Like Dandelion Dust

It's been a long time since I've blogged about fostering and adoption. Basically because we are finished with our fostering days in this house (our state has a 5 kid limit on foster homes - clearly we exceed that) and pending adoptions in our house are now final.

We are still waiting on a birth certificate and new social security card for Olivia but otherwise, she's legal in every sense of the word. In fact, it rarely ever occurs to me that Aaron and Olivia are adopted. At least until we are in public with all the kids and Olivia's adoption is obvious.

Like just today while I was loading all the kids into the van and a man who'd been sitting beside us in Chick-fil-A (where we'd just, chaotically, eaten) approached me and asked me where we adopted Olivia from. He was sincere in his questioning and it wasn't meant to be ugly or disrespectful, as sometimes people can be. When I shared with him that both Olivia and Aaron had been adopted as foster children, he said he figured as such (how, I'm not sure) and then shared with me that his own single, adult daughter was beginning the process to become a foster parent. In fact, he shared, his daughter was adopted at 4 days old.

Last night Luke and I finished watching Like Dandelion Dust. Certainly, that's the hardest we've both cried over a movie in a long, long time. I dreamed last night about our adoptions and remembered the turmoil I felt with each passing courtdate and each visit that went less than desirable.

I am watching a dear friend of mine walk through this season of fostering. Watching her heart break as birth parents are given chance after chance after chance, often when it feels as if they've been given too many chances already. How my heart aches for her and longs to tell her that it will all be okay. But people told me that stuff too and it was hard for me to hear it as well.

One thing that the movie made me realize, all over again, is that I'm very quick to vilify birth parents.

If they don't make enough of an effort? My conclusion is that they can't possibly love their child enough.

If they don't show up for visits? My conclusion is that they can't possibly make enough time for their child.

If they can't stop using the substances that made their child come into care in the first place? My conclusion is that they are so entangled in their sin that they could never show their child the glory of God.

Of course, I'd never say those things outloud (well, except for now) but the truth is I judged the birth parents of our adopted children then and in many ways, I still do. I judge them for who they aren't and the fact that they don't meet my expectations of what a parent should be for their kids. I judge them because, more than likely, they've not changed their ways.

I fully expected myself to hate Rip (the birth father) at the end of the movie. But my feelings were caught off guard and by the end, I had so much sympathy for him. Sure I was pissed that he had the audacity to take back a son that had never known him as a father, to tear a child away from the only home he'd ever known. But I kept thinking, he's not evil. He's not a villain. He just wants his boy, a boy he's never known.

And the truth is, I'm no better than the birth parents in the movie or the birth parents of Aaron or Olivia. Sure, they've made mistakes. But, hello, I live with myself every day and I know just how much I mess up. And while I'm busy heaping judgement on birth parents of my children (and of other children I know living in the foster care system or children who've been adopted) I need to step back and realize that I'm not perfect either. I don't always make enough effort. I am often so wrapped up in my own idols (substances) that I neglect my kids in some area. God convicts me of areas I need to change and, often, I refuse to make the changes.

I am so entangled in my own sin, that my children may struggle to see the glory of God because of ME.

That's a hard pill to swallow, that big 'ol pill of self-righteousness.

I'm not going to spoil the end of the movie, in case you've not seen it and want to watch, but I will tell you that I cried more in the last 10 minutes than I did throughout the rest of the movie. And, I cried a lot throughout the movie. In fact, Luke and I got started watching it late on Tuesday night and my mean 'ol husband (knowing what was best for me and that I needed sleep) made us pause it about 35 minutes in and watch the rest last night. I cried myself to sleep on Tuesday night, thinking about what I would do if social services showed up at our house and told me that there'd been an issue with Aaron or Olivia's adoption and the birth parents wanted them back.

I'll close by telling you this story. I know a woman who traveled the same journey of fostering and adoption as we did. In fact, their journey was nearly step-by-step the same as ours with Olivia. After the final court hearing where their son's birth parent's rights were completely terminated this woman, who I am blessed to call a close friend, stood outside the courthouse, wrapped her arms around her son's birth mother and cried with her. She told that mother of her desperate need for Jesus. She told her that Jesus could change her life.

A few months ago, that birth mother died, never knowing the transforming power of Christ. However, my friend cannot ever stand before the Lord and say that she didn't share the truth. Though she herself is flawed, and is the first to admit such, she knows that apart from Christ her life looks no different that that of an addiction controlled, effort lacking, glory of God hiding woman whose children have been taken from her.

She reminds me that when I look in the mirror, I too see a birth mother struggling with the tightening tentacles of sin and that judgement is just a reflection away.

A Marvelous, Ordinary Miracle

I believe that God still performs miracles, just like He has done since the first day of Creation. Unfortunately, we often mask His miracles by calling them coincidences or give all the credit to medicine or even the inexplicable.

But you all already know that I don't believe in coincidences.

So I guess it's no coincidence that I was blessed beyond my understanding to be able to photograph some of the sweetest, most humble people I know. In fact in photographing them, I got to record for them a miracle. A God breathed, completely surprising, off the charts MIRACLE.

Let me explain a little more. Almost a year ago, my sweet friend Lindy and I were preparing for the birth of Ella Joy. At the time we didn't know it was Ella but you know what I mean. And when I say "Lindy and I" I mean that Lindy and Chris were home from Kenya (were they serve as missionaries) and I had invited Lindy to be in the delivery room with us when the "baby" was born. Why?

Well, for only reasons known to God, everyone (including Lindy herself) thought that Lindy would never get to experience the miracle of birth first hand. We all thought, Lindy included, that witnessing the birth of our 6th child might be the closest she'd get to a delivery of someone that she loves. I was beyond honored to have her share this experience with us. Truthfully, honored doesn't begin to describe how I felt having her in that delivery room. I don't know that I've ever told Lindy this, but I think I will always cherish Ella's birth in an extra special way just because I got to share it with her.

(Lindy, Ella (just hours old) and a very swollen Me)

You see, from the time we became friends Lindy and I have shared a special bond. It's something beyond what I can explain, especially here on a blog, but once I began to know Lindy I was drawn to her with a deepness that my heart could not understand. I loved her so deeply and I knew from early on that our physical time together would be limited. Chris and Lindy left for Kenya just days after Aaron was placed in our home. Before that, our friendship had only boasted a mere year or two in length.

For reasons that we can only attribute to the Lord, we both believe that God has knit our hearts together in a special way. How else can you explain a friendship that deepens with each passing day yet is separated by 8,000+ miles?

So the last time Chris and Lindy were in the US, I had the privilege of sharing with her one of the most life changing events a woman can experience. Childbirth.

For all either of us knew, Lindy would not experience such a thing again. And with their impending adoption from Rwanda on the horizon, it was uncertain when they'd grace American soil again. Afterall, it was expected that by today's date, they'd be months away from meeting their newly adopted child(ren) and they'd be settling in to life at home in Kenya with one or two precious babies.

However, in the fall of last year Chris and Lindy shared with us devastating news. Their adoption from Rwanda had fallen through. This was the second time that they were on pace to adopt children and the second time that it had crumbled in their hands. These two blows to their already tender hearts was tough. Friends and family here in the US wept and prayed for them, knowing that their hearts were breaking and their arms were longing to meet their children.

It was hard to see God working as we processed why these two people, who will no doubt bring honor and glory to the name of the Father as they raise their own children, were not able to bring their babies home.

Several months back, I was skyping with Lindy and she kept complaining of a stomach virus. I thought little about it because, honestly, she lives in Africa. But the stomach virus continued and, as it turns out it wasn't a virus at all. I wondered if she had a parasite, since she'd gotten one early on in their time in Kenya. Turns out, she did!

A beautiful, glorious, energy-sucking, strong heartbeat having, God knit parasite growing right in her womb!!

God is a god of MIRACLES. He loves nothing more that to bless His children with the unthinkable joys that only His heart can create.

A year is a long time, no doubt. But I can hardly believe that a year ago this month my own abdomen was so swollen with child I could hardly move. A year ago today we all believed that Lindy and Chris were months away from returning to Kenya and proceeding with a Rwandan adoption. We all believed that God had chosen another path for them that didn't include pregnancy.

Today we believe that God is a god of miracles. He's not a god who performed miracles 2,000+ years ago and then quit. He's not a god who has changed and stopped doing the things He's said He'd do.

Nope.

He's a God if overwhelming, completely unexpected, totally mind-blowing MIRACLES! He was then and He is today, and in June He'll be a miracle delivering God all over again!

I am so excited to see what God has in store for this sweet baby growing in Lindy's womb. I have no doubt that he will be told of Christ soon and often. He will be raised to be a warrior who boldly proclaims the name of the King and who has parents who fear, love and serve the Lord with their whole hearts.

Please join me in praying for Lindy, Chris and Baby T as they spend a month here with family and friends, then return to Kenya to prepare for the birth.

Thank you Lord for this amazing miracle that we all are getting to witness. Praise you Father for working while we all have such little faith! Thank you God for this marvelous, ordinary miracle.

(Click here to see the Lindy's whole set of maternity photos.)

A's to your Holly's Q's (Also known as FAQs)

We had another amazing discipleship weekend (d*weekend) with our students as I watched teenage girls serve others selflessly, like never before. But, more on that later.

For now, I want to answer some of the questions left in the comments of my Q & A post.

And Noah. Babies are made when husbands don't take care of the dirty dishes and unfolded laundry.

Thank goodness Holly had a laundry list (badoomching) of questions or else my self esteem would have been shot. Heh. Just kidding. Sorta.

Here are Holly's questions for any of you who A) Care or B) Want to know the same.

Most of Holly's questions are also common Frequently Asked Questions that we receive.

Questions #1 was: What will happen to your home there and your cars and such- do you sell everything you can't take with you or does a lot go into storage while you rent your home out?

Actually, March 1st marked one year that we've been living in a rental house. We sold our house last year when we felt the Lord asking us to be completely debt free and ready to go when he said "Go." Thing was, I was 10 months pregnant and just a week away from my due date and we really didn't think Missions was anywhere on the horizon. It's a really cool story how God brought Africa back to the forefront of our minds. I should probably blog about it.

As for our stuff. Well, we will probably keep only the bare basics. The beds and dressers will probably be put into storage, somewhere. Most of them are pieces of furniture we inherited from Luke's grandfather, so they hold quite a bit of sentimental value. We'll probably also keep some of our "keepsakes" like pictures, jewelry and other stuff like that in storage as well. Everything else that won't fit into 12 large suitcases (and weigh less than 50 lbs) will be sold! Including our vehicles. Shipping anything to Kenya is just too costly.

Question #2: How long of a commitment are you and Luke making to serve in Africa?

Right now we are looking at a 4 year commitment. Of course, God's plans can change that but we feel it would be a waste of resources to go for less than 3 years. And, our first 6-12 months in Kenya will be spent learning Swahili. So, we figure why not just go for a whole 4 years? After 4 years, Africa Inland Mission (our sending organization) will require us to come back for one full year. We'll visit our families, go on vacation, see our supporters and just spend a year recharging our batteries. Or, we could spend 4 years on the field and decide we are done and just come home for good. We're not sure exactly what the Lord has planned!

Question #3: Will you homeschool your kiddos there?

Yep. That's the plan.

Question #4: What will your role be there other than to take care of your children and home?

What will Luke's role look like?

My role will be very similar to my role here in the US. I'll be the manager of our home, the teacher of our children and probably manage most of our household and ministry paperwork (at least the ministry portions that AIM doesn't handle for us, like newsletters and maintaining contact with our supporters). I am SO VERY excited that I will have house help! I look at having house help as my main area of ministry (outside of my family). AIM encourages us to receive house help as it boosts the local economy and also provides stay at home Mom's with a resource and confidant in the community.

Luke's role will be basic church planting duties. He will build relationships, hopefully harvest new believers, disciple them and then train up Kenyan leaders for their own church. How this looks in a tangible sense is still to be determined. We anticipate that there will be a very real, physical need that the Duruma and Digo people will have. Hopefully, we can build relationships with them by helping them to meet their physical needs.

If we've learned anything through this process though, it's that what we have in mind is hardly ever God's plans and to truly maintain a spirit of service to Him, we need to be flexible and meet Him where He is already working! I'm excited to see what God will reveal to us once we are on the ground in Kenya.

Question #5: Will you have medical insurance or is it a pay as you need kinda thing? Is there a good medical facility nearby? (thinking of my own kiddos with medical concerns)

Our medical insurance is paid by AIM as part of the monthly support we raise. It's international insurance so it's good at pretty much any medical facility in the world. We will be about 8 hours (by car) from Nairobi which has a couple of decent hospitals.

Question #6: Will you go through language training before you go or is it an on the job learn as you go sorta thing?

One thing that I loved most about AIM is the pre-field and on-field training they provide for us. When we leave (in July 2012) we will meet up in Kenya with every other new missionary family going onto the field with Africa Inland Mission (they have 10 sending regions - US, Canada, Brazil, Europe, South Africa, Australia, Hong Kong, Korea, Netherland and New Zeland). Every missionary going into Africa with AIM in July 2012 will meet just outside of Nairobi, Kenya.

There will have approximately 3 weeks of Africa Based Orientation (ABO). At ABO we will learn basic and general ideas and practices of African culture. I've heard this ABO is rich and very vital to sustaining yourself in African culture.

After that, we will all disperse to our specific ministry sites. Since ours also happens to be in Kenya, we will travel to Southern Kenya and spend 1-3 weeks in a home with an African family. Yes, our WHOLE FAMILY will live with an African family. Yikes! After those 1-3 weeks, we will then move into our own home. For the next 6-12 months we will spend 3-4 mornings a week working with a tutor/translator learning the language. We will be using the LAMP (Language Acquisition Made Practical) method of language learning. From what I understand we will record specific phrases onto a recorder then go practice those phrases in the markets and with other Kenyans. This will surely be a season that will stretch us!

Question #7: What are you most nervous about in regards to leaving the country and continent?

Honestly, there is so much I have anxiety about that I don't know that I can pinpoint just one thing. We are going to an area that has seasons with high cases of malaria. That worries me.

I will not have the convenience of a grocery store or Walmart, so that means just about everything will be made from scratch. Even bread. I'll have to boil our milk, our water and figure out how to safely wash our produce because tap water is contaminated.

Pretty much everything about living life will become more difficult and I have anxiety about adjusting to it all and having 6 kids adjust to it all at the same time. I wonder if we will be able to find trustworthy house help and/or how many times we will have to fire someone who is being dishonest or untrustworthy.

So, there's a lot I worry about if I dwell on it. But I know that God is bigger than those circumstances and He has called us to this place. I must trust that He will take care of details and when disappointments come, He will sustain us. No one said life as a believer is Christ was all rainbows and unicorns, right?

Question #8: What are you most excited about?

Again, I think there are too many things to list! I'm so excited that our kids will grow up bilingual! I'm excited to see the first of the Duruma or Digo people come to Christ! I'm excited to be IN THE WILL OF GOD! I am so looking forward to how God will confirm that He has led us there and I'll be able to be in the presence of the sweet, intoxicating, addicting aroma of Christ. I think the latter is what I am most excited about. Because I have found that when you are living life in obedience to God, living within His will for your life, His presence is almost intoxicating. It's addicting and He lavishes Himself upon us. I CAN'T WAIT FOR THAT. And I love that He gives me glimpses of that now.

Question #9: Do you have pets? Will they go or stay?

We do have pets. We have an undefined number of fish (because those suckers hide) and a sweet, adorable, totally amazing and lovable Golden Retriever named Brinkley (no, not after that movie). She's the best dog in the entire world and is so patient, kind and loving with our kids.

I think I will sob when we leave her. Unfortunately, I don't think she could make the move and even if she could, I doubt I could stomach the cost of getting her there. I'm hoping that some dear friends of ours who have several children (one of which adores Brinkley) will ask if they can be her new family.

I've heard that people who deny their children the privilege of adopting sweet and innocent Golden Retrievers (that their children already adore and love) end up having triplets. But maybe that's just a rumor. Wanna chance that, Noah? ;)

Ella Joy at 11 months

One year ago today I was enormously pregnant with our 6th child. We didn't know the baby's gender and it was a whirlwind time in our life. We were in the final stages of closing on the home we owned. We had been in the rental home (the one we currently live in) for just 7 days, as we anticipated the closing of the other house any day (which didn't end up happening until 3 days after Ella was born).

Life was crazy. I was hugely, grossly pregnant and it being my 3rd pregnancy I never thought I'd make it to see my due date and still be with child. Little did I know that God's plans were for me to carry Ella for another 2 weeks. As I watch my sweet friend Britt creep up on her own due date, it brings back floods of memories from where I was at this exact time last year.

Our sweet Ella Joy is just over 11 months old and I cannot believe how quickly those months have flown by. It seems like just yesterday we were bringing her home from the hospital or feeding her cereal for the first time or watching her roll over for the first time.

She is truly the most content, happy baby I've ever been around. I know I say that every month, but it's true. She smiles and laughs and talks all the time. And she just loves being in the mix of her older brothers and sisters.

She tolerates their hugs and kisses well, only shrieking her displeasure when she's really had too much.

When I go into her bedroom in the mornings, she crawls as hard as she can to the end of the bed and pulls up, squealing with delight. I just love kissing her plump, round cheeks. It never fails that I smooch one side and she turns her head so that I can smooch the other.

She's great at being on the go and doing things that require her to spend a lot of time on someone's lap. A few weeks ago we went to the Train Station. It was a long afternoon and as the trip spilled over into nap time, I was sure she would get so fussy that we'd have to head home early.

Instead, she sat on Luke's lap and before long was snoozing.

Even with squeals and laughter and train horns blaring she slept, completely content that the world was passing by.


She's completely weaned herself which just breaks my heart. I hope that I never forget the blessing of the last time the Lord let me nurse her. It was the night before I was scheduled to get my travel vaccines for my Guinea-Bissau trip. Ella had been sleeping through the night for quite some time and her daytime nursing sessions were minimal at best. For whatever reason (the Holy Spirit!) she woke up the in the middle of the night and refused a bottle. All she wanted was to nurse. I rocked and nursed her and treasured every, single second knowing that the next day I would voluntarily vaccinate myself with live viruses that could be passed through breastmilk. I rocked and nursed and prayed prayers of thanksgiving to God for giving me this one, final night of sweet silence with my baby girl.


It's no wonder Ella doesn't want to nurse anymore because she barely wants to sit still. She crawls at top speed to get into the same room with the other kids to see what they are doing and how she can be in the middle of it. Her sweet little laughter is infectious and her smiles are something that everyone in the family bids for.

She's not walking yet, but I anticipate it any day now. She pulls up on anything that will hold still and often lets go and stands on her own for several seconds at a time. Her little personality is beginning to show much more clearly and I can already tell she's going to be a mixture of all of her sisters' personalities. She adores being the center of attention, just like Olivia. She loves laughter and physical touch, like Ashlee. And she's tenderhearted like Elizabeth.

Our sweet Ellagoat. We all just adore and love her so very, very much. Happy (belated) 11 months sweet girl! I'm so excited to see what the Lord is going to do with your life!

Ask me anything: Q & A Style

I got Dr. Dobson's book from one of my friends. It's actually a 2-for-1 version with one of his other parenting books thrown in the mix. It's pretty thick, so I think I'm going to save it and read it on the plane on the way to Guinea-Bissau. (Kristle, if I lose your book in Africa, are we still friends?)

I appreciate your encouragement and suggestions on my post about dealing with my Strong Willed Child. The last few days have been better, and last night he threatened to not eat dinner (because there were - *GASP*- green beans mixed into his chicken and rice!) but after Luke told him "this is dinner" and he'd eat if for breakfast if he didn't taste it, he ATE HIS FOOD. Granted, he picked around every single green bean in his bowl, but whatever. I'm totally counting that as a victory because OHMYWORD THE GREEN BEANS WERE TOUCHING, TOUCHING THE CHICKEN AND RICE yet he still ate them. (Score one for the parents!)

Of course all this was after he glared at me like I was insane for mixing our entire meal into one dish. The nerve of some women, huh? What kind of a person mixes foods together? Except for those pesky italians (lasagna) and mexicans (quesadillias) and chinese (um, stirfry) and BAPTISTS - with their casseroles!? Mercy, if eating green beans doesn't kill him, being a baptist will. At least when there's a potluck supper on Sunday nights. ;)

Anyway, I thought I'd do a little Question and Answer post. I've gotten several comments and questions about our family and upcoming ministry lately (some through comments, some via email and some on facebo0k) and so I thought I'd just throw it out there and see if any of YOU have questions.

Pretty much everything is game for questioning. If I think it's too personal or NUNYA, then I'll just skip it. Okay?

So here it is, ask whatever you want about our family, our beliefs, our ministry, our lifestyle, our kids, our home, our homeschooling, my blog, my hair, why I'm incredibly hilarious, why I hate anything that happens before 8am in the morning. ANYTHING!! Seriously.

Just put your question in the comments section or email it to me at beaverbunch (at) gmail (dot) com. If you'd like your question to be anonymous, just tell me so in the email.

I'll give you the whole weekend to post your questions and I'll try to answer them early next week.

I'll be busy all weekend because we are hosting/leading our FOURTH d*weekend this weekend. I am so FLIPPIN' excited to spend a weekend discipling teenage girls and worshipping with some of my closest friends! You can click here and here read about our previous d*weekends.

Happy Friday y'all!

To the ends of the Earth

One month from today, I'll be sitting on the verge of an experience that will surely change my life and give me glimpses as to what our future holds.

On April 7th, I will be traveling to the the West African country of Guinea-Bissau for an 11 day journey. I will be going with a team from our church that includes my dear friend Wendi, another young mother and two seasoned gentlemen who are very well versed in foreign travel and missions. Both of the men who are going have been to Guinea-Bissau several times. But for us young mothers, it will be each of our first time to Africa.

We will be going to work with a people group who, until our church committed to reaching them approximately 2 years ago, were a completely unreached. The Badyara people now boast approximately 50-100 believers in their 5,000-15,000 person population - which is spread across 3 main (and totally remote) villages. It's unclear exactly how many people belong to this specific tribe of people (hence the wide range in numbers), but it is known that they are considered only marginally reached.

Sound familiar? Yes, this is almost exactly what our family's ministry will be in Kenya. I know the Lord will reveal great things to me on this trip and I am both excited and nervous about what those things will be.

Our amazing babysitter/nanny Amanda will be here with the kids during the day, while Luke's at work so I know the children will be well cared for by someone that knows them and they love. But still, I'm anxious about leaving them for so long.

Truthfully, this wasn't one of those cases where I felt like the Lord was excessively clear in directing me to go. I attended the 1st information meeting about this trip and truly had so much hesitation in my Spirit. Really, I couldn't put my finger on a specific reason why I felt uneasy about going. I wrestled with the uneasiness within me. I believe fully that the Lord uses His Spirit within us to lead and direct us, even when the reasons aren't clear. So until I felt the hesitation was gone, I resolved that I wouldn't go on this trip.

After about a week of wrestling, I finally told Luke that I wasn't going to go. I told him I couldn't put a specific reason as to why, but that I just felt that now wasn't the time. I asked him what he thought and he said, "Well, I don't see any reason why going would be a bad thing. Since the Lord hasn't directly told you not to go, I think you should. Do you think your hesitation is rooted in your anxiety about leaving the kids? It would be a great learning experience for you, especially with what is to come with our family. Keep praying, I don't think the Lord has definitively spoken yet." (Praise God for a husband who is also in tune with God's desires!)

So I prayed and I continued studying Scripture. I talked about it more with my friend Wendi and I told her that if I still felt uneasy by the deposit deadline, I was going to take that as the Lord's desire for me not to go. She committed to praying for me as well. (Praise God for God-focused friends!)

That night, after talking with Wendi, I prayed and studied God's word. I asked God, BOLDLY, to give me a specific direction about whether or not He wanted me to go on this trip. Without hesitation, I felt the Lord stir these words within me,

"My Word is clear, Jessica. You know what my desires are. My desires are to make my Name known among all the nations. You know that my desire for your life is to be my witness to the ends of the Earth. This is the ends of the Earth, Jessica. These people don't know me. Tell them."

I cried as I sat there, knowing that every reason within me for having hesitation was not from the Lord. The enemy was using my desire for control, safety and comfort as a way to divert me from giving the Lord glory. I was also afraid of the backlash I'd face taking a trip like this.

Over the next day a peace that I cannot explain washed over me. The hesitation was completely extracted from my Spirit and I knew that this was the Lord's answer that I should go. So here I sit, approximately one month out and though I am eager to go I can't say that I am clap-my-hands-jump-up-and-down excited.

I'm eager to see what the Lord will show me during this trip and during this season of my dependence on Him. I AM excited about putting my feet on some African soil. And something in my Spirit feels certain that being physically on the continent that God has called us to serve will put me directly at the throne of my God. THAT I am excited about!

If you feel led, I'd love to have you pray for me as I prepare for this trip. Pray that I will stay consistent in studying God's word, that my prayer time will reflect my desire to hear from the Lord and that I will be emotionally and physically ready.

Guinea-Bissau has NO POWER GRID. Which means any and all power within the country is from generators. That also means I will have relatively no communication with my family, other than maybe a quick phone call or two.

A team from our church just returned a couple weeks ago and the temperatures reached 113 degrees Fahrenheit. (Our missions pastor said he measured 122 degrees on the roof of one of the buildings.) Those numbers will be mild compared to when we are there, the month before the hottest season of the year (May).

Also, pray for my family. Pray for our children as I talk with them about where I'm going and what I'll be doing. Elizabeth has gotten pretty upset because she isn't going with me. She told me she wanted to go and preach to people too. Such a tender heart she has! Pray for my husband as he prepares to spend a week with little-to-no contact with his wife, work all day and also come home to parent our children.

Lastly, here is a video a previous team member (and incredibly talented friend) made when he went back at the end of 2010. It's powerful. Make sure you have your speakers on.

Thanks friends!

Parenting a Strong Willed Child

Parenting a stubborn and strong willed child is interesting to say the least. I really thought Lucas was strong willed as a 2 year old. Little did I realize that God gave me Lucas as merely preparation for Aaron.

Before I launch into all of the difficulties that I face with my sweet 2 year old boy, I want to make one thing very clear. I love this boy of mine. Love him so much that if I dwell on it my insides ache. When he wraps his skinny little arms around my neck and asks for a "tiss" and "ug" my heart almost explodes. His laugh infects my soul and his smile brightens my days. I love him so much more than I ever thought possible. Nearly 3 years ago when the social workers walked him into our home, I never could have imagined how I would love him as my own flesh and blood. And now, it rarely crosses my mind that he's adopted. I cannot imagine our family without him. He's an integral part of what makes our family feel full of joy, life and love.

Earlier this morning, he sat on my lap and cuddled with me as we watched a movie for school. As I rubbed my lips and cheeks across his hair and smelled the top of his head, I thanked God for everyday that I get the privilege to be his Mom. I don't take it lightly that the Lord specifically chose me to be his Mother.

But the truth remains that he tests me on just about every level that a two (nearly 3) year old can. I've known he was strong willed since he was about 8 or 9 months old, when the temper tantrums began if I took a forbidden object from his pudgy fingers. They weren't your ordinary temper tantrums that a typical 8 or 9 month old would display. They lingered and lasted much longer than a baby of that age's memory should allow.

Potty training him has been a constant battle. I've said time and time again that I'm done with trying to break him of diapers. But, every few days he asks to go in the potty and every, single time I think, "Maybe this is it! Maybe he's ready!" So, we strip off the diaper, sit him on the toilet and battle begins.

"Okay Buddy, push out some pee pee and poo poo," I plead.

"No. I done. I go pay," he retorts, before his bottom has even rested firmly on the seat.

"But Bud, you've not even gone potty yet. You want a piece of candy? If you put your poo poo in the potty you can have a GREAT BIG piece of candy!" I try to not let the frustration well up within me as I hear his whining begin.

"No! I go pay!" His excitement with the potty turns to a furrowed frown as he looks at me with his chin nearly touching his chest.

"If you don't potty you can't wear your Thomas undies," I remind him. "You want to wear Thomas, don't you?"

"No! Put.on.my.diaper! I poop in my pants!"

And with those words, I'm done. Because how can I make him go poop in the potty if he understands that he can just go in his (requested) diaper? I've tried candy, TV, more Thomas stuff, everything I can think of to get him to go to the potty and still, NOTTA.

Unless it's on HIS terms.

And I wish it stopped there. Meal times are a battle. EVERY.SINGLE. meal time. He's not a picky eater, per say, but a defiant eater. One night he will dog down some mac and cheese and chicken nuggests. Two days later, he refuses to even take a bite of mac and cheese and gags, spits and chokes when I demand he put some in his mouth.

One day he LOVES potatoes, the next day he shuns all of his dinner because his potatoes are touching the other food on his plate.

And then there's days like yesterday.

Aaron LOVES Mexican food. He has never rejected it when I cook it at home and when we go out to a Mexican restaurant he gets his own bowl of salsa and eats it using a chip to spoon it into his mouth. But on Monday night I made a new recipe. A super yummy, totally edible Quesadillia Casserole. (for real, click on that link and then look for those little packs in your grocery store, tasty stuff!)

It was good! Even our picky eater (Elizabeth) ate two plates of it - and she is super picky! But, since it didn't look good to Aaron, he didn't even take a bite. Instead, he shoved it across the table, frowned and said, "I no wike it!"

The one bite I forced him to put into his mouth (because a few times in the past when he's rejected food he's not even tasted, I've made him take a bite and he's realized he likes it and then eats) he spit into his hand.

So, we began our multi-time a day mealtime routine of excusing Aaron from the table to his room. We do not allow disrespectfulness at our dinner table and he was certainly being disrespectful. We have a rule that everything on your plate MUST be tasted. And, if it's something you've eaten previously and enjoyed then you must finish it before you can get seconds of another item. (Does that make sense?)

Since Aaron refused to taste his dinner and began scowling at everyone in sight he was excused. Then began Aaron's screaming, crying, stomping and fits that are now also a mealtime routine in our house. Once he settled down, we again offered for him to come eat dinner but he refused.

This isn't the first time he's refused to eat something I've cooked so, like the other times, he went to bed without dinner. Man! That is a hard to do! But, I REFUSE to be a short order cook. Everyone else in the house has likes and dislikes too, and I try to make something at every meal that I know will please all of our eaters.

The other rule that we have had to implement for Aaron is that if he rejects a meal all together, we wrap up his plate and he receives it at the next meal. We've done this a couple of times and each time he's initially acted as though he wouldn't eat the reheated leftovers. But, after realizing we were not budging, he ate.

Yesterday was a different story completely. At breakfast I reheated his plate of Quesadillia Casserole. After 30 minutes of him screaming, kicking and whining at the breakfast table, I excused him and told him he would not be offered breakfast any longer and since he'd still chosen to not eat his food, he would be offered it for snack. I rewrapped his plate and put it back in the refrigerator.

At snack time, the same fit followed. While everyone else at their snack he was offered his plate of untouched, reheated food. Again fits, screaming and generally nasty behavior. But this time it was not only fueled by his hatred of the food on his plate, but his food deprived body's hunger. A hungry 2.5 year old is a MEAN 2.5 year old. Anybody picking up what I'm putting down?

I reminded Aaron that he'd need to eat his food if he wanted a snack. He refused. I then told him that if he chose not to eat it now, it would be his lunch.

Repeat the food rejection for lunch and afternoon snack. By the time Aaron woke up from his nap he was fit to be tied. The only thing he'd consumed since afternoon snack the day before was WATER.

Man o mighty he was a jerk. I mean a REAL LIVE JERK. His hunger was overtaking his body and he began flinging his body on the floor or against any hard surface he could find to prove the point that HE WAS PISSED.

Luke and I joked that he was fasting for something and just forgot to tell us. Dude, we would have prayed for him. (Actually, I did.)

Dinner time rolls around. By now, I bet you can guess what happened, can't you? Everyone else gets potatoes, pork chops and carrots. Guess what Aaron was served?

Yep. Reheated Quesadillia Casserole. By this point I'm questioning whether or not it's even healthy for him to consume food that's been reheated so many times. But I knew if we caved at this point all of my efforts all day would have been in vain.

After much crying, screaming, being excused from the table multiple times and allowed to return, Luke basically force fed him the now crusty, dried and totally gross casserole. He ate it while rubbing his tummy and saying, "Yummy, yummy" and slightly gagging. (I'm not even kidding.)

After he ate the (get this) FOUR BITES that it took clean his plate of the wretched Quesadillia Casserole he was offered the same dinner the rest of us ate. He gobbled up the carrots because those are his favorite and then REFUSED TO EVEN TASTE THE REST.

ARE YOU FREAKIN' KIDDING ME?!?!

So guess what Aaron was offered for breakfast this morning? Delightfully reheated pork chops and potatoes.

And, after I sat him down and talked to him, saying, "Buddy. You can have some cereal but you must eat your dinner from last night first. Please eat it Bud. Please don't go all day without eating like you did yesterday."

And after leaving him at the table for 40 MINUTES with a frown on his face, he ate it. Followed by 2 bowls of cereal.

Sweet mercy. I've got Dr. James Dobson's book on order at the library and I hope to have it picked up tonight.

But while I wait to glean some of Dr. Dobson's knowledge, do any of you have any words of wisdom for parenting a strong willed child? I'm all ears. I'd love to talk to you about this in the comments section, so if you comment, check back for replies.

With hearts for the LOST: Ministry Newsletter #2

Ten-forty. For the last several years, these numbers have been the topic of much discussion in our house. (And no, it’s not CB radio talk for “ay-okay” either!) 10/40 represents the latitudinal lines circling the globe 10 to 40 degrees north of the equator. This 10/40 window is home to the largest number of unreached people groups in the world.

According to the Joshua Project’s website, an estimated 2.27 billion individuals reside in approximately 5,905 different unreached people groups within the 10/40 window. Those numbers do not include people groups outside of the 10/40 window!

As we continued to pray about the burden God had placed on our hearts, we felt less drawn to the 10/40 window, yet still drawn to unreached people. As we prayed through assignments with Africa Inland Mission, we kept coming back to the people who were marginally or completely unreached. The Lord kept drawing our hearts back to His Word, particularly Romans 10:13-15 which says,

“For ‘everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.’ How then will they call on him in whom they have not believed? And how are they to believe in him of whom they have never heard? And how are they to hear without someone preaching? And how are they to preach unless they are sent?”

(Refugee women pray at an Africa Inland Church in Kenya*)

How can anyone call on the name of the Lord if they’ve never heard? And how can people go tell others unless they are sent? This, friends, is where you can join us in what God is already doing in Africa! We have chosen an assignment in Southern Kenya, working with 2 marginally reached people groups – the Digo and Duruma people.

Our goal is to take the good news of Jesus Christ to lost people, hear them proclaim the name of Christ, disciple them and then train up leaders for their own, local church.

However, we cannot take the gospel to Southern Kenya wihout SENDERS. Senders who are willing to

become a part of a team of believers taking the Light into unreached places.

Will you be a SENDER? Will you partner with us financially to take hope to the Duruma and Digo people?

Our monthly support need is $7,338.00 and our outgoing funds needed is $38,071.00. We realize these are daunting numbers! Yet, we are so excited to see how God will stir the hearts of His people to make these numbers a reality! Our target departure date is JULY 2012. But, before we can step onto the airplane our monthly support must be fully pledged and our outgoing expenses must be fully funded. Any contributions made before July 2012 will roll into our outgoing fund.

If you are interested in meeting with us, or if your church or small group would like to hear more about our ministry vision, please contact us by emailing us at: beaverbunch (at) gmail (dot) com. Please put "Ministry Support" in the subject line.

Thank you for considering joining with us in what God is already doing in Africa.

With hearts for the lost,

Luke & Jessica Beaver

(Our assignment is located in Southern Kenya, near the Kenya/Tanzania border.

Here you can see Kenya highlighted and it's relation to the continent of Africa.)

*Photo courtesy of Africa Inland Mission's On-field Media Team.

And Baby Makes 4

Sometimes, I like to pretend that I'm a photographer. We have two great friends who are real photographers and for one of them the way we "pay them" for our own family photos is that I attempt to take photos of their family.

On Friday, I got to spend some time with my (one of two) BFF. Britt and Matt are expecting their second child, a baby girl, due mid-March. Their son "J" is a feisty, newly turned 2 year old and I was pleasantly surprised with some of the good shots we got.

Here are a few of my favorites. I love J's face in this one...

I've started loving shots like this one, where you only see from the shoulders down. It gives you just enough info about the people to sort of create your own story in your mind.

I think J began to wonder why baby girl was not in HIS belly. Such a sweet boy he is!

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. - James 1:17 (NIV)

For some reason I have this thing about taking pictures of feet. Don't ask me why, but something about kid feet next to adult feet makes me shutter happy. Maybe it's a comparison thing because kid feet are constantly changing. I don't know. And notice I said I just like to photograph them, not touch them.

Pregnancy does Britt well. She just glows throughout her entire pregnancy. And even though Britt is several years younger than me, I look up to her in so many ways. She takes her role as a wife and mother so seriously and I truly believe that she exemplifies everything that a Proverbs 31 woman should.

And her baby bump is just precious.

I just love this awesome family and I can't wait to meet that sweet baby girl in a few short weeks!

He hears my every word

I go before the Lord and all I can mutter is, "Oh God, please God."

My heart is heavy. Broken even. And all I can say is His name over and over again. Which is why Romans 8:26-28 plays through my mind so often,

Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

Because the truth is, I don't know what I ought to pray. I don't know how to verbalize the pain and hurt within my heart as it runs deeper than any I've ever known before.

So I crumple myself before the feet of the King, knowing that His word stands true and that His Spirit is interceding on my behalf according to the will of God. And I sit, saying nothing other than His name. Begging Him for intercession when my words fail me. Knowing that I could rattle off dozens of my own physical or tangible desires but the things of my heart that are the heaviest, the most broken, are those unseen. Nothing of the physical is needed for my body. Nothing tangible do I hunger for. Only Him and the intimacy that He brings in the times when I am alone.

Throughout the day, I mutter prayers for people I love as they cross my mind, "Lord, help my friend overcome that stomach bug," or "be with so-and-so as she and her husband discuss delicate subjects with family" or "help my friend as she prepares for childbirth" or "help my friend to know that YOU are provider " but of the things that weigh me down - to the point of sometimes feeling that I physically cannot stand - of those, I cannot speak.

Somedays, I just sit in front of my Bible unable to focus on the words on the page because my heart aches so much. "Oh God, please God."

It's hard. Following the Lord is HARD. Jesus never said it would be easy and I knew that. But I guess I never realized that the enemy would attack me where it hurts the most. THE VERY MOST.

And so I fall, facedown before the King of Kings, the Great I AM, The Beginning and the End, The Faithful and the True, The Hope of Glory, the Lord of lords, the One who writes the history of the world, and I beg Him over and over for something I cannot even find words for.

And I know He hears my every word.

A Modern day Fairytale An Everyday True Story

One upon a time a mother had a little boy. And though she didn't grow him in her womb, she knew that he was hers from the moment she laid eyes upon him.

He was the most dashing little fellow. Handsome is so many ways, with soft, creamy skin and the blondest hair imaginable.

He had bright blue eyes and a giggle that could bring joy the hardest of hearts. Truly he made his mother's heart grow with love each and every day.

Much to his mother's dismay, he tried to give her daily heart attacks by leaping from heights more daring than a two year old should attempt. Yet almost every time, he landed firmly on his feet and chuckled to himself with a proud smile spreading across his face.

He was stubborn and willful and tested all of his mother's patience each and every day.

But his mother prayed fervently that the Lord would use his willful spirit and strong determination for the glory of God (and also that her own spirit would make it until her beloved son grew out of his irrational season - whenever that may be).

Truly his mother knew that the Lord had created her son for a very specific purpose in mind. She knew God created this treasure to bring glory to the name of the Father and that their lives were blessed because God chose their family for him.

You see, she knew from the time her son was a small baby that God had big plans for him. Plans that she didn't quite understand. But she clung to the promises that God has so clearly revealed to her, knowing that no great blessings come without their fair share of growing pains.

Every day God reminded this mother that her son was a blessing, even on the days that seemed more stressful than the last.

Because she knew that at the end of the day her sweet boy would wrap his skinny arms around her neck, hug her tight, kiss her lips and go to bed.

And every night as she clicked his bedroom door shut behind her, with her sweet boy resting comfortably in his bed, there would FINALLY be a moment where he would STOP TALKING LONG ENOUGH TO GO TO SLEEP.

Because as much as she loved her sweet boy's company, she longed for his mouth to STOP RUNNING FOR ONE SOLITARY SECOND SO THAT SHE DIDN'T HAVE TO KNOW HIS EVERY THOUGHT EVERY WAKING MOMENT OF THE DAY.

And they lived happily ever after.

The end.

A little diddy, a little cheer and an awesome (little) dance

So, I've been meaning to dig out my video camera for quite some time because there are several new things that the kids are doing and I'd love to get them on video. Problem is I don't know which pile to dig in so therefore I can't find my video camera.

So, when all else fails, I do what anyone would do. I use the sub-par video recorder on my phone.

I know. The resolution in these STINK but you'll get the idea.

Anyway, our kids love David Crowder. In fact, they love him so much that they invited him to do a personal show in our living room.

How he loves us from The Beaver Bunch on Vimeo.

Heh. Okay. So maybe that wasn't Crowder. And maybe he was playing in front of a boxed springs that was waiting to go into the attic. And maybe his little sister was whining so much that you couldn't hear him mumbling through the parts he didn't know.

Oh well. You get the idea.


Next up, for your video viewing pleasure, is the EllaGoat. She's only 10.5 months old but don't let her age fool you. Look at who's talking walking now.

Look who's walking! from The Beaver Bunch on Vimeo.

I mean, can someone please tell her to stop it. And can everyone else please ignore my screechy, high pitched voice. I don't talk like that in real life. I hope.

3rd in line on the video reel is a little number from our oldest two girls. Both Ash and Elizabeth are participating in Upward Cheerleading this Spring (and I use the term "Spring" loosely folks) while their brother, Lucas, is participating in Upward Basketball. Last week was our first week of games. I also use the term "games" loosely.

GOOOO Upward! from The Beaver Bunch on Vimeo.

Last but certainly not least, I'll leave you with this little video by my sweet Olivia. The music is a ringtone that I used to have set as my ringtone for Luke. No lie, every.single.time. she heard the phone ring, she'd stop in mid stride and drop it like it's hot.

Clearly she has more rhythm that anyone in our house. Well, I mean, other than Luke. (I think she gets her moves from him - seriously if you click on that link - go all the way to the end. It's worth your time.)

Little O breaks it down from The Beaver Bunch on Vimeo.

Ignore how filthy my house is. I'd love to tell you that it's in atypical condition, but then I'd be lying. Don't judge me.

Y'all have an awesome weekend.

It's all in the reporting

Y'all, it snowed here again last night. Granted, it was just a "dusting" and as I sit here during naptime it's all melted away but still MORE SNOW.

Now, before you Northerners begin your comments of "Oh! We get 25 inches of snow per day and it's negative 80 degrees and I wear flip flops" let me just say,

SOUTHERNERS ARE FREAKS IN THE COLD.

I'll admit we ridiculously panic when the weather person calls for 2-3 inches of snow. With the forecast of snow looming over us, there's not a crumb of bread or drop of milk left on any shelf within a 40 mile radius of the television's broadcasting area. Schools have closed because of supposed inclement weather. I'm not even kidding.

I'm telling ya, folks. The quickest, most effective way to blow a southerners mind is to say the words freezing and rain in the same sentence as accumulation.

So today, when my Aunt posted a link to this video on facebook, I just about lost it. This lady is HYSTERICAL. Take 5 minutes and watch this.




My favorites:

"We don't know what's going on. What I do know that's going on is, THIS AIN'T COOL."

"If I was gonna deal with this kind of weather here, I coulda just moved to DC and been closer to the Obamas."

"TWO HOURS OF DUMB" - y'all, I lost it. That's hilarious.

"The Freedom Academy over in, uh, wherever it is over there in Atlanta, Georgia."

"Make sure you dressin' your babies appropriate for the weather, I don't wanna see no problems, then there won't be no problems. You understand what I'm sayin'?"

In other news....

"Stay off the crack pipe SIR!"

And, I'd like to close with my new favorite letter/blog/email closing:

"I love ya long and I love ya strong but please, don't be stupid."

~ Jessica

here to there

The hacking, wet cough echos through the house. I lay perfectly still and try to keep the bed from creaking so I can discern exactly who is making the wretched noise.

I fumble through the medicine box that we keep in the cabinet above the fish tank. 1 teaspoon of medicine fills the syringe. I shuffle back upstairs and gently rouse my red-haired girl, coaxing her to swallow.

Even in the darkness of night and the fog of my tired brain, I ask myself, "Will it be like this there too? What if I run out of meds when the kids are sick and don't have time to go to the city to get more? Is it like here where I can just run out and get more?"

Fevers plague the next day. I talk to my Mom who rushes chicken and rice soup to our aid. It warms our tummies, unclogs our noses and brings immediate relief to these nagging colds.

She won't be there. Neither will her soup.

How can I do it without her? Tears burn my eyes.

I open the package of noodles and pour them into the boiling pot. Repeat 4 more times. As the pot boils I know it won't be this easy there.

Drain the water. Add the chicken flavoring.

Nope. It will be much harder there. No Ramen noodles for an easy lunch. And sandwiches? Rarely maybe. Especially if I'm making my own bread.

It's 5:30 and Luke's on his way home already. Dinner hasn't even crossed my mind for the day. Breakfast for dinner is an easy fix. Quick. Satisfying. Easy. The frozen mist of the freezer blows in my face as I search for biscuits.

None.

I remember the book I bought at Candidate Week and grab it from the bookshelf. "I'll just make my own biscuits. Just like I'd do there. Can't be that hard, can it?"

Dang it. I don't own a sifter. Or cream of tartar.

Fine. I'll make pancakes and bacon. I grab the sack of premixed pancake mix and add water, from our tap.

"I can't use tapwater there, can I? Not for pancakes. I'd have to boil the water first. Ha! I won't even have premixed pancake mix!" I look at the recipe for pancakes in my cookbook. Yeah, that'll take more than 30 seconds to make.

Water rushes from the kitchen sink's tap. Clean, drinkable, cookable water.

here.

there.

With nearly every step of my day, I try to wrap my mind around what life will be like there, in comparison to how it is here. I can't. How do you wrap your mind around the barely known? How do I begin to understand the severity with which my world will be rocked?

It's cold outside so I make myself a chai for the ride. I grab my Bible, my Marriage study book, the keys and my bag. I kiss Luke goodbye. I drive to her house, pick up my BFF and we head to the coffee shop. Four of my Bible study girls are already waiting in our little room in the back.

I sit and soak in their presence, glad to be with my girls. 3 more walk in. We laugh. We talk about life. We understand each other. We pray.

They won't be there either.

None of it will be the same as it is here.

How will I make it? How can I go and leave this all behind?

How can I NOT go? How can I stay here knowing they are there, needing to know about Him?

Daily, often minute by minute, it's a struggle between what's here and what's there. Knowing what I'm leaving here and longing for what will happen there. Praying that He will provide the peace for what I'm leaving here and the courage to face the unknowns that live there.

And I find it not at all coincidental that the only difference between the words here and there is a cross.

here
there

Do you see that? Do you get it? Let me know when you fully grasp what that means, friends. What does that mean for you? Where is your here? Where is your there? How does the cross take you from one place to the other?

My heart aches for Africa, yearning to be in her midst and working with her people. But I mourn for what I know I'll miss. The people I love. Not the stuff or the convenience - though those things are nice.

here
there

The cross got me here. Now it's taking me there.

She gets me: a link to another crazy family

I stumbled upon a post today that resonated with me so deeply I wanted to yell out loud, "Yes! Yes! YOU GET ME!"

Click here to read about a family with NINE kids following God's call to serve in a 3rd world country.

This is one of the (many) parts of Amy's post that made me sit back and recall the promises God has already made to our family.

We have been brainwashed our entire lives by the lies of this world.

We are brain washed into thinking we have to be strong enough, good enough and smart enough and do it on our own.

We have been brain washed into thinking it's all about us.

We have been brainwashed into believing that money = security.

We have been brain washed that we can ‘control’ our lives and our futures if we make the right plans.

All lies.

Because the truth is, no matter who you are and how much money you have in your savings account or what plans you have put into place for your future- one thing you will never have control over in this life- is death.

You and I, we will die one day and there is nothing we can do to change or control that. Whether it be tomorrow in a car accident, 5 years from now from cancer or 15 years from now serving the Lord in a 3rd world country- when God says our time is over- it's over.

Radical faith people. Like Amy, I'm TIRED of being a lukewarm Christian. I'm tired of saying I believe the Bible yet only picking and choosing to live out the easy parts.

Click here to read all of Amy's post. You don't want to miss it. I promise. We've faced the same resentment, the same comments, the same rudeness and downright hurtful things that their family has faced as well. The enemy is attacking us folks, and I fear that the worst is yet to come.

And thanks to Christine at Smiles and Trials for the link.

It was exactly the encouragement I needed today. EXACTLY. Thanks God.

How Deep The Father's Love For Us

I've written before about how music affects me and why I can't listen to secular music. But truthfully, I don't miss secular music that much anyway. In fact, when I stumble upon a new (to me) song that everyone else in the free world already knows (but I've never heard) it's like walking up on a pot of gold.

A BIG POT OF GOLD. With a beautiful voice inside.

Lately, I've found such a song. And can I just tell you that I get some funny looks (and maybe a few extra fingers thrown my way) by people in other cars as our 15 passenger van slows significantly and I whole heartedly worship the King from the drivers seat. Especially when I have my eyes closed and my hands firmly pressed against the roof of the van.

Just kidding. I keep my hands on the wheel. At least one of them.

Y'all..I love this song. Love it so very much. And I love that the Lord has helped me tuck little excerpts of Scripture away in my heart so that as I sing (poorly) along with Nichole Nordeman, I can recall God's words that may have even inspired this song.

If you'd like to listen to this song while you read the words you can CLICK HERE. (It's not Nichole. But this gal's good too.) And I added the scripture in myself. You're welcome.


How Deep The Father's Love For Us

How deep the Father’s love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss,
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One,
Bring many sons to glory

{And at the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, “Eloi, Eloi, lema sabachthani?” which means, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” - Mark 15:34}

Behold the Man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice,
Call out among the scoffers

{The men who were guarding Jesus began mocking and beating him. They blindfolded him and demanded, “Prophesy! Who hit you?” And they said many other insulting things to him. - Luke 22:63-65}

It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished

{When Jesus had received the sour wine, he said, “It is finished,” and he bowed his head and gave up his spirit. - John 19:30}

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection

{And because of him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption, so that, as it is written, “Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.” - 1 Corinthians 1:30-31}


Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

{He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed. - 1 Peter 2:24}

{For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” - Mark 10:45}

- Lyrics by Stuart Townend Source