issue with it, they can fold it. :)

However, the overwhelmedness I feel lately comes from things more deeply rooted than a disorganized house (but that is adding to the feeling, I'm sure, since we've been home from the beach since Friday and I've yet to unpack any of us).

I feel as though the Lord has called me in so many different directions and truly, I'm having a hard time juggling all of it.

Homeschooling
Student Ministry
Discipling our Children
Bible Studies
Preparing for life as International Missionaries
Loving on hurting people around us
Being a good, devoted, loving friend
Being a loving, devoted and self-less wife
Mothering our brood of kids with love and compassion

I could keep going, but you get the idea. Each of the things listed above has several different components and each of those vary in complexities.

Here's what our week looks like this week (after taking a week off of school last week for the beach - so taking another week off doesn't feel like an option)

Monday - "normal" day of Homeschooling, cleaning the house, making breakfast, lunch and dinner, doing some unpacking, spending time with the little kids rather than just shooing them off while we school and Women's Bible Study from 7-9pm

Tuesday - Ella has a dermatology appointment in the morning for a weird spot on her leg then the same as Monday in the afternoon with school, meals, family time, housekeeping, etc.

Wednesday - Parent's Day Out at our church from 10-2 (Yipee! I debated skipping it, knowing what our week looked like but the kids LOVE it and so do I.) Then school in the afternoon, housekeeping, meals, etc.

Thursday - Older 3 have check ups at the Doctor in the morning (Usually we have Community Bible Study from 9-11am but I made these appointments, forgetting that it was a Thursday) then school in the afternoon. Piano for the older 3 from 5-6 and Elizabeth has soccer practice from 6-7. Somewhere in there we need to finish up the school work we've not completed so far this week and of course I have meals to make, laundry, housekeeping, etc.

Friday - "normal" school day, much like Monday. Luke's men's Bible Study is in the mornings and he has a Daddy Breakfast Date with one of the kids before he heads into work.

Again, this is MY schedule and about 99% of the time something happens (someone has an issue with poop or my "morning" sickness rears its ugly head) that throws my whole schedule out of the window.

Add to the above routine preparation for a lesson for our small group of Teenagers for Sunday Nights, trying to spend time in the Word for my own sanity, trying to knock items off our checklist for Africa Inland Mission, which currently looks like this:

That's just a excerpt of the list. It goes to 56 items. And as we draw closer to our departure date of July 2012, the items become more frequent and more pressing. See all that stuff due ASAP that we've not done? Overwhelmed.


I'm dealing with emotions with personal relationships, conflicts and the thoughts of having to tell people we love things they do not want to hear. It's hard juggling it all and trying to maintain some resemblance of normal.

We also have Bible Requirements to complete and books to read and an Outbound Training Program to complete where we meet with a Facilitator every few weeks. We SHOULD be meeting weekly with potential supporters and trying to speak with Sunday School Classes and/or Churches on Sundays. (Want us to come talk to you?)

And somewhere in all that madness we're suppose to be training, teaching, discipling and loving on our kids like a normal family who is NOT leaving in 10 months. We're mentally trying to prepare for a baby due in March of 2012 while also mentally preparing to leave the country for 4 years just 4 short months after we welcome Baby #7.

What do we sell? What do we keep? How in the heck do I get everything done and not lose my mind?

If I stand back and look at the big picture I just want to sit and cry. So I tell myself to take one day at a time. Deep breaths and baby steps to the end goal, right?

But truthfully, there are days that I MUST step back and look at the big picture or else I'll never get all of it done. The non-planner in me wants to make lists and list and lists because that's what I do when I'm stressed and overwhelmed, I make lists.

But there's not really anything list, sadly. It all just sort of hangs out there in the distance, waiting on me to arrive with little or nothing to offer.

I've tried to prioritize my days by things that MUST get done, things that SHOULD get done and things I WANT to get done. It helps but the things that make our house function day to day have no impact on the long-term things that will eventually move to the MUST category. And by the time they arrive, it will be too late and we'll me more overwhelmed than we are now.

I'm emotional. Probably because I'm pregnant because I'm not a weepy person by nature, but most days now, I want cry. I want to walk away from the callings God has placed before me, throw my hands up and say, "I quit!"

But I think that's just what the enemy wants me to do. He wants me to quit. And I refuse. I refuse to turn from the things that God has called us to. I refuse to close my eyes and pretend that it's not all pressing on me at once. I refuse to turn from God as my only source of strength.

But the fact remains that I'm overwhelmed. Just flat out overwhelmed. And I don't know what to do to fix it, which makes me even more overwhelmed.

So, what do you do when you're overwhelmed?

I've cherish your prayers and any chocolate you'd want to send my way. ;)

Unreached

What's it worth to you?

What's the cost of spreading the gospel worth to you? I'm going to be really honest and tell you that lately, my selfishness gets a hold on me and I DON'T WANT TO GO TO AFRICA.

There. I said it.

I don't want to leave my church. I don't want to leave my women's Bible study group. I don't want to leave my town with the drug store just down the street and fresh, drinkable water flowing from the tap.

I don't want to leave cable TV or fast internet access or a life where my husband makes good money and the grocery store provides ready to eat food.

I don't want to leave my friends. I don't want to leave my family. I don't want to leave my Mom.

But in my quiet time I feel the burden. I feel a longing in my Spirit, an ache for something bigger than my own life. I walk away from time in the Scriptures and I know that we must go.

Basically, it boils down to whether or not I really believe what I say I believe. Because if I say that I truly believe that Jesus is the only way, can I really sit idly by and allow millions of people who have never heard the gospel to continue living a life separated from God?

Can I sit and drink my clean water, go to my plentiful grocery store and spend frivolously the money my husband brings home and pretend these people don't exist?

I see statistics like this people group in Afghanistan who claim a population of 7.6 million yet there are only 0.01% evangelical Christians among them. ONE HUNDREDTH OF A PERCENT! Folks, where's the hope for them?

Or what about the Hakka people group of China? They boast an impressive population of approximately 33.4 million and yet only 0.06% are evangelical Christians. Do you realize that the Hakka people make up the same population as the ENTIRE country of Canada? (source)

If, as Americans, we knew that the ENTIRE COUNTRY OF CANADA were unreached with the gospel of Jesus Christ WHAT WOULD WE DO? Leaders from every American denomination of Christianity would be up in arms, pleading their people to share the gospel! Yet the Hakka people sit, a world away - much more risky that a mere border crossing - and the church does relatively nothing.

But you know what, I get it. China and especially Afghanistan are scary places. Surely God wouldn't want you to do something dangerous, right? (The answer to that question requires another post, entirely.)

But for arguments sake, let's say you need something more safe. What about Japan? 122 MILLION Japanese people and only 0.05% are evangelical Christian. I'm quite sure the effects of the tsunami are still being felt, especially with all that's going on with their nuclear problems. Surely they need the hands and feet of Jesus in their midst.

What's that? You don't want to go to Japan because of nuclear radiation? Um. Okay.

What about the Berber, Riffan people of France? Approximately 126,000 people in that specific people group and only 0.02% are evangelical Christian.

Or the Punjabi people living in the United Kingdom? Approximately 562,000 and only 0.01% of them are evangelical Christian.

Don't care for Europe?

Okay, how about tropical Brazil where the Karafawyana people live. Granted, there's only 50 of them and you may have your work cut out for you finding them in a country the size of Brazil, but they're also considered unreached.

Don't want to travel internationally? Then what about the people groups who are considered totally unreached right here in the United States? (You'll have to click on the filter to sort by % Adherent to see the least reached groups.) (There's also that widget on my sidebar from JoshuaProject.net that lists and unreached people groups each day.)

(By the way, if you're still looking for an excuse, then I've got nothing for you.)

Scripture tells us that one day someone from every tribe, tongue and nation will stand before the throne and praise the Living God.

My question to you is, what are you doing to advance the kingdom? What are you doing to take hope to the unreached people of this world? If you claim to know the truth, why aren't you sharing it?

Because, there are many days where I think about us buying a nice, big house with some land, getting some horses and popping out a few more kids and NEVER GOING TO AFRICA. However, doing so at this point in our lives would be living in disobedience to what God has called us to do.

He's burdened our hearts for the unreached people of Kenya. And though my flesh tries to convince me otherwise, I know us going is our only option.

Please don't be mistaken, I do not think the only way to obedience is through foreign missions. I was talking to our Pastor yesterday morning and he told me of an elderly lady in our church who had invited a middle aged black man to visit our church and bring his children to our Vacation Bible School. (And he did, by the way, and turns out, I knew him!)

This lady is easily 70+ years old. Do you understand the era in which she was born and raised? That put this woman in her late teens/early 20s when desegregation erupted in the southern United States. Going out of her way to invite a young, black man and his family to her church, joyfully, must be so radical for her. Not that I believe for one moment that she shouldn't have, or that she still feels the prejudices of 50 years ago, but I do think that it probably took a step of boldness that the Holy Spirit must have prompted.

My point is, everyone can be radical. Everyone can do something crazy, on fire for the Lord. Everyone can do their part to reach the Unreached People of the globe. For some, getting on their knees daily for the Unreached is where they'll find their power. For others, they need to put their money where their faith is. For some, it's going. For a few, it's training up the missionaries. Whatever the case may be, it's critical that we all do our part to take the only Hope to the hopeless.

I pray the Lord breaks your heart for those who've never heard of His redeeming power.

Want Updates?

Just wanted to hop in really quick and let you all know that we are trying a new email system for updates with our ministry. The plan is to send out newsletters once every quarter and only on rare occasion email our entire contact list with specific needs outside of our quarterly publications.

If you would like to subscribe to our ministry newsletters, you can do so using the widget over on the left sidebar of my blog. I promise your info will be kept confidential and never used for anything other than contacting you about ministry news. And, I'll never sell your info or use it to garner extra chocolate or a kidney on the black market. Not that I need a kidney, but I do need chocolate. In large quantities. Often.

Anyway, if you subscribe and at some point realize you no longer wish to receive updates, you can unsubscribe hassle free.

Hope y'all have a great Tuesday.

More answers to your ministry/Africa questions!

In my last Q & A post about our ministry, my sweet, bloggy friend Holly asked some great questions. Apparently, it sparked some questions some others of you had.

So here's round 2 of Questions and Answers....

Amym asked....

Any ideas on what homeschool curriculum you will follow while in Africa?

Um. No. Right now we use Spell to Write and Read and I like it so-so. It's suppose to be able to be used through High School, but I think Lucas will struggle with it. So right now, I don't know. We also use Math-U-See and I like it alright. I don't know, it's hard for me I think because I used to be a public school teacher so I have in my head what "school" is suppose to look like and Homeschooling looks NOTHING like public school (which, isn't that the point?).

So, all of that to say, Homeschooling and the materials involved is still a work in progress for me. I really need to spend more time in prayer over our schooling in general. This year (starting yesterday actually) we are going to function on a year round school schedule. We'll do 6 weeks on, 1 week off. I'm pretty excited about it. I'm adapting some resources from a (very old) version of Sonlight's Grade 1 (before they even named them "Core"...yes, it's old) and yesterday went well. The twins are officially in Kindergarten and Elizabeth is hovering between 1st & 2nd grade. Lately I've been thinking a lot about how/when to get school books to Kenya. I know the Lord will work out the details, but it never hurts to use the brain He's given us to think!

Any of you have suggestions?

Beth asked....

1. How often will you come back to the states... during the 4 years I mean?

The plan is to not return to the US until after the 4 years is up. But, people can come see us at anytime! (GREAT BIG HINT!)

2. How will I be able to keep in touch with you when you are living in the wilderness? Is postal service totally sketchy... will you have interwebs access?

We will have internet access (do you think I could live without it?) and we will also have cell phones. From what I understand, postal service is not great.

3. Will you instead consider moving west with us and create a baby making Jesus loving commune with us? We can get house help. (I kid, I kid, sort of).

At this point, I will consider anything. I am not kidding. Okay, sorta.

4. Do you realize how much I'm going to miss you? And how much our kids will miss your kids?

Yes I do and if I dwell on it I turn into a bucket of tears. Thanks for the reminder.

Holly asked....

Yes, will you have internet access?

Yes! It will be the main way we stay in touch with family, friends and supporters!

Will you live on a compound with security?

From what I understand, most houses in Kenya are gated. We will likely have a day guard and a night guard. There will likely be bars on the windows. We will probably also get a (large) dog once we get there as well (our kids have already began talking about that). It's just common there to have guards, gates and bars on the windows, from what I gather.

How do the locals feel about white people there? (I know some places are superstitious)

We have not been told that there is any hostility or superstitions surrounding the people groups that we will be working with. I feel strongly that our sending organization (AIM) would have given us a heads up about that when we were selecting our assignment. AIM makes every effort to give their missionaries as much information as possible and to keep them as safe as is possible.

Will you be one of many families there with this organization or others?

Just depends on who is still there/going there/staying there when we get there! From what I understand, plans can change quickly. Though there are suppose to be other AIM missionaries in the area jobs, life, ministry changes and the Lord may change all of their plans. With us still being a year away from departure, it's hard to say how close we'll be to other AIMers. The good news is that our Pediatrician has traveled to this region of Kenya before on a mission trip and she knows Kenyans! She's promised to put us in touch with those folks. I'm holding her to that promise!

Will you get a vehicle once you get over there?

Yes, we will have to purchase one.

How big of a city/village is it?

We have a choice of 3 places to live. We will most likely choose the most urban setting. Honestly, I'm not sure what size of a city it is. Luke will probably drive out to the villages as he works with the Duruma and Digo people.

What is the main religion there?

Muslim is the main religion, though from what we understand they are not avid mosque attenders. Mostly the people are Muslim because their family is Muslim (sound familiar to our culture much?). There are also some Animistic religions as well as a predominance of folk Islam.

Emily Doss asked....

Is there a required amount of money to raise before you go? Do you have to have so much pledged in monthly support?

We are required to have 100% of our monthly support pledged by June 2012. Our monthly support goal is $7,338.

I know.

It's a LOT of money. Well above what our family lives on here. The reason it's so much more than our current standard of living is because we are not only funding our family but also the entire ministry we will be doing. Imagine having to furnish everything for your husband's career: paper, pens, gas, supplies, basically everything that makes your husband able (or yourself) to work.

Right now we are just under 10% of our monthly support goal. We have to have $38,071 in an outgoing account to get us there and set up. We are also at just under 10% of that goal as well.

One year from right now if we are not fully pledged monthly and fully funded in outgoing, our departure date will be bumped to the next Africa Based Orientation (ABO) departure date (which I think is September?). We are praying that July 2012 will remain our departure date but trusting that the Lord will bring in our funding in His perfect timing.

If you are interested in supporting us either in prayer or financial support, or if you'd like us to come and speak with your church or small group (and you live relatively close) please email me at beaverbunch (at) gmail (dot) com. Please put "Ministry Support" in the subject of your email.

Laurel asked....

Will you all be taking Malaria meds?

While I took Malaria meds for my short term trip to Guinea-Bissau, for the duration of our time in Kenya our family will most likely NOT take prophylaxis year round. Right now we are praying about how often/when to take meds or if to take them at all. I've thought about us taking them during rainy season (when mosquitos are more prevalent) and also having us all on them the first several months we are in Kenya (if we're already adjusting to African life the last thing we need is Malaria). But both our pediatrician and other missionaries (one of them being a pediatrician himself) have suggested that taking that heavy of medication for 4 years continually would do us and our kids more harm than good.

Thanks for chiming in with your questions. If you have more, feel free to ask. My hope is to publish my thoughts and experiences on my time in Guinea-Bissau and how that relates directly to us going to Kenya long term.

Happy Tuesday!

Prove it

True story.

If 135 people pledged $50 per month toward our ministry, we'd be FULLY FUNDED. But I understand that $50 a month is a lot of money.

But you know what? Forget us.

Our sweet friends Sam and Hanna need just 80 people to pledge them $20 a month to be FULLY FUNDED.

Seriously. TWENTY DOLLARS A MONTH.

That's the price of the pizzas I ordered last night (actually, those cost more than $20). That's the price of a trip to the movies (sans kids). That's the price of one Mocha Frapp per week. That's the price of a trip through the drive through for burgers and fries.

Moreover, that's the price of obedience.

Will you obey?

Click here to pledge Sam and Hanna and further the kingdom. They're weeks away (June 17th) from their deadline of having 100% pledged support. Should their pledges not come in, they'll have to postpone their departure.

They're both going to be teachers at Rift Valley Academy. They themselves were students there.

Do you believe in changing the world in the name of Jesus Christ? Do you believe change can happen through children and teenagers?

I do.

If you believe that teachers teaching the Glory of God can change lives, prove it.

Prayer Cards

With each step of this process of getting to Kenya it's becoming more and more real....we are really moving to Africa.

We are going to be international missionaries.

We have an amazingly talented friend who can just about whip up anything on the computer. I'm sure our new prayer cards only took him about 10 minutes, but man, they are impressive!

Here's the frontside:

And here's the back....

I didn't upload these to Flickr so that if you desire, you can enlarge them and print them. Or, if you'd like a "real" one, you can email me your address and I'll stick one in the mail to you. (Don't be alarmed when a pledge card shows up with the prayer card. For some reason, the two refuse to be mailed alone. Funny how that works. ;)

They make great decorations on your fridge, bathroom mirror, dashboard of your car, forehead, ceiling above your bed, in your Bible, on the microwave door, on the coffee pot, on the wall beside the toilet.....you know, anywhere that you will see it often and pray for us. We cherish your prayers as this process is becoming more challenging with each step.

We are at just under 10% of our monthly support goal which is A-MA-ZING! I can hardly believe the ways God is using His people to support His ministry. Thanks for caring about us and the ministry God is preparing us for in Kenya. I can't wait to see how He's going to unfold all of this!

--------

On a sidenote: Our treasured friends, Chris and Lindy over at Only Servants Ministries are expecting their little miracle, Ezra, any day now. Lindy's been having contractions about every 10 minutes for about 24 hours now. She'll be delivering the baby in Kenya with a great doctor at a great hospital. Please pray for Lindy, Chris and baby Ezra as they journey through the process of labor and delivery. Thanks friends!

BE the church

Just wanted to hop in very quickly and ask you all BIG question...

How much are you willing to sacrifice to advance the kingdom of God?

Is it worth one meal out per month? How about two? Is it worth forgoing one shopping spree per month? How about your daily stop at Fivebucks?

Our sweet, new friends Sam and Hanna are set to leave for the field on JULY 17th!! However, Africa Inland Mission's policy is that all missionaries must be fully funded/pledged ONE MONTH before they depart. That means, by June 17th (about 3 weeks away) Sam and Hanna must be FULLY PLEDGED.

Yikes! My understanding is that they are at about 50% of their target support.

So, again I ask you...what are you willing to sacrifice to advance the kingdom of God?

One meal out per month? Two? Your non-fat double shot latte?

Can you sacrifice $50 a month? How about $100? Depending on the size of your family (or how extravagant your favorite take out place is) that's 1 or 2 meals out per month.

There's no need to stop and pray about the decision to support missions. It's Biblical. Take the step of faith and support this sweet couple. I promise you won't be sorry.

Click here to see how you can support Sam and Hanna.

And click here to read more about who these sweet people are and what they've been called to.

Don't just GO to church folks, BE the church.

Here

I'm still here. Sorta.

I mean, I'm not in the "here" that we're normally at. We are traveling and will be back to our normal "here" sometime next weekend. We've enjoyed spending time with long-time friends. Friends who encourage the mess out of us, provoke us to think about God's word authentically, challenge us with our normalcies and love us beyond what we deserve.

We've been encouraged, supported and squeezed extra tight by family.

We've had the privilege to speak with two groups about our ministry in Kenya and both times walked away more blessed than we could have previously imagined.

We've been spoiled rotten by having our sweet friend Paige travel with us to help us. Originally, her role was to help us with the kids, but I can see that she's really here for so much more. She's encouraged us as well, jumped into the thick of loading and unloading and just blessed us on every level possible.

I guess you could say that we're blessed to be here, rather than "here."

I hope to post again soon with pictures, updates and more info about Guinea-Bissau, our assignment in Kenya and just life in general.

Bold. Sacrificial. Hungry.

Oh blogging. I have so much to say, yet so few words and even fewer minutes. Life seems to be speeding up by the second and each day that passes I think, "Man! I just want to write. I just want to blog about my trip and the ways God showed up BIG."

And then it's bedtime and I fall into bed. A seemingly 20 minutes later my alarm goes off, or a half dressed kid crawls in bed beside me and the day begins again. And I think, "I'll blog tomorrow."

Somehow, tomorrow never seems to come.

I swing in the balance between looking to tomorrow and reliving 10 days I spent half way around the world. My mind goes from here to there and back again, wondering if Kenya will resemble Guinea-Bissau at all.

I remember the warfare but also the victory. Like a rhythmic, ever steady pendulum, I flow from hopeful to sad, from fearful to courageous. I remember the smells, the bustle of the market and the drops of sweat rolling, unceasingly, down my back.

It was our first full day in Guinea-Bissau. The missionaries we were staying with, took us to the Bible college that our church had sent money to build. In a few more weeks it will be finished and men will begin being trained to be Pastors.

I'd seen photos of the Bible college, but standing there within it's walls was monumental. I was so struck by this group of people who were gathered on the long, stone and concrete porch of the Bible college.

Being ever the question asker, I asked the resident missionary, "What are they doing?"

"See that man in the middle," it was more of a statement than a question.

"He's our day guard. His shift is 7am-7pm. He's a new believer but he won't quit going to the witchdoctor."


"That one (in the hat) who's talking. He's teaching them, telling him to turn from the ways of the witchdoctor and trust solely in Jesus."


"He doesn't come to church, so every Saturday, while he's working his day guard shift, they come to him and teach him the truth. They pray that one day, he'll leave the ways of the witchdoctor and fully understand the power of Jesus," the missionary continues.

I hesitantly walk over the the group to snap some photos and listen to the teacher lecture in Kreole. I can only make out a few words, "Biblio" and "Jesus." Another in the group sits, with his Bible open, listening to the man who continues to teach.

This is church.

This is the body of Christ.

Men and women decidedly, purposefully, intentionally discipling a believer who is new and weak in his faith. He won't come to them, so they go to him.

"They come every Saturday," the missionary continues, "even that woman and her daughter. She's a widow but she still comes."

I had noticed the young girl, sitting intently with the adults. In fact, she had taken me back so much that I had to walk away from the group to compose myself, to distance my heaving sobs from the team's earshot.

It's day one, I can't be loosing it yet. Seriously. Get a grip, Jessica.

I look back at the girl, knowing that she's fatherless and yet she and her mother continue to disciple. They choose to disciple a man who others would deem as a waste of time. Women work hard in African culture. Widowed women doubly so.

The little girl reminds me so much of my Elizabeth. My big girl who decides, 9 times out of 10, to sit with us in small group with our teenaged Sunday School class instead of playing outside with the babysitter and her siblings.

I imagine Elizabeth and this sweet girl sitting together. Elizabeth giving her a few of her treasured silly bands and this girl, sharing with her a few Kreole words.

I can almost hear their giggles in my ears.

My heart swells as I realize that indeed these two are sisters.

Same Father.

The tears flow again, this time for joy.

I hope that one day she and Elizabeth will be able to giggle and trade treasures in Heaven. Can you imagine? Two girls, about the same age, treasuring the Word of God so much they choose to sit and soak it in with the adults? A whole world apart yet desiring the same things?

Bold. Sacrificial. Hungry.

A group of hodgepodge believers, choosing to spend their Saturdays teaching and discipling a man who most might write off. A widow and her daughter, another missionary and a group of Guinea-Bissauan men desperate to proclaim the glory of the Lord.

May we all be so bold. May we all be so sacrificial. May we all be so hungry.

I'm ready to go home

**I want to preface this by saying that I thought I'd get more into the stories of our trip in this post. As I began writing, something different emerged. I pray you will take what I write and digest it. I know speaking of the spiritual realm is often controversial. I fully intend to share with you some profound stories of how God moved mightily, reiterating the Spirit working as I share below. For more about our trip to Guinea-Bissau, check out my friend Wendi's blog.**

I thought when the time came to sit and begin writing about my trip to Guinea-Bissau that the words would come free and smooth. But the truth is, as I sit here to write I'm spending more time watching the cursor blink than I am moving my fingers. In fact, I've opened this post at least 4 times before adding anything of substance to it's context.

How does one try to express deep truth in mere words?

How do I convey to you all that I experienced when we live in a world that is so drastically different?

How can I describe the supernatural as I experienced it and the ways that God revealed to me things beyond what I ever knew to exist?

Honestly, I can't. But I'm sure gonna try.

You see the thing about Africa, for me, is this:

I've known for a long time that it would feel like home.

I've felt so called there, so drawn to her people, so eager to see the sights, smell the smells and feel the heat on my skin. But, even though I'd never before graced African soil part of me knew what it would be like. I didn't have much culture shock on our trip. Yes, things were certainly different from how they are here but none of it really shocked me because I was familiar with what to expect.

And what I'm about to tell you is either gonna cause you think I'm completely insane or confirm what you already know about God and His Spirit.

I fully believe the Lord revealed much of Africa to me in dreams, desires and thoughts before I ever even left. I think He has been for years. I think He has so deeply rooted the things of Africa in my soul that being there only served to confirm what I already knew to be true.

Several times I would be in a situation - standing in the market, sitting with my feet in the dirt, holding the hand of a child - and I just knew it was suppose to be familiar. Different that deja vu, and not quite the familiarity of something I'd seen in pictures. Something more. Something certain, like the Lord was saying, "See, I told you about this. You've been here before."

Y'all, God had given me those emotions, those feelings, down to the feeling of the dirt on my skin, before I ever even left.

As a Western culture, we are quick to claim that God is the God of the Bible (especially when we want to see His power work favorably for us). But we dismiss the supernatural, the Spirit realm so quickly. Or, if we take stock in any of it, we water it down so much that it makes it more digestible for our weak spiritual stomachs.

The Father sent His Spirit to counsel, direct, lead us and declare truth. (John 16:13-15) I fully believe that when God is preparing us to join Him in a great work, He desires to prepare our hearts and souls through His Spirit.

Have I lost you? Do you think I'm a giant freak show now?

Why is it okay for Cinderella to say, "A dream is a wish your heart makes" but for a Christian to say, "The Spirit revealed to me truth about the Father's will" is taboo? Granted, we do not need to be declaring false truths (1 John 4:1), but the Spirit does reveal truth. He desires to reveal Himself to us in a bold, radical way but I believe that as Westerners we are too afraid to breech the Spiritual realm for fear of what others will think of us. Or maybe we're too afraid of what we'll experience. Or maybe we just don't care about God enough to live outside our comfort zone and declare the word of the Lord boldly.

I can say that at one point in my life I fit all three of those descriptions. Today I sit on the other side. This post didn't turn out to be at all what I intended but nonetheless it was what is in my heart, waiting to be spilled out.

Has following God's call to join Him in Africa cost me? YES.

Family relationships have been strained, some only hanging on by a thread. Friendships have been terminated. Our faith has been stretched. Our lives mocked. We've sold the house I thought I'd live in forever. We've sacrificed comfort and we will again.

But I can assure you one thing.

Just like the people of Africa, our lives are beautiful.

God has chosen our family (for some reason I will never be able to fully grasp) to take His truth to the unreached people of Africa. And I believe that long before my trip to Guinea-Bissau God has taken us there in spirit, thoughts, dreams and desires.

As I reflect on all that I saw, experienced, felt and lived I can say without hesitation one undeniable truth: Africa feels like home.

Y'all, I'm ready to go home.

Guinea-Bissau Video

Here's a 9ish minute video I made that barely scratches the dirt off our trip to Guinea-Bissau, West Africa. I hope to begin a series of posts outlining the trip, with details, soon. Seriously.

Guinea-Bissau April 2011 from The Beaver Bunch on Vimeo.

Just as I suspected

Africa






is





BEAUTIFUL







just


(photo credit to my friend Wendi)



as I







suspected.

Ordinary

I know that what I'm about to say is not really going to shock any of you. But I have something I want to tell you. Lean in real close, okay?

Ready?

I'm ordinary.

Yep. Just an ordinary girl, who loves the Lord, her husband and her half a dozen crazy kids.

Nothing special. Certainly NOT a "Super-Mom" and definitely NOT a Saint. Despite what people say, I don't have a more-direct-than-you line to God. In fact, there are still days that I don't even open my Bible. Thankfully, those days are becoming fewer and fewer, but they still exist.

I'm not perfect, I think bad thoughts, I say bad things, I DO bad things. Sometimes, when the phone rings, I look at who's calling, roll my eyes then hit "Silent."

I know. Terrible isn't it?

I'm normal. Just because we adopted kids doesn't make us "Mega-Parents." Just because we desire to be Missionaries doesn't mean we are perfect. And while I do believe that we are to be held to a higher standard because of our roles within in the church and our desires to lead people to the feet of Christ, we are still sinners desperate for the grace and forgiveness that the Lord has to offer.

Wanna know what else? I'm scared.

Truth is, I'm a little worried I'm going to have a panic attack on Thursday morning. Just thinking about kissing my man and my kids good-bye for 11 days makes my heart pound, my eyes well up with tears and my breathing become more rapid.

I'm afraid. The enemy takes advantage of my fears and whispers lies to me,

"What will happen to them if you never come home?"

"No good mother would leave her kids and go half way around the world."

"What if they get sick or hurt and you're not here?"

"What if something serious happens and you never even know about it?"

"If you die, will they ever even remember you?"

Just typing those things out has made me short of breath. Truthfully though, I have two choices.

1) I can allow that fear to grip me, paralyze me both spiritually and physically and ruin my preparations over the next two days. I can cave to the attacks of the enemy, who knows how to prey on me in the most vulnerable areas of my life, and melt into a puddle of tears and fear.

OR

2) I can believe that God is sovereign and no matter what happens over the next 2 weeks, HE IS IN CONTROL.

I'm choosing Option #2. And I'm reminding myself of Option #2 moment by moment.

And I'm clinging to Psalm 56:3-4

When I am afraid,
I put my trust in you.
In God, whose word I praise,
in God I trust; I shall not be afraid.
What can flesh do to me?

And also Romans 8:31

What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?

I believe that Christ is worth it. Worth everything that I have. Christ is worth leaving my husband and children for 11 days and traveling to a country with no power grid. A country that runs solely on generators. A country that is listed as one of the poorest in the world. This trip aligns with Scripture, so I know that God is for these things. I believe that He is worth everything that I have.

I believe Acts 1:8 was written for me, and for YOU. I believe that Guinea-Bissau is the ends of the Earth. I believe that God is preparing the hearts of the Badyara people in Canquelifa, Guinea-Bissau to hear about the Best Thing that's ever happened on this Earth.

I believe that the Lord will have His hand on my family and whatever happens, it is FOR HIS GLORY. I believe that I will step onto a plane on Thursday not fully understanding what He intends to show me. I believe that I will return as a changed woman. How could I walk with God and remain the same?

I'm a small town, southern girl who lives in an ordinary house and lives an ordinary life. I'm not any more special than anyone else. Just an ordinary girl serving an amazing, anything-but-ordinary-God.

And I'm asking for your simple, heartfelt, BOLD and BIG prayers. Will you pray that my ordinary self (and the other ordinary people I'm traveling with) will be used in a way that will baffle the people around us?

Here's the basic outline of where our team will be and when. You can click over my sweet friend Wendi's blog for an outline of how to pray for our team.

Here's the outline of our schedule:

Depart April 7, 2011: (I'm leaving out specifics on our departure and return times and layovers, because y'all, the internet creeps me out.) Just know we leave about Noonish.

April 9th, 2011: After a whole DAY of a layover in a our connecting city, we arrive in Guinea-Bissau verrrry early in the morning Guinea-Bissau time. Load up all our luggage and supplies and drive for THREE HOURS on a bumpy, horrible road in a vehicle that's probably not suited for 6 people and their luggage. I'd love for you to pray that NONE of us get carsick.

We spend a full day on April 9th with some Missionaries who live in Eastern GB.

April 10, 2011: Travel to the village of Canquelifa, Guinea-Bissau (Again, another hot, cramped, lengthy, bumpy car ride.) Click here to see the best detailed map I could find of GB. Canquelifa is up there in the top, right hand corner of the country. I have a feeling that the village of Canquelifa is going to give this country girl a whole new perspective of "living in the sticks."

April 11 - 15, 2011: Team will begin door-to-door (or hut-to-hut) evangelism in the mornings. Most of the people of GB are animistic or believe in folk Islam. Please pray specifically that the Lord would soften the hearts of the people so that they can hear that what we are saying is TRUTH. In the evenings, we will show a series of films in an effort to disciple the few believers that are in the village. Please pray for the team members as we attempt to disciple believers through an interpreter.

April 16, 2011 - Another hot, bumpy, lengthy car ride (over 5 hours worth total).

April 17 - 18, 2011 - Travel home, arriving in the evening on the 18th.

Thank you for praying for myself, Wendi, another stay-at-home mom named "L" and two gentlemen ("I" and "V") who are seasoned travelers to Guinea-Bissau.

And thank you for praying for our families as they live life here at home. You guys are awesome.

I can't wait to tell you all about what God has done and continues to do in Guinea-Bissau! Talk at you in a couple weeks.