When I hold him and smell his head, he is mine.
When I feed him and snuggle his nose, he is mine.
When I take 25 pictures just so I can get 1 of his precious smile, he is mine.
When I watch him sleeping in my arms, he is mine.
When my mind drifts off to the place where I think about my kids and how I would save them should something crazy happen in our house, he is mine.
When he cries and no one can comfort him but me, he is mine.
When he smiles and coos and gives me the biggest grin ever, he is mine.
When I'm tired and frustrated because I cannot wash the dishes or sweep the floor because he wants to be held, he is mine.
When he feels warm to my touch and I worry about him being sick, he is mine.
When I hear him crying because he's hungry but I can't stop the car to feed him, he is mine.
When I hold him close, just to feel his chest rise and fall and see his sleepy smirks, he is mine.
Yet...
When the social worker comes in the morning to take him for a visit it stings and I am reminded, he is hers.
When I sit in court and watch her show pictures of him to all of the social workers it stings and I am reminded, he is hers.
When we sit in an agency review and she holds my son it stings and I am reminded, he is hers.
When I hear the judge and every attorney in the room recommend reunification as the best plan for this family it stings and I am reminded, he is hers.
When the phone rings and I hear the voice of the GAL/social worker/etc. on the other end of the line it stings and I am reminded, he is hers.
Through it all...
When no one else can comfort me and I feel like giving up, He is there.
When I hold this precious boy and cuddle him praying for them to let him go, He is there.
When I hurt so bad knowing that they don't care enough to fight for him, He is there.
When I think about all the things that will unfold and the promises I've already heard, He is there.
When all else fades and I stop and remember that all of my children are really on loan, He is there.
He is always there.
When he grows up and leaves , He is God's
ReplyDeleteWhen he rebels and walks away, He is God's
When he is so far away from you like a prodigal son, He is God's
WHen no one can reach him, touch him, get through to him, or affect him, He is God's
When he leaves home and you don't know if he'll return or if wherever he is going will give him love, He is God's.
When all you can do is pray, He is God's
When you dream about his future and desire the best, you realize that even with your best hopes for him, they still can't compare with what the Father has planned for him, he is God's
And when he runs to you to say, "I asked Jesus in my heart", He most assuredly is God's.
And there will never be a time when he won't be God's! He may not always have the same address and compassionate surroundings, but he will always be God's.
No fair making me cry...
ReplyDeleteLindy put it perfectly!
ReplyDeleteI am still trying to see the 'pure joy' during my many dramas. Maybe that is why I have so much drama.-God keeps giving me chance after chance to consider it a 'pure joy'-OUCH!
Okay, back to you. From the outside looking in, I have seen drastic changes in you. You are growing so much spiritually.-Mandy
We do tend to think in terms of our kids belonging to us. I mean after all they did come from my body. But when I think of ones such as Baby D, Sierra, and others, and the fight that goes into obtaining them, I wonder how those ties bind. I mean there was certainly no struggle in obtaining, so to speak, Cody and Macie. I love them incredibly and would give my life for them. But for those who have to work hard to obtain a child, is it possible that there is a different level of connection? Yes, you know that every child, regardless of their beginnings is God's. But oh how you are fighting for who God has given you. He is God's and nothing will ever change that. Maybe this is God's example of how Jesus fought for you, to the death. Maybe that's why you have been able to grow so much spiritually as Mandy said. You have been able to see a glimpse of the fight that was made for you. You will win regardless of what happens with Baby D. You have already won b/c you have given him what his biological parents couldn't. There is a child who has recieved unconditional love, mercy, and grace, just as you recieved from the Father. You have provided an environment where this child could thrive and mature easily, without hindrance. You are his hero. And you are both God's.
ReplyDelete