Honk if you're delirious

Whew! With all the heavy emotion around here associated with those last two posts I feel the need to write something light and airy.

Not to discount the importance or the reality of the last two posts (and if you haven't seen my update on "L" please click here) but I'm one of those people who begins laughing at funerals because too much sadness makes me so uncomfortable that I can't control myself.

I'm serious. At my step-mom's funeral back in June I almost burst out laughing during the service. Not because I think death is funny but because I think God made my brain too small to process the emotions involved with death and eternity and so I go to what I'm comfortable with...stupidity.

Sad, but true.

Anyway, I had to tell you guys about my day yesterday because it is too hysterical not to share and besides if anyone who lives in my Mom's neighborhood actually reads this blog, it might explain my behavior yesterday around 2:00pm.

You see, a couple months ago our fabulous babysitter Amanda (that's a different Amanda than my BFF. Not that babysitter Amanda couldn't be my BFF it's just that she's not the same person and I didn't want to confuse you.) got in a tiny accident (that was totally not her fault) in our Big Red Beast. Basically, it broke the passenger side mirror and we've been waiting and waiting and stalling to get it fixed.

So yesterday Big Red was in the shop. Since I had a check up OB appointment yesterday as well (where I BARELY passed my 1 hour glucose test...thankyouJesus) I borrowed my parents' truck for the day while awesome babysitter Amanda kept the kids at the house. I'd been driving my parents' truck all over town without one hint of a problem (and apparently without making many left turns).

In fact, it wasn't until I started thinking about how well their truck was driving for having over 213,000 miles on it did the hilarity begin.

I turn off the interstate to head toward their neighborhood when suddenly someone pulls up very closely behind me and begins LAYING on the horn. REALLY honking I'm telling you, without letting up. I check the mirrors only to find that there is NO ONE around me.

I turn down the radio and realize that it is the sound of my own horn I'm hearing pulsing in my ears. Confused, I press on the center of the steering wheel. No dice. HORN STILL A BLAZIN' I tell ya.

I drive another mile or so with the horn never ceasing. Then, I make a right hand turn into my parents' neighborhood. The horn stops.

At this point, I start to chuckle. "Wow. That was funny." I think to myself.

I turn left onto another street.

On goes the horn. Honking without even a hint of a pause.

I smack the horn with my hand and it jolts off for about .0001 second then begins again.

I turn left onto my parents' street.

It continues as I drive all the way down my parents' street and as I turn into their driveway. Horn is STILL honking a single LONG honk. Uncontrollably.

Unable to contain my laughter I burst and my bladder threatens to do the same. I slam on the steering wheel and the horn stops.

I open the truck door to climb out and the horn starts.

I hit the wheel again and the horn stops.

I continue climbing out of the car and the horn starts again. At this point I'm certain that I'm going to pee my pants to I whack the wheel one last time and the horn shuts off. I do the pee-pee dance into my parents' house certain that I will hear the horn the entire time I'm inside.

I go back outside to wait on my Mom who is meeting me there in the next few minutes. I crank up the truck again and the horn begins to wail once more.

I smack the steering wheels and off it goes. Only to blare again a moment or two later.

This continues for the next 5 minutes.

As my Mom climbs into the truck and we drive to retrieve the Big Red Beast I recant to her the last 20 minutes of my life. We both laugh hysterically and the truck remains silent.

Apparently, my step-dad dropped a quarter down into the steering column a while back. When it bumps the wires, the horn honks uncontrollably.

For me, it happened every. single. time I made a left hand turn.

Imagine me, driving into my parents' neighborhood with the horn honking full blast and me inside, laughing uncontrollably and beating the steering wheel like nobody's business.

Yeah, I'm laughing now too. Or at least I hope you are 'cause I don't care who you are, that's funny.