Searching Her Heart

First of all, thanks for all the encouraging words, emails, calls and comments regarding my last post. I appreciate you all so much and I feel incredibly blessed to be surrounded by such supportive friends.

My sweet Elizabeth, her heart is so tender. Those of you that know her personally can attest to her compassionate nature, her desire to please and her focus on detail. Lately, Luke and I have really noticed her focus on God, heaven and salvation. Before I get to the recent details, let me take you back almost 12 months.

We still lived in our old home (we just moved into our current home last October), and I was putting Elizabeth to bed. She was just over 3 years old at the time. We were doing our normal bedtime/story routine and she asked me a question about heaven. I gently tried to explain that not everyone gets into heaven, only those who have Jesus in their hearts. I asked her if she knew how to get Jesus into her heart. Eyes wide, she looked at me and shook her head from side to side. I remember it so vividly, her big blue eyes searching my face while blond curls bounced on her pillow. I told her,

"Well, you have to say a special prayer letting Him know that you love Him and you know you sin, but you want to be better. You know that Jesus died on the cross for your sins and you want Him to live inside you, forever."

We had talked about Jesus before. She knew about the cross. She understood that Jesus was God's son. As a smile crept across her face, she looked at me so matter-of-factly and said, "I need to pray that Mommy."

I wasn't sure that she really understood. I didn't think her 3 year old heart could get it, but I also knew that I couldn't discourage her from praying to a God that is so real to her. At that moment, she repeated after me as we recited a version of the sinner's prayer. With "Amen" she sat straight up, wrapped her skinny little arms around my neck and squealed with delight. Her reaction was pure joy.

Flash forward several months to this past November. Pastor Michael was preaching about something that I cannot recall at the moment. At the end of his sermon two people (both of them people Elizabeth knows) came on stage. As Michael sang, "East to West" by Casting Crowns, Melinda and Chris, on opposite sides of the stage, begin to paint the hands of Christ. Our conversation went something like this:

Me: "Elizabeth, do you know what they are drawing?"

E: "Hands."

Me: "Do you know who's hands they are?"

E: "God's?"

Me: "Yes."

We watched a little and she saw the blood and hole on Chris' painting.

E: "Why his hand have a hole in it?"

Me: "Because that's where the nail went thru when Jesus was nailed to the cross."

E: "How he bleed for?"

Me: "Because it made him bleed to be nailed on the cross."

E: "Did it hurt?"

Me: "Yes."

E: "Did it hurt real bad? Did it burn?"

Me: "Yes, but Jesus isn't hurt anymore because when he went to heaven he didn't feel any hurts."

E: "Why did Jesus have to bleed?"

By this point the song is ending and Melinda is really starting to draw the blood from His hand.

Me: "Jesus had to bleed so that we could go to heaven. He did it because he loves us."

E: "Did he bleed real bad?"

Me: "Yes, but he did it for us and he doesn't hurt now."

At this Elizabeth got so upset she wanted to leave service. In the lobby we had to pray for Jesus' boo-boos.

Now, jump with me to a few months ago when our church took quarterly communion. As the bread began to pass, I explained to her that she couldn't participate because it was special for people who had Jesus in their heart. She seemed fine with this and kept coloring. However, as she watched everyone around her (minus a few kids sitting nearby) take the bread, she asked again why she could not. When I told her once more that it was only for people who had Jesus in their heart, she boldly proclaimed, "But Mommy, I do have Jesus in my heart. Don't you remember?"

I struggled through the rest of communion. As tears welled up in her little eyes, she desperately searched my face for confirmation that I believed her. The rest of the afternoon she reminded me of how much she loved Jesus. One specific comment she made shook me to my core. I asked her, "Elizabeth, how do you know Jesus is in your heart."

Her answer? "Because Mommy, I can feel Him."

Now, back to the present, or somewhat present. Just days before Elizabeth turned 4 she began telling me that she didn't want to grow up. She's said this a few times before but I've mostly just blown it off as being silly. However, this night in particular she kept on and on. I was putting her to bed (do you see a pattern of bedtime discussions here?) and she kept insisting that she did not want to grow up. I told her all of the things that big 4 year olds get to do that little 3 year olds don't get to do, but it didn't suffice her.

Finally, I asked her, "Elizabeth, why don't you want to grow up?"

"Because, I want to live with you and Daddy forever."

"Well, you can live with us as long as you want. Even when you're old." (I sorta had my fingers crossed here.)

Once again, the response of my 4 year old took my breath away.

"But Mom, what if God calls me to someplace else? What if he wants me to go somewhere and help other kids?"

Seriously? How do you reply to that? I just stood there, for what seemed like hours. Finally, I said, "Well, if God calls you someplace else honey, he'll prepare you're heart and it won't hurt quite so much."

After that conversation I walked into our bedroom and looked at Luke. We talked for a long time about whether we thought that Elizabeth had truly accepted Christ that night, almost a year ago, lying in her toddler bed. How could she understand it all? How could she believe? Then it hit us, we don't even get it. We don't nearly get it all. Who are we to decide if she's saved?

Psalm 139 is a favorite of mine for many, many reasons. The entire Psalm talks about the condition of the heart. As I read it and think of my precious girl, I see these verses in a new way:

O LORD, you have searched me and you know me.

You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
verses 1 - 2

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.

See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. verses 23-24

Thank you Lord for already knowing the condition of her precious little heart. Search if fully Lord, so that she may be fully and completely consecrated to you.

PS-We have plans for her to talk about her salvation with someone outside of her family. It's less about us trusting her and more about getting to the true condition of her heart. I have many, many more thoughts about this, but I'll have to save those for a later post.

Speaking of Unspoken

Okay, so most of you know by now that I'm a "lay it all out there" kind of person. I don't have a lot of secrets and I'm not typically a private person. Basically, what you see is what you get with me. I've never been the person who requests prayer for the "unspoken" because, well, quite frankly I think that's annoying. If something is pressing enough for you to ask others for prayer I am sorta of the mindset that you should just fess up.

However, God is working on me. Over the last 2 or so years God has placed some things on my heart. He gently reminds me ever so often, and each time I'm brought to tears. So here I go, asking for prayer and also saying that I don't really wish to share much about it. Here's what I will say:

1. On Sunday, Micheal delivered another powerful sermon. There's something about your pastor speaking God's truth directly into your life in front of 500ish people. It's humbling and so amazing. Baby D got fussy so I excused myself about 3/4 of the way through. Before I left, God and I had a pretty interesting conversation. He'd let me listen to Michael for a bit, then chime in, adding His own twist. The part that surprised and moved me is that God delivered a promise then a calling.

2. I can tell you that both the promise and the calling are God sized and there is absolutely nothing I can do to make either of them happen. I'm excited to see how God is going to work this out.

3. I'm scared. I'm scared because the thing God has requested of me will put me FAR out of my comfort zone. I'm scared to breathe it (other than to Luke, of course) because what if I'm wrong. What if God didn't say that to me, and then I go blabbing it around and it never comes to pass? What if it's true and I have to be obedient?

So, pretty much, if God lays it on your heart just pray for our family. God is moving and spoke to me although I went for about 3 weeks in a dry spell, where I just lacked desire to read my Bible or spend any time with God...yes, it's true and I feel you deserve the truth. I'm humbled that He still choose to speak to me even when I ignored Him. I'm humbled that He would call me to this task. I'm in awe that He considers me His servant.

I know that I need to look for 2 more big signs before I can count this as God's plan. Step 1 has been done which is Confirmation by the Holy Spirit. I'm still praying and waiting for 2) Confirmation in Scripture and 3) Confirmation through Godly Counsel. If you feel led, pray with me. If not, that's okay too. If you have advice, I'll listen. If you're a non-believer and question how God speaks in these ways ask via the comment section or privately by emailing me at: beaverbunch (at) gmail (dot) com.

Thanks for reading my blog, it's humbling that other care enough to read my silly rantings. I'll leave you with Scripture that has been brought to me several times today:

No one can know a person’s thoughts except that person’s own spirit, and no one can know God’s thoughts except God’s own Spirit.
~ 1 Corinthians 2:11

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Here I am Lord. Make me a willing servant. Make my heart pure, so that I can receive your desires for my life outside of the desires of my sinful heart. I desire to serve You, I desire to serve. Amen.

Colic Update

We switched Baby D's formula on Friday and we are beginning to see some differences. He's not been nearly as fussy. Thanks for all of the awesome suggestions. I plan on having an in-depth discussion with the doctor on Thursday about further things we can do to alleviate his gassy discomfort.

I appreciate the prayers.

Colic

Dictionary.com defines colic as "A condition of unknown cause seen in infants less than three months old, marked by periods of inconsolable crying lasting for hours at a time for at least three weeks."

WebMD.com says it's "A healthy, well-fed infant who cries for more than three hours per day, for more than three days per week, for more than three weeks."

In our house, we define it as "Baby D from 6pm-12am."

A week ago, Tuesday, Baby D began his tirade of crying. It began at about 2:00pm and didn't stop until 8:30pm. Until that point, Baby D had been the easiest baby. In fact, he was so easy that it was almost like having a little babydoll. I could cuddle him when I felt like it, and if I was busy with the big kids I could put him on the floor beside me or in the swing and he'd be just as content. He only really became upset when he as hungry. Since Tuesday, July 29th our good-natured baby has been swapped for the colicky, preciousness of our new Baby D. The biggest difference?...A red face and ear piercing wails.

Seriously, Baby D has been sooooooooo fussy. During the day he usually only has 1 major spell. At night, however, it's another story. It usually begins anywhere from 6-7pm and can last up to 4 to 5 hours (he's not crying the ENTIRE time, we get 10-15 minute breaks before the next bought begins). Initially I called the doctor, worried that something was going on. They dismissed it as gas, especially since a bath almost always calms him down.

None of my other 3 were ever colicky, so this is a HUGE adjustment. It doesn't help that his "episodes" are during the most hectic part of our day: bath and bedtime. The big kids need our full attention and unfortunately one of us is almost always tied up with a screaming, trembling, red-faced baby.

We go to the doctor on Thursday and I plan on asking about a new type of formula, however, from everything I've read they'll probably just tell me to ride it out. They say it won't last longer than 3-4 months of age. What they don't realize is that this last 1 1/2 weeks has seemed like a month. It's so incredibly frustrating to watch Baby D in such pain and be unable to do ANYTHING to console him. Kisses, hugs, swaddling, gas meds, swinging, outside, walking, bouncing, singing, pacifiers, bottles...nothing helps. At some point we fall back on a nice warm bath, but at the end of it we're back to a screaming, ticked off baby.

As I bounce, rock, walk and snuggle Baby D during the most frustrating of times, God continues to bring James 1:2 to my mind:

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds,

The part that frustrates me the most is that I don't think the birth parents have the slightest clue about his colic. After each visit, I ask the social worker "So, how was it?" Each time they respond, "Great!" I keep waiting for one of them to say, "Oh he cried the entire visit. It's so unlike him."

Part of me wants him to cry the entire visit, just so they have a taste. Part of me wants him to cry so much that they hurry up and decide that they can't manage it and relinquish. Part of me wants him to be so horrible, that 20 minutes into the visit they ask the social worker to take him and leave. God has not answered that prayer yet. I guess He thinks He knows better than me...humf! In the meantime, I'll consider it pure joy...consider it joy.

Party Pics

When Elizabeth turned two, we started the tradition of having 2 parties for each of her birthdays. The first party is a friend party where friends bring donations to a charity. The second party is a family party. Our entire family gets together, grandparents, great-grandparents and immediate family, and we do the traditional birthday thing with opening presents. Below are some pictures from both parties. We had a fun weekend, filled with celebration of Elizabeth's 4 years in our family.

Ashlee and PawPaw inside the parachute

Elizabeth is a little OCD, it comes out and the funniest times


Elizabeth got to demonstrate each of the activities at the gym.
I think this was her favorite part of the party.

All in all there were 21 children. I was a little concerned that it would be too much, but these kids all have such awesome parents and they all were so well behaved. It was a blast!

On Sunday, Elizabeth's actual birthday, we had our family party at my Mom's house. My mom made the MOST AWESOME cake. I was so impressed, and Elizabeth LOVED it!

Yes, that's a real Barbie, and no, she didn't use a kit



Our first picture as a family of 6

"Happy Birthday to You"
Please pardon the horrible singing, clearly
our family isn't musically talented.

Understanding

Through this entire fostering process it has been so evident that God is with us. He has shown us time and time again that this is exactly where He wants us to be. Through criticism, frustration and outside opinions we've not waivered. Sure, I've doubted my abilities, but God hasn't given us an out, and until He does we're in this for a while.

Just one of the many ways that God confirmed for us that we're not totally crazy is by bringing the Hauts into our life. The Hauts also have 3 birth children. Their kids' ages are 5, 3 & 19 months. They have been married about 6ish years and I think they met in college. Sound familiar? Seriously, the only closer it could get is if they had twins too, then it would just be creepy. Anyway, Beth and I are so similar in a lot of ways. I think we're both pretty straight forward people, easy to talk to and laid back. When she approached me at our foster parent classes and struck up a conversation, I was THRILLED to learn that they had 3 kids already as well. Luke and Noah (her husband) hit is off as well and a friendship was formed.

Even though we haven't spent copious amounts of time together (although 30 hours of MAPP classes seemed like eternity), we have a bond with them. It's deeper than words can speak and I believe it is because of our mutual love for the Lord and our willingness to love on kids. I checked out Beth's adoption blog yesterday and below is what I found. I bolded the parts that hit home for me. Basically, it's like she stepped into my heart, took notes and posted it on her blog. Seriously.

Today marks Baby L being with us for one full month! This has been the longest and shortest month of my life. Long because the sleepless nights and bottles and laundry and cleaning (a constant battle) seem to go on and on and on. Short because I can't believe it will be September next month...(I omitted some since we don't go to a pool, if you want it all, check it out).

One month in and I can say I never expected the emotional impact to be as gut wrenching as it has been. I have a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that this baby I love as my own, is not my own. I may have to let him go at some point. Just thinking about this makes me want to sob. The concept isn't foreign to me. This comes as no surprise. Fostering means a possibility of adoption. Fostering means a possibility of reunification with the birth family.

I suppose it may be easier once I see the birth parents. Right now, I don't have that tangible reality... we simply have been loving this baby for a month and have had very little contact with social services and no interaction with birth parents. It FEELS like he is OURS. I LONG for him to be OURS. I want his birth parents to simply realize he is better off with us, and sign away their rights. But this is doubtful to happen. They may drag this out, and try to get him back. It may be a year of grueling drama and heartache over each court date. I just don't know how this is going to end up.

The lack of control is frustrating (yes I love control). I am Mommy to this child. A son. MY son. I know him better than any other person on this planet. He has slept in my arms more than anyone else's. I have fed him more bottles, given him more kisses. His birth mom hasn't seen him in over a month. Does she care about him? Really? Does is bother her that he is being loved and adored by a different woman? That he doesn't know who she is, and she doesn't know what he likes to be comforted? That she doesn't even know what he looks like now, and if she saw us in a store, she wouldn't realize he was her son?

There are so many disturbing aspects to all of this. My heart is constantly at battle between trying to forgive and have compassion for this woman, as Christ would do... but in reality, I want her to disappear. I want her to be thrown in jail. I want her to truly understand her mistakes and be riddled with guilt. I want her to let go of her son because she suddenly sees it's the right thing to do... or maybe even the easiest thing to do. If she signed her rights away, there would be less work on her part. She could just keep on with her lifestyle. And even worse, I hope she fails. Quickly and obviously fails. So much so that the court terminates her rights swiftly. And I hope the father is too lazy to do what it takes to get his son back. I am horrible, huh?

But if they had a GOD altering change in their lives. If they came to know Christ and his healing. If they were completely redeemed and washed clean of their filthy lives. If the love for their son was true and their lives were forever changed for the better. Then I could see letting Baby L go back without nearly so much heartache. All things are possible with God. But if this is not the case, my prayer is for Baby L to stay with us. Either way, I pray his life will be an amazing testimony to God's graciousness and compassion.

If you have made it to this point in my diatribe, you have seen a small piece of my heart. It's not always pretty. It is often sinful and selfish. I am sure I will have more rants in the future. I am sure this process will only become more difficult as the love for Baby L grows daily. Please pray for us. Pray for God's will to be done, and pray that our hearts will accept His will, no matter what the circumstance. And pray that through it all, we will rejoice in His love and be obedient to His commands.

Baby L is just 3 days older than Baby D, once again..not coincidence. Although their stories are very different, the way that Beth speaks basically details how I feel. I don't feel as though I've been completely honest in my feelings on this blog. If you want to know my heart, if you want to know my stance, if you want to know exactly what my soul is screaming, read Beth's words again VERY slowly. I find it refreshing and challenging all at the same time. I am so incredibly blessed to call her my friend, and I praise God that He provided someone who knows EXACTLY what I'm going through.
Thank you Lord, thank you.

Happy Birthday Elizabeth!

Four years ago today we welcomed our little baby into the world. We were so happy to add sweet Elizabeth Grace into our family. From the first day, she has changed our lives. Each day we realize just how incredibly blessed we are by this precious little girl. She has been remarkable right from the start! She has always had the sweetest disposition and the most relaxed personality.Each time we reflect on the last 4 years, we smile and get misty eyed. From memories of our first family self portrait (which also became our first family Christmas card):


To her first bite of cereal:
Elizabeth has always been so special. She has a smile that warms your heart.


She's a child with focus, compassion and tons of personality.
When we found out we were having twins, we were concerned about how Elizabeth would adjust. True to her character, she became the best big sister on the planet, welcoming her siblings with open arms.


As she continued to grow, we could begin to see the heart God placed inside of her. The joy within broke through with each smile and laugh.

Elizabeth has a tenderness and compassion unlike anything I've ever seen in a child. She is so full of sympathy for others. At the same time, she is also so incredibly silly! She can make any situation hilarious simply by vocalizing her observations.
As Elizabeth begins to show her love for Christ, I am amazed at her understanding at just 4 years old. I pray that this love she feels never fades and becomes such an integral part of her life that following His desires are natural and easy.



My Sweet Princess,

You could not possibly know the love I have for you in my heart. Each day, you make me want to be a better mommy. Your gentle spirit and tender heart are so evident in your daily interactions with your friends and family. Your humor and wit are so amazingly unique. I cannot wait to see what God has in store for your precious life. What you may never know is how much you changed me. You made me realize that I cannot go at this life alone. I could not wander aimlessly any longer. With you growing in my womb I totally understood the need for a Savior. Because of you, I found Him. Thank you for the precious miracle you are to me. Thank you for always being you, curly hair, deep blue eyes, contagious laugh and love for life. Your heart is so true and pure and you already understand the sacrifices of Christ. My prayer for you is that God would use you in a mighty way. That you would see clearly His purposes and plans for your life and that you would embrace them with a spirit of ease, just as you have each and every new obstacle in your young life. I love you with so much of my heart that sometimes I feel as though I could burst. I love you precious princess, and Happy Birthday.

Hugs, Kisses and Snuggles,

Mommy

Lindy's Kids

Here in NC, our local station runs a program called "Wednesday's Kids." Our local news woman, Wanda Starks, interviews a child waiting to be adopted. Each of these kids has a story and is desperately in need of love. Halfway around the world my friend Lindy is seeing her own version of Wednesday's Kids.

On Saturday, Elizabeth will have her 4th birthday party. Since she turned 2 (and we started having "friend" parties for her birthday), we decided that instead of presents from her friends, we would help her choose a charity and each child could bring something as a donation. When she was 2 we asked for canned food for our church's food pantry. Last year we asked for items for the local Children's home. This year we are collecting clothing for children in Kenya. We will mail the clothes to our friends Chris and Lindy and they will distribute them to some orphans/children at a nearby "school."

This afternoon, I checked Lindy's blog as I do religiously. Please click here and read this tender story. Near where they live is a "school" and the children there are so malnourished.

Above is a picture of Lindy holding a 4 year old boy who attends the school. It breaks my heart to see him so little, especially since Elizabeth is turning 4 and looks to be about twice his size.

Here's another of what appears to be the same little guy. Please read Lindy's blog and find out what you can do to help.

"With knowledge comes responsibility"

How Do You Like Them Apples?

As I said in my last post, Britt has been staying with us while Matt's doing missions in Romania (I can understand how you might not have caught that, in the hillarity of my last post).

Anyway, last night we went over to my Mom's house to eat, then we went out to Britt's family's land. It is absolutely beautiful. Almost her entire family on her mom's side lives on the same land, her grandparents, parents and aunts and uncles. Out there, you can just feel the sense of family. It was awesome. Mr. Yates (or Gates, as my kids said) took us for a ride on the Gator. Afterwards, it was down to the real reason we went to the Hill Estate...APPLE PICKING! Her uncle runs an orchard on the land, but her family also has personal apple trees that they eat from. These apples are all natural...organic! I'm not totally into the whole organic thing, but I do know that anything that hasn't been sprayed or altered is better for my family. These apples are delicious!

Basically, the kids (and Luke and I) had a blast. It was so cool to watch my kids pick apples straight from the tree. As we sorted through the ones that had already fallen, we also found some good ones. Lucas likes the rotten ones too (yuck), but all in all I'd say my kids ate about 6-7 apples a piece. We came home with 3 Wal-mart sacks full of tastiness and I'm fearfully anticipating the aftermath of last night's "snack" in the twins' diapers.

Here are some pics of our time pickin' apples! Bon Appetite!

Gator ride with Mr. Yates (Britt's Dad)

Lucas, choosing an apple from the tree. Notice
he's already got a partially eaten one in his hand.

The girls play/chase "Otis"

My beautiful big girl

YUMMY!

Dad and the kids show off apple munchin' skills

What You Do...

when it's late and you only have 1 kid to take care of.

***Update: See below for another episode of TV:Britt/Jess***

Britt is staying with us since Matt's in Romaina. My mom & grandma took Elizabeth, Lucas & Ashlee to the mountains for a mini-vaca. This is what happened in the silence of my house:






Be sure to check out Britt's blog for other episodes of craziness!

Baby D Update

I thought I should probably update you all on the situation with Baby D. Yesterday, I went for an Agency Review. Basically this is where different people from DSS departments meet and review the case. In the meeting was Baby D's social worker (the same social worker his birth parents contact), the assistant to the attorney for the Guardian Ad Litem, some lady from the health department and another lady that I'm not sure what she does. Also present was, me! The birth parents were not there. Baby D's social worker said that birth dad had intentions on coming, and she continued to check to see if he was there.

Anyway, the meeting lasting about 15 minutes. They reviewed why Baby D was removed from the home, what the birth parents have completed from the case plan, what happened in court (minimal). They asked me how he was doing and if I had any questions. My heart wanted to scream, "Yes! I have a freakin' question. When are you guys gonna wake up and realize the he's better off with us?" Instead, I nodded politely and said no. Anyone who knows me personally can tell you that I am not a quiet person by nature. However, for the span of that 15 minutes I was relatively silent.

I was nervous about attending the review, not because it was a review but because I knew there was a chance I'd have to deal with the birth parents. Anytime I see them, it stirs up so much emotion. As I was walking into the governmental buildings, I look up and boldly displayed is

"IN GOD WE TRUST."

In a day where so many governmental buildings are having to take down their proclamations to God, this one was there. On that day, stemming from weeks of struggles, He was there. Jeremiah 29:11 raced through my mind once again. I took a deep breath, picked up all of my emotions and continued into the building, Trusting In God.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to
prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
~Jeremiah 29:11, NIV

Photo update:

Baby D's bathtime is a family event

He's growing so much. I bet he weighs
almost 10 lbs!!

The Lawrensons

Well, as I said in my last post, I've been following Nate Lawrenson's blog. His wife Tricia has Cystic Fibrosis and back in April she received a double lung transplant. To make matters more complicated, Tricia had delivered their daughter, Gwyneth just 3 months prior. Baby Gwyneth was 15+ weeks premature. Both mom and baby have been discharged from the hospital and are doing quite well. However, just a few weeks ago it was discovered that Tricia had some type of cancer in her new lungs. I'm not totally sure how this happened but I believe it is transplant related. This evening, Nate posted this. Basically, Tricia has not responded well to the "lite" chemo they'd been doing. Now, the plan is to do a more extensive, harsher chemo in hopes that it will get rid of whatever cancer is there. As Nate says,

If, after the first two treatments, her cancer is not responding, Tricia is in serious trouble.

This sweet family has become so dear to my heart. Please, offer a prayer up on their behalf. I have already seen first hand, how God has worked miracles in their lives. I believe with my whole heart that He is capable of healing Tricia completely, should that be His desire.

Introductions

I've been thinking a lot about the eclectic gathering of blogs that I visit on the regular. So, I decided that although many of you know each other, many of you do not. Therefore, I'm being a lousy hostess by not introducing everyone. So....without further ado...

Building Cathedrals: At the top of my blog obsession is my BFF Amanda. I've already blogged about how much I love her, so if you'd like to know more you can check that post out here. Basically, we've been BFF's since the 10th grade and she just "gets me." She's a pretty fabulous writer and I think you should check her out on the regular.

A Testimony Confirmed: This is Cathy. She's a member of my church and becoming quite a good friend. Her kiddos are adorable and probably some the best behaved kids I've ever met. I plan on using and abusing her knowledge of homeschooling as I embark on this treacherous journey. She and her husband have shown such remarkable faith by leaving secular jobs and becoming full time ministers. They left family, their home and former lives to follow God's call. I find it amazing and challenging all in one breath.

Bring the Rain: The beautiful part about being a blogger is that you find others who are blogging as well, and you can watch their life unfold from the outside. This is Angie. Although I do not know her in real life, I feel as though she is a friend. Reading her blog feels just like I'm sitting with her on the sofa, sharing a cup of coffee. Her blog is about the life of her precious daughter Audrey. **Warning, I feel it is only appropriate to tell you that if you are pregnant or trying to get pregnant, now may not be the best time to read Angie's blog. It is brilliant and a work of art, but also very transparent. Visit it again after you've delivered your baby.

Confessions of A CF Husband: This is Nate. Once again, I've never met him or his family in real life, however I stalk, I mean check up on his family daily. His wife Tricia is recovering from a double lung transplant due to the disease Cystic Fibrosis. They have a daughter, Gwyneth who was delivered 15+ weeks early and at 6.5 months old, is thriving! It has been a wild ride following these folks, and it is so cool to watch God work miracles in their lives.

Exploding Fruit....or something like that: I renamed Matt's blog because I don't understand the meaning of the title of his blog and since it's my link, I can do whatever I want. I attend church with Matt, his wife Beth and their incredibly adorable son Levi (this kid is serious cute). So far, Matt's blogs have managed to make Luke and I cry from laughter. Freakin' hilarious. Also, Matt is the brother of Lindy Thompson (Only Servants). There will be a quiz later, are you taking notes?

How to Be a Hooligan: This is Skylar. She's a youth at our church and becoming a great friend. However, I'm considering removing her link because she never blogs anymore (hint, hint).

Lani: This is, well, Lani. Once more, we have not physically met, but because of God's awesomeness we are getting acquainted through blogg-world. She has an adorable family and it is obvious that her love for Christ leads all that she does.

Levi Buttonfly: This is Beth. She's the one married to Matt (listed above). We actually went to middle school together, which is wild. She was the cool, popular girl and I was the dorky one who wanted to be cool. Now, she's still the cool, popular girl and I'm still the dorky one. However, we are bonded through motherhood and I've come to find out that her heart is the size of Texas. She's a wonderful mother and a woman of God. Since I go to church with her husband, I'm assuming you would know that I go to church with her as well. Her blog is named after that adorable son, Levi, I told you about earlier. Did I mention he's one cute kid?

Mommyhood Awaits: This is Brittany, aka Britt-Britt, aka "Girlfriend" (the last one is for my kids, not me. Trust me, we're NOT that way.) Britt and Matt have become incredible friends. Currently, they are expecting their 1st bundle of joy in February. Britt will be an amazing mommy. I have no doubt that God placed her here to mother kids. She and Matt are quickly growing in popularity at our home as our children are beginning to ask about them daily. Oh, and yes, we also go to church together.

Only Servants: This is Chris and Lindy. Wow, I am going to struggle keeping this description to a minimum. Let's see, currently they are serving as missionaries in Kenya. We actually have the privilege of knowing these incredible people in real life. Already, they have shaped and molded my little Elizabeth's heart in so many ways. This story alone shows that what they are doing is impacting the Kingdom. They are so dear to our family and I know they would cherish each and every prayer you'd be willing to submit on their behalf. As I heard Lindy say to a youth before they left, "You've only got Chris and Lindy to miss, we have everyone to miss." I think about that daily when I feel the ache of missing them. I love you guys. Oh, and yes, I met them at church as well.


Our Journey to Adoption: This is Emily. She is also a mother of 3, soon to be 4. Currently, they are submitting all of their paperwork to adopt their daughter from Ethiopia. Her husband is the Pastor at our church. Emily and I are also becoming great friends. I have learned so much from her about motherhood, faith and life. She's one of those women who know a lot without being a "know it all." We jointly (along with some men, one of whom is my husband) teach the rising 11th graders. Her insight always floors me, yet makes me search within myself to find what God is speaking. Her kids are amazing and her Bailey and my Elizabeth are secretly twins, separated at birth (and by 6ish years). Don't tell them that though, it would just break their hearts.

Pister Michael: This is our Pastor, Michael. I wrote it as "Pister" because that is how Elizabeth pronounces it. Each week, as we are driving to church Elizabeth asks, "Mom (or Dad) can I go to Pister Michael's class this week?" Each week we say yes. I don't know why she has continued to ask, but it cracks us up each time. Emily and Michael have 3 kids, Bailey who I referenced above, William who is the spitting image of his father and "Jim-Bob" as Lucas calls him. Luke and I love hearing Michael's sermons as they usually convict us pretty heavily. Clearly Michael is the leader of his home, which is why I believe he is so extraordinary at leading our church, among other reasons.

Shore 'nuff: This is Jennifer. Jennifer is probably the 2nd friend I made at church, shortly after Phil and Sarah. She and I are kindred souls and I find it both beautiful and amazing that we've not ticked each other off yet. By that I mean that Jenn and I are both "tell it like it is" people. Usually, our filters are a little holey and whatever we're thinking just flies out. She inspires me so much through overcoming past obstacles and still using them to reach people for Christ. If I ever doubt why I'm doing foster care, she's the 1st person I call. Plus, she's got cute kids and they like my kids, so that helps.

The Booy Family: This is Kelly. Kelly and I went to college together and played volleyball together for 3 years. Kelly was more influential in my salvation than I think she'll ever realize. In college, Kelly was known for being set apart. Her faith directed her steps, and although I'm sure she could tell you mistakes that she's made, in my eyes she was the kind of Christian I wanted to be. She knew all the bad stuff most of us were doing, but wasn't judging, exclusive or condescending, she was just Kelly. Funny, warm, contagious Kelly. Now, she and her husband, along with their 2 kids are living in the Netherlands. She views life with zeal, humor and through the eyes of Christ. Now that I'm a believer myself, I realize just how much strength she needed in college and I'm beginning to experience just where she got it.

The Hall Family: This is Mandy. Mandy, her husband and their 3 kids also go to our church. As of late, I don't see Mandy near as much as I'd like. She's serving in the children's area and we're in the youth, which isn't conducive to socializing on Sundays. Mandy has a heart desperate to serve Christ. She and I have so many similar struggles and when I read her blog, I leave feeling normal and refreshed.

The Haut House: This is Beth. We met Beth and Noah in our foster parenting classes. Over the course of 9 weeks, we realized that we were not the only crazy people in the class! Beth and Noah have 3 biological children as well and they too are fostering. In them, I have found confirmation of God's call, insight, compassion and comfort. Each time we are with them, God affirms why we are fostering. I have no doubt that God placed each of us in that class at the exact same time so that we could see that there are other people out there doing exactly what were doing for the exact same reason.....Christ. Currently, they too have a newborn (born just 3 days before Baby D). It seems as though with each step, God is allowing us to experience this together. I know our journey with them is just beginning, and I am excited to see God work as we lean on each other for support.

The Larson Family: This is Stacy. Stacy worked in the student life office when I was in college. We were casual friends, but somehow reconnected on myspace of all places! Stacy and her husband delivered twin boys almost 1 year ago. The boys were delivered at around 24 weeks. They lost their precious son Braedon, but have since brought home his brother Conner. Conner is doing remarkably well and Stacy is such an awesome mom. Not only do I feel a kinship with Stacy as a mother, but as a mother of twins. If you want to see a cute, chubby little boy, check out Stacy's blog. Conner's a cutie, that's for sure!

The Multi-Talented Miss P: This is Paige. Paige and I met almost 1 year ago at Elizabeth's 3rd birthday party. She played Dora the Explorer, I played Elizabeth's mommy. This year, she'll be Bozo the Clown (j/k Paige). In this past year, we have developed a deep friendship. She is, by far, the most amazing 16 year old I've ever met...including myself at 16!! She has a heart for children, missions and Christ. I cannot wait to see how God uses her. Currently, Paige is orchestrating an outreach project to children in a low income housing project. It's a God sized project, but Paige has the faith, gumption and love to pull it off. I'm so proud of her and I am so blessed that my children have her as a role model.

The State of Grace: This is Grace. Grace is another of the fabulous youth at our church. She is leaving in the fall for college, just when I'm starting to really get to know her. She is cynical, which I love, thoughtful and, I think, secretly a giant teddy bear. She is one of very few 18 year olds I know that views life through the eyes of Scripture. Although I know she questions pretty much everything, I also know her deep love for Christ. I again can't wait to see how God uses her as she leaves for college, then grad school then maybe even med school. You show them nerdy's who's boss, mmmkay?

Twin Power Mommy: Last, but not least (b/c it's in alphabetical order) this is Candice. I just recently discovered Candice's name, but we've been tracking each other for a while now. I think she lives somewhere in California. Obviously, we've never met in person. However, Candice has twins, which immediately made me like her. I think all mothers of twins (or multiples) have a shared bond. It's as if you can look at their situation and say, "Aaaahhh, I understand, really." Candice is also a follower of Christ and is raising 3 beautiful kiddos to serve the Lord.

As you can see, I have an eclectic variety of blogs that I link to. Now that you all know each other....click, visit and be merry! Oh, and update your blogs...I love hearing your stories!

My Sweet Ashlee Girl

I would hope by now you would all know that I love each of my children equally. I actually struggled a bit with whether or not to blog an entire post on just Ashlee. However, the thought wouldn't leave my mind, and for me, reoccurring thought = blog material!

First of all, I'd like to share with you some history on Ashlee. I eluded to some of it when I posted about the twins' birthday. Ashlee Faith entered the world a whole 2 hours and 24 minutes after her twin brother. I was not pushing, so no need to apologize (most people respond with "I'm sorry").

From the time we met her, she's been her own person. I must admit that at first, I struggled to connect with her. Don't get me wrong, I loved her immensely, but she and I didn't "mesh." She was so temperamental and was so challenging to nurse. It wasn't until she was about 2 weeks old that I really bonded deeply with her. From then on, she's had me wrapped around her tiny finger.

Ashlee didn't walk until she was almost 17 months old. She never crawled on her hands and knees. Rather, she did a "kayak scoot" slinging her legs from side to side and using her arms as if paddling a kayak. She's always been so unique. So beautifully unique.

Currently, at almost 27 months old, Ashlee only weighs a measly 24 lbs. Don't let her small frame fool you, because she's as tough as nails. She can tackle her brother (almost 29 lbs) and take him to the floor, making him cry like a girl. She is a daredevil and loves adventure. She's the first of our 4 to try new things and she loves new people. True to the fashion of a redhead, she's got a quick temper. However, she's quick to forgive and even quicker to forget. She's a lover in every sense of the word. Her sweet "sugar lips" are always readily available. When playing, she will stop dead in her tracks to fulfill the request of a kiss.

Ashlee's heart must take up her entire little body. She loves Baby D so much, I sometimes think she'll kiss a blister on him. She is so tender-hearted and is, by far, the most affectionate of all of our children.

Now, onto the story behind these thoughts. Yesterday afternoon, my parents graciously invited us to family night at "The Club" where they are members. It was a night filled with fun, swimming and yummy food. We made the most of our time at the pool, and stayed until it closed at 9pm, a full hour after our normal bedtime. The girls can usually handle staying up a little late, Lucas CANNOT. When we got home, he flew into meltdown mode. Lucas was fussy the entire time we were bathing him and getting him in his PJ's. By the time bedtime story rolled around he was done. The fit ensued and the battle was on. Finally, with Lucas screaming his guts out, we put Lucas and Ashlee in their toddler beds, and shut the door. Luke and I are not afraid to let our kids cry a little, so we put Elizabeth to bed and after about 10 minutes, Lucas had calmed down.

Finally, we finished cleaning up around the house and got ready for bed. When we went in to check on Lucas and Ashlee, this is what we found:

Lucas and Ashlee haven't slept in the same bed since they were 3 months old. They were never "those" kind of twins. However, last night, I feel sure that Ashlee knew just what her Bubbie needed, cuddles. She moved out of her own bed and went to his, hoping to calm him down. I can't imagine the tenderness in her heart as she climbed into her brother's bed, hoping he would find comfort.

Later, I checked on them again, only to find that Ashlee had, partially, returned to her own bed. She was halfway in, tummy on the bed, knees on the floor, sound asleep.

Seeing her tenderness toward her brother warms my heart so much. She loves him unconditionally, even though he bites, kicks, pushes and screams at her. She loves him enough to risk a spanking because she left her own bed. She loves him enough to be uncomfortable so that he can be calm. What an amazing heart God gave her!

My sweet Ashlee girl,

I cannot wait to tell you all about how special you were as little girl. I love how you are so loving to every person you meet. I cannot wait to see how God will awaken your passions and use your desires to further His kingdom. Your love for life and constant zeal make each day as your Mommy so incredibly special for me. I love you so much more than you could possibly imagine. Your kisses make my heart melt and your contagious laughter brings joy to me each day. I love you for all that you are, all that God designed you to be and for all of His purposes that you are destined to fulfill!

Hugs, Kisses and Love,

Mommy

Five for Friday

This week's Five for Friday topic is: Grody-ness

1. Fruit flies must be the most annoying insect on the planet. We have them, can't figure out why and don't know how to get rid of them. This evening, I realized that I think they like the left over formula in the baby bottles. It totally grosses me out.

2. A toddler pooped in the kiddie pool at "The Club" where my parents are members. I thought it was pretty funny, especially since the lifeguards had to scoop it out with a net. Even funnier if you picture 1 lifeguard with a net and the other with a LARGE plastic trash bag (toddler poop isn't THAT big). As the scooper guard attempted to scoop, it would float away. Slippery little suckers.

3. I HATE spit up. It's disgusting and feels super gross on your skin. I hate it even more when it is slipping down my bare back. Yuck-o!

4. Elizabeth has gotten to the age where smelling her clothing is no longer a desirable way to determine if it is still clean. I remember my Mom telling me she experienced this with me as well, but I never fully understood. Now I do. From now on, if I think it's dirty, it's dirty.

5. My children's breath is entirely disgusting when they wake up. I don't know why this surprises me, because mine isn't exactly roses. However, my kids have no concept of personal space at 8:00am. Since they are so incredibly happy to see me 1st thing in the morning, and I cannot refuse free kisses, I will be purchasing nose plugs this weekend. Problem solved.

A Season or A Spell?

I've been going through a dry spell lately. Hopefully, I'm not the only believer on the planet who experiences this, so some of you can relate. Basically, I've not made time for God lately. Other things, that are so obviously not important, have edged their way into my time with Him. The part that really perturbs me is that it is stupid stuff. You know, things like creating a new blog header, cleaning my house, or better yet, napping. I feel like I can almost justify the napping considering that I have a newborn in the house. Just last night, Baby D decided that he wanted to be awake from 3:00am - 4:45am. He wasn't fussy, he just wanted to be awake and be held. Part of me can almost justify the cleaning, have you been to my house lately? However, I know that even these things, justifiable as they may be, are just another thing separating me from the blessings I could be receiving from time with Him.

A few years ago, I honestly don't remember if it was after Elizabeth was born or when the twins were born, my friend Emily and I were talking about being a mom and having quiet time (or for me, the lack thereof). Emily, being the wise, wise woman she is, offered me a different perspective. She said, "Jessica, in this season of your life, God truly knows the desires of your heart. He knows how much you have going on. Make your day constant worship to Him, while you mother your children." That spoke such volumes to me. I know that God cares about details because He's shown me that time and time again. Yet, this time it's different.

Yes, I'm suffering from lack of sleep. Yes, I have 4 children under 4 in my home. But in all honesty, those things aren't what's keeping me from Him. It's purely me. I feel like I go through spurts of intense study. I will go weeks and immerse myself in God's word, gulping in the freshness of the Spirit that is feeding me as much as I can take. Then, without warning, it fades. I begin to go a day or two without picking up my Bible. Those two days turn into a week, and before I know it, it's Sunday morning and I'm frantically searching the house for my Bible, because I have no clue where I last put it. Finally, I discover it, still in the car from last Sunday.

Where is the balance in my life? Where can I find that perfect harmony between too much and not enough? How can I orchestrate my days so that God is my #1 priority? Out loud I say that God is at the top of my ever growing list. However, my actions do not truly portray that. I certainly put my family, house and even computer time ahead of my Savior. As I struggle with it all, I am reminded of my life verse. Philippians 3:12-14 pretty much hits me like a ton of bricks each and every time I read it.

I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back.
~The Message

When I read those words, I'm reminded just how far I've come in my walk. I'm reminded that when I first began, I would go months without reading my Bible, and never feel convicted until someone or something pointed it out. Now, a few days without my God time and I'm thirsting for it. Maybe I go through drys spells so that I can see how far I've come. Maybe I go through them to see how much further I have to go. Either way, I know that I'm a work in progress. My walk with Christ changes daily. I am truly off and running, and I'm not turning back. Now....where's my Bible?

Blog-lift

So, thanks to my friend Amanda (who always seems to find things that are a "good" waste of time) I got a blog-lift. Please, let me know what you think. I wasted entirely too much time messing around with fonts colors, and of course that precious new header. If you'd like to waste some of your own time, you can click here.

If all goes well, and I get a good response, I'm considering having more things "lifted." Just kidding...

Faith and Choices

Last night, some of our friends came over. Matt and Britt are the kind of friends that can handle the raw us. They have pretty much seen the range of emotions we've had since getting sweet Baby D (except cry, because I don't do that...right?). I treasure their friendship more than they'll ever know. With them, we have a closeness that seems as thought it's been there for ages, even though when I stop and think we've really only been friends with them for less than 2 years (which just completely blows my mind).

Basically Britt is just like Luke (which is why I love her so much I think) and Matt and I are quite similar as well. He and I love to debate and usually Britt and Luke can't get a word in edgewise. So last night, they came over and we were debriefing them about our time in court. I say debrief because that's exactly what it feels like with them. We strip everything down and get to the bare bones, then they continue to help us pick it apart. I love that we can do that with them and that we don't have to hold back. We can rant and say things that are purely selfish and they allow it, knowing it's not really our true heart but rather something we just needed to say. If you have friends like this, you understand what I'm talking about. If you don't, find some.

Last night, Luke and I were really getting worked up. Luke was ranting about how obvious it is that we would be the best place for Baby D. We were going on and on about how sorry we thought it was that the birth parents didn't even ask about him yesterday. We were venting about how ridiculous it was that the attorney made it abundantly clear to the court that the birth parents paid for Baby D's circumcision, even thought it was "elective." While Luke and I understand where the attorney is coming from, he was pitching their actions to the court as if they should win a Parent of the Year award or something. Disgusting. After Luke finished his rant, this is basically how mine went:

Absolutely! I mean, let's make sure everyone knows that they paid for the circumcision. I mean, after all it is expensive to parent a child. I mean, we've hardly done anything for Baby D. We've just paid the power bill so that he could have heat, lights and warm water. We've only paid the water bill so he could have water in his bottle to mix his formula. We've only provided every diaper he's ever used. We've only paid for the gas in our car to take him to the doctor. We've done those things because THAT'S WHAT PARENTS DO!

Then Matt said something that really made me stop and think. It wasn't his intention to convict me, but I know God placed that thought in his head because it was exactly what I needed to hear. He said, Yeah, if this was a custody battle it would be over.

That's it. In my mind, this entire thing has been a custody battle of sorts. It has been about what seems to be Baby D's obvious best interest, in my opinion. I don't know if I've been looking for validation, or if God just chose to make it obvious. I can see clearly that we are doing what is in the best interest of this Baby. I need no further reason other than being a mother. Mothers love their babies. Mothers care for them, despite impending heartache. Mothers choose to love above all else. Mothers do what it takes to care for their kids. Mothers make sacrifices. I'm a mother to Baby D, not someone on one side of a courtroom, fighting for custody. I love how God completely places situations, friends and comments in my path to redirect my heart just when it begins to slip.

This week I read Hebrews 11. I realized that my God is faithful. I realized that I am not. I need to place all of my faith in Him. If He chooses to bless me with the desires of my heart, then I am unworthy. If He chooses to increase my faith through a challenging outcome, then I am unworthy. Either way, God stays the same and I remain in a place of choice. For me, the choice is simple, I choose to have faith. I choose to trust. I choose His way, because really, what other choice do I have? One day, He will show me the promised land. The journey to get there will be nothing like I expected. I have faith that He loves me and desires the best for me. The joy is in the journey and my faith lies in Him. I love Hebrews 11:40

God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect.

He has something better for us. Together, with great friends, He is making me perfect.

Hearings and Reminders

This morning we went to court for the Adjudication and Disposition Hearings for Baby D. Basically, as I understand it, an adjudication hearing is the court proceeding where the petition accusations (the document that the judge initially signed for Baby D to be removed from his parents) is reviewed and if the parents feel that the child was unjustly removed, then they can contest the petition. If that happens then the case goes to trial (no jury, just the judge). However, Baby D's parents did not contest. All of the allegations in the petition were confirmed so we quickly moved onto the disposition. The disposition is where the attorneys recommend what needs to happen for the parents to get their child back. Then, the judge takes those recommendations and either modifies, adds to or omits any he/she deems necessary. It was all quite interesting. If you'd like more info on foster care court proceedings, click here (it will open a word document).

Of course, Baby D's birth parents were there, so I had all of the nervousness and emotion that I normally have when I am around them. Luke was there too, so that helped immensely. Can I just brag on my husband a minute....(of course I can, it's my blog!)...he is so amazing. He took the entire morning off to go to court. Now, if you know my husband at all you know that taking off work is not something he does lightly. In the 5.5 yrs we've been married he has NEVER called in sick (except 1 time when I was sick and couldn't take care of the kids). The only other time he's taken off work is when we have guests in town or for holidays. So here he is, beside me through this whole process. I was so thankful. Then, as we were sitting the parking lot waiting to go into the courthouse, he reaches over and takes my hand and says the most sincere prayer. He prays for the condition of our hearts (I especially needed that) and for our sweet Baby D. My husband is such a godly man, and I am so, so, so blessed.

Okay, so we get into the court room and it really wasn't that bad. The hardest part was listening to each attorney recommend that Baby D be reunified with his birth parents. I knew that this would be the case, but hearing it out loud crushed my heart. My mind immediately went to that moment when I would have to return him. I envisioned putting him in the car seat. My fat, chubby, handsome 1+ yr old, being buckled in and then watching the social worker drive him away forever. It makes me cry just thinking about it. I know that if that is where God leads us, He will sustain us, but I just can't let my mind go there...not yet.

Basically, the birth parents have A LOT to do. They have a long road ahead of them. Selfishly, I'm glad that they have so many things to do, because that decreases the chances of him going back to them. Then God whispers in to me, Don't you want them to know me? Be a light. It's too hard to swallow.

The most intriguing part of all was that the birth parents never even asked us how he was. When they came into the court room, before it all started, birth mom walked over to me and just said, "Does he need anything?" I told her diapers, because what else would I say? I'm so glad that I didn't blurt something inappropriate out like, "He really needs a loving, stable home...why don't you work on that, huh?" Praise God my filter has become better developed these last few years.

They never asked about him. They didn't ask who was keeping him while we were there. They didn't ask anything. How is that possible? How is it possible for a mother to look at the woman caring for her child and she not ask a single question about his well being? I don't understand and maybe I never will. Afterward, Luke and I went to get some coffee and digest what we'd just experienced. We continued to be baffled by their behavior and Luke continued to remind me that Jesus loves them the same way He loves us. I need to be reminded this continually. I need to be reminded that I should show them Christ's love. I need to be reminded of why we started this process in the first place...so that we could show the love of Christ to everyone we came in contact with. Remind me Lord, remind me, but please do it gently.

Because I'm a Mother

10 Random things I know, only because I'm a mother:

1. A newborn can shoot poop almost 5 feet.
2. Missing afternoon naps means bedtime will be a NIGHTMARE.
3. Hot dog and milk vomit is, by far, the smelliest of all the vomits.
4. Love can be unconditional.
5. Not dish soap or bath soap or even Equate brand shower gel can kill the smell of poop that has been smeared in a 2 yr olds hair, on her face, or all over her hands. Vinegar works nicely.
6. Slobbery kisses are the best kisses.
7. Toddlers rationalize things way differently than adults do. For example, it is completely logical to play in your own poop two times in the same day.
8. A 4 year old can understand faith and the power of prayer. This week, we prayed for the children of Africa, our Bubbie and Sissy, our Baby D and Frogs (all in the same night).
9. There is nothing in the world like skinny little arms wrapped around your neck.
10. The sitting area at the mall will suffice when a playground cannot be found. It's amazing how much fun you can have on sofas and chairs that are not in our house and have no rules.

Good Times, Best Friends

I told you all I'd have pictures in tow from our time with my BFF and her family so here they are! You might want to make sure the warranty is up to date on your monitor because these kids are so cute your screen might just explode.

Sweet Addie, playing in the water



Mason enjoying the water in his own special way



The "Best Friends"



Rub-a-dub-dub....5 kids in the tub


Top: Mason & Elizabeth
Bottom: Ashlee, Addie & Lucas

Now, which two are the twins? I think all our kids favor so much it's scary. Guess when you've been friends as long as Amanda and I have, your DNA starts to merge. I know our brains are pretty much wired identical, except for a few minor changes.

The Sheerest of Gifts

Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.
~ James 1:2-4 (The Message)

Pure joy, huh (That's the NIV translation)? A sheer gift? Really? If such is the case, then I'm so tickled I could pop! I love how it is written in The Message version because it reads,

when tests and challenges come at you from all sides (emphasis added).

I totally feel that way right now. I am being tested from every angle. Family frustrations, homeschooling worries, volunteer duties....then of course there's the usual, things. The "simpler" stuff like parenting, marriage, keeping my house up. Wow, a sheer gift? I struggle to see all the joy.

Where I AM finding joy is in the fact that I am yearning for time with my Father. I am desperate for His word. I'm thirsty. Not that I've opened my Bible more than once this week, but the longing is still there. 6-12 months ago, I would have just continued through my day lacking nothing. The stress would be piling higher still, but the outlet never identified, the desire never sparked. That is sheer joy for me. I have prayed so many times, "Father, let me desire to spend time with you. Let me long for your word." He has answered. He has provided the desire, the longing. Many times this past week I've walked right past my Bible, glancing at it with such longing. Knowing that a half hour, fifteen minutes, in it's goodness would replenish my soul. But life's demands have called me away. Now I can see the attacker roping me into his snares.

Two years ago, shortly after the twins' birth, Luke and I were laying in our bed, exhausted from the day. Our new precious babies, were snoozing softly in the bassinet next to our bed. As one of them squeaked out a sweet baby noise, we both smiled. Almost in unison we spoke of how much fun this parenting thing was. Yes, we were EXHAUSTED. Yes, we were strained, but it truly was pure joy. It really was the sheerest of gifts. Looking back, I totally see what verse 4 means when it says,

Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.

We could not have felt more completely exhausted. I wondered a lot back then if we'd ever make it to the twins' 2nd birthday. I wondered how we would ever endure. However, I can see so clearly that God sent us Lucas and Ashlee exactly when He did so that we could become more mature, more developed parents. We don't have this parenting thing all figured out by any means. However, managing newborn twins and a 22 month old wasn't easy. It was physically, emotionally and spiritually exhausting. Having 3 kids under two certainly prepared us for having four kids under 4. This is WAY easier than it was when the twins were newbies, and I'm so much more spiritually mature. Knowing all of this, I know that this stress and these troubles are for God's perfect plan. I know that I am being tested because of a greater good. I know that He is sovereign, faithful and above all, LOVE. Because of that knowledge and my faith in Him, I will persevere. I will endure and I will try to consciously recognize the sheer gifts I have in my life at this very moment.

PS-Thanks Mandy for bringing these verses to my attention. I needed it so much more than you could know.