My Comfort, My Refuge, My Strength

Yesterday's doctor visit went well. The birth parents showed up (even though I selfishly prayed they would bail out). Luke and I sat, in a small waiting room in the back with his birth parents for almost an hour. During that time I felt such peace. I must thank each of you for praying for us, because I know it was those prayers that kept my heart from racing the entire hour (though it probably would have been good cardio, and I need to burn all of the calories I can). I know it was prayer that led me through the day yesterday. For that, I thank you.

I must say though, that quite a few of my friends have said that I am "special." Or that our family is "amazing." Please, please, please do not give us the credit. It is not on our own accord that we are being strong. It is not through our own initiative that we are finding peace. We are not anything special. Trust me on this one, it's ALL God.

If you look at us and see peace, turn your eyes to heaven and give God praise. If you listen to us with our kids and hear selflessness, turn your ears to God and give Him glory. If you think, for one second, that Luke and I have exponential love, turn your heart to Christ and feel His goodness. This is SO not a Luke & Jessica thing, but a God thing.

I am so weak, so anxious and so incredibly dependent. I have "nubbin" fingernails because I chew them on the regular. I take acid-reducer medicine on a consistent basis as to subside my ever churning stomach. However, since this entire foster parent process started I have felt peace. Sure I've had moments of anxiety, frustration and questions. But, for the most part, (and I would say that's about 98% of the time) I've felt PEACE. Unsurpassed peace. Peace that I cannot explain. I can only look to Christ as the source of my strength.

The song "Shout To the Lord" plays through my mind so much. So, I decided to search my favorite line of that song on BibleGateway.com (my absolute favorite Bible site). The part of the song that sticks out is "My Comfort, My Shelter, Tower of refuge and strength."

When I searched "tower of refuge," it came back with Psalm 61:2-3:

From the ends of the earth I call to you,

I call as my heart grows faint;

lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

For you have been my refuge,
a strong tower against the foe.

Sheer perfection. Precisely how I see myself. Letting go and trusting God with all of my questions has been quite a struggle. Each time I want to pick up the phone and call someone to get their opinion, God whispers once more, I'm enough, remember? He is my refuge, He is my strong tower when my heart grows faint.

So please, if you pass us in the store, see us in the halls at church or if we even come to mind, please give God all the glory. Although it's humbling and flattering to hear of others praising you, we truly can't take any credit. God has totally taken over this situation and brought us more peace than we could ever imagine. It is not our own, it is purely Him.

Shout To the Lord
(click the title listen, I like the Skillet version best)

My Jesus, My Savior,
Lord there is none like You.
All of my days,
I want to praise,
The wonders of Your mighty love.
My Comfort, my Shelter
Tower of refuge and strength.
Let every breath, all that I am,
Never cease to worship You.

Shout to the Lord,
All the Earth let us sing.
Power and majesty
Praise to the King.
Mountains bow down
And the seas will roar
At the sound of Your name.
I sing for joy at the work of Your hands.
Forever I'll love You, forever I'll stand
Nothing compares
To the promise I have in You.