A few years ago, I honestly don't remember if it was after Elizabeth was born or when the twins were born, my friend Emily and I were talking about being a mom and having quiet time (or for me, the lack thereof). Emily, being the wise, wise woman she is, offered me a different perspective. She said, "Jessica, in this season of your life, God truly knows the desires of your heart. He knows how much you have going on. Make your day constant worship to Him, while you mother your children." That spoke such volumes to me. I know that God cares about details because He's shown me that time and time again. Yet, this time it's different.
Yes, I'm suffering from lack of sleep. Yes, I have 4 children under 4 in my home. But in all honesty, those things aren't what's keeping me from Him. It's purely me. I feel like I go through spurts of intense study. I will go weeks and immerse myself in God's word, gulping in the freshness of the Spirit that is feeding me as much as I can take. Then, without warning, it fades. I begin to go a day or two without picking up my Bible. Those two days turn into a week, and before I know it, it's Sunday morning and I'm frantically searching the house for my Bible, because I have no clue where I last put it. Finally, I discover it, still in the car from last Sunday.
Where is the balance in my life? Where can I find that perfect harmony between too much and not enough? How can I orchestrate my days so that God is my #1 priority? Out loud I say that God is at the top of my ever growing list. However, my actions do not truly portray that. I certainly put my family, house and even computer time ahead of my Savior. As I struggle with it all, I am reminded of my life verse. Philippians 3:12-14 pretty much hits me like a ton of bricks each and every time I read it.
I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back.
~The Message
~The Message
When I read those words, I'm reminded just how far I've come in my walk. I'm reminded that when I first began, I would go months without reading my Bible, and never feel convicted until someone or something pointed it out. Now, a few days without my God time and I'm thirsting for it. Maybe I go through drys spells so that I can see how far I've come. Maybe I go through them to see how much further I have to go. Either way, I know that I'm a work in progress. My walk with Christ changes daily. I am truly off and running, and I'm not turning back. Now....where's my Bible?
Friend,
ReplyDeleteYou are in such great company. But what I find so beautiful about these spells are how thirsty you get. sometimes it just feels good to want God so much. You know how you crave water when all you've been drinking is tea? And then when you get a nice tall glass of ice water, it's the best ever. When you find your Bible :), it will be the best quiet time ever. Love ya
You know I get a little bitter inside when I read about the virtuous woman in Proverbs 31. It just seems so hard to measure up. But, one thing I notice is that it doesn't mention her as a scholar of the Scriptures. It would not have been allowed in her culture at that time. I just think it's interesting that she is called virtuous because of her family-centeredness, not her spirituality. It says she speaks wisdom and the law of kindness, but she doesn't appear to have the entire Torah memorized.
ReplyDeleteYour friend Emily is so right. When I can keep my mind on my motherly role as worship, I am a much better parent. Today hasn't been that day, but I digress. You're a terrific mother and a spiritual inspiration to me even in your dry spells. I'm glad you are thirsting for Him! It's contagious.
Jess...you speak the heart of so many of us, you know they have a name for this, it's called "the Martha syndrome." I just finished reading "Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World" and I had to take notes just so I would have the reminders readily available for when I feel myself wandering from Him. In the passage where Martha is too distracted to sit at His feet and worship, He very gently tells her "You are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed..." I sometimes think I need to write that verse on my hands so that all day I would be reminded to be still in His presence. My favorite quote from the book says "The "one thing" is not found in doing more. It's found by sitting at His feet...I cannot do everything, but I can do "one thing"
ReplyDeleteKim
wow, i haven't read your blogs in forever. i'm going through a dry spell, too. especially with all the crap that happened today. but i have been blessed with amazing people like you, who i KNOW will help me out. love you much
ReplyDelete-skylar
Great post Jessica. Thanks for the reality check. Good luck too, you do have your hands full. You and Luke are certainly people that we think about when we think we are busy and get little sleep! Hope to see you guys soon. By the way, your house is always immaculately clean... like I have to tell Beth... GIVE IT A REST. :) Sometimes other things should just take precedence.
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