Overwhelmed

Lately, life seems really overwhelming.

There seems to be so much to do and just not enough hours in the day. There are so many things in our lives that are worthwhile, good and even purposeful that seem like heaping spoonfuls on our already full plate.

I am not a planner by nature, which may surprise some of you who only vaguely know me. Someone asked me last week, when they found out we were expecting our 7th child, "Are you just the most organized person ever?"

Uh. Notsomuch.

Our house is hardly ever clean, certainly not to the standard of the majority of my friends and yet, it really doesn't bug me too much. I don't really care if people come over and there's laundry on the couch. I figure if they have an issue with it, they can fold it. :)

However, the overwhelmedness I feel lately comes from things more deeply rooted than a disorganized house (but that is adding to the feeling, I'm sure, since we've been home from the beach since Friday and I've yet to unpack any of us).

I feel as though the Lord has called me in so many different directions and truly, I'm having a hard time juggling all of it.

Homeschooling
Student Ministry
Discipling our Children
Bible Studies
Preparing for life as International Missionaries
Loving on hurting people around us
Being a good, devoted, loving friend
Being a loving, devoted and self-less wife
Mothering our brood of kids with love and compassion

I could keep going, but you get the idea. Each of the things listed above has several different components and each of those vary in complexities.

Here's what our week looks like this week (after taking a week off of school last week for the beach - so taking another week off doesn't feel like an option)

Monday - "normal" day of Homeschooling, cleaning the house, making breakfast, lunch and dinner, doing some unpacking, spending time with the little kids rather than just shooing them off while we school and Women's Bible Study from 7-9pm

Tuesday - Ella has a dermatology appointment in the morning for a weird spot on her leg then the same as Monday in the afternoon with school, meals, family time, housekeeping, etc.

Wednesday - Parent's Day Out at our church from 10-2 (Yipee! I debated skipping it, knowing what our week looked like but the kids LOVE it and so do I.) Then school in the afternoon, housekeeping, meals, etc.

Thursday - Older 3 have check ups at the Doctor in the morning (Usually we have Community Bible Study from 9-11am but I made these appointments, forgetting that it was a Thursday) then school in the afternoon. Piano for the older 3 from 5-6 and Elizabeth has soccer practice from 6-7. Somewhere in there we need to finish up the school work we've not completed so far this week and of course I have meals to make, laundry, housekeeping, etc.

Friday - "normal" school day, much like Monday. Luke's men's Bible Study is in the mornings and he has a Daddy Breakfast Date with one of the kids before he heads into work.

Again, this is MY schedule and about 99% of the time something happens (someone has an issue with poop or my "morning" sickness rears its ugly head) that throws my whole schedule out of the window.

Add to the above routine preparation for a lesson for our small group of Teenagers for Sunday Nights, trying to spend time in the Word for my own sanity, trying to knock items off our checklist for Africa Inland Mission, which currently looks like this:

That's just a excerpt of the list. It goes to 56 items. And as we draw closer to our departure date of July 2012, the items become more frequent and more pressing. See all that stuff due ASAP that we've not done? Overwhelmed.


I'm dealing with emotions with personal relationships, conflicts and the thoughts of having to tell people we love things they do not want to hear. It's hard juggling it all and trying to maintain some resemblance of normal.

We also have Bible Requirements to complete and books to read and an Outbound Training Program to complete where we meet with a Facilitator every few weeks. We SHOULD be meeting weekly with potential supporters and trying to speak with Sunday School Classes and/or Churches on Sundays. (Want us to come talk to you?)

And somewhere in all that madness we're suppose to be training, teaching, discipling and loving on our kids like a normal family who is NOT leaving in 10 months. We're mentally trying to prepare for a baby due in March of 2012 while also mentally preparing to leave the country for 4 years just 4 short months after we welcome Baby #7.

What do we sell? What do we keep? How in the heck do I get everything done and not lose my mind?

If I stand back and look at the big picture I just want to sit and cry. So I tell myself to take one day at a time. Deep breaths and baby steps to the end goal, right?

But truthfully, there are days that I MUST step back and look at the big picture or else I'll never get all of it done. The non-planner in me wants to make lists and list and lists because that's what I do when I'm stressed and overwhelmed, I make lists.

But there's not really anything list, sadly. It all just sort of hangs out there in the distance, waiting on me to arrive with little or nothing to offer.

I've tried to prioritize my days by things that MUST get done, things that SHOULD get done and things I WANT to get done. It helps but the things that make our house function day to day have no impact on the long-term things that will eventually move to the MUST category. And by the time they arrive, it will be too late and we'll me more overwhelmed than we are now.

I'm emotional. Probably because I'm pregnant because I'm not a weepy person by nature, but most days now, I want cry. I want to walk away from the callings God has placed before me, throw my hands up and say, "I quit!"

But I think that's just what the enemy wants me to do. He wants me to quit. And I refuse. I refuse to turn from the things that God has called us to. I refuse to close my eyes and pretend that it's not all pressing on me at once. I refuse to turn from God as my only source of strength.

But the fact remains that I'm overwhelmed. Just flat out overwhelmed. And I don't know what to do to fix it, which makes me even more overwhelmed.

So, what do you do when you're overwhelmed?

I've cherish your prayers and any chocolate you'd want to send my way. ;)