Random Rantings

I don't really have a specific thing on my mind, as I usually do when I post. However, I feel the need to write so I apologize in advance it this is all over the place.

First of all, today HAS NOT been a great day so far (yes, it's just 1:36pm and I'm saying that). Apparently, all 3 of the big kids woke up on the wrong side of the bed. On the way to gymnastics (it's at 11am) I had to pull the car over to discipline Lucas. He was screaming at the top of his lungs at Ashlee because she had her fingers in her mouth. Yes, I know, I don't get it either.

Then, I clearly set myself up for disappointment. Earlier in the week I emailed with our social worker because I feel that Baby D's parents are not being held accountable enough. He has been in care almost 3 months and they have not been "tested" regarding the main reason he was removed from care. As you know, I cannot go into detail, but I hope you catch my drift. The social worker told me, via email, that she planned on going to their house today during the visit (the visits are supervised by another social worker, so I don't believe that the regular social worker has seen them with the baby yet). Of course, I got my hopes up that maybe, just maybe, she was visiting them so that they could sign some paperwork. When the transportation social worker dropped Baby D off this morning, she told me that they all (her and birth parents as well as Baby D) had went to W@l-mart to get Baby D's pictures taken.

I almost threw up. So, these people have no income, no work ethic regarding the work it takes to get their baby back, but they can go to the photographer and "play family." UUUUUUUGGGGGHHHH!!!! I can feel my blood pressure rising as I type this. I get so angry at them.

I must keep reminding myself Who is in control. It's not me, it's not Baby D's birth parents. It's not even the social workers. It is Him, my God who created clarity, justice, reason and love.

I love BibleGateway.com because I can think of the scripture I've heard before (but have no clue as the reference) go to the search tool and find exactly what I'm looking for. In this case, here's what I found:

Righteousness and justice are the foundation of your throne;
love and faithfulness go before you.
~Psalm 89:14

I suggest reading all of Psalm 89 if you'd like to know more about God's nature.

I know that what is just and true and promised will come out of this situation, but I'm so impatient and, quite honestly, bitter. I pray that God will provide me with a heart of peace, grace and mercy and one that understands that it is the journey that grows my heart, not the end result. I think I need a good run.

Then I realized that my heart was bitter, and I was all torn up inside.
I was so foolish and ignorant—
I must have seemed like a senseless animal to you.
Yet I still belong to you; you hold my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny.
Whom have I in heaven but you?
I desire you more than anything on earth.
My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak,
but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever.
~Psalm 73:21-26 (emphasis mine)