Decay

I sat, reclined way back in the chair, as she updated me on her family, while her tools filled my mouth. She scraped, I listened to how her son liked his first year of "big" school.

I knew the question was coming among the small talk we were making back and forth.

Side note: Why do they do that? If you are dental hygienist, can you explain this to me? Why do y'all ask a question, then shove your tools in our mouth so that there is no possible way in the universe that we could ever answer you? Every.single.time.

Anyway, she asked how our kids were doing, how homeschooling was going, how my teeth were feeling. I like my hygienist. She always seems to remember the details of my life, even though I'm sure she's just reflecting on the notes in my chart.

I knew the question was coming. As she scraped the plaque off my teeth, especially in the nooks and crannies and spaces between, I knew it was bound to be next out of her mouth.

"Are you brushing regularly?"

"Yes." I stated hesitantly, because I knew it was coming. "I can tell," she responded, "you have great teeth."
She scraped and scraped. The dentist came in and checked. They took that little mirror and explored my entire mouth. Nothing inside it was a secret anymore.

The dentist gave me a clean bill of health. Well, at least as far as my mouth goes, anyway. Then, she came at me with that stuff. I knew the question that was next.

"So, are you flossing every day?" she asked, already knowing the answer.

For a brief moment, I thought about lying. But, like I always do, I confessed the truth. "No," I said ashamedly, my mouth full of floss and her fingers.

"When was the last time you flossed?" she asked.

"Um...I think you did it," I said and sort of laughed, "or maybe a few months ago when I had something I couldn't get out between my teeth."

"Well, at least you're honest," she laughed.

(Am I the only one who knows the question is coming, yet it doesn't prompt me to floss regularly before my next visit?)

And then it hit me. Isn't that exactly how my prayer life is? Because, (I'm going to be honest y'all) my prayer life sorta stinks. Like that stinky old, nasty stuff that grows between my teeth.

Today, I think I figured out why. I'm afraid y'all. I'm afraid that when I enter the presence of the Lord He's going to flush out all the nasty, gross, disgusting decay that's growing in the places that I try my best to keep hidden. And he should. But truthfully, I don't want Him to. It hurts.

But really, I mean, who am I trying to kid? The Lord already knows everything that's in there. Just like my sweet dental hygienist, there's no lying about all the stuff I'm able to keep secret from everyone else.

If my BFF asked me if I floss everyday, I could easily say, "Yeah. Sure, I do." But the dentist knows differently. The same is true with the Lord. It's easy to put up the perception of being a "good" Christian. I can spout off Scripture, give you some Biblical truth served up on a silver platter and even lead Bible studies. But if my prayer life is amiss, it all seems, well....fake. It's like I smile and on the outside appear to have this great mouth full of teeth. But one glance in the mirror and well, I know how long it's been since the nastiness was removed.

My hearts desire is to get on my knees and cry out to my Lord. But, truthfully, I'm afraid. I'm afraid He'll see the truth and then maybe change His mind about calling us to the mission field, or maybe I really can't handle all these kids, or maybe He messed up giving me the blessing of a Godly husband.

(source)

But the real truth is, He sees it anyway. No tiny mirrors needed. He sees it all. And yet, He chooses to bless me despite the decay I allow to grow in the crevices of my soul. My sinful desires override my spirit's desires to make me clean, from the inside out. I get so frustrated with myself and I wonder why I don't feel near to the Lord.

I think the answer is on my knees. I need to go before the King, beg him to remove the decay and stench from my soul and purify me. Then, the nearness will come.

And then, maybe, search for that spool of dental floss.

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What do you do to keep your prayer life in check?